Sad King Billy Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Uhm, a question; in that latest piece of literary genius, what were they talking about? Architecture? Magic? A new invention? Call me dense if I missed it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Uhm, a question; in that latest piece of literary genius, what were they talking about? Architecture? Magic? A new invention? Call me dense if I missed it... They're discussing a spell. There are all sorts of magic lines and stuff that Zedd and Nathan and Ann had put around Nicci (with her help). Some kind of "internal verification web" having something to do with the Chainfire spell, blah blah blah, and all the wise wizards and sorceresses don't know the first thing about anything apparently cuz Richard sees that its all wrong as soon as he walks in the room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad King Billy Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Goodkind takes the Mary Sue concept to a whole new level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dornishman Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Yeah. Trek-Talk meets Mary Sue. What a... fascinating combination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 WELSHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! erm, sorry. it's too hot here to come up with anything intelligent. my last 3 IQ points were spent editing a story about an underwater hotel. now there's some true lack of moral clarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 No one truly answered my moral clarity word problem...jeez, I would think after eight threads, people would have some glimpse of the Truth that lays before them. 1. Richard would never touch his truthful member to anything faintly resembling poultry. 2. If Lord Rahl was so inclined to rape a member of the poultry family, he could not help but choose a truthful one. 3. If Richard was forced to couple with a chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken, any concept of moral clarity would collapse into itself, like a black hole, and the entire world would be destroyed. 4. Richard blows a load like a double-barrelled shotgun: if he was able to climax from chicken rape, all that pent-up Truth would vaporize the chicken into McNuggets. Extra credit answer: The bits of the evil incarnate would not be able to use algebra. They could only do math based on a 6-piece, 9-piece, or 24-piece based counting system, and would not have access to variables. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zadok Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Could a goat learn algebra? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 erm, sorry. it's too hot here to come up with anything intelligent. my last 3 IQ points were spent editing a story about an underwater hotel. now there's some true lack of moral clarity. But was it THIS underwater hotel? How can this not be a good, moral thing? To want to sleep with the fishes, but actually still be living? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 It is plausible that in Terryverse algebra is known. How a simple woodsmen from a small village on the edge of civilization knows it is a different question. Yes. That is a very different question indeed. Goodkind takes the Mary Sue concept to a whole new level. I think TG (BBNC) has gone beyond Mary Sue. TG has beaten the crap out of Mary Sue and has evolved into whole new level. 1. Richard would never touch his truthful member to anything faintly resembling poultry. 2. If Lord Rahl was so inclined to rape a member of the poultry family, he could not help but choose a truthful one. 3. If Richard was forced to couple with a chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken, any concept of moral clarity would collapse into itself, like a black hole, and the entire world would be destroyed. 4. Richard blows a load like a double-barrelled shotgun: if he was able to climax from chicken rape, all that pent-up Truth would vaporize the chicken into McNuggets. Extra credit answer: The bits of the evil incarnate would not be able to use algebra. They could only do math based on a 6-piece, 9-piece, or 24-piece based counting system, and would not have access to variables. Vigo, you are truly great. Could the goat learn algebra? I don't know...but as it has the same noble spirit as Richard, it's possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 As noble as TG thinks that those of the goat species can be, they do not possess opposable thumbs, cannot grip the Truth in all of its glory, and thus are resigned to sub-100 level math levels. They may go to community college, but they shall never earn their business degrees! As well, it disappoints me that no one has bothered to find out the truth of the origin of the Yeard...one may know of its existence, but to not know of the method which it came to be, well that is just a sad state of affairs. The same goes for the TG disparraging that must needs go on...it is wonderful that people have joined the cause, and do not like Yeardi, but to truly believe that he is the worst thing to happen to the world of fantasy, one must read his books, and be fully disappointed. Moose, I love what you do, and this thread is a dead thing without you, but seriously...it seems like you are doing everyone's homework for them...in order to be completely enraged against this sort of thing, people should not have a buffer zone...they need to be boiled alive in the Truth that Terry would like them to be. I would liken it to reading the worst parts of the Bhagavad Gita...it sounds like you are a raving lunatic, but you really cannot truly despise the Krishnas without reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry. Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Bah, that's just too easy, explaining the actual origins of the 'yeard' - It was over at the Malazan Forum a little over a month ago, when mystar misspelled 'yard' after someone was mocking him about having so many pictures of it up at his site. Then someone questioned if 'yeard' might actually refer to G--dk-nd (BBHS)'s ponytail/beard combo. But what's the fun of rehashing that, especially when I can go to the thread itself and look it up if I felt like it (which I don't )? Much better to imagine him writing a blog entry and 'connecting' with the fans. That would provide some shudder-worthy entertainment, no? :sick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Re: issues of chicken-rape - you are all missing a fundamental point here. Richard does not need to commit rape, as he is irresistable to men, women and chickens alike, who would gladly submit to his ministrations. The chicken, in fact, would try to seduce Richard, either by shagging a rooster in front of him, or by seductively pecking at corn while making meaningful eye-contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 At one point, we had all agreed to read the Fountainhead just to more fully appreciate the horror that is Lord Rahl. But in the end we couldn't bring outselves to do it. I couldn't, anyway. It's bad enough trying to get through Gardens of the Moon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoP Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Damn you all...I gave up after book five, yet I walked past Phantom in the bookstore on the weekend and I was tempted to pick it up to see if Goodkind was as still as shit as I remember...I particularly blame Mad Moose, because part of me just can't believe that there is anyone out there who writes that poorly. Also, some of the themes make me shake my head is absolute disbelief. For example, someone who thinks it is genuinely ok to kill unarmed civilians, let alone the uber-hero of a fantasy series. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Re: issues of chicken-rape - you are all missing a fundamental point here. Richard does not need to commit rape, as he is irresistable to men, women and chickens alike, who would gladly submit to his ministrations. The chicken, in fact, would try to seduce Richard, either by shagging a rooster in front of him, or by seductively pecking at corn while making meaningful eye-contact. Don't forget the 'seductively fluttering her wings' bit. I passed one of my favorite bookstore awhile ago, saw the hardcover of Phatom prominently displayed...found it hard to restrain the urge to go grab the book and rip it apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken/Not a Chicken Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 As well, it disappoints me that no one has bothered to find out the truth of the origin of the Yeard...one may know of its existence, but to not know of the method which it came to be, well that is just a sad state of affairs. It was mystars typo and it was YOU who asked if yeard = ponytail + beard Everybody listening? It was VigoTheCarpatian who invented the yeard. All hail Vigo, we're not worthy! We're not worthy! :bow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Iceman of the North Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 How do you misspell 'beard' as 'yeard'? I could understand 'veard or 'neard' or something, but... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Could a goat learn algebra? I can confirm that goats do indeed suck at algebra. But when you are this noble there is no need for knowledge of advanced mathematics. You see how high in the air my chin is don't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mormont Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 My (limited) knowledge of Objectivism indicates that Objectivists regard mathematics as a Big Deal. Naturally, they regard Ayn Rand's own work on the topic as revolutionary and groundbreaking. It seems to me Mr G either just got to that bit or only just thought of a way to work it into the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 The idea of a humble woodsman knowing advanced algebra is great; TG (BBNC) has excelled himself yet again. Though nothing so far has beaten the quote where Nicci justifies her use of Good Torture vs Bad Torture, that's gotta be one of the most vile pieces of filth I've ever had the misfortune to read.:sick: Today's parody is a bit crap as I'm still racking my brains for an appropriate Shakespeare moment to yeardify. The obvious choice would be Troilus and Cressida which ironically deals with how the noblest of heroes are actually doomed if their cause is corrupted by immoral acts, but a) it's not very famous, and it would take the entire play to fully develop the satire, and I don't have the time or the energy for that. So, rather more on Goodkind's level of prose, we have the following (you'll just have to imagine the illustrations): This is Richard. This is Kahlan. This is Gratch. Run, Gratch, Run! Richard has a big sword. He only wants to live in peace. Some people disagree with Richard. He kills them. This is a namble. LOOK AWAY NOW! Some more people disagree with Richard. But Richard has a big army. Richard's army kills the people. Richard makes a speech. Richard is still making the speech. Richard's speech is still going on. Richard finishes the speech. Richard laughs. Kahlan laughs. The crowd laugh. Oh no, the speech wasn't quite finished. Richard carries on speaking Yes, he's still speaking. Are you still there? Hello? Hello? The End Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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