Xray the Enforcer

Oh my gosh this is terrible news. I very much enjoyed the conversations I had with Lillith and I was sad when she stopped posting here. I am sending so much love to you @TrackerNeil and to all of Lillith's loved ones.

so I didn't even know there was a short story available (I bought the ebook on pre-order). but I updated my version today and *fingers crossed* I will have a short story to read tonight!

Never tried henna -- if I'm going to change my hair color, it's gonna be, like, green or some shit -- but my friends who use it, love it. @Elder Sister I cannot wait for us to have very big silver hair (although right now I actually have very short hair, so I will need a couple of years to catch up). To follow up on something I posted about back in...October? I started with a very low-key retinoid and my skin handled it OK. But I wasn't sure it was handling my issue as much as I wanted it to, so I just switched to a slightly more aggressive retinoid. It's been about 2 weeks of using it once every 2 or 3 days, and yeah. I am going to be really careful with this stuff because I can tell my skin is starting to dry out a little.

so @kairparavel did you buy it?

I concur

also this reply

Allies are certainly welcome to post in here, although the discussion should always defer to the lived experiences and needs of LGBTQ+ folks.

Sending love out to all my people today.

I have embarked on a journey with retinol. I am being extremely cautious with it, given my history of reacting to stuff that doesn't bother others. But we'll see if it addresses what I want it to address!

I adore big hair.

I touch my hair a lot and never had problems with the one I linked. But Zabz is correct that it'll probably depend on the product and your hair.

I have very coarse, curly, aggressive hair, so I totally get your struggle. To solve issue #1, you'll need to do 2 things to keep it under control -- first, make sure you're using a conditioner separate from your shampoo. It doesn't need to be fancy or expensive, but opt for something for "dry" hair. Second thing is to use a light leave-in treatment. I really like this one: https://www.sheamoisture.com/100-virgin-coconut-oil-leave-in-treatment/764302204213.html I spray a bit (maybe 6-7 pumps) into my palm, then distribute in my hair, mostly from mid-shaft to the ends. It keeps everything mellow without it looking like I have any product in it at all. To solve issue #2, you will want to talk to your stylist. Tell them that you want to keep your hair slicked back. They will make sure to cut your hair in a way that it'll be less likely to fall to the sides (they'll take out some of the weight while leaving the length). They can also give you pretty clear instructions on how to get the look you want and which products and techniques to use to achieve it. If you're really committed, you can always try egg whites or some super-intense hairspray, but I'm guessing you don't actually want an impervious helmet on your head? ETA: Larry has a good tip with the hat + gel. You may have a hair dryer/diffuser purchase in your future.

@Zorral -- does one need to read all of the books in the series, or can one just jump in wherever? I'm feeling a bit daunted by a 16-book series, but I'm sufficiently intrigued by your description.

I'm in the middle of a re-read of Harrow the Ninth and it's way easier to handle the second time around. Just a ton of fun.

I mean, full disclosure I say "LOL fuck Staten Island" at least once every day, but that's because my friend lives there and they're usually complaining about it, too.

Copied from the other thread: @Lily Valley thread is already closed but I'm going to respond anyway because I enjoy recklessly wielding mod power. My recs to read from the list (from what I remember of your tastes, so please forgive if I fuck up something): Harrow the Ninth -- but for the love of god read Gideon the Ninth first because you'll be lost otherwise. anyway, mega-queer sword lesbians and the necromancers they love/hate. the second book is mindfuck territory, which means people have either loved or hated it.Network Effect(?) -- I haven't read it but from the other Martha Wells work I've read I think this might be up your alley?Upright Women Wanted -- same author and vibe as River of Teeth. Come along, hoppers!Also recommended but not sure if it's your cup of tea:Cemetery Boys -- It's trans and queer and wholesome as hellRing Shout -- a horror-laden take on Jim Crow-era injustice (written by a Black man, so it's not cringe)Finna -- It's IKEA but full of interdimensional wormholesThe City We Became -- LOL fuck Staten Island

Let us know if you need some good boilerplate language to explain why. My org ended up developing some of this since we got this query from both colleagues and external partners (and random people).

Thank you Malt for helping normalize pronouns!! I'm glad they stripped the "court order" requirement. That was absolute bullshit.

@HelenaExMachina -- thank you for letting us know your pronouns. And yeah I know exactly the gender euphoria you're talking about. One thing I want to note for the people reading this thread who are not trans: despite the framing HelenaExMachina used above, if a person tells you their pronouns, they are not "preferred" -- those are their pronouns and you need to use them. It's not a choice for you. (or, well, it's not a choice if you do not wish to be a piece of shit bigot.) Nuance: many trans and/or non-binary people use different pronouns in different settings, because cisgender people make being trans so goddamned dangerous. So trans people and allies will ask someone (especially people who use mixed pronouns like she/they) which pronouns they prefer in a given circumstance. I know a few people who use gendered pronouns (he/him, she/her) at work, but gender-neutral pronouns (they/them, zie/zir, etc.) with people they trust. So yes, some pronouns are preferred in a particular context. But that doesn't give cisgender folk a pass for not using the pronouns provided by the person. As for the anti-trans bills and laws. It's actually worse than even what has been mentioned. In Arkansas it is now legal for ANY medical practitioner to refuse to treat ANY LGBTQIA+ person. Doctor, paramedic, pharmacist, nurse, ANYONE can say "You're gay? Well, tough shit. I refuse to treat you." And yes, they can do that because sexual orientation and gender identity are NOT protected classes under the Civil Rights Act. (the only exception is employment -- that's what the Bostock SCOTUS ruling covered.) But yes also the anti-trans laws strip life-saving medical care from trans kids. Lifesaving medical care that many of them had already been on for YEARS. Imagine being the kind of shitpile that decides "well all of these treatments have been used safely for literally decades on cisgender kids, but trans kids make me nervous so I'm going to tell a bunch of lies and make sure that they can't access any of this care."

So I've finished the Vera Stanhope series and started in on the Shetland series and AGAIN WITH THE BIRDS, ANN. I tried to read the first Shardlake book and it was very well written but I could not handle the religious bigotry because it reminds me way too much of the transphobic bigotry I have to deal with on the daily. So I will revisit that one maybe, oh, halfway through the Biden Administration or something like that. It's just too raw right now.

I agree with @Ormond on this. Years of habit and socialization and stigma can explain why the numbers haven't budged much in older individuals. Our society is much more accepting of LGBTQIA+ folk now than it was when I was growing up, and there isn't the same level of stigma that would affect how young people self-identify. It's simply safer (not safe! just safer) to be openly queer these days.

Some good news: in the U.S., House Democrats introduced the Equality Act, a bill that guarantees protects for LGBTQ+ people in much the same way that Biden's Executive Order did, and that was affirmed in the SCOTUS case from last June. If passed, it'll basically cement those protections into law and will make it much harder to be subjected to the whims of whatever rando ends up in the Presidency or SCOTUS. The House votes on the bill next week, after which it will go to the Senate. Who knows what will happen there, but I would hope it would pass with a tie-breaker vote from Harris (if one cannot get a single R to vote for granting queer people some actual human rights protections).

BTW @HelenaExMachina -- thank you for asking for recommendations in this thread! I know I typed a wall of text but it's because I've been thinking a lot about representation over the last couple of years, and about whose stories and experiences should be centered, and whose voices should be lifted up. And for too goddamned long, straight people have been drowning out the voices of gay, lesbian, and bisexual/pansexual people and our experiences, and cisgender people have stolen wholesale the stories of trans people's lives for profit. (The same thing happens with other intersections of oppression: white people steal stories from people of color for awards and profit; and men constantly are lauded/rewarded for telling women's stories while women attempting to do the same are ignored.)

I haven't seen the movie in question, but here's the amendment to my rule: if a person with an identity that is reflected in a given piece of media recommends it (e.g. a transgender person recommends a movie with transgender themes/characters), even if it's done by a cis and or het person, then it's worth considering.

Oh I got a zillion -- comes with the territory of being in a professional org for transgender journalists! Here's one: https://translash.org/podcast/ and here's another: https://www.genderpodcast.com/ both are highly recommended. Oh yeah, and read Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas -- a YA novel with a transmasculine Latinx main character (and there's way more gay in there too), and written by a transmasc Latinx author! Also really good: Disclosure (on Netflix). And if you've never seen Paris Is Burning, watch that first. You will recognize so many things out of that documentary. (It is not without criticism, which they get into in Disclosure, but it's still a compelling examination of a particular culture of BIPOC GNC, queer, and trans people in the 80s. Also I recommend "Pose" because it's straight-up amazing to see so many Black and POC trans people being hired to portray their lived experiences.) EXECUTIVE. REALNESS. ETA: One thing that is of VITAL IMPORTANCE. Do not consume any media about trans people that is made by cis people, or any media about queer people that is made by heterosexual people. Beware of trauma porn -- like the only story worth telling about queer people is when we're abused or oppressed. Cishet people fucking LOVE that shit, and it is trash. Do not reward cishet people trying to make a buck off of queer people's lives and especially queer people's pain. ETA2 -- if you'd like some sapphic cinema, Portrait of a Lady on Fire is directed by a queer woman and one of the two main actors is also a queer woman.