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Rant and Rave without Repercussion [Book Spoilers]


Chebyshov

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God, Ellaria seemed to be affected by the poison at a much slower rate than Myrcella. That didn't make any sense - how did Myrcella die first?

It was all that sweetness and light and understanding hug from Larry. The Sand Fakes would never be that gormless.

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Tyrion is the man. Surrounded in the arena by Sons of the Harpy in Mereen scene. Next scene in Mereen, no Harpys, Tyrion rules Mereen. It's magic!

He probably dropped trou and they were subdued by the magical dwarf penis! Wasn't that why the slavers didn't kill him? ;)

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The Earth keeps spinning, the sun rises, death and taxes are still inevitable, and this forum will end up with another 100+ page thread complaining about an excellent episode of one of the most popular shows of our generation that received amazing critical reviews.

And, equally as sure as death and taxes, someone will come here to complain about our complaining! It is known. ;)

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It's a crying shame about NCW, too. Not everyone can play humor well, and he can. He's a funny guy. And Jaime can be very funny. Why would you have him play a character like Larry? Why would you even write a character like Larry, when you had Jaime? I don't even want to think about Larry, much less watch him. Imagine having to play him, when you have all that talent. Ugh.

Yes, Nikolaj is both gorgeous and funny and we know from season 3 that, given the right material, he can really shine. That bath monologue stlll gives me chills and I will always head it in his voice. Did Jaime get too "popular" after that season? Was he not villain enough for D&D? Or is no one allowed to be witty but Tyrion? Do they just sent everyone to be mediocre so Deadpan and Mouthbreather Jon wouldn't stick out so much? It's such a mystery to me that they routinely squander this amazing acting talent they have (with a couple of notable exceptions.)

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:lol: and Carol and Larry too then, I guess.

No!!! Larry is a bad man who enjoys killing - we are NOT supposed to roor for him and if we do, they'll have him rape someone or turn into a pedophile or beat Lollys because he is a bad man and you should not forget!!

Carol, though, is entirely wronged and we can't wait to see her take her revenge.

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Who's left to root for? Well, tons of people!



- Tyrion


- Dany, because Tyrion says so, and because she now has this awesome posse of dudes to take care of things for her (as long as they're led by Tyrion) so she can concentrate on looking pretty and imperial and getting saved from peril. Also, dragons.


- Tyrion


- OLLY! He's such a compelling character, I'm sure they have a lot in store from him. Is he a regular yet?


- Oh, and Tyrion.



PS: DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS!


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Oh man. I'm not even sure where to begin. This wasn't a uniformly terrible episode, but it's probably one of the worst episodes I've ever seen. Let's go place by place:

Stannis' Camp

OK, so nearly HALF of Stannis' men deserted in the night with all the horses and nobody is telling him until the middle of the morning? I guess they didn't want to interrupt his beauty rest. Also, the King's wife was able to slip out of the tent and hang herself by her fallopian tubes for being such a woman and nobody saw her or tried to stop her. Then Mel rides out of camp and nobody tries to bring her back. Sure. I guess it makes sense to walk to WF, seeing as it was only about a half a mile down the road. Then came the battle that wasn't. How awkward was that. Show the beginning of the battle and just cut to the aftermath and hope that no one notices? Oh Brienne, if you had only kept up your 87 hour vigil another of couple of minutes you...probably would have never seen that tiny ass candle from a mile away. It's OK though, because you got to play Brienne the Executioner. OR DID YOU? DUN DUN DUN

Braavos

So it's not enough to have Meryn Trant into little girls. He also has beat them with sticks? I guess the audience can't be trusted to fully hate him based on his ephebophilia alone. Then Arya has to go completely horror movie killer on him and give this clumsy list speech because they already blew the Lommy Greenhands scenario a while ago. It's cool though, because apparently you can just take one of those faceless men masks and slip it on no problem. Nobody even locks that room or checks them or anything, and there certainly doesn't have to be an elaborate surgical ritual surrounding it. Then Arya had a full blown LSD trip and I'm not sure what happened.

Dorne

This was by far the worst scene of the episode. Did anyone else pick up on poisoned lipstick right after that long goodbye kiss on the mouth? I'm actually glad Myrcella was poisoned and died, because if I had to go through more of that "Myrcella knows Jaime is her dad and doesn't give a shit" I was going to legit poison myself. Jaime "I sound like an idiot." Pretty much. Who knew that Tyene's "bad pussy" line to Bronn wouldn't be the most absurd thing about this scene? Also, apparently all antidotes in Dorne must be worn on a tiny chain around the neck. It is law. It's going to be pretty weird for Ellaria when they turn that boat right around and bring it back to Dorne and say, "Hey, Myrcella was poisoned. You wouldn't by any chance know anyone who is really good at poisoning people and might have had motive and opportunity, would you?"

Meereen

Hey guys, Greyworm is back! And apparently the Meereenese will listen to him...for some reason. And the Unsullied are the only thing keeping this city from tearing itself apart, even though all they do is constantly get stabbed over and over again. Don't worry though, because High Valyrian speaking St. Tyrion is going to fix everything while Daario and Jorah go on a buddy trip to find Dany. Also, Varys is back! It's like one big family reunion...in that it makes me want to drink heavily. Elsewhere, Dany has to deal with a sleepy Drogon until she's surrounded by a khalasar riding all of the horses stolen from Stannis' camp. Don't worry though, because she totally left a ring clue for them. This was completely better than them finding her eating meat in the shadow of her dragon like a badass.

King's Landing

I actually have to give credit here and say that I thought that the Walk of Shame was pretty well done. Lena Headey acted her fucking ass off. I found it as upsetting as its book's counterpart. My only minor nitpicks have to do with the FM beating people out of the way and the fact that Qyburn can apparently appoint a new member of the Kingsguard even though none of them have died. Also, I like Carol's fun summer haircut.

Winterfell

Who knew that a giant corkscrew was the perfect way to pick a lock. And Sansa can just wander through the middle of WF without anyone questioning what she's doing or why she's not locked in her room. Everyone except for awkward bow wielding Myranda, though. Just...fuck this whole scene. I don't even want to talk about it. It was as absurd as the yelp Myranda gives as she hits the ground. As absurd as Theon's sudden change of character. As absurd as jumping 100 feet down into a drift of snow that somehow exists despite the fact that we saw maybe an inch on the ground during the battle.

The Wall

Poor dumb Jon. He doesn't understand why Sam needs to go all the way down to Oldtown to become a maester for some reason. I mean, it certainly couldn't be his idea or anything. Then they have to have a bonding moment over Sam totes tapping that. Seriously, this is full on half of the Wall scene and it's so fucking stupid. Oh, and apparently Mel can totally ride a horse from just outside of WF to the wall in less than a day. That's not fucking ridiculous at all. Luckily Olly is there to take Jon to the Benjen trap. Then all we need is a revolving door of people stabbing Jon in the stomach while he doesn't do anything. The place of honor of course being reserved for Olly, the most important character and probably Lord Commander elect. I wish I couldn't believe that they took Jon's epic last scene from ADWD and turned it into this below mediocre shit. They fucking made Jon's last word OLLY instead of Ghost? ARTHSETORGD

Ugggghhh. I'm done. There's so much more to write but I seriously can't even right now. I'm so glad that this season is over. I need a break.

Can we nominate this for post of the year?

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