Dating #15-why do you build me up, Buttercup

[Ser Lucious Left-Foot]

Only if you feel comfortable being judged on your income. Some women will judge you, some women won't, but you don't know which, so as long as you're putting it out there, you have to be ok with them evaluating you on that basis.

Then again, I am not a woman, so I'm not sure if what I think is really relevant, but, regarding what you said earlier about you wanting women to answer the questions, I think you should'nt leave it blank.

[Isis]

Depends what you mean by stand out. I take great care with all my messages and the response rate is still quite low, and I think I am a reasonably good candidate for a response.

As someone else pointed out, dating can be very much a matter of luck and timing (of many things).

However, what I meant was, if I get say five messages that say 'hi how r u' and two that say 'I noticed you like X, I like X too and also Y' then I'd take the time to read those two properly and would probably respond whether I was interested or not (just to be polite) - because someone made the effort. Occasionally I'd look at the profile of someone who'd messaged me (in a thoughtful way) and see something that made me think: NO THANK YOU. But, you that can't be helped.

But I think it's best if, as well as making a thoughtful approach, people try to do something different or interesting... instead of the same old stuff every time. I do appreciate it gets tiring though.

Not enough people have a sense of humour about online dating I don't think. The first message I sent my boyfriend of four years was literally 'pics or it didn't happen!' in response to something in his profile. People shouldn't be afraid to just make the same kind of quirky/outspoken approach to someone as they might if they were in a bar. It's ok to be light-hearted about it!

[Ser Lucious Left-Foot]

Not enough people have a sense of humour about online dating I don't think.

This.

When I meet a girl IRL for the first time, it's easy to pick up if she has a sense of humour or no (which is a VERY important feature to me), and if she doesn't, it still is easier to keep the conversation alive.

But online, not only is it harder to grasp if you can be sarcastic or caustic, but, personnally, without it, I am utterly unable to feed a conversation.

[The Warlock of Qarth]

As someone else pointed out, dating can be very much a matter of luck and timing (of many things).

However, what I meant was, if I get say five messages that say 'hi how r u' and two that say 'I noticed you like X, I like X too and also Y' then I'd take the time to read those two properly and would probably respond whether I was interested or not (just to be polite) - because someone made the effort. Occasionally I'd look at the profile of someone who'd messaged me (in a thoughtful way) and see something that made me think: NO THANK YOU. But, you that can't be helped.

But I think it's best if, as well as making a thoughtful approach, people try to do something different or interesting... instead of the same old stuff every time. I do appreciate it gets tiring though.

Not enough people have a sense of humour about online dating I don't think. The first message I sent my boyfriend of four years was literally 'pics or it didn't happen!' in response to something in his profile. People shouldn't be afraid to just make the same kind of quirky/outspoken approach to someone as they might if they were in a bar. It's ok to be light-hearted about it!

Good points! Keep in mind though that the average guy's experience on dating sites mostly consists of deafening silence occasionally punctuated by short conversations that quickly go nowhere. Even guys that have above average profiles like Inigima or LITA (and, dare I say it, myself ;) ) have to send a lot of messages to get a single date. Since men get so few messages, guys tend to be far more receptive to a woman messaging them. All of my dates so far started with the woman messaging me first, not the other way around. I sometimes wonder if everybody's internetdating experience would be vastly improved if men and women could swap places for a month or two, just so they could experience the other side for once. The women get to write a lot of messages that yield no response and the men get to understand that getting a dozen messages a day is not nearly as awesome as it sounds when 80% consists of poorly spelled sollicitations for anal sex from people you feel zero attraction for. ;)

[Er Rn]

Double postin': ladies, I've always left my income blank, although I've indicated in my profile that I'm employed in a professional job. Haven't thought much about it since I first set up my profile long ago. Should I be filling it in? My income is perfectly respectable, I just always felt like giving a figure would be inviting evaluation on that basis.

No. But I find questions about money to feel more personal than questions about sex, so maybe I'm a weirdo. I think answering the education and employment field questions are sufficient.