GOODKIND X: Lemmings of Discord

[BranTheBuilder]

Richard turned a cold glare on Tristan. “You have white hairs on your knees. White goat hairs. You knelt behind that fence while you aimed the crossbow, and got the goat hairs on you.â€

white hairs? what about mud and dust?

roll over Sherlock Holmes, you have nothing on Richard!

Yeah? Well, maybe I've just seen to much bad porn, then, because I'm visualizing Richard forcing Time on it's knees and making it his Bitch. YMMV.

[Sad King Billy]

By the by, does anyone have the link of that wonderful article where some people completely owned all of Terry's arguements that he doesn't write fantasy? It was linked in one of the earlier Goodkind threads, but I don't know which one!

this what you're looking for?

[theMountainGoat]

No ducking for cover in case another bolt is coming in. Oh silly me "perfect" Richard would just plucked it out of the air. Air that whined. Time is his. He has all the time in the world. He could spend forever doing something because time is slowed to however slow he wants it. Time has no meaning. Time is his. His to own. He owns time. Time is owned by Richard. Time is his - get it!

Gah! This is such dreadful writing. How many consequetive similes do we need? How simple do we need our action stated like we are reading a bad journalistic report of events rather than a novel which moves the reader with eloquence and style.

What am I talking about? This is Goodkind! The quality and reality are irrelevant. All that counts is the message that you should worship somebody who is perfect even if he orders beheadings, invasions and execution of royalty. Isn't it incredible how none of the characters who question one of Richard's decisions at the time go on to oppose him at a later time. Kahlan forgives him every outrageously evil dictator-like act he performs simply because he says "but I have noble intentions." God damn it makes me sick :sick: :sick: :sick:

[Moshe Goldberg Rubinshteyn]

In that instant, Nadine wasn’t a woman sent by Shota to marry him, a woman who was causing him trouble; in that instant, she was simply an old friend from home.

Anyone else got a flashback: "In this instant Kahlan Richard completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken Nadine who wasn't Nadine"?

“You’re crazy! ...â€

This Tristan is one smart guy.

And, how comes he's not stumbling over someone when he enters Kahlan's badroom. With all the people in hiding left and right and center.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

In his fist, Richard held a bolt from a crossbow.

The blade wasn’t three inches from Nadine’s wide eyes.

A fraction of a second more and it would have killed her. That fraction of a second had been an hour to him.

“Richard,†Nadine panted, “how did you catch that arrow? I hope you can understand that it gives me the creeps. Not that I’m complaining,†she was quick to add.

Drefan was there, his jaw hanging open. “How did you do that?†He whispered.

“I’m a wizard, remember?†Richard said as he turned, looking in the direction from which the arrow had come. He thought he saw movement.

1. First, it's a crossbow bolt. Then Nadine asks how he caught the "arrow", and at the end of the quote it had become an arrow. I think this passage is a lesson to all not to submit your individuality to other people's perceptions, because then you lose Truth, and a bolt becomes an arrow (a bolt-that-is-not-a-bolt?)

2. When ever Richard solves any problem, or is angry with anyone, or is trying to explain something, he should yell "I'm A Wizard, Remember?!?" and save all readers the pain of a 9 page speechy explanation.

3. Perhaps with his moral clarity lapse, Richard had forgotten that when he catches a flying missile/projectile, he should be able to hurl it back at his assailant. He didn't have a crossbow handy, I understand that, but if he had the dexterity to catch it, and all this muscle and rage, don't you think he could have thrown it like a dart? I mean, when I picture Richard throwing something, it's like a .50 caliber bullet: walls and innocent bystanders wouldn't stop the thing.

[Andrew J]

Honestly, I think Michael Bay would be best suited to direct a movie adaption of this game--I don't know how he'd handle the "philosophy" bits in the later books, though, and can't really think of any director/script writer that preachy as to aid him. Well, no one except Goodkind himself.

And am I the only one who keeps picturing the Sword of Truth series as a really bad anime with poor voice dubbing? "WhAT! trIsTi0n's the assassin!" "Richie hehe KAWAI!" Maybe it's because I keep remembering a horrible anime movie named Sword for Truth. In fact, I think it even included graphic battle scenes, stupid dialogue, and a very twisted sexuallity. No "philosophy," though.

Here's a snippet from a review of it, which makes a slight type on the title, that I think suits Mr. Goodkind's work quite well: "There aren't enough good points to save Sword of Truth from the abyss."

[Watcher]

This is a request for Mindonner to do another parody. Last night I was rereading when the Unsullied’s training was being explained to Dany. On my drive to work this morning I had tried to imagine how Richard/Goodkind would react to a group like that and my mind refused to go down that alley.

If Min or anyone else could rework that scene I’d give them 20,000 experience points.

[BranTheBuilder]

If Min or anyone else could rework that scene I’d give them 20,000 experience points.

and what do points mean?

Prizes!

Today's prize is absolutely nothing!

sorry, my mind can't cope with that concept either.

[Watcher]

I’m trying to understand the sequence of events here.

Someone tries to kill Nadine, but Richard uses his wizard abilities to make time his bitch.

Richard fails to use his wizard abilities to make the assassin his bitch.

2 hours later, Richard sends everyone to bed.

This where were things get fuzzy

Kahlan is in her bed(?) and notices a shadow or something in the very dim light.

First time I read it I thought she just entered the room when she saw something out of place. But after rereading it seems she is bed.

Tristan has been waiting in Kahlan’s room.

Seeing Kahlan jumps out of the shadow to kill her.

Kahlan is surprised and doesn’t moving a muscle.

Tristan somehow misses the frozen form of Kahlen and brutally attacks the bed.

Richard gives commands from his hiding place and captures Tristan.

Kahlan pleads for Tristan’s life, Richard brushes her off and condemns the man to death.

Richard uses this as an excuse to demand the entire Kingdom surrender or he will brutally repress it.

Things just don't add up.

Richard can catch arrows and bolts out of the air. He can also slaughter dozens of armed guards, kick little girls in the face and rip spinal cords out. I find it highly unlikely he can’t capture a lone assassin. Plus how did he know about the plot to kill Kahlan later that night?

If he knew when, where and who the assassin was, why did he put Kahlan life in danger by sending her to bed, where the assassin was waiting? He had the place surrounded, he could have neutralized the threat with no risk at all to the love of his life.

Then there is the strange behavior from Kahlan. This is the guy that just tried to kill her and almost killed Nadine earlier. She gives a feeble excuse of the intent isn’t the deed. That makes very little sense especially in light of some of her other blood-thristy commands.

Also there is Richard’s complete overreaction to this assassination attempt. He is going to subjugate an entire kingdom and all the people into it because of one lone nut? This is completely against his “you are only responsible for your own life†beliefs structure.

Why does Tristan brutally attack the bed and miss Kahlen? He has killed before, she is prone and not moving, but he stilled missed her? That behavior is intriguing all by itself.

This is my theory that I will prove below:

Richard did capture Tristan but released him after he told Richard the awful truth. That he is Kahlen dom in their SMBD tryst.

It has been well established that Kahlen is a slut. This quote shows she is a pain-slut with a pseudo-rape fetish.

This is what really happened:

Richard did capture Tristan after that assassination attempt. Before Richard killed him, Tristan blurted out the only thing that he hoped would save his life. That he was having an affair with Kahlen. Richard, of course, didn’t believe him but Tristan was able to put a bit of doubt in his mind by claiming he and Kahlen had a Master/slave session scheduled that very night.

Richard has his Mord-sith control Tristan while he hurries back to Kahlen. Still refusing to believe he has been cuckold he sends Kahlen to bed. There she waits for her master and pretends not to react as he attacks her with a knife. Since this is all play, she knows he won’t hurt her. Tristan goes through with this act because it is the only thing he can do to that might possibly spare his life.

But he doesn’t know Richard as we do. Richard still not believing that he has been duped orders her lovers execution to see her reaction Kahlen pleads for his life because it is just a game she needs play to get off. This action proves to Richard that she was a willing participate in this affair.

He is now furious at her. But he loves her and can’t strike directly at her. So he brushes off her pleas and orders Richard’s execution. As further “punishment†to Kahlen he demands the subjugation of an entire kingdom with harsh reprisals if they don’t completely submit to him. In his warped logic he hopes that Kahlen will realize his power and use it as substitute for her “rape†games.

Which also shows that the small folk always loses when the Powers-that-Be play the Game of Thrones.

[BranTheBuilder]

Watcher - you have put far too much thought into that... unlike TG.

he probably didn't expect folk to pay that much attention... besides its about right and wrong.. and zRichard is always right- even when he can't possibly know things, or the plot defies logic.

[Moosicus]

--Watcher

I guess I left out some stuff. After the attempt on Nadines life, Richard suspects something else, he believes that it is a ruse to make him think that healers are the target. So he appears to take guards off Kahlan to protect the healers. Kahlan is not in bed when Tristan comes in. She, like everybody else, is hiding and waiting to see what will happen. So when Tristan comes and tries to stab Kahlan, he's actually stabbing a nightdress stuffed with feathers or something. That's when Richard jumps out to say "Ah ha! Gotcha!". As for demanding the surrender of the country, he had already made that demand to Tristan and the other ambassadors of the midlands. It's all part of his "with me or against me" deal. Sometimes in doing the QotD some things have to be left out to save space. Seems I left out some significant tidbits. Alas.

[Zadok]

When I first read the QOTD I sort of assumed that Richard had laid out this plan beforehand and there was a "fake" Kahlan shape of pillows in the bed or something that he was stabbing. Maybe this part just got snipped out or something. But you're right, the way it reads now it makes no sense.

[Moosicus]

Unfortunately, the inclusion of everything that may be relevant would make the posts too damn long, and they're quite long enough as it is. Part of the problem may be that while I'm snipping away to save space, I'm forgetting that you a lot of you lucky SOB's haven't read this crap before, so don't have the benefit (is that the right word?) of already knowing the details.

[Lightsnake]

Hmm...can someone list Richard's outrageously evil dictator feats? Been far too long since I read any of them...

[Nerdanel]

It occurred to me that Darken Rahl must have been a total idiot to ban fire in his realm. The people of D'hara would all have frozen to death in the winter, caught parasites from uncooked meat, and worst of all (for Darken Rahl's POV), nobody in D'hara would have been able to manufacture new weapons or armor from metal. But naturally Goodkind (BBNC) doesn't care about that, since that sort of thinking would have been the dreaded world building. :shudder:

I suppose Darken Rahl must have cast a spell of tropicality over the entire realm, or some such silly answer. The capabilities of magic are so arbitrary in SoT that I think he could probably have done that. Or Goodkind is far more ignorant of basic climatology than we can conceive.

[Werthead]

A new front in the war opens. Sweet Jesus

I think these people are all over the Internet, although oddly only one or two at the most per site, which is bearable. Shame we can't have guest browsing any more, otherwise I'd just direct them here.

[Voland]

Gods!! That second to last QotD :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: The last one was just stupid :cry:

And MinDonner's 'Allo 'Allo parody. I loved that show when I was younger. Time to put my shiny new 100/100-mbit line to use next week and download the entire thing

[Jaxom 1974]

From the linked essays, Terry Goodkind speaking in the opening of a chat session:

Before we begin, I would like to clarify an important point that is often the source of confusion: I am a novelist; I am not, in the essential sense, a fantasy author.

It is the defining characteristic, upon which other characteristics depend, that properly distinguishes a thing's identity. This is called the rule of fundamentality.

Ah...Richard's thing has a name. I think I shall call it "Fundy" now.

[Watcher]

Whatever Mad Mouse, I like my version of events better, who are you going to believe, me or Terry?

[Voland]

A new front in the war opens. Sweet Jesus

I think these people are all over the Internet, although oddly only one or two at the most per site, which is bearable. Shame we can't have guest browsing any more, otherwise I'd just direct them here.

Well, that guy sounds made up. I mean, his response was just too perfectly idiotic. Sounds like someone from GioG.