Channelling the Yeard is something risky. There are dangers involved, dangers that should not be taken lightly. Because of this a special mental training is needed before and during the process of linking your mind to the most celerous brain of all. It takes long years of meditation in the secret psionic arts known only by the Inner Circle of the Order of the Ninja Lemming to attempt a direct channelling with the Yeard Itself. I'll summarize this process in ten easy steps for your enlightment. Be careful; do not try this at home. 1. Cleanse your mind of any disturbing thought. 2. Partition your mind in order to keep the useful parts safe. You must dedicate just two neurons to channel the Yeard the rest are to be kept in the other partition. 3. Enter a trance through repeating endlessly the first sentence of Debt of Bones in your mind like a mantra: "What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie? What do you got in the sack, dearie?..." 4. Sooner or later your guide spirit will appear, it will take the form of a noble goat. Make no mistake you should never follow it if it looks like a namble or a chicken. Follow the noble goat. 5. In front of you a coffin shaped door will appear. You must open it and then the link with the Yeard will have been achieved. 6. To break the channel you must intone the descending mantra. "Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw. Eiraed, kcas eht ni tog uoy od tahw..." This weirdo cultural diversity jibber jabber is the safer way to sever the link. 7. Drink some whisky or other alcoholic beverage (The Mad Moose Method) to destroy the two neurons used in the process. You wouldn't want them with you, really, even if they were still alive. 8. Read carefully what you have been writing automatically when you were linked with the Yeard. If it's a plenty of spelling mistakes you may better disregard this message: it's not from the Yeard but from someone close to Him, it's a near miss but useless anyway. 9. Cleanse yourself reading some good speculative fiction. Free online e-books and stories should be recommended because they are rich in Altruism. 10. Post the message in case its from the Yeard. Now please, would you kindly bow to my superior wisdom? :smug: Thanks.
