Dating #15-why do you build me up, Buttercup

[theprincethatwasntpromised]

Where do y'all stand on the issue of texting someone first who supposedly likes you, but never texts first? I've known this gal for two months and we've had dates and things of that ilk, but she's never once hit me up first. I don't like the idea that I have to be the first to contact someone every single time, if I want to hear from them.

It just means she has a lot of side pieces bro.

[theprincethatwasntpromised]

So I have a post-dating etiquette question.

Tomorrow night I am meeting my ex-husband just to chat and catch up over drinks (he is in the area for a conference). The last time we saw each other in person, we weren't exes. Our final breakup evolved over skype and even our divorce was accomplished via email and snail mail. This kind of situation is totally new to me.

So what's the expectation? Should I scrub all references of my current bf? Stay for a half hour or actually eat dinner? I don't want it to feel like a date or anything, that would be weird, so I don't want to get dressed up. But I don't want to feel like an ugly schlub either. Casual sundress, jeans and a t-shirt? Ripped jeans and a stained tank top? :dunno: This did not seem so complicated when I agreed to it, and now I'm feeling like wth.

Go in there looking sexy as hell, make him think about what lost

[Arbor Gold]

Nora: wear the sundress. Acknowledge that this is awkward (if it is). Mention the bf just as you would mention anything else in your life. Leave when you're done. If he asked about dinner beforehand, tell him truthfully that you aren't sure and you want to play it by ear.

[Kalbear]

They're totally going to have sex.

[Arbor Gold]

This board could use a good "I Shagged My Ex-Husband While My Jerk Boyfriend is Deployed" thread.

[-Ghost-]

So I told my coworker about the concert and that she should join me and she said that she will be out of the state this weekend. She asked what time it was at and said she would have went if she wasnt going. She acted like she usually does towards me after that when we were talking about work. I think Im just gonna leave this one at that and move on. Dont want work to get weird between us.

[Starkess]

Thanks for all the advice. Think I've settled on a casual sundress that doesn't show too much skin. Aiming for "breezily beauitful", if that's a thing!

EDIT: wait, you're meeting for drinks. (Better yet, meet for a drink.) Where does dinner enter the picture?

Well his original suggestion was to "grab a drink", but we're meeting at 6 so that's pretty solidly dinner time.

This board could use a good "I Shagged My Ex-Husband While My Jerk Boyfriend is Deployed" thread.

:rofl:

Alas, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint. Cheating is not among my many personal failures and I don't intend to start now.

[Balefont]

Tattoos/piercings should fall under attractive for most men, like myself, I prefer tatted women. That blog had some really dumb reasoning though, and it was all based on attractiveness. They should have somehow taken into account peoples interests, if you have opposite interests the person no matter how attractive probably won't message them because of it. Also wanting children, that's a big ol deal breaker for me because I feel its irresponsible to bring more people into an already overcrowded society. Adopt.

That's why places like eHarmony is a much better chance for meeting someone you click with on more then a "oh your hot" level. Anyone I known who's tried okcupid hates it for its superficiality.

Religion is another big one, if your agnostic (like myself) your not going to want to be with an evangelist who constantly pushes their crap down on other people's throats. Things like that factor in to whether your going to message someone or not, more so then straight looks IMHO

That's great about the good date. My advice as far as the second part goes is either make a reservation, or leave. Go find some good street food or a food truck, take a nice walk maybe down by any sort of water near you etc. In my experience, women like a man who has good backup plans like that and isn't afraid to try new things

That's my go to if the first plan doesn't work out, I either go down to the shire of Lake Erie and get some good food from a locally owned bar I know the owners of, or go to Niagara Falls. The street food around there is awesome, there's a ton of things to get into etc. I'm lucky in that the Falls are only a half hour away.

*You're

ETA:

Oh Em Gee, this is teh best eva:

This board could use a good "I Shagged My Ex-Husband While My Jerk Boyfriend is Deployed" thread.

[Four-Eyed Raven]

Where do y'all stand on the issue of texting someone first who supposedly likes you, but never texts first? I've known this gal for two months and we've had dates and things of that ilk, but she's never once hit me up first. I don't like the idea that I have to be the first to contact someone every single time, if I want to hear from them.

Dang, I'm in the same boat. 95% of the time, I'm initiating. He likes me and finds me attractive, that's a fact. I just haven't gathered the balls to tell him he needs to initiate more or tell me he just ain't that into me. I don't know how to mention it without coming off rude or out of left field.

[Maithanet]

Dang, I'm in the same boat. 95% of the time, I'm initiating. He likes me and finds me attractive, that's a fact. I just haven't gathered the balls to tell him he needs to initiate more or tell me he just ain't that into me. I don't know how to mention it without coming off rude or out of left field.

Even just in a friendship, it sucks to always be the person initiating. For just starting a relationship, it is even worse. If you want, you can go ahead and tell somebody that they need to start acting differently (as in more engaged and interested), but I personally think that shouldn't really require prompting.

[Arbor Gold]

Dang, I'm in the same boat. 95% of the time, I'm initiating. He likes me and finds me attractive, that's a fact. I just haven't gathered the balls to tell him he needs to initiate more or tell me he just ain't that into me. I don't know how to mention it without coming off rude or out of left field.

I'm not sure you can draw the conclusion "he's not into me" from "he does not initiate conversation enough". You've described him as a workaholic who is totally into his schooling, etc, yet he is responsive to your messages and likes you and finds you attractive.

What is very clear is that this guy isn't giving you what you need. Instead of trying to change him, find a guy (local to you!) who does.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

tell her to text first a few times. if she doesn't like hearing that, drop her. sounds like she's being petty

Pretty much how I think about the situation. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt but I haven't heard from her since Friday and I'm gonna have to let her know I find that to be bullshit.

It just means she has a lot of side pieces bro.

This would be the least surprising explanation.

Dang, I'm in the same boat. 95% of the time, I'm initiating. He likes me and finds me attractive, that's a fact. I just haven't gathered the balls to tell him he needs to initiate more or tell me he just ain't that into me. I don't know how to mention it without coming off rude or out of left field.

It sucks, especially when you really are into a person. I know every way I've thought to say something to her about it has me coming off as an asshole, which is usually fine but I'm trying not to be as much of one when I'm irritated. Being the nice guy ain't easy.

[Four-Eyed Raven]

Even just in a friendship, it sucks to always be the person initiating. For just starting a relationship, it is even worse. If you want, you can go ahead and tell somebody that they need to start acting differently (as in more engaged and interested), but I personally think that shouldn't really require prompting.

I agree, it shouldn't require prompting.

I'm not sure you can draw the conclusion "he's not into me" from "he does not initiate conversation enough". You've described him as a workaholic who is totally into his schooling, etc, yet he is responsive to your messages and likes you and finds you attractive.

What is very clear is that this guy isn't giving you what you need. Instead of trying to change him, find a guy (local to you!) who does.

Totally agree, thank you! I forget that the interest level is there, but the timing is off and he's dating his work, first and foremost. I respect that, and I also deserve someone who is more willing to give me their time and freakin' takes initiative to text me once in a while.

Pretty much how I think about the situation. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt but I haven't heard from her since Friday and I'm gonna have to let her know I find that to be bullshit.

This would be the least surprising explanation.

It sucks, especially when you really are into a person. I know every way I've thought to say something to her about it has me coming off as an asshole, which is usually fine but I'm trying not to be as much of one when I'm irritated. Being the nice guy ain't easy.

One thing is certain - you know you deserve more than what she's giving you. If you think she's worth it, speak up. What do you really have to lose? Either she hears what you're saying or she doesn't. If she doesn't, it wasn't worth it anyway. If she does, great! You've done your job in communicating what's on your mind.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

Every time I see the title of this thread, I hear/sing the song in my head.

I haven't thought of this song in years but not it's playing on repeat in my head.

[Arbor Gold]

Thanks for all the advice. Think I've settled on a casual sundress that doesn't show too much skin. Aiming for "breezily beauitful", if that's a thing!

You'll pull that off, I'm sure of it! I firmly believe that if there's a sundress option on the table, it's the right answer. Especially where you live.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

I agree, it shouldn't require prompting.

Totally agree, thank you! I forget that the interest level is there, but the timing is off and he's dating his work, first and foremost. I respect that, and I also deserve someone who is more willing to give me their time and freakin' takes initiative to text me once in a while.

One thing is certain - you know you deserve more than what she's giving you. If you think she's worth it, speak up. What do you really have to lose? Either she hears what you're saying or she doesn't. If she doesn't, it wasn't worth it anyway. If she does, great! You've done your job in communicating what's on your mind.

you're absolutely right and I did just that. I'll update y'all on how that works out later. As for the other gal I recently told y'all about, the one who didn't bother talking to me for two months because she had a boyfriend she didn't know how to tell me about, I contacted her earlier.

Started off as a harmless how are you and then me quickly shifting the conversation to let her know that I'm still interested but that she needs to be more consistent and I don't appreciate little bullshit high school games. She tried to apologize but I told to her to save it and replace it with showing me some freakin' consistency. Apparently she can appreciate this approach, since we have a date Saturday.

[Disturber of Peace]

Next thread title:

"Han texted first!"

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Clearly, you see person B pick up their phone first and begin to type, only for Han to send an emoji before person B could hit send.

[Queen Ayras Lord Commander]

Where do y'all stand on the issue of texting someone first who supposedly likes you, but never texts first? I've known this gal for two months and we've had dates and things of that ilk, but she's never once hit me up first. I don't like the idea that I have to be the first to contact someone every single time, if I want to hear from them.

I've had a couple of these relationships. I wouldn't get too emotionally involved if I were you. Usually the person is happy, but not thrilled.

[Lily Valley]

Woke up yesterday thinking the dog had parvo. I was frantically calling for a ride to the vet when I saw an immaculate bowl on the floor. He'd eaten an entire dish of beet salad along with the sliced lemons. That was a fun day.