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F*ck, marry, kill - ASoIaF style, vol. X


King Tyrion I

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Fuck Dayne, 'cause that sword of his...

Marry Hightower

Kill Whent

ToJ Lyanna Savers

Howland Reed

Ned Stark

Martyn Cassel

Fuck Martyn

Marry Ned

Kill Howland (he's annoying me in absentia!)

Lesser bastards

Walder Rivers [bastard Walder]

Cotter Pyke

Franklyn Flowers

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Fuck Moonboy - I have no idea what he's like, but Jamie thought even for a moment that Cersei may have actually fucked him, so maybe he's not entirely hopeless


Marry Patchface - I'll just hang around with him and Shireen and wait for him to reveal some deep dark truth about the world through his songs


Kill Jinglebell - to put him out of his misery, poor guy. Death is better than having to spend your whole life next to Lord Walder Frey.



Random ACOK page:



Renly Baratheon


Stannis Baratheon


Ser Cortney Penrose


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Oh dear...


Fuck Pyat Pree... it's gonna take long with that many versions he has...


Marry Bloodraven and cook him Jojen paste for dinner


Kill Mirri Maz Duur because Rhaego should have lived :crying:



Ladies I hate for little to no reason


Brienne of Tarth


Asha Greyjoy


Meera Reed


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Kill


  1. Theon Greyjoy: Before he became the Reek
  2. JoffreyBaratheon: He's just a sociopath
  3. Viserys Targaryen: He's just a plain out jerk to his sister. Of course, Khal got him before I did.
  4. Roose Bolton: He's a traitor to the North and butthole.

Fuck


  1. Ramsey Snow/Bolton: I wonder what rough bedding is like with him.
  2. Samwell Tarly: This girl who loves a guy knows his stuff.
  3. Sandor Clegane: Can I say that he changed since he was Joffrey's bodyground in KL. He's still rude and crude.

Marry


  1. Jon Snow: I don't care if he's at wall. He needs a little bit of love once in awhile. ;)
  2. Robb Stark: I can be his Queen of the North.
  3. Jorah Mormont: The young Bear needs a wife.
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Fuck Mirri, she probably has some fancy bedroom magic.


Marry Olenna, $$$ and some fun snarky chitchat over dinner.


Kill the Green Grace, I can't think of any reason to fuck or marry her.



People who aren't very nice to sex workers


Whoresbane Umber


Tyrion Lannister


Petyr Baelish


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Tyrion never sold anyone for sex. He usually bought them for sex. He didn't make Shae go out there in the field and sleep with men.

I think Ruth Bolton is probably referring to when Tyrion raped the one whore.

Marry Tyrion (he's not a bad husband)

Fuck... Petyr, I guess (Lysa seemed to like it)

Kill Whoresbane (I don't think I'm his type)

Dunk and Egg people

Baelor Breakspear

Dunk

Egg

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I said mistreated, not sold. Tyrion definitely strangled one and raped/threatened two in Essos.

That's hard! I don't wanna kill any of them...

Fuck Dunk

Marry Baelor

...and I guess by default I'm the asshole who kills Egg.

Creepy seer types

Patchface

Ghost of High Heart

Maggy the Frog

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Fuck Patchface (before him joining the watery halls under the sea)


Marry Maggy the Frog (her offsprings did quite well, Jeyne is a queen)


Kill the Ghost of High Heart



Chubbies:



Yezzan zo Qaggaz


Illyrio Mopatis


Wyman Manderly

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Fuck Asha - she seems most experienced in this


Marry Brienne - she's heir to Tarth after all


Kill Dacey - sorry, but they killed her anyway



Not much of a warrior men:



Samwell Tarly


Tyrion Lannister


Hoster Blackwood


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