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Dating #15-why do you build me up, Buttercup


Kelli Fury

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So there's this girl that I work with. She doesn't actually work in my area, but has to do with it, so she stops by a few times a day. We always talk when we see each other a few times a week. Last week she had a project to do and had to take pictures of our job, so I helped her, and when she was showing me the pictures in the finished project she told me I have cute hands? and showed me her favorite one. I'm guessing that that's a good thing. Plus, a few people in my area have made some comments that they think she's into me. So I was thinking about asking her to go see an outdoor concert this weekend. Is that too much for a first date type idea?

I don't see why. Shorter/quicker first dates are mostly for when strangers or acquaintances meet up. If you've been chatting with her for weeks or months, then you don't need to worry about that. Live shows make for more memorable dates, and if it doesn't seem to be clicking, then hey, at least you're at a show, no problem.

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Also wanting children, that's a big ol deal breaker for me because I feel its irresponsible to bring more people into an already overcrowded society. Adopt.

Of course if everybody had that attitude then the species would go extinct. You need a birthrate to maintain an economy and a population. My wife and I plan on having 2 and adopting one or two.

If a guy you've only spoken to a handful of times and have never actually met even though you're sort of from the same area and have a mutual friend with and have had on fb for a couple years messages you out of the blue asking ''how's things'' does this indicate interest or just a really really bored person talking to the first person they see on their contact list lol because i don't really know why else a not-quite-friend would talk to me

I'd say that it's very very likely that he was trying to initiate something and is probably interested on some level. Of course there's no way to be completely sure, so as Lily said, just chat him up and find out. Of course if he's shy then it may be that you'll never find out, so if you do like him don't be afraid to ask him out if you like him. This day and age a woman should be able to take the lead in courting and a lot of men like it. It takes some of the pressure off. I wouldn't be married if my wife hadn't given me her # after I talked to her for 2 hours at the bar and was too chickenshit to ask for myself.

So I was thinking about asking her to go see an outdoor concert this weekend. Is that too much for a first date type idea?

No. Go for it. Actually I think it's a great 1st date. It won't be too expensive, live music is enjoyable, you get to enjoy being outside, and the nature of a concert limits those awkward pauses so you don't have the pressure of having to keep a conversation going for a long duration.

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I'm with Ulthosian Stark, even though I want (a) kid(s) eventually. The world is already struggling to support seven billion people; I dread to think what will happen to our environment when it's nine billion, or eleven billion, which according to the UN is less than forty years away. The world's population could literally double in the span of a single lifetime. Big families are irresponsible in today's world.


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I'm suspecting that things with the Engineer are fizzling. Back to my original complaint, I have to keep initiating, and after a while, it becomes a drag. And there isn't enough communication for my liking when we do talk, because he's a workaholic and doesn't make time for a social life. Texting someone hello takes seconds out of a day, and if effort isn't being put in on the other end, it ain't worth my time either. He just ain't that into me, and that's totally okay. Oh well, I tried!


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I'm suspecting that things with the Engineer are fizzling. Back to my original complaint, I have to keep initiating, and after a while, it becomes a drag. And there isn't enough communication for my liking when we do talk, because he's a workaholic and doesn't make time for a social life. Texting someone hello takes seconds out of a day, and if effort isn't being put in on the other end, it ain't worth my time either. He just ain't that into me, and that's totally okay. Oh well, I tried!

That sucks. But probably better to come to this realization sooner rather than later. Things really need to pop in order to make sustaining a distance relationship worthwhile. I'm sure there are some single men less than 7 hours away :cool4: .

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OK...created a new Match.com profile to meet my needs. Truthfully, trying to get a married coworker of my mind.



I've been talking to a couple of guys and trying to be honest with them...for example, one of my communications today seeking a time to get together included a 'no' for tomorrow since I have a 'date' with my mom. She's 73 and depends on me to keep her looking 'hot' for my dad. So every couple of months I have to help her groom her eyebrows and chin.



Does this make me a caring woman that you want to date because I will do the same for your mom or a momma's girl? I hate being in this sandwich generation.

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So I have a post-dating etiquette question.



Tomorrow night I am meeting my ex-husband just to chat and catch up over drinks (he is in the area for a conference). The last time we saw each other in person, we weren't exes. Our final breakup evolved over skype and even our divorce was accomplished via email and snail mail. This kind of situation is totally new to me.



So what's the expectation? Should I scrub all references of my current bf? Stay for a half hour or actually eat dinner? I don't want it to feel like a date or anything, that would be weird, so I don't want to get dressed up. But I don't want to feel like an ugly schlub either. Casual sundress, jeans and a t-shirt? Ripped jeans and a stained tank top? :dunno: This did not seem so complicated when I agreed to it, and now I'm feeling like wth.


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So I have a post-dating etiquette question.

Tomorrow night I am meeting my ex-husband just to chat and catch up over drinks (he is in the area for a conference). The last time we saw each other in person, we weren't exes. Our final breakup evolved over skype and even our divorce was accomplished via email and snail mail. This kind of situation is totally new to me.

So what's the expectation? Should I scrub all references of my current bf? Stay for a half hour or actually eat dinner? I don't want it to feel like a date or anything, that would be weird, so I don't want to get dressed up. But I don't want to feel like an ugly schlub either. Casual sundress, jeans and a t-shirt? Ripped jeans and a stained tank top? :dunno: This did not seem so complicated when I agreed to it, and now I'm feeling like wth.

No idea on the etiquette side of things, but I'd be in the same boat if I ever meet my ex again (and we are on pretty good terms so I'd like to, there is just the whole living in different countries thing). I've obviously got the extra dynamic of the whole I'm clearly and openly a girl now, but I'm pretty sure I'd end up wanting to look hot as fuck because I'm petty :p but as she's straight there wouldn't be any risk of a dating connotation around it.

I'd probably match what you are wearing to the weather and venue, if it's just a casual place and it's a nice day a sundress sounds good and I'm sure you'll still look fantastic in it. Maybe that maxi :p If a bit cooler then I'd go the jeans option. It's not getting dressed up, but can still look very good.

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Well now I know why I've had that bloody thing in my head the last few days, I didn't even click because consciously "Buttercup" in dating context makes me think Princess Bride.


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Where do y'all stand on the issue of texting someone first who supposedly likes you, but never texts first? I've known this gal for two months and we've had dates and things of that ilk, but she's never once hit me up first. I don't like the idea that I have to be the first to contact someone every single time, if I want to hear from them.

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So I have a post-dating etiquette question.

Tomorrow night I am meeting my ex-husband just to chat and catch up over drinks (he is in the area for a conference). The last time we saw each other in person, we weren't exes. Our final breakup evolved over skype and even our divorce was accomplished via email and snail mail. This kind of situation is totally new to me.

So what's the expectation? Should I scrub all references of my current bf? Stay for a half hour or actually eat dinner? I don't want it to feel like a date or anything, that would be weird, so I don't want to get dressed up. But I don't want to feel like an ugly schlub either. Casual sundress, jeans and a t-shirt? Ripped jeans and a stained tank top? :dunno: This did not seem so complicated when I agreed to it, and now I'm feeling like wth.

Wear what makes you feel good, though probably smart/casual if it's dinner. Hope it goes well!

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So I have a post-dating etiquette question.

Tomorrow night I am meeting my ex-husband just to chat and catch up over drinks (he is in the area for a conference). The last time we saw each other in person, we weren't exes. Our final breakup evolved over skype and even our divorce was accomplished via email and snail mail. This kind of situation is totally new to me.

So what's the expectation? Should I scrub all references of my current bf? Stay for a half hour or actually eat dinner? I don't want it to feel like a date or anything, that would be weird, so I don't want to get dressed up. But I don't want to feel like an ugly schlub either. Casual sundress, jeans and a t-shirt? Ripped jeans and a stained tank top? :dunno: This did not seem so complicated when I agreed to it, and now I'm feeling like wth.

For menswear this would be easy to answer but for women's clothing I'm not sure. In that situation, assuming it were appropriate for the restaurant, I would probably go with a button-down shirt and slacks -- nothing fancy, just standard, borderline-business casual "I know how to dress like an adult" stuff.

Basically, whatever you'd wear if you were going with your friends. Because that's more or less what you're supposed to be acting like.

And yes, stay for dinner unless he gets weird. It would be rude not to. Don't mention the boyfriend unless he asks, and if he does, keep it vague.

EDIT: wait, you're meeting for drinks. (Better yet, meet for a drink.) Where does dinner enter the picture?

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Where do y'all stand on the issue of texting someone first who supposedly likes you, but never texts first? I've known this gal for two months and we've had dates and things of that ilk, but she's never once hit me up first. I don't like the idea that I have to be the first to contact someone every single time, if I want to hear from them.

tell her to text first a few times. if she doesn't like hearing that, drop her. sounds like she's being petty

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Bleh. Felt pretty good a few days ago getting a reply from someone and an unsolicited message from someone else who seemed cool in the space of a few hours but neither is replying now.


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