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G--DK-ND(BBHN)XI


BranTheBuilder

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That is it! I have had it with these motherfucking chickens on this motherfucking plane!

No wait.

"That is it! I have had it with these muthafuckin chickens-that-are-not-chickens on this muthafuckin plane!"

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theMountainGoat: Brilliant parody. I hadn't seen Darkplace before, but I downloaded an episode after it was mentioned here and it was hilarious. Someone should show it to Sam Raimi so he can give "The Sword of Truth" the treatment it deserves. Between the giant-rodded, man-raping Eyemonster and dialogue like this:

Thornton: It's just that I've been hearing some things.

Dag: What things?

Thornton: A lot of things, strange things, crazy things. Things, Dag.

Dag: Things?

Thornton: Things.

Dag: You shouldn't believe everything you hear, Thornton.

Thornton: You're hiding something Dag, I can swear it.

it feels like something straight from the pen of His Yeardedness himself.

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Finally he will be overcome by the rage of the sword and kills the two of them with one mighty blow (no pun intended).

shouldn't it be:

finally he will be overcome by the lust rage of the thing blah-de-blah-de-blah

N

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Wasn't it agreed before to not use the wikipedia as a battleground, even more when the author of the mocking article can be traced back to Westeros and damage the board's reputation with the Wiki community?

It certainly was, but to be honest I would seriously doubt it was anyone from here. The goat is out of the box. The chicken has slipped its leash. Word has spread to the four corners of the Internet. I would dissuade anyone from even thinking about tampering with Wikipedia for the reasons listed above, though.

Hmm. The following excerpt is from the Marenghi website and reads exactly like a TG interview. Change a few names and voila!

Dear Terry, I know you said Book 12 would be the 'final cut' of the Sword of Truth, but any chance of a Book 13 in the near or not so near future (please let it be near!)??? P.S. I've read all your books. From Blade.

Heh, heh, heh. Good pun. Let me clarify my position on this matter. Book 12 was not technically part of the 'Sword of Truth' eleventology (my own term), although it was, indeed, part of the 'Sword of Truth' gigaseries. Book 12 stands as a book in its own right even thought the character of Richard Rahl features once more in the plot line. But take note, this is Betty the Goat's novel. Not Richard's. I'm not ruling out the possibility of a new Betty the Goat novel… I hope that says enough for now. P.S. As well you should.

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Garth Merhengi's Darkplace is due for DVD release in the UK on 29th January 2007. I think a US release is highly unlikely but you could always get it imported.
It might not even be released then. So far it was going to be June 2006, then July, then September, then October and now Jan 2007. God knows when it will finally be released.
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Moose, if you send me the links to the QotDs, I'll add them to the summary info on my blog for handy reference. Alternatively, if Elrostar's sorting out his own Goodkind page then I'll just link to that instead. I'm well behind on updating the parodies anyway, so I'll need to give the page a bit of a revamp soon too.

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Effin eh! Hi everyone! I'm Ryne and I stumbled upon this site after googling 'Terry Goodkind sucks'. I bought Phantom because even though each book Goodkind writes gets more and more fanatical/preachy/boring/absurd/lame, I have been reading Sword of Truth since I was 16 and now I feel I've invested too much time and money into it not to see it through to its conclusion. It's very frustrating because I know how bad Goodkind's writing has become and it sucks to be compelled to buy something you know is going to make you cry inside. All of the characters are just slightly different versions of Richard now! Kahlan likes life. No really, she totally does. She and Richard really, really, REALLY value life A LOT. Jesus, I'm pretty sure Terry thinks his own books are so magical that us mortals-who-hate-life-because-we-call-his-books-fantasy instantly can't remember the masterfully subtle message he's trying to get across right after we read it. Anyway, I was just reading Phantom 5 minutes ago and I'm at the part where Kahlan is trying to get Jillian to escape from Jagang in the central site in Caska. Basically Kahlan goes on and on about how there's no time to waste and Jillian must go now, but she still insists on getting Jillian to tell her about Richard. At LENGTH. Jagang sure is fucking stupid for a genius.

God, I don't care if Richard gets killed and Jagang reigns supreme at this point! At least that would be an end to it. Hell, if Richard and Kahlan were to both slip and break their necks simultaneously at the end of the final book that would be a more rewarding ending than them living and continuing to give massive speeches that could be summed up in one or two sentences without losing any significance.

I just want it to end. Dear Lord, why won't it end?

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Welcome to the board Ryne, I'm glad you found your way to this island of sanity. Now I reccomend you drink heavily, it's all that gets me through these books. I'm reading them for the same reason, just can't stop a series that I've started, no matter how bad it is. But this thread makes it all worth while, sorta.

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Welcome to the board Ryne, I'm glad you found your way to this island of sanity. Now I reccomend you drink heavily, it's all that gets me through these books. I'm reading them for the same reason, just can't stop a series that I've started, no matter how bad it is. But this thread makes it all worth while, sorta.

Somehow I think your missus-to-be has something to do with it ;) Booze can only do so much

(congrads, by the way)

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theMountainGoat: Brilliant parody. I hadn't seen Darkplace before, but I downloaded an episode after it was mentioned here and it was hilarious. Someone should show it to Sam Raimi so he can give "The Sword of Truth" the treatment it deserves. Between the giant-rodded, man-raping Eyemonster and dialogue like this:

it feels like something straight from the pen of His Yeardedness himself.

That would be fanfuckingtasticly awesome if Raimi would really take it in that direction. Imagine a "Bruce Campbell" type playing Richard and someone like Amy Sedaris from the Scary Movies' as Kahlan. Also it would be great if it was shot on a budget like the first Evil Dead. Now that is something I would pay money to see, then I would buy the DVD and show it to all my friends.

Of course SR would have to secure the rights in such a way as TG would have no legal recourse. Then in an act of desperation TG would beggar himself to buy the rights back. Well I might still be asleep but we can dream can't we.

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Good morning and welcome to the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. Today we get to read about Cara fighting while naked. ‘Nuff said? Basically, Nicci has shown up to put Kahlan under a spell in order to kidnap Richard.

Richard saw the two women not far away, in front of the house, one dressed in white, and one in black. They were connected by a snaking, undulating, crackling line of milky white light. Nicci’s arms were lifted slightly with her hands turned palms up and a little farther apart than the width of her hips.

The milky light went from Nicci’s chest, across the space between the two women, and pierced Kahlan through the heart. The wavering aurora between the two tuned blindingly bright, as if twisting in an agony it was unable to escape.

Seeing Kahlan trembling with the fury of that lance of light pinning her to the wall, Richard was paralyzed by fear for her, fear he knew all too well, from when she had been on the cusp of death. That bolt pierced Nicci’s heart, too, connecting the two women. Richard didn’t understand the magic Nicci was using, but he instinctively recognized it as profoundly dangerous, not only to Kahlan, but to Nicci as well, for she, too, was in pain. That Nicci would put herself at such risk gripped him with dread.

Richard knew he had to remain calm and keep his wits about himself <that’s a first.> if Kahlan was to have a chance. He viscerally wanted to do something to strike Nicci down, but he was certain that it wouldn’t be as simple as that. Zedd’s oft-repeated expression – nothing is ever easy – flashed into Richard’s mind with sudden and tangible meaning.

In a desperate search for answers, everything Richard knew about magic <which ain’t much> cascaded in a torrent through his mind. None of it told him what to do, but it did tell him what he must not do. Kahlan’s life hung in the balance.

Just then, Cara came flying out of the house. She was stark naked. It somehow didn’t look all that odd. Richard was accustomed to the shape of her body in her skintight leather outfits. Other than the color, this didn’t look all that different. She was dripping wet. Her hair was undone, which seemed more outlandishly indecent to him than her naked body. He was used to seeing her with a braid all the time. <It doesn’t matter that she’s naked and soaking wet, but her hair is undone! Oh the shame!>

Cara’s fist clutched the red leather rod – her Agiel – as she crouched. The muscles of her legs, arms, and shoulders strained with tension demanding release. <Sounds sexy.>

"Cara! No!†Richard cried out.

He was already tearing across the meadow as Cara sprang and slammed her Agiel against the side of Nicci’s neck.

Nicci shrieked in pain that dropped her to her knees. Kahlan cried out in equal pain and crumpled to her knees as well, her movement a close match to Nicci’s.

Cara seized Nicci’s hair in a fist and yanked her head back. “Time to die, witch!†<I love a good catfight>

Nicci was doing nothing to stop Cara as the Agiel hung only inches from her throat.

Richard dove toward the Mord-Sith, desperately hoping he wouldn’t be too late. Cara’s Agiel just grazed Nicci’’s throat as Richard tackled her around the middle, ramming her backward. The feel of her was briefly surprising – silky soft flesh over iron-hard muscle. The impact drove the wind from her when they hit the ground.

Cara was so enraged and in such a combative state that she lashed out with her Agiel at Richard, not really realizing it was him, knowing only that she was being prevented from protecting Kahlan.

The violent impact of the weapon to the side of Richard’s face felt like a blow by an iron bar followed immediately by a lightning strike. The crack of pain through his skull was momentarily blinding. His ears rang. The jolt took his breath, staggering him, and brought back in a single instant an avalanche of macabre memories.

Cara was riveted on the kill and furious at any interference. Richard regained his senses just in time to seize her wrists and pin her to the ground before she could pounce on Nicci. A Mord-Sith was formidable, to be sure, but such a woman was instilled with the ability to counter magic, not muscle. That was why she had been trying to goad Nicci into using her power; only in that way could she capture the enemy’s magic and so overpower her.

Cara’s writhing naked body under him hardly registered in Richard’s mind. <Uh huh.> He tasted blood in his mouth. His attention was focused on her Agiel and making sure she couldn’t use it on him. His head throbbed with a painful ringing, and he had to fight not only Cara, but encroaching unconsciousness. It was all he could do to hold Cara down. <Wink.>

At that moment, the Mord-Sith was more of a threat to Kahlan’s life than Nicci was. If Nicci intended to kill Kahlan, he was sure she could have already done so. Richard might not have understood specifically what Nicci was doing, but by what he had already seen, he grasped the general nature of it.

Blood dripped down onto Cara’s bare chest, vivid red against the expanse of her white skin.

“Cara, stop!†His jaw worked, if painfully, so he reasoned it wasn’t broken. “It’s me. Stop. You’ll kill Kahlan.†Cara stilled under him, staring up in angry confusion. “What you do to Nicci happens to Kahlan, too.â€~Terry Goodkind, Faith of the Fallen

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That actually almost makes sense. Apart from the gratuitous nakedness, that is. And why is Richie worried about Nicci? he's trying to kill his (beloved?) wife. So he should be happy if she's in pain. Ah well, I did say almost.

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Richard was accustomed to the shape of her body in her skintight leather outfits.

Are these anything akin to war wizard outfits, or are they a completely different kind of outfit?

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