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Dating 8: I'm drinking a glass of Act Right


Lily Valley

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:lol: :lol:

ANDROID FRIENDS

i listen to too much gary numan

:rofl:

I'm sorry Theda.

When I was younger I always had to do all the approaching. Now I just like to.

Please excuse me while I tell you that you are OBLIVIOUS TO FLIRTING. If someone comments on your wardrobe, it's probably a come-on. The running joke down here in the '90's between us gals used to be, "Hey, nice shoes. Wanna f***?" It was a reference to dealing with awkward young men on the make.

Hehe, it's okay; I am a bit silly. These are mostly in darkened clubs though.

Also, my future husband (a beautiful creature i first saw at some goth club and found on facebook through a mutual friend - i didn't add him tho, im not that weird-) came into work and i told my friend ''thats my future husband omg'' to which point he walked over to me and asked me if we still had any copies of the hobbit extended edition left. my heart melted. i also tried not to laugh because my friend was making suggestive faces behind his back.

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US FOOTBALL SPOILER:

Mr. Fling sent me a text supporting Seattle last night. Needless to say, the exchange that followed didn't go very well. At one point I called him a culturally misappropriating a-hole. Karradin, was that rude?

That sounds like the only appropriate way to interact about football, but what little affection I have for that sort of thing comes from my Dad which is the polar opposite to my tactful side :p

I always feel like you're selling androids or something

:rofl:

Only the best quality though

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Apparently the company has very strict standards on who they will sell their life companions to though, you have to be high quality to buy high quality

It's all marketing. You don't want some schlub rocking your High-End brand in public, people might get the crazy idea that anyone could have one and then how are you going to get the elites to pay the inflated prices for the high quality models? Madness, I tell you!

I sometimes think I accidentally flirt with people when I get really animated by a conversation about something stupid like good hairstyles or ...wait for it...blade runner

But when I actually see a cute person and want to flirt, I don't know what to do, I don't get super flustered or anything anymore and i'm real good at conversation these days, IF SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY TALK TO ME.

I think i'm just a completely oblivious person lol, like the fact that someone could be attracted to me is completely alien to me because i spent all of school being bullied for looking weird

You should come to the IRC channel once in a while, back when I was new there I used to tell the story of the one girl who, in retrospect, I realize tried to flirt with me back in school days.

And how I was so dense I didn't figure out that was what she'd been trying to do until literally nine years after the fact.

Although I guess I've told it here anyway so there's no need now.

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Opinions please. Traded some messages with a girl, she agreed coffee sounded nice. My schedule for the next two weekends is a little dumb, so I asked if there were weeknights in that timeframe that would work for her, and sent her number and suggested we schedule by text. No reply for a couple days, but it was just before Thanksgiving and I know she has family visiting her, so I messaged her Saturday saying "Hey just following up. Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving." She replied ~4 hours later and apologized for dropping off the radar, and gave me her number and said weeknights "definitely work" and I should text her a few days that work for me. I texted her several days on Sunday afternoon (had to check in with my climbing partner to figure out what days I would be busy). No answer so far.



Generally I don't want to be the guy chasing someone who is trying to politely give them the brush-off, but she did reply with her phone number. Should I follow up again? I also, you know, have some self-respect, and there is a limit to how much effort I'm willing to put into pursuing a first date if someone's a consistent flake. But it was also the first text, and what if she/I got the number wrong or whatever and she didn't get it?





Listen Theda, the way to a man's heart is proverbially through his stomach, but in order to successfully flirt, i suggest complimenting him on his shoes. Like mention how cool they are and where he got them from. Trust me once your past this icebreaker u can ask him out without embarrassment.





Counterpoint: most dudes wear terrible shoes

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Opinions please. Traded some messages with a girl, she agreed coffee sounded nice. My schedule for the next two weekends is a little dumb, so I asked if there were weeknights in that timeframe that would work for her, and sent her number and suggested we schedule by text. No reply for a couple days, but it was just before Thanksgiving and I know she has family visiting her, so I messaged her Saturday saying "Hey just following up. Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving." She replied ~4 hours later and apologized for dropping off the radar, and gave me her number and said weeknights "definitely work" and I should text her a few days that work for me. I texted her several days on Sunday afternoon (had to check in with my climbing partner to figure out what days I would be busy). No answer so far.

Generally I don't want to be the guy chasing someone who is trying to politely give them the brush-off, but she did reply with her phone number. Should I follow up again? I also, you know, have some self-respect, and there is a limit to how much effort I'm willing to put into pursuing a first date if someone's a consistent flake. But it was also the first text, and what if she/I got the number wrong or whatever and she didn't get it?

Counterpoint: most dudes wear terrible shoes

Follow up once more just to be thorough and after that, let the cards falls as they will. No need to over analyze but you can still keep your self-respect here. A little communication is all that is needed.
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I feel like an inadequate human being and boyfriend. My girlfriend is about to graduate with her bachelors and go back to school for her Masters and here I am in tens of thousands of dollars of debt and struggling along.

I just feel like there are other guys who could love her and would actually be doing something with their lives. She'll never agree because she loves me and I do love her but I just don't know that I'm the best person for her. What should I do?

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I feel like an inadequate human being and boyfriend. My girlfriend is about to graduate with her bachelors and go back to school for her Masters and here I am in tens of thousands of dollars of debt and struggling along.

I just feel like there are other guys who could love her and would actually be doing something with their lives. She'll never agree because she loves me and I do love her but I just don't know that I'm the best person for her. What should I do?

Unless you're just looking for an excuse to break up with her, just be happy she doesn't find you inadequate. And in the meantime, take steps to cure whatever you feel are your inadequacies. I assume it's student loan debt, elsewise you would have discharged it in bankruptcy?

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Never ever second guess that decision for someone else. If she wants a high achiever that's who she would be with. If she decides that's what she wants after all, it's up to her to leave you. To take the decision out of someones hands is really upsetting and hurtful.



If you aren't happy and want to end it that's a different story, but it sounds like she loves you for who you are and you are struggling with some of the societal bullshit of men are supposed to be the successful breadwinner. Just keep going with what you are doing and try to improve as you can.


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Unless you're just looking for an excuse to break up with her, just be happy she doesn't find you inadequate. And in the meantime, take steps to cure whatever you feel are your inadequacies. I assume it's student loan debt, elsewise you would have discharged it in bankruptcy?

Nah, I don't want to break up with her. But I also don't want to act like I'll ever do well in college or that I ever wanted to be there in the first place.

My student debt is a big cause of the stress though and I feel like I'm trapped into staying because I'll have to stay paying it back soon after quitting school. I just feel like there are no options other than doing what everyone else wants me to do.

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Never ever second guess that decision for someone else. If she wants a high achiever that's who she would be with. If she decides that's what she wants after all, it's up to her to leave you. To take the decision out of someones hands is really upsetting and hurtful.

If you aren't happy and want to end it that's a different story, but it sounds like she loves you for who you are and you are struggling with some of the societal bullshit of men are supposed to be the successful breadwinner. Just keep going with what you are doing and try to improve as you can.

I think you're right. I do feel like I have to be successful. I struggled very much to graduate high school and I always thought college needed to be the reward for that. But I just don't see college as an adequate part of my story. I think "never ever second guess that decision for someone else" is some of the best advice I could have gotten on that. Thank you.

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You're welcome. On feeling like you have to be successful and struggling with college, unfortunately that's something that everyone has to figure out for themselves and I feel like it's a problem with both American and Australian culture that kids are expected to know what they want to do with their life when they finish school. It's OT for this thread, so maybe if it spins any further we'll take it to a new thread, but sharing my experience may be helpful.

When I finished school I wanted to become a games programmer, and to make sure I got a job at a good company I needed to do the hardest course to get into which was software engineering. Only problem was I did fuck all work at school and coasted to decent marks, but not enough to get into software engineering, so I enrolled in telecommunications engineering with the intent to switch to software engineering after a year. Hated it and quit the night before the first assignment was due. I went to what is called TAFE here, I think your equivalent is community college, and did computer programming there. I enjoyed it on and off, and my motivation ebbed and waned as well, some semesters I did well, some I did poorly, then after a couple of years they rescinded giving us a pass on the ridiculously basic subjects without doing them (this was 2nd level subjects, the only way the teacher could find to assess me for the subject ABOVE it was to get me to assist in teaching the class) and I said screw this, I don't want to do programming anymore anyway. So I dropped out again and did temp admin work for a year and a half.

After that I decided I was going to become a theoretical physicist, got back into uni doing a Bachelor of Science (Advanced), enjoyed the early Physics but found I had completely forgotten advanced mathematics which started to make it a little hard. Halfway through the 3rd semester back I decided I really didn't want to do that either and dropped out again.

I found myself working at the uni helpdesk by chance, and because at this point I had no fucking idea what I wanted to do, I stuck at IT along that line and for the last few years I've been doing various sys admin work at the same uni. It pays well, has good leave etc and is absolutely a good place to work. It's still not what I "want" to do, but it's good enough for now.

I've just started back at Uni this time, however with an already established career I'm doing it because I want to this time, not because I think I need to, and my interests have totally changed. I did Political History and Philosophy this semester and really enjoyed it, along with having a relatively easy time of it.

You feel like you have to follow this perfect trajectory or things will get fucked up, and it's not actually true - you don't need to be the enormously wealthy driven rich person if that's not what you want, you can be comfortable in a decent career without having done things perfectly.

ETA: Meant to include an acknowledgement that the debt really can be stressful and it's unfortunate that college in the US leaves you so much of it. Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do there beyond keep on trudging :(

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Betas can easily pretend to be alpha. I used to do it. True alphas don't loose their cool, they just don't give a fuck.

I'm still confused here. So, Betas will have a hissy fit if you tell them you're upset with their rudeness. And Alphas will go "whatevs" and shrug off your concerns (probably while swaggering). What Greek letter denotes the guys who go "Shit, sorry, that WAS rude of me, let me make it up to you"? Cos I'm thinking you'd probably consider that to be "beta" behaviour too, but most folk would prefer that reaction to either of the others.

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