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A wilding

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  1. 1 hour ago, Heartofice said:

    We’ll see how it goes, he’s inherited a pretty divided party and chaos could still ensue but he will calm the markets and probably just do a bunch of boring sensible things which might mean the chances of a general election soon will fall away 

    Make no mistake. As well as being competent, Sunak is a billionaire banker citizen of nowhere who is on the economic far right. He will spend the next 2 years not only carrying out as much of his agenda as possible, but also ensuring that it cannot be reversed later. I fear just how much permanent change he may impose on us before the next election.


  2. 11 when I first read LotR (and before I read The Hobbit), But some of it went over my head at the time. I also was already reading widely at that age, including many adult books that I did not always really appreciate at the time.

    One of my friends who read it at the same age was terrified by the Eye of Sauron in Galadriel's mirror and abandoned the book at that point. (They did go on to read it all some years later I think.)

  3. I have started, so I will continue for a bit ...

    1 hour ago, Toth said:

    She was angry at me insulting her like this and threw a nasty tantrum yelling "I don't deserve this! I don't deserve this!" over and over again. If it was meant as abuse, it was by accident. I think she just wanted to vent about me betraying her like that. Doesn't change the fact that I was a(n especially) nervous wreck the next day, dreading what to find when I came home, not entirely sure whether she'd still do something out of revenge despite my apparent success at calming her down.

    Sorry, but your mother, in your words, "went on a rampage, smashing everything in sight for more than an hour, threatening to kill the cat when it came looking what was going on and kept threatening to destroy everything I own when at school and unable to stop her". And she kept up this behaviour until you had apologised and promised to do what she wanted. Even taking into account that this was your version of events, that is unquestionably abusive, however much she felt that you had insulted her.

    1 hour ago, Toth said:

    Maybe, maybe not. She is deathly afraid of doctors and has been living with severe toothaches for 10 years now. I once made a bet with her years ago that she'll get them looked at if I go remove my wisdom teeth that were starting to rearrange my other teeth. This unfortunately backfired as she saw my swollen patched up face afterwards as a proof that going to the dentist is truly insane and refused even more adamantly to consider it. She also has some back pain that should be expected at her age. Otherwise I don't know anything. She angrily said that her not complaining isn't proof that she doesn't have something, it just means she has accepted her mortality.

    Probably hypochondria then. But listen to her claiming credit for "not complaining" while saying that you must stay with her until she dies because of this vague unspecified illness that she refuses to see a doctor about.

    1 hour ago, Toth said:

    I of course should note that you are only getting my biased take on this. She herself claims I'm just blaming her for my own irrational insecurities (since there are countless adults up until their forties who still live with their parents and don't have a problem with it) and she also denies that she's trying to talk me out of my ideas. She is saying she is only worried and that without being a parent I can't understand how much a mother can worry and she does it about me because I am so naive and unknowing of how the world works and that she wants to cushion my inevitable despair that awaits me by showing me how I'm going to ruin my life by following dumb selfish ideas out of stubbornness. She is also aghast that I'm not more thankful for all she has been doing to get me where I am and how much money I was able to save so far due to us living together. And of course of the time I had with her, given that she lost her parents at a very young age and would wish she was in my position now. At the same time it's of course clear that I lack her independence that she was forced to develop and as such she fears that I can't function on my own because I would only act this impulsively without her guidance

    Of course she has her self justifications, and of course she wants to sell those self justifications to you as well. But read what you have said! She denies that she's trying to talk you out of your ideas when clearly she is trying to talk (and rage and guilt) you out of them, and explicitly insisting that you must stay with her whatever your ideas are. Of course mothers worry endlessly about their offspring, but only dysfunctional ones try to keep them tied to their apron strings instead of letting them make their own mistakes and learn to fly by themselves. And her labelling your wish to do your own thing as "selfish" gives the lie to her claim to only be wanting what is best for you.

    As for her being "aghast that you are not more thankful" for all she has done for you - I can only give you my stance on that. Which is that we don't ask to be born and so are not in debt to our parents for birthing us and (hopefully) bringing us up. What debt we incur is one to be paid forward to our own children. We owe our parents honour, as the biblical commandment has it, and we should support them in their old age where possible and necessary, but once we get to adulthood we do not owe them obedience and we have the right to chose our own path.


  4. 1 hour ago, Toth said:

    I told her to stop, because her telling me stuff like that is the reason why I drag out even the silliest shit out for weeks (like the jogging and swimming decisions years ago). She absolutely exploded that I was blaming her for my mental health problems and went on a rampage, smashing everything in sight for more than an hour, threatening to kill the cat when it came looking what was going on and kept threatening to destroy everything I own when at school and unable to stop her. I did manage to talk her down, apologize and reaffirm my intention to stick to her plan that I will still save up for a house for the two of us. That calmed things down for nearly a week...

    You do realise that that is outright abusive behaviour on her part?

    1 hour ago, Toth said:

    ... and then today happened when I finally sent the application. It all bubbled back up and once again she was furious with me. That I have been using her all this time just to save money and now I fuck off and leave her to die while in another country. She's utterly convinced she's about to die soon, because she has something, but is unwilling to elaborate what it is and also refuses to go see a doctor (accusing me I want to accelerate her death when I suggested going to one). Another worry of hers is what happens if I die in an earthquake, then she won't be able to be with me either.

    I imagine that you know that her "illness" is hypochondria at best and completely fictitious at worst, and that she is using it as a weapon to control you. The bit about not wanting to see a doctor is telling.

    1 hour ago, Toth said:

    Why is mental health so damn difficult... I just want to live my life... But then again, maybe these goals I set myself are selfish and I am trying to get distance between us, which is essentially the same as abandoning her and leaving her alone. I just... I don't know how to deal with her finality that she's about to die soon (just because she's at the age her own mother died) and that I need to stay with her until then. Maybe she's right and I'm self-destructively selfish, that I have nothing to gain by living elsewhere and could save up much more money just keeping on like this.

    You are absolutely not being selfish. Getting some distance between you is the obvious sensible thing to do. What is more, it will probably be good for her too - without you there she will be forced to work out some sort of life for herself that does not revolve round her dysfunctional relationship with you. Good luck with your application.

    (Bad practice to give online advice I know, but your situation is just so clear I can't resist.)

  5. 56 minutes ago, Zorral said:

    But are you also saying she never was subjected to any of the horribly sexist abuse she says she was?

    I would not want to swear to that, Though Mrs W apparently had no idea that she was a lesbian until I mentioned it shortly after she quit, for whatever that is worth.

    However her actions over the last year or so of her reign more than justified her defenestration. She probably hung on for as long as she did only because Patel found it useful to keep someone in the role who knew that one word from Patel would finish her off. Not to mention that the Jean Charles de Menezes fiasco should have prevented her ever being given the job in the first place.

  6. Sorry, but the implication that Cressida Dick was forced out because she was a lesbian is complete nonsense,

    Nor is she even the first Met Commissioner whose resignation, after a long string of issues, was finally forced when the mayor of London publicly lost confidence in them.

    Edit: she is absolutely right about the Police and Crime Commissioners though. They are a mostly a waste of space, having been created by Cameron as sinecures so as to increase his powers of patronage,

  7. 35 minutes ago, Spockydog said:

    Jeremy Corbyn and the shadow business secretary, Rebecca Long-Bailey, are expected to say that heat and electricity should be a human right for all and nationalisation of the network is key to decarbonising the economy.

    Where does Jeremy Corbyn come in? I thought he was still suspended from the Labour party?

    Edit: :blushing:

  8. 1 hour ago, Heartofice said:

    That dark haired woman, the angry one, is probably the one I’ve run into most often, that type. That certainty of opinion, emotionally unstable, sceptical of everything that most people believe, convinced they have access to secret information ( hint,there is no secret info on the internet)

    That was the one who walked out. She reminded me strongly of one of my relatives, who gets aggressively furiously angry whenever her (sometimes way out there) beliefs are challenged, and is also very much into herbalism. To be fair to her, she is a chronic invalid that the NHS has been unable to do much for (though she has not made it easy for them), and who has been engaged in a years long battle with social services to get support.

  9. There was an interesting Hannah Fry programme on the BBC the other night about Covid anti-vaxers. She gathered together a disparate group of people who had refused vaccination for various reasons, listened to them and tried to gently broaden their minds a bit. You see why she is such a good science communicator, it was interesting, even if she had a lot more patience with some of them than I would have done. I particularly noted when one of them just got up and walked out of the room when told things she did not want to hear.


  10. Also a great deal of money has been and is being spent on investigating climate change and ways to ameliorate it. Though possibly not as much has has been spent obfuscating it. Not to mention hounding and ridiculing climate change scientists.

  11. 7 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

    Actually, that reminds me -- @Hereward during the Leeds Test the camera showed an all-brown raptor flying over the grounds. No other really good distinguishing marks, except that the underwings looked like they had lighter/white patches at the "wrist" area on each wing (base of the primary feathers, basically). 

    Possibly a Red Kite? Not sure how many of them there are up there, but they are very common in parts of England now. Their wide forked tail is usually their most obvious distinguishing feature.

  12. 5 hours ago, mcbigski said:

    Old cynical me agrees entirely.  Ideally we'd live in a system where the doctors get, and know they get, slightly overpaid, and realize it, and they'd be happy to always work in the best interest of the patient therefore.  But they're also human, and that's not our system.  They seem to largely be captive to the consolidated hospital systems in their regional area.

    To be fair the socialised (if now underfunded) NHS has a similar problem. If you have a significant medical issue it is best to have a partner, relative or friend keeping you company who can act as your advocate as necessary. The usual problem is something slipping between the cracks because of lack of resourcing, though specialisation leading to conditions being treated rather than the whole patient can sometimes also be a factor.

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