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[BOOK SPOILERS] Rant and Rave Without Repercussion


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The punch in the face that began this episode serves as a perfect metaphor to describe how I felt about pretty much everything that followed.

Christ, where to begin?

The whole thing with the Faith Militant was just terrible. They are reinstated and ten seconds later they are smashing wine barrels and idols and flat out murdering people. Only the gay ones, though. How else would we know the show wants us to see them as evil? The intense look of sadistic glee on their faces was extreme to the point of absurdity. So much for the nuanced group of religious reformers and zealots from the books. They have to make way for the gang of Nazi stormtroopers with stars carved into their foreheads. Though it was nice of Carol to give us a six second rundown of their grievances during brunch with her new pal the High Sparrow. It's too bad that the previous four seasons didn't have any time to devote to laying the groundwork for this mess.

It's really disturbing to see Tommen act like the uncertain child he is considered how last week's wedding night scene was handled. Had it been this Tommen that we saw that night then maybe I could have seen some purpose to that scene besides "LOL I'm so lucky I get to have sex with this hot older woman!" Carol continues to be utterly charming and reasonable, as is her wont.

Jaime seeing Tarth was a nice couple of seconds before the scene promptly nosedived into Bronn's "I've been to Dorne. All the Dornish want to do is fight and fuck, fuck and fight. Fuckfighting fuckity fight fuck." which seems to be the sum total of what D&D gleaned of the Dorne in the books that they purport to love. You gotta love the writing here:

Bronn [Completely valid points on how Jaime's plan is terrible.]

Jaime "It has to be me."

Bronn [Yet more valid points about how this barely even qualifies as a plan.]

Jaime "It has to be me."

Someone please give this writing an Emmy already.

This and the fight in the sand were way more important uses of time than introducing the Sand Snakes. But I guess we saw one use a whip and the other talk about her dad and kill a guy with a spear for the crime of bringing them helpful information, so that's probably as much characterization as they're gonna need. Though we DID learn that Dorne doesn't have sharks but it does have dolphins, so that's good to know.

The last bit that really bothered me was the Jon/Melisandre scene, but I don't think I need to go into it too much. Why have one of the most perceptive and persuasive characters use her visionary powers to, I don't know, give Jon a warning about a certain important person coming his way, when instead she can use the power of her tits? Nothing wrong with this scene at all, nope.

The rest of the episode just seemed off or lazy. I think I burned a hole through the "hamfisted foreshadowing" square of my Book Snob Bingo card in the Stannis/Selyse/Shireen scenes. Apparently you can catch greyscale from poorly contrived back story objects. The hug was almost perfect, but they ruined it by having him bring his hands up at the end.

Batfinger's "plan" continues to make no sense. He's gambling Sansa in a situation where, regardless of the outcome, he will end up losing control of her. Sounds excellent. This is a great followup to giving away Robert Arryn. And are we really supposed to believe that the news of Sansa being with him has yet to reach KL? Yes, because the showrunners hold us in utter contempt.

It's a good thing Jorah took that gag off of Tyrion. Otherwise, who would have given that exposition dump about Jorah's back story and motivations?

And finally in Meereen, whose plot should be a complex political situation to rival any in Westeros, we get six and a half minutes, ninety seconds of which consists of a story from Barristan the only purpose of which is to endear us to him before he gets cut down in a fight scene that takes up about four minutes. Thirty seconds goes toward a plea to reopen the fighting pits, cut with setup shots for the fight to come. Another example of excellent time management. Man, the Unsullied really got their asses handed to them. You'd think in such a narrow space they would use their shields and spears to negate the larger number of Sons of the Harpy. If only they had received years worth of brutal military training that made them into renown fighters. Well, I guess Grey Worm did, because if he didn't we wouldn't get an answer to the all important question of whether he and Missandei will be able to bang.

One last minor point. Did anyone else think it odd that when we see Dorne in the opening credits it's just one city labeled "Dorne"? Not "Sunspear" or "The Water Gardens" or "Planky Town" just "Dorne." That would be like seeing Winterfell and having it labeled "The North." It just seemed oddly generic to me, which I guess is in keeping with the oddly generic Dorne we've been shown thus far.

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-Loras getting seized by the over the top fanatics without a fight, book Loras would have cut through 5+. I guess it makes sense that show Loras wouldn't but that entire sequence was just mehhhhh, KL in general has been underwhelming so far and it was my favorite part of Feast.

-Littlefingers plan makes zero sense but hey here's some background on Rhaegar and Lyanna :rolleyes: first he tells the hound story and now this. I really can't wait for Littlefinger to fucking die, Aiden Gillen has been a little better this season though.

-Sandnakes were pretty damn bad, wasn't a fan of them in the novels and they didn't work on screen for me at all either. Accents suck imo and that's not usually something I ever complain about. I need to watch some Rome season 1 and see Niobe again for a cleansing

-They've wasted arguably the best knight in Westeros history if Barristan is dead (based on the preview it seems he is). Guess I should be grateful they actually let him use his sword for once(laughs then sobs) damn shame that was the last and only time on the show. Gonna be super disappointed when Greyworm ends up alive and continuing his Missendei romance while Barristans dead. Fuck. Seriously fuck. What a waste

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I dislike a lot of the changes. A LOT. But I was sent over the edge with the promo of Tyrion seeing the dragon (which is crazy given he's on a collision course with Dany in the books, though he appears to be not captured with Penny and surrounded by flux or ..or..or..) And this is with Sansa's show storyline. Ugh.



Jaime's comments about killing Tyrion and the entire change of the Ellaria...I just. Ugh. And Mel putting the moves on Jon. And Loras being in jail. I really hope the others just swallow Westeros whole at this point. And the dragons eat Danaerys. The End.


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-Littlefingers plan makes zero sense but hey here's some background on Rhaegar and Lyanna :rolleyes: first he tells the hound story and now this. I really can't wait for Littlefinger to fucking die, Aiden Gillen has been a little better this season though.

I still am not over it that he told the Hound's story, and now this. Die, die, die.

The only part I liked was Jaime looking at Tarth. Then of course, it was back to being Larry.

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Well, I think my transformation into a full blown book snob is almost complete

That was...underwhelming

But the Sand Snakes take the fucking cake. Holy Whale Riders, was that monologue bad!

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IT IS TIME!



grrrrrr...grrrrrr *wolf growl*



Where to begin?


Jorah is dumb. I hate you Jorah. Although Tyrion did deserve getting socked in the face.



Mel, git your fucking tits off my Jon! :U Jon, why do you not resist more? Stupid writers.



Littlefinger, yer not making sense anymore.



Sand Snakes...? These ladies were cheesy as fuck. So disappointing after the amount of hype they were getting. Ellaria, what are you doing?



Jaime, im still not clear on what you are doing in Dorne. What is your agenda? Waltz up to Doran and go "i come in peace"? pah



Did they really have to seize Loras? Can this plot happen without queer shaming? Also Tommen being silly. I understand he didnt want to shit disturb with violence cuz thats what Joffers did. But come on, hes the goddamn king. And i feel really bad for him. People calling him bastard and abomination...does he even realize why?



Barristan getting iced like a chump. Im sorry, but thats Barristan fucking Selmy. He doesnt go down because of a bunch of mooks. COME ON.



They could have waited to gradually show the Faith Militant being...militant. That was laying it on too thick too soon methinks.



This episode was legit ass. Probably the shittiest in show history.


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I still am not over it that he told the Hound's story, and now this. Die, die, die.

The only part I liked was Jaime looking at Tarth. Then of course, it was back to being Larry.

Lol that actually crossed my mind during the LF. Not against him telling it, but i was like " what's up with him telling everybody elses's story?"

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The highlight of tonight's episode was the fact that my partner fell asleep halfway through (an unsullied) so I was able to make all sorts of faces to express my anguish over this episode.



- Was it just me, or did it seem like D&D tried to find as many ways to have someone say "I'll give so-and-so my regards." Maybe I'm crazy at this point, but I imagine them laughing every time because it's a little jab at book readers.



- Oh here's a great idea: Let's take one of the best stories from the books (Knight of the Laughing Tree), strip it down to the bare bones, and give it to Batfinger! Brilliant.



- Mel telling Jon he knew nothing was wretched. The Sand Snakes were wretched. The unsullied and their terrible fighting skills were wretched.

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people are saying that is great Rhaegar got mentioned twice in this episode and we still got some explanation about Lyanna's and the Harrenhal Tourney, but I thought the speech Barristan made about Rhaegar singing and being nice to people was just boooring and a waste of screen time. Also, I don't know why in the hell he would be walking around Meereen instead of being at Dany's side, since he is her "Kings guard" and all. Oh well, I hope he doesn't die (I hope, I hope, I hope, but I know is a tiny and summmerchild vision) in the next episode. Well, if Greyworm dies at least the Greyworm/Missandei romance would be gone. Lol. I didn't want him to die, anyway.

What was that about Dorne? That Ellaria and that accent, UGH. And that speech from Obara's... Oh god, could it be more cheesy? Didn't like it at all. I wasn't paying too much attention, but it sounds like the little one was HER daughter, I didnt catch her name. It was that or am I just getting more grouchier and bitter?

Also glad that Jorah made Tyrion quiet for a little bit, so we didn't have to hear about beetles or boxes or I don't know, pigs or eagles or anything else.

Varys is definitely on his way to Kings Landing to kill Pycelle and Kevan. I don't know why he left so soon, since Tyrion was half across the world in one episode. Oh my.

Cersei being bffs with High Sparrow and the slaughter of all the impure ones \o/ Lets get this party started. Only the gay ones, of course. Loras being arrested and Margs freaking out with TOMMEM? Really, Marg? Go yell at your mother-in-law if you have the guts.

Not in the mood to talk about Sansa, excpet from that GROSSSSSSSSS kiss Littlefinger gave her.

Ah, Mel's boobs. Why on earth? She is like the red priestess and have all this powers to seduce, charming, blabla and still have to use her boobs? I don't want to be a red priestess anymore.

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