Jump to content

F*ck, marry, kill - ASoIaF style, vol. X

King Tyrion I

Recommended Posts

Fuck Dayne, 'cause that sword of his...

Marry Hightower

Kill Whent

ToJ Lyanna Savers

Howland Reed

Ned Stark

Martyn Cassel

Fuck Martyn

Marry Ned

Kill Howland (he's annoying me in absentia!)

Lesser bastards

Walder Rivers [bastard Walder]

Cotter Pyke

Franklyn Flowers

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fuck Moonboy - I have no idea what he's like, but Jamie thought even for a moment that Cersei may have actually fucked him, so maybe he's not entirely hopeless

Marry Patchface - I'll just hang around with him and Shireen and wait for him to reveal some deep dark truth about the world through his songs

Kill Jinglebell - to put him out of his misery, poor guy. Death is better than having to spend your whole life next to Lord Walder Frey.

Random ACOK page:

Renly Baratheon

Stannis Baratheon

Ser Cortney Penrose

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh dear...

Fuck Pyat Pree... it's gonna take long with that many versions he has...

Marry Bloodraven and cook him Jojen paste for dinner

Kill Mirri Maz Duur because Rhaego should have lived :crying:

Ladies I hate for little to no reason

Brienne of Tarth

Asha Greyjoy

Meera Reed

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  1. Theon Greyjoy: Before he became the Reek
  2. JoffreyBaratheon: He's just a sociopath
  3. Viserys Targaryen: He's just a plain out jerk to his sister. Of course, Khal got him before I did.
  4. Roose Bolton: He's a traitor to the North and butthole.


  1. Ramsey Snow/Bolton: I wonder what rough bedding is like with him.
  2. Samwell Tarly: This girl who loves a guy knows his stuff.
  3. Sandor Clegane: Can I say that he changed since he was Joffrey's bodyground in KL. He's still rude and crude.


  1. Jon Snow: I don't care if he's at wall. He needs a little bit of love once in awhile. ;)
  2. Robb Stark: I can be his Queen of the North.
  3. Jorah Mormont: The young Bear needs a wife.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fuck Mirri, she probably has some fancy bedroom magic.

Marry Olenna, $$$ and some fun snarky chitchat over dinner.

Kill the Green Grace, I can't think of any reason to fuck or marry her.

People who aren't very nice to sex workers

Whoresbane Umber

Tyrion Lannister

Petyr Baelish

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tyrion never sold anyone for sex. He usually bought them for sex. He didn't make Shae go out there in the field and sleep with men.

I think Ruth Bolton is probably referring to when Tyrion raped the one whore.

Marry Tyrion (he's not a bad husband)

Fuck... Petyr, I guess (Lysa seemed to like it)

Kill Whoresbane (I don't think I'm his type)

Dunk and Egg people

Baelor Breakspear



Link to comment
Share on other sites

I said mistreated, not sold. Tyrion definitely strangled one and raped/threatened two in Essos.

That's hard! I don't wanna kill any of them...

Fuck Dunk

Marry Baelor

...and I guess by default I'm the asshole who kills Egg.

Creepy seer types


Ghost of High Heart

Maggy the Frog

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fuck Patchface (before him joining the watery halls under the sea)

Marry Maggy the Frog (her offsprings did quite well, Jeyne is a queen)

Kill the Ghost of High Heart


Yezzan zo Qaggaz

Illyrio Mopatis

Wyman Manderly

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fuck Asha - she seems most experienced in this

Marry Brienne - she's heir to Tarth after all

Kill Dacey - sorry, but they killed her anyway

Not much of a warrior men:

Samwell Tarly

Tyrion Lannister

Hoster Blackwood

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...