Jump to content

Lending money to a friend


Fez

Recommended Posts

I generally think its a very bad idea, and I never do it. But I'm in a bit of pickle...



I'm the best man for a wedding and hence am organizing the bachelor party, which involves flying to another city. I will be purchasing the tickets for myself, the groom, and the other groomsmen who live nearby so that we all fly together. Because I don't lend money to friends, or strangers for that matter, I've already looked up airline prices and sent an estimated cost to everyone who'll owe money for the tickets. Once they send me the money, I'll buy the tickets and either ask for more money or send money back, based on how off the estimate was. But at least I won't be out of pocket a few thousand dollars initially.



So that would be fine. But one of the groomsmen has told me that he can't afford his ticket right now. He asked if he can pay me back in a few months once some seasonal income comes in for him. I could afford to do that, but my problem is the problem I always have with lending money to a friend, what do I do if he doesn't pay me back (I'm thinking more because he can't rather than him not wanting to)? There's not much recourse to get the money back and its the end of a friendship. And it is a large enough amount of money that I really would want it back.



If I don't lend him the money, he could always buy the ticket once he does have the money. However, that's cutting pretty close to when we leave, so his ticket may end up being more than he could afford and he'd be probably coming in on a different flight; complicating logistics. More than that, I think there's a good chance he'll take offense at me not lending him the money. Probably not end of friendship, but still an issue.



So I don't know what to do. Thoughts?


Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it's a friend or family member I always consider it as me giving them money with a very slim chance of me ever getting it back.

No matter how much they say the "I'll pay you back", I always go on the assumption that I'll never see that money again.

That way I won't give out more than I can afford to lose.

Do all of you know each other? You could try to get the other guy to pitch in and help? Idk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talk to the other groomsmen maybe and see if you can all pool for the ticket? Assuming you all know each other. I'd definitely talk to the groom at least.



That's a rough situation no matter which way you slice it.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

In general I agree and do not believe in lending money to friends unless I'm prepared to eat the loss.

The pooling idea is a decent one. Rather than phrase it as "I don't trust you," you can say something like "I'm a little uncomfortable being on the hook for that much money."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Devil's advocate here - is it really fair to arrange such an expensive party if not all the attendees can sensibly afford it? If the main point of this do is to get a bunch of mates together, then catering to the poorest member's budget might be a better idea. I've been (and to a certain extent still am) the Broke Friend and it really fucking sucks having to make the choice between missing out vs breaking my budget; even when friends have offered to loan or even pay, it's humiliating. So there's that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think anytime you lend money, you should do so only if you are prepared to never be paid back. This means, pretending the money is gone, don't ask the person about it, don't send monthly invoices, nothing. If the money is returned, awesome. If not, great gift.



But I also agree with Min. It's really distasteful to arrange a party when not all of the people you want to invite can afford it.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Problem with pooling money to cover him is that he specifically asked me not to tell anyone. Also, not all the other groomsmen know him, so I even if I asked I don't know what the answer would be.



MinDonner, that would be a fair point, except that I asked everyone multiple times, in private and as a group, if everyone was okay with the plan and with my initial estimated break down of costs. He never said he wasn't. Now, nothing's been booked yet, but we're pretty far along into the planning process. If he wasn't comfortable with the cost, I think he should have told me a while ago; before all that planning and before I promised the groom, who specifically requested this destination party if possible, that, yes, everyone was on board and we'd be able to do it.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

How much are internal flights in the US?

I don't know what your financial situation is but assuming one ticket isn't a huge amount of money I wouldn't overthink it if you can afford it. It's probably not the sort of money people would really struggle to repay (again assuming your friend isn't really struggling for money).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If discussing it with the others isn't an option and it's too much money for you to give him without worrying about getting it back, I think you've just got to tell him you can't afford to cover him right now and he'll have to buy his own ticket when he's got the money. Logistics might get messed up but you deal with that the best you can.



He might be upset about it but really there isn't much else you can do.





How much are internal flights in the US?





It varies quite a bit.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have often done it in the past, in fact I've never thought twice about it, as long as I could afford it. However I do expect it back and will remember people about it and if its months.


Likewise I have borrowed money from friends and paid it back, even if I sometimes took a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That guy should have just said he can't go because he can't afford the ticket.

That way it would put the decision on you whether or not to lend/give him the money.

I've been that broke guy more times than I care to admit, most times people feel better if it's completely their own decision to give money rather than being directly asked for it.

Idk, in my experience people are more likely to be like "we will figure something out" or "I'll see what I can do" if you tell them you can't afford it.

And they seem to get more tensed up and nervous if you come out and ask to borrow money.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you close to him, like best friend close? Can you afford it if he doesn't pay you back? If those two answers are yes, then that's what you do for friends. Lend him the money and be happy you are in a position to help a close friend out. Just think, maybe at some point you'll need a solid like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, the bachelor party ain't the wedding. While typically less fun, the wedding is what counts. If you can't afford to go with what the group decided on for the bachelor party then you can't afford to go. I have been that person before and I would not ask someone to front the money for my ticket.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

How much are internal flights in the US?

Varies a lot. Typically anywhere between $100-550 round trip depending on the origin and destination.

Can I just say how much I do not appreciate the increasing culture of planning destination shit? There are very few people for whom I would drop five bills on a plane ticket -- plus hotel costs and incidentals! -- to attend their wedding, much less their bachelor party. Unless your entire family and social groups are all Richie Rich it just seems so self-centered and presumptuous.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My advice would be to do an exchange instead of a loan. By this I mean offer to buy his ticket out right but then have him take responsibility for something else, either on the trip or when you get home that is about the same price. So cover his plane ticket, and then let him cover the hotel (which he can pay for that closer to the event when he hopefully has the money, even if you've reserved it under your credit card, hotels are usually willing to charge a different card when you actually check in, however if you have to outright pay for the hotel through a third party this might not work). Or buy his ticket when you get home have him agree to buy you season tickets to something you like to go to, or a X box, or a collect set of Star wars blue rays, paying for a fencing class, or something that is about the same price as tickets that you would want but don't need. It's easier to ask for stuff then it is to ask for money, and if he goes through a period where he can't pay it back, then hey, you know your missing a luxury, not food on the table. Money feels different, somebody owes you money they owe you anything you can buy with that money. So they owe you 1/5 of a trip to Hawaii, or that nice diner you want to take your girlfriend too, or a car payment, etc. But when some owes you something specific it's easier, because you know you can do with out that thing, and if you get it's a plus.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Varies a lot. Typically anywhere between $100-550 round trip depending on the origin and destination.

Some tickets are more then that, to visit my friend in Hawaii I am usually looking at at least $600 round trip, for her wedding it was over $850 round trip. If I fly to New York it's usually over $700. That said I've scored tickets for $100 round trip to Las Vegas before, and for one incredible deal a few years ago it $75 round trip to go to San Francisco.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...