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Secretary of Eumenes

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Everything posted by Secretary of Eumenes

  1. I mean it I will suck the dick right off his pelvis and use it like a strap on to peg him. So if any of you have his digits I want 'em. You will be richly rewarded when we enter the afterlife; entombed with us beneath the Thomas and Jacelyn Brady Children's Hospital for always and eternity.
  2. If Tom needs a more supportive wife, I think he's got another three rings in him. And I'm only asking for one in return. I'll go full domestic, I don't give a fuck.
  3. And goddammit if liberals wanna win they'll start doing it too! Your enemy has achieved an advantage! Act! Ron DeSantis killed eleventy-five people in a Canoe accident while circling Mars in the Prix Elon of 2015. I was there. Saw the whole thing while I was taking my Kraken for space walkies (finnies?). Is it true? No, but people are saying. And I think it needs saying. How much people are saying. That Ron 'Flipper' DeSantis, through naked negligence and outright malice, caused the fatalities of sixty-seven families on the colony of LV-426 by sending them looking for that ship without warning them. Why didn't you warn the colonists, DeSantis!?! We want answers!
  4. Oh man, I'll never forget how fucking arrogant I was in the spring of '16 I talked so much shit! I was like, "yo my girl is gonna feed this fat orange pile of fucks his own idiocy every-single-mothergoddamnfucking-day as a matter of course just by retweeting his midnight insanities as she does her makeup(has it done, y'know) in the morning" and "the matrix isn't real (it is(consider the depth of that statement(if the Matrix is real, am I saying that the movie is real or that a "The Matrix"(which in this insistence would be real(and therefore exist in a conflict(not necessarily violent conflict(but some form of existential opposition even if only by way of(diplomatic, peaceable) competition for resources)))))" But we know better now, don't we?
  5. Honestly I was going for (slightly more) nihilistic Dr. Seuss. I'm not good at music.
  6. Bruh. Ronnie DS is a good politician. I'll give him that. But baby Donald is a STAR He had to make us miss him. Classic Big (oK? Big Star. Very big. Such a big Star that other people, wHo you'd think tO yoURSelf "y'know this guy, pretty big Star", well he's coming up to ME and he sAYS He SaYS Mr. TRUMP, you're such a BIG STAR. I've gotta bE near you. i just NEed it. Like i thought i was a Big Star, but now mayBE i am a JupiTEr or something...) Star move. I bet he's got something lined up to take a run at the awards shows here in the next two years. Probably do something with Tarantino
  7. Well, my dear, it ain't up to you. Respect the office. This is it This is the end So write that hate mail and press send Because everything you say and do Isn't going to matter to The New Woooorld! Come along with me and see How depraved it's gonna be When we are in The New Woooorld! Oh a world of joy and cheer Built on lies and based in fear Everyone the end is near But don't you shed a single tear Because that end won't be an end Of course a world can't really die There will always be folks asking why This pain and hurt must be so real When they can up and STOP THE STEAL So that's the way this story goes I hope I've spoilt your righteous pose There are no more knows to know Because don't you fucking know that when you bow too low to fear you've let the monster far too near and now he's coming up your path, that great big orange fat psychopath told him once he told him twice, a hundred times it can't be lies, so yes your stupid liberal cries make visual music for his eyes he hopes oh hopes he hopes you die and that is just the reason why... Your neighbors are gonna kill you. In The New Woooorld!
  8. What about this are you not getting? You ain't mining shit. Dafuq you think you're scooping up into the surface world other than disincorporative ether accumulating towards the unstringing of the existential fabric? The universe has expanded enough. It's time for an infinite collapse. Black holes are made of imploded Earths. Your bottom is not anything. It's everything. Sooner than you think. The fuck did you think was gonna happen?
  9. Dr. Oz, U.S. Senator! Stop fighting it. It will happen, because it needs to. It's high time folks start internalizing that there is no bottom. It will get worse.
  10. Mac Jones either has typhus or some unholy team debuff. He leaves the lineup and all the WRs turn into Randy fucking Moss between snaps
  11. This is it This is it The time to cry has come When you dream an American dream All you get is duuuumb So you volunteer For not even a beer So that you can do your paaaart Youuuuur paaaart Yooouuur paaaart But what if your part is part of a part that isn't even reeeaaal Well then you've got your cue to go to Q and engage with something truuuuuuuu Oh Tru, oh Tru, oh Tru Tru Q America needs U!!!!! (You're all living inside the bloating carcass of a democracy, I made a song. And if you're not living in America you're living inside the digestive tract of the bloating carcass of a democracy. Up to you whether that's better or worse.
  12. I'll be back later to post those screeds I made about the enormity of the idiocy involved with everything Ryan. He has guaranteed dollars on his contract (about ten mil I think) next year that the Colts gave him for absolutely no reason. They did all that work to get Atlanta to swallow all his cap hit and then gave themselves a cap hit! And this isn't Reich, it's Irsay. And Ryan isn't hurt, he's a fucking ghost of failures past. This is face saving, though I'm not sure why. No one owes this Great Longneck Migration motherfucker anything
  13. I got the impression that they thought WoT would be a truck stop gloryhole in Vermont renowned for its stern anti-prophylactic policy. I mean that's what I thought. Because the script was clearly written with a spoon shank into the wall of a prison bathroom stall (Avenue 5 is back, Armando makes my heart beat poetic)
  14. What does Matt Ryan have in common with a hair dryer? I'm glad you asked. Besides making my scalp hot and my hair stand on end he fucking blows
  15. I haven't seen the show, but the latter half of your paragraph explains that this grading system (metacritic) is fucking trash. Rome? A 70!?! Get a new review aggregator, as a friend. Or better yet, stop listening to reviews. Put your ear to the web and let what vibrations may tickle your ears come your way in their own time.
  16. The fuck did that guy know, he's not even on TikTok Plus the guy like upheld through violence, and then wrote his books from within, the most expansive Empire in human history. #CancelTolkHine #HashtagActivism
  17. Kids today watch movies on their fucking phones. And they're so light-blinded by the time they're seven that their eyes no longer record color correctly,(assertion, not recorded observation) so the picture is always saturated to shit and they don't even care that they're looking at a muffled grey-brown kaleidoscope. So zombies is what's gonna be the next big hit. The nostalgia wheel turneth, for the folks who remember civilization, and the faceless amorphousness of the obstacle will appeal to those kids and the tiny phone screens. As well as their general solipsism.
  18. "Don't use these kinda words in these kinda ways, especially on these special days. Find a way to say your say any way but the way we say you can't say what it is you'd like to say, ok? And hey, no argues! Argues are bad, and make people feel worse. Worse than worse, they do the worst on those who want to be the worst! Argues gives verbal cover to BAD BADS who want to take all the nice words that make happies and replace them with bad words that make SADDIES. Don't be a Baddie, don't make SADDIES. Be Best and only connect characters that initiate feelings of euphoria and passivity, and especially most especially, don't rock the boat." Where have I seen such juvenile thought controlling techniques...? Damn, this is so hard! I'll get back to this line of thought when I return from evening Mass.
  19. George Carlin erased any credibility of "soft language" initiatives a decade-and-a-half ago. If the word "brat" gives you hundreds upon hundreds of words' worth of anxiety then you live with great privilege. What moral, physical, and editorial certainty you must enjoy at all times.
  20. The part where the political/legal/media masters allowed the rules to become "we have to prove he knows he's not actually entitled to whatever he wants to have whenever he wants it" is probably my favorite episode of America: or; How I Learned to Stop Trying to Care and Admire the Hutzpah I mean I'd commit a lot more crimes if I could throw tantrums at the judge, declare that I believe I really CAN run over sixteen "people" on my way to work without issue because I always drive through the hallways of the middle school and I have never offered any evidence that I believe otherwise.
  21. At some point the fact that the relevant majority (relevant!) will elect mental invalids, rapists, and aspiring Nazis to lead them isn't a joke anymore. I mean, right? Now that the cartoon exhibition is over and we all know now how deep the conspiracy of January 6th went and the hourglass of wilful delusion you people call hope draws short; are we allowed to confront the fact that the criminals got away with it, will do it again, and the (relevant) majority of Americans can't be bothered to care? I mean Nancy Pelosi is such a BADASS! She was gonna sock that bully president a good one wasn't she! Thank GOD I know that now, and they saved it for the finale too, as she through inaction condones the use of political violence and blatant disregard for democratic processes that will now become De jour. How's that awareness raising going of the crimes that were committed in broad daylight, on TV, at the expressed (multiple) public (times) urging of the sitting president? Is the party that has wholly committed to his illegal activities going to be punished, you think?
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