Lightsnake Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Oh, yes, I know Richard's acts are all extremely evil...I'm just trying to find the specific instances of what he does/why like his happy 'Kill everything in the Old World' idea...or 'they voted agaisnt us, they can rot!' And damned if I'll read those books again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dothwacky Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Oh, yes, I know Richard's acts are all extremely evil...I'm just trying to find the specific instances of what he does/why like his happy 'Kill everything in the Old World' idea...or 'they voted agaisnt us, they can rot!' And damned if I'll read those books again QOTD.... saves the eyes and comes with free humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightsnake Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Well, Tristan's death was rather nice...but more on the scale of his abandoning cities, slaughtering protestors...that kind of thing...I got involved with the Goodkind topics at topic VIII Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranTheBuilder Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 .I got involved with the Goodkind topics at topic VIII the answers you are looking for 9and much more besides ) are to be found in all the previous threads - if you are having trouble finding them, just use hte search function. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mme Erzulie Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Ok, due to vacation and work I'm falling mercilessly behind on these wonderful threads, and it pains me. However, reading the next to last QOTD was too much. I had to spork it. So without further ado: Richard stood in the center of the room, watching her, a puzzled frown creasing his brow between his eyes. [The brow between his asscheeks was straight as an arrowhead made from a blade.] Nicci closed the distance to him. [The distance would never be open to him again.] She was aware of the exposed flesh of her bosom rising and falling above the top of her black dress[, as well as the exposed lack of wit hanging from the corner of her mouth]. Gadi had just been staring at her bosom. She wanted Richard to stare at her like that. Richard watched only her eyes. [What has he thinking about? She didn't know, but she wanted to.] Her fingers tightened around his muscled arms. [Richard muscles were insanely thin, so Nikki had no problems getting her hand around his arms.] “Make love to me,†she whispered. His brow drew down. “What?†“Richard, I want you to make love to me. Now.†He appraised her eyes for an eternity. [He had trouble determining just what they'd fetch at the local black market. A lot, he thought.] Her heart thundered in her ears. Every fiber of her being screamed out for him to take her. [And she had a very fiber-rich diet, too.] She teetered on the edge, waiting, her life suspended in the exquisite anguish of expectation.[Wow. Did Terry come up with that by himself? Granted, it's cheesy and cliché, but it's also almost vaguely... poetic.] His voice came, not at all harsh. If anything, it was tender, but it was also resolute. “No.†Nicci felt as if a thousand needles of ice were dancing up her arms. [As rich as her diet was on fiber, it was richer on pork. She never heeded the doctor's warnings.] His refusal stunned her. No man had ever refused her. It hurt to her core – worse than anything Jagang or any other man had ever done. She had thought…[the nipple clamps were bad...] Blood rushed to her face, melting the ice in a flash of heat. [Ok, I haven't read this book, so I don't know if there actually is ice present, or if this is just Terry being metaphorical.] Nicci flung open the door. [Ok, so after she closed the distance to him, she was by the door? I thought he was in the center of the room. Not following completely, I'm afraid.] “Come out into the hall and wait,†she commanded in a shaky voice. [Well, that cleared things up. Not. Come? They've been in different rooms the whole time? They've been touching and shit through the walls? Truly wondrous.] He was standing in the center of their room, looking into her eyes. [Ok, so he's still in the center of the room (is it somehow different from middle of the room, since Terry refuses to use that word?) and she's touching him while in another room flinging open doors. Maybe she has freakishly long arms.] The lamp on the table cast harsh shadows across his face.[bAD LAMP!] His shoulders looked so broad, tapering down to his waist [his shoulders tapered down to his waist? Seriously? I wish they published illustrated versions of these books. Would make it a hell of a lot easier to understand the complex world of Terry], a waist she ached to encircle with her [freakisly long(?)] arms. She wanted to scream. Instead she spoke softly, but with authority he could not mistake. [Maybe it's just me, but I thought you had to mistake one thing for another. This does not apply to noble-spirited people like Richard, evidently. He just mistakes stuff. Or rather, doesn't mistake stuff.] “You will come out into the hall and wait, or…†Nicci made a snipping gesture with two fingers.[she would cut off his testicles?] By the look in his eyes, he knew that she was not bluffing. Kahlan’s life now hung by a thread, and if he didn’t do as she ordered, she would not hesitate to cut that thread. [That's all? Richard tried not to let relief show on his face. He was glad his testicles was safe.] With his gray eyes on her the whole time, Richard stepped out into the hall. She put a finger to the center of his chest [in the center of the room in the center of the world] and pushed until his back was against the wall beside their door. [so he walked backwards in a really small arc?] “You are to wait right there, on that spot, until I tell you that you may move from it.†She gritted her teeth. “Or Kahlan will die. Do you understand?†“Nicci, you’re better than this. Think about what you’re-“ [in a position to demand? Think about the fact that you can make this doofus do you every way you can imagine if that's what you want?] “Or Kahlan will die. Do you understand?†He let out a breath. “Yes.†Nicci marched to the stairwell. Gadi stood halfway up the stairs, his dark eyes watching. He arrogantly descended [ooh, an arrogant descent. Haven't had one of those in a while] toward her, until he was at the bottom with her. [Another masterful sentence brought to you by the inimitable Terry Goodkind.] He had a fine form, she supposed, displayed as it was without a shirt. He was close enough to feel the heat of him. [He was close enough to himself to feel his own heat. Interesting. Masterful prose.] Nicci looked him in the eye. He was the same height as she. [Richard was taller than both.] “I want you to have sex with me.†[The word sex was actually not used in this meaning until the 20th century. It's a good thing Goodkind doesn't have to concern himself with such trivialities. His are not stories of world-building, after all.] “What?†[The men in these books. Quick-witted, they are not.] “My husband does not adequately take care of my needs. I wish you to.†A smirk spread on his face as his gaze slid to Richard. [i'm just thankful his eyes aren't sliding.] He looked back at her bosom, at what was within his power to possess. Gadi was young and bold and stupid enough to believe himself irresistible to her, to believe his puerile primping had swept away her inhibitions to the point of helpless lust for what he had to offer.[i notice Terry gets really carried away every time he has to describe feelings of sexual attraction. Alliteration, long intricate sentences (for him, anyway) and multi-syllabic words.] One arm pulled her to him. [Wait, dammit! Whose arm is this?] With his other hand, he swept her hair out of the way. [Practised his moves, this casanova.] His thin lips kissed her neck. [Again with the bodyparts acting on their own accord. I don't know how they stand it.] When his teeth raked her flesh, she moaned to encourage him to be rough. The last thing in the world she wanted was tenderness. There could be no retribution in tenderness. Tenderness would not cleave Richard’s soul with anguish. Tenderness would not hurt him. [This Tenderness fellow is obviously a bit of a pussy.] Gadi’s hands squeezed her bottom, pulling her hard against his groin. He moved against her in a lewd fashion. [No way!] She panted in his ear to encourage his confidence in his dominion over her body. [You go, girl! Encourage that confidence!] “Tell me why.†[said who?] “I’m sick of his gentle nature, his kind touch, his caring ways. That’s not what a real woman needs. I want him to know what a real man can do – I want what he can’t give me.†She nearly cried out in pain when he twisted her nipple. “Yeah?†[Not getting any brighter, either.] “Yes. I want what a real man like you can do for a woman.†His rough hands squeezed her breast. [big breast, I take it.] She performed another moan. He smiled. “My pleasure.†His smirk sickened her. “No, mine,†she whispered in breathy submission. He cast one more hateful glare at Richard, then bent to slip a hand up the front of her dress to see if she really meant it, if she would really let him have his way with her. His hand slid up the inside of her bare thigh, commanding surrender. She obediently parted her legs for him. Nicci held on to his shoulders as he groped her. His upper lip curled in a haughty grin. [Again, I yearn for illustrations. Has Terry ever seen another human being smile? On second thought, never mind.] His fingers worked without mercy. Her eyes watered. She trembled and bit the inside of her cheek to hold back her cry. Mistaking agony for lust, he was inflamed by her whimpers.[Where's the Ibuprofen when you need it, huh?] Jagang and his friend Kadar Kardeef, to name but a few, took her without her consent. None of it had ever approached the sense of violation she felt at that moment as she stood there in the hall letting that smirking little thug do to her as he would. If you don't understand this, you're probably not old enough to read these books. She forced her hand down between them and seized him. [between them what? Them legs? Them arms? Them Jagang and Kadar Kardeef? One word: Illustrations.] “Gadi, are you afraid of Richard? Are you man enough to take me while he is outside the room, listening to us, knowing you are his better with me?†“Afraid? Of him?†His voice came in a husky growl. “Just tell me when.†“Right now. I need it from you now, Gadi.†“I thought so.†[Quick on the uptake, that one.] Nicci smiled inwardly at his solemn look of lust.[solemn looks of lust. Painting with words.] “Say ‘please,’ first, you little whore.†“Please.†She ached only to crush his worthless skull. “Please, Gadi.†With his arm around her waist, Gadi gave Richard a taunting sneer as he swaggered past. Nicci’s fingers on Gadi’s back urged him to go on into their room and wait. [Ok, time to cut the bullshit, A-HOLE! Whose room is it? Make up your goddamn mind!] He smiled over his shoulder and did as she wanted. Nicci paused to glare into Richard’s eyes. “We are linked. What happens to me, happens to her. I hope you are not foolish enough to think I wouldn’t make you sorry for the rest of your days if you don’t stay right there. I swear to you, she will die this night if you don’t stay there.†“Nicci, please don’t do this. You’re only hurting yourself.†[What's this pussy-acting all of a sudden? Where's the face-kicking, hippie-slaughtering Richard we know and love?] His voice was so tender, so compassionate. She almost threw up her arms around him to beg him to stop her…but the flame of his refusal still burned shamefully in her heart. [Damn that shamefully burning flame of refusal straight to hell!] Nicci turned back from the doorway and gave Richard a vicious grin. “I hope your Kahlan enjoys this as much as I’m going to enjoy it. After tonight, she will never believe in you again.†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greased Scotsman Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 For the love of god people! is this what the Goodkind thread has fallen too? no replies in 6 hours? i am ashamed. (bows head, walks into mist) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 We're just getting some rest, is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry. Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 I was searching through some old saved links at wotmania, when I came across this "review" of Debt of Bones that I had written, just after the ©Robert Jordan fiasco. I submit this for review/consideration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 The evil Nicci has Kahlan in her dungeon somewhere, and lusts after Our Hero (well, who wouldn't?). Richard, being even nobler than a goat, declines, despite Nicci's magnificent bosom. Nicci's solution? To have painful and humiliating sex with some young tosser, with Richard having to, er, stand outside the room, otherwise Kahlan will die? What happened to the simple "fuck me or I kill Kahlan" method? ...Ah, I get it, it's just a really lame plot device to show some rough sex, because Richard's tender lovin' just doesn't get TG's juices a-flowing. Richard disembowelling enemies is a different matter, of course, but that's another story. Nicci (age 8): You won't come to my birthday party?! Right! Stand over there while I eat this earwig pie! Then you'll be sorry! Nicci's friend: ...kay... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elrostar Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 The evil Nicci has Kahlan in her dungeon somewhere, and lusts after Our Hero (well, who wouldn't?). Richard, being even nobler than a goat, declines, despite Nicci's magnificent bosom. Nicci's solution? To have painful and humiliating sex with some young tosser, with Richard having to, er, stand outside the room, otherwise Kahlan will die? What happened to the simple "fuck me or I kill Kahlan" method? ...Ah, I get it, it's just a really lame plot device to show some rough sex, because Richard's tender lovin' just doesn't get TG's juices a-flowing. Richard disembowelling enemies is a different matter, of course, but that's another story. Nicci (age 8): You won't come to my birthday party?! Right! Stand over there while I eat this earwig pie! Then you'll be sorry! Nicci's friend: ...kay... I was wondering why she didn't go with that approach myself. But maybe I'm missing something fundamental about how one can and cannot have sex with The Seeker? Or maybe not... On a side note, I feel like I've fallen so hopelessly far behind on these threads that I will never catch up. Truly, this is tragic. It does seem that things are slowing down, however... And it only took six thousand posts or so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 It's like watching all nine seasons of Seinfeld back to back in a week. It's comedic gold, but you can have too much of a good thing. Or liking chocolate cake, but not being able to eat five servings of chocolate cake in a single day. Remember that it took the second Goodkind thread about 3-4 months to fill up and the subsequent explosion of Goodkindism was pretty much only because Mystar showed up and started trolling (making it more ironic when he demanded that we stop discussing Goodkind, since he'd encouraged it in the first place). So I see things settling down into a more background state for a while, at least until Goodkind makes a speech denouncing custard and declaring the state of Vermont to be evil or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted August 13, 2006 Author Share Posted August 13, 2006 I find that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find new QotD's. The books have run out of evil chickens and other outrageous absurdities, leaving us with mostly tedium and passages that, while stupid, don't quite measure up to the ridiculous quotes of the past. Phantom itself is so pedantic and long winded that it makes it very tricky to produce QotD's in an acceptable length. Jebra's twenty page description of life in the camp of the IO is horrible beyond my ability to describe, much less reproduce, and far too long to print here, even if I had the stamina to do so. So far I've got 90 pages of QotD saved, and I think thats pretty impressive. I still intend to produce the QotD for as long as possible, meaning until I have a complete psychological breakdown, or just run out of material, whichever happens first. At this point, the more recommendations people have for the QotD the better, it's getting hard remember other dumb crap from the books. It may happen that the QotD might slow down to becoming the Quote of the Week, but we'll see. I'm not giving up yet, and I still haven't found this famous "apple" incident. thats all for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad King Billy Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Maybe it's best that it loses steam for a bit. I still enjoy it immensely, but it's getting rather repetitive. by the way, I'm still looking for that Jordan quote of the day feature, but not from our dearest moose. He's suffered enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baeraad Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 The evil Nicci has Kahlan in her dungeon somewhere, and lusts after Our Hero (well, who wouldn't?). Richard, being even nobler than a goat, declines, despite Nicci's magnificent bosom. Nicci's solution? To have painful and humiliating sex with some young tosser, with Richard having to, er, stand outside the room, otherwise Kahlan will die? What happened to the simple "fuck me or I kill Kahlan" method? ...Ah, I get it, it's just a really lame plot device to show some rough sex, because Richard's tender lovin' just doesn't get TG's juices a-flowing. Richard disembowelling enemies is a different matter, of course, but that's another story. Nicci (age 8): You won't come to my birthday party?! Right! Stand over there while I eat this earwig pie! Then you'll be sorry! Nicci's friend: ...kay... Nicci has a "maternity spell" on Kahlan, which means that a) everything that happens to her, including sensoral impressions, happens to Kahlan, and she can kill Kahlan with a thought at any time. So her master plan is that Kahlan will feel that Nicci is having wild sex with someone and jump to the conclusion that it's Richard and that he's fallen for Nicci's feminine wiles and now he's cheating on Kahlan, oh woe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdanel Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 I remember that in Stone of Tears TG embarked on kicking a bizarre strawman of student aid. Perhaps we could have quote or two about the ever-filling bowl of gold coins in Richard's room and how Richard subsequently rents an entire brothel for an extended period of time, a moral guy that he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mme Erzulie Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 So her master plan is that Kahlan will feel that Nicci is having wild sex with someone and jump to the conclusion that it's Richard and that he's fallen for Nicci's feminine wiles and now he's cheating on Kahlan, oh woe. And all it would take to foil this master plan would have been for Richard to tell er what happened. At least when Nicci is dumb enough to do it in front of him (or as good as). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Maybe it's best that it loses steam for a bit. I still enjoy it immensely, but it's getting rather repetitive. by the way, I'm still looking for that Jordan quote of the day feature, but not from our dearest moose. He's suffered enough. The problem here is that there isn't enough decent stuff for a Jordan QotD. Jordan, for all his faults, is James Joyce compared to Goodkind. There's the funny passages that have been 'Tharged' by the critic David Langford (such as the classic, "Elayne wished Nynaeve would revert to herself rather than bludgeoning her over the head with a lady's maid from the Blight," ), but other than that it would be braid-tugging, dress-ruffling, pouting, sighing and moaning about men/women and their nicely-turned calves. Amusing for about five minutes but that's it. No abuse of small children, no deification of farmyard animals. If I still had the Mission Earth books I'd definitely go for an L. Ron Hubbard Quote of the Day. However, I would also have to kill myself after a week. Hubbard is far, far worse even than Goodkind (recalls scene where the hero rapes two lesbian characters, making them fall in love with him and chase him around madly; throws up in mouth a little bit). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowbeat Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 The problem here is that there isn't enough decent stuff for a Jordan QotD. Jordan, for all his faults, is James Joyce compared to Goodkind. There's the funny passages that have been 'Tharged' by the critic David Langford (such as the classic, "Elayne wished Nynaeve would revert to herself rather than bludgeoning her over the head with a lady's maid from the Blight," ), but other than that it would be braid-tugging, dress-ruffling, pouting, sighing and moaning about men/women and their nicely-turned calves. Amusing for about five minutes but that's it. No abuse of small children, no deification of farmyard animals. If I still had the Mission Earth books I'd definitely go for an L. Ron Hubbard Quote of the Day. However, I would also have to kill myself after a week. Hubbard is far, far worse even than Goodkind (recalls scene where the hero rapes two lesbian characters, making them fall in love with him and chase him around madly; throws up in mouth a little bit). I tried reading Battlefield Earth once. I never finished it. It was poorly written, had weird plot twists, and dragged on... and on... and on... Now that I think back, I'm not so sure that the movie adaption's total suckiness was completely the director's fault... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 If I still had the Mission Earth books I'd definitely go for an L. Ron Hubbard Quote of the Day. However, I would also have to kill myself after a week. Hubbard is far, far worse even than Goodkind (recalls scene where the hero rapes two lesbian characters, making them fall in love with him and chase him around madly; throws up in mouth a little bit). So the "hero" rapes two women. (Separately or at the same time? Never mind I don't want to know.) This causes the women to fall for him madly? And this guy created a cult religion? God (or human intelligence) save us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enguerrand Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Mad Moose, I think you have missed Verna, having her collared wizards raping slaves on the way to the palace of the prophets. The one where Richard encounter du chaillu. The killing of the blademasters later to fulfil prohepcy were pretty cringeworthy too. Perhaps a textual analysis of High D'haran, which sounds suspicously like German? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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