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Secretary of Eumenes

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  1. Stupid and fickle people are peers. I reject absolutely any suggestion that a deliberately labyrinthine bureaucratic class be given exclusive agency over the peoples justice. I'd rather be judged by an idiot with a mortgage and a scratch-off addiction than any one of the assholes with law degrees behind them screaming bloody victory for Johnny Depp on YouTube.
  2. People have been talking about this non-stop for months. Scores of lawyers hosting YouTube channels exposing themselves as hate-filled partisan assholes regardless of the facts presented before the court, a lot of whom seemed eager to see some kind of revenge upon Heard for something she never did to them or theirs. You're worried that too much media attention may have impacted the jury and their rationalizing towards whatever decision they walked through the door with anyway? I'm worried that no media attention -zip, zilch, nada- may have impacted the Supreme Court and some of their recent decisions. Anybody remember the last big decision handed down by a courtly body shrouded in mystique and unavailability? Or has your outrage index drifted so far away that you don't remember the ruling that -actually, literally, for fucking real- impacts all women in this country and their rights to do what the fuck they want; including divorce themselves of the product of abuse with the aid of informed medical assistance. I'll take your answer off the air.
  3. I'm ashamed at some of you. If you're concerned that a humongous chunk of our citizenry apparently stopped their lives and work to follow this humilithon, how personally personally PERSONALLY involved they got in the proceedings and outcome and the depths of nastiness they unleash towards people they never met and never hurt them, or just the way our legal system basically encourages two people to perform against each other via proxies to try and smear the others credibility, all for the sweet sweet prize of cold hard cash... then this comment isn't for you. You're good people. Stay golden Pony Person. The rest of you? Shame. Shame for advocating that the absurdities of "justice" be obscured from view. That the truth of how things of great weight developed be hidden because you have to step out of your wise towers and recall for a moment that the vast, vast, majority of human beings are short-sighted, impressionable, totally ignorant and intellectually atrophied assholes whose first thought on a subject is just about always their last thought and they'll be happy to repeat it to you as many times as they can until the teeny tiny sub-universal strings that hold the electrons in orbit around the nucleii of the atoms that compose your flesh lose their unknown and unmeasurable coherence and you -at your very essence- dissolve into a pool of flesh-toned subatomic particles that are defined precisely by the fact that they have lost all definition. A void of former person that exists only by dint of having had existed before, and the strange flesh-ish worldwound that now obscures the ground but will not touch it. If you're worried that the spectacle of the trial will lead to sensation that will impact the decision makers of the trial, I got something to tell ya: get the fuck over it. I hope the jury read every single internet article written for each side, one side, or no side as they prefer. They're there to represent the rest of us in examining the evidence and passing a judgement, why shouldn't they know what the rest of the ignoramuses are opining towards? A judge ain't some platonic being whose wisdom and learnedness ensures impartiality. They're just a motherfucker in a stupid outfit whose outdated, outgrown, cancerous bureaucracy has assigned a number on a fucking docket. The legal system is a fucking joke. It exists to act as a buffer between the dirty dumb masses and our goodly godly rich rulers. To give you your day in opposition -if you can fucking afford it!- to the meaners who meaned you bad. The American people have been getting fucked over by the legal system for fifty fucking years and you're telling me you want it to be more opaque? Go fuck Jupiter with that shit. This is what happens when you disillusion the masses from their opium, they act like fucking fools and get interested in different freakshow events. So as far as I'm concerned you either want the democracy to be transparent and accountable at as many levels as is feasible to its supposed constituents, and all that comes with that, or you are in favor of an entrenched legalistic class that costs a fortune to enter, hire, maintain, and train. Not only do most Americans have no opportunity to become a part of the legal class, most of them can't even afford to get advice from its least-prestigious and capable members. I want more observations of these characters and the methods they use to reach their verdicts. Not less. That being said; I understand and respect your desire for educated and considerate individuals to be directing serious business; I do not trust 'em. Meanwhile, if you're calling for cameras to be taken out of courts because you're sore that the horse you apparently bet your lives on (to judge from the feverish tone of some of these posts) lost: also get the fuck over it. Same unhinged rant. Go back and read it again if you remain confused.
  4. Cameras everywhere. I want cameras in buses, churches, and palapas everywhere. Put 'em in supermarkets, ketchup bottles, and bathtubs. I say put cameras in people's eyes! Can't recall what you shoulda saw? That's ok, we submit to the jury the occu-cam footage of the event in question. Here you can clearly see Mr. Obama grasp the hotdog with his bare fingers before placing it on the grill. His bare fingers, ladies and gentlemen, which could have easily transmitted incalculable and incurable quantities of contaminants from Mr. Obama's fingertips on to the skin of the semi-sausage. All while the grilling tongs were within easy reach, appropriately hanging from the tong hook at the front of the grill, exactly as Mr. Adolph Hitler's clone testified he left them earlier this week. Now what the former president's motives were for serving a fingered dog to Mr. Gosling? We may never know. But the constant and exactly-measured cycling of my client's breathing apparatus which we have all graciously pretended not to hear during the course of these proceedings fairly attests to the damage that one former president's fingers can do... and put cameras in the toilets too, so that we always know someone flushing is who they say they are. And think of the jobs! Camera maker jobs, camera watcher jobs, camera installer jobs and camera repairer jobs. Jobs for people who support the camera related jobs like human services jobs attached to the camera related jobs. Then you got your camera carrying jobs. Someone's got to get these cameras from place to place, every place, and then get back again so now you've got your gas station jobs to support the camera related jobs even though being a gas station attendant has nothing to do with cameras Until it's time to clean the fucking bathrooms. And that's when you'll be on board for the camera fascism party. The party of observation and recording. The party that has, in its platform, a desire to put away -nay, very well to burn alive- the kind of people who make bathroom jobs that inspire camera maker jobs. And that'll make it all easier to know, easier to see, who you hate on sight because they once said, saw, or shit something that you didn't like. So you can go to their trial and ask America to burn them alive, hell you could even make your own streaming channel to get others on your side. Active participation in a democracy, letting other people know what you think and what the truth could be. But you'll need a camera first
  5. Disagree entirely. People need to see behind the curtain. A farce in the dark is still a farce. I say TVs in every courtroom. Live phone-in polls to see which lawyer gets more time to present. A public officer elected from Twitter who is allowed, once a day, to throw a pie in the face of a witness if the proceedings become too dull. I want a MakeAWish kid to pick a side and testify based solely on their gut instinct. Give me ten clowns and a masonry contractor racing against each other to build a wall between each party's lawyers made entirely of Dollar Store bubble wands. At some point execute a previously convicted in-between witnesses so that we remember the stakes, and the smell of gasoline fuelled immolated human flesh just might put us in the mood for some steaks. Get ten Hibachi chefs going in the front row of the audience, jury gets served first. Wagu beef only. We can give the baliff rump roast, because they're a wagey and those stupid hourlies will eat anything if it's served in a paper container. Yeah, you can go see some justice, get some steak, and see a clown show all while participating in a democratic extravaganza at the expense of someone else's life.
  6. With all due respect- Now remember I'm saying With All Due Respect - That idea is not worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin' it on
  7. Someone I know has been watching the proceedings on a live stream YouTube channel, while sitting at the receptions desk, that has like these four lawmen talking about the proceedings on the side. I was suffered to watch this farce during an ill-advised lunch expedition and just happened to see Heard on the stand. I don't know what happened between these two. They both seem batshit to me and I've witnessed/participated/incited enough dysfunction to know that these things are consuming. The longer it goes on the worse everybody becomes. Resentment gets ugly, and we of America and the future state of Canada were just privileged to see that. Yaaay. While I was watching those lawmans talk I was kinda blown away by how nasty they were being to Heard, whose performance I found dubious myself but, like, I don't know what really happened. And Johnny Depp is an amazing actor; his whole humbly mumbly schtick is pretty convincing... But he's AN ACTOR. He has gargantua money for the bestest lawyers and witnesses. If you took anything away from this trial other than the utter depravity of our society you're wrong.
  8. That's just a fucking RPG man. Why are we adding letters to everything Get off my lawn
  9. Yo she shitted in the bed. Beyond that, though, you're going against Johnny Depp. Every time you get on the stand your performance is going to go against his performance. That's just a terrible place to be. He's Johnny fucking Depp, he even makes loathsome hate-filled ranting email/texts charming. It doesn't matter who is telling the truth. Nobody wants Captain Jack Sparrow to be a wife beater. That's your justice, bird.
  10. Sometimes I think about it and can't stop laughing. They dumped this fool after one year. Moron fuckwit opinionists were blathering about how much safer he was with the ball, because when you keep getting INTs stupidly altered into fumbles like some alternative tuck rule bullshit it makes your stats look marginally less absolutely putrid, and that's all that matters anymore; the numbers on the Chris Pontakia's stupid dum DumB Big Board that tells you what to think and how to bet -brought to you by Caesar's Casino and Hotel from GLITZY LAaaaaaS Veeegaaaas! Do you have a crippling risk aversion deficit, a family timebomb you want to light the fuze on and get over with already, or a Mistress/Master threatening to go public? Come on down to GLITZY LAaaaaS Veeegaaaaas! -T.Y.'s nickname is Ghost but I straight up forgot he'd come back from that injury. Thought he moved to a WR farm up state. And that was during the winning streak! I watch every snap. He's washed. Wentz sucks. But so does Frank Reich. This dude couldn't coach himself out of a stopped car. He's a bum. He thought Wentz was good 'cause of like Jesus and shit. Like I don't care what you believe in, it's all yawns to me, but it's revealing -who- you believe in and why you believed in him. Like, this was your guy? The Carson Wentz. That's who you're going with? Like i said. I laugh. At least they got rid of him. But I don't give no fucks about Matt Ryan. I had fun with Rivers because of the oddness and hilarity of it. But, like, anyone with two working eyes knew he was DONE three weeks into the 2020 season. I'm not particularly interested in that. And I love having good lines but translating the #3 pick into a LG you're about to pay 22 million a year and an off-ball Linebacker (with a degenerative ankle injury that he chose not to have surgery on) that you're paying 19 million a year... It'd be different if the O-line was good. And if the defense wasn't only good when playing the Jaguars (sometimes). It's bizarre and confusing that this team is so tight fisted with money and non-adventurous in FA but they're somehow ancient at key positions, have exhausted that ginormous pile of carryover cap money, and have no future to speak of. RB wheels fall off fast. Ryan is gonna be 37 I think. TY sucks. Highly paid Center and RT both suck now, always missing games. The Shade of MVPs-Last-Decade is making like thirteen mill for the next two years at cornerback while the "BEST SLOT CORNER IN THE GAME" -who played like he'd slept on a pile of smallpox in week 17- wants more money because he keeps hearing/reading on fan sites that he's "THE BEST SLOT CORNER IN THE GAME" when really he's just, like, pretty good. Rarely below average, I'd say. Which is a good thing for a cornerback, but a long way from some kinda star. And look, I like Yanick Ngokue as a player. But this dude has been on like five teams in four years, and they all keep investing in upgrades over him when they send him packing. And you're acting like you just solved your D-line??? This team hasn't had a single QB pressure since Robert Mathis retired.
  11. Fuck Deshaun Watson Fuck the Browns Fuck Cleveland Fuck Roger Goodwell Fuck Jimmy Haslam Fuck Dee Haslam Fuck Watson's agent Fuck Kevin Stefanski Fuck Fuck fuck the Cleveland Browns
  12. That's the evolutionary imperative of language. To achieve effect.
  13. Observation: Repetitive, speculative, utterly impotent exclamationing over inferred-consensus appeasement opportunities serving only agitation towards unjustified hysterics appears to have ceased almost altogether. In fact, most recent recorded hysteric was quickly addressed as such and has been disinclined to further such improperly motivated opinions for some days. Speculation: Peer induced recess from commentary on excitable subject; avoidance to ridicule for irregular opinions and unproductive, unsubstantiated, doomsaying. Secondary speculation: Fragmentish attention has spanned on; insufficient emotional bandwidth to accommodate formerly-overwhelming, implicitly all-encompassing, concerns of nuclear war alongside most recent Twitter/Insta/whatthefuckeveryoukidsareonthesedays,(woulditbesobadtotrymethinstead?) amplified group psychosis. Conclusion: Morale improved.
  14. My cover is blown. Blonde November! Blonde November! blondinka noyabr blondinka noyabr
  15. Tyranids? Tyranids? What's some Xenomorph-Arachnid bugs gonna do? Motherfucker the Honored Matres got shit you ain't seen.
  16. The God-Emperor Leto II will send his Fish Speakers to deal with these upstart Space Mans. Thence they shall suffer the fate of a stone dropped upon the sea; they shall simply disappear.
  17. Normal soldier worries about what organs they might lose and still survive. In Putin's Russia a soldier worries about how many more they can grow and still survive.
  18. When he rolls down that ramp and sighs... Lmfao
  19. In serious countries coups don't play out on TV. That's the whole point of the coup.
  20. Goddamn, that almost sounds like a silver lining to me. Agitation for increased public spending? That's good news. Unfortunately they'll probably earmark it for the building of profit prisons and rerouting roads to center on Amazon warehouses, but let's enjoy this sixty seconds of common cause. For the sake of goodwill and all that.
  21. The enemy of my enemy is not my friend. But I sure do like seeing them kill each other. Go get 'em Elon. Charge that machine gun nest for all humankind. Let's just the rest of us hang back and see how this shakes out. Preserve the tactical modularity of the situation if you know what I mean (I don't, so please tell me what I mean if you know what I mean).
  22. Paul, this is your father's... *ring*. He gave it, to me, before he died. And y'know, he knew, the Harks would take it away. If they found it. So... *Alternatively, your father's... Spice, Harvester...
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