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Jace, Basilissa

I'm In Love With A Moron

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So I told the BF to grab something to eat on the way home so that I wouldn't have to get off my own ass.

He comes home with a store rotisserie chicken (one of those things that you buy off a hotplate in a bag), which is just fucking disgusting for obvious reasons. So I called him an idiot and ordered Chinese, but since he's gross he decided to eat it.

I'm watching the football game and he carries this nasty hunk of meat to sit next to me, and I see that it's RAW. And he's EATING IT!!! I'm not talking like a tiny smudge of pink or a bit of blood or whatever. This shit is pale white over 50% of it and a dark pink on the other half. He says he didn't notice.

I don't know... I just am questioning everything right now. On the one hand, he's pretty, we like each other, we have a great relationship, he's gainfully employed, and emotionally stable... On the other hand, he not only bought a rotisserie chicken... it was raw and he was eating it. If he doesn't die tonight, I might have to leave him in the middle of the woods or something.

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I like those rotisserie chickens....  I don't have to cook, and they're fairly tasty.  They're also healthier than most of the other garbage I eat (I think just about any diet is healthier than my normal fare).  

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He's brave, but I don't think it's gonna help him. I told him that if I have to drag his ass to the hospital I'm leaving him there, and that he should probably try and head this thing off by going into the bathroom and stick his fingers down his throat and pray.

He didn't, and now I can literally see him wriggling in his seat. I'm curious to see which end starts leaking first.

Xray, I hate children so... yeah. You think I could trust a man who buys and eats raw rotisserie chicken with a child? He'd probably let it play with the colorful drinks underneath the sink.

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If he doesn't die tonight, he has superior genes for disease resistance that should not be squandered (if eventual procreation is a goal). 

This. :D

I've bought those rottiserie chickens on occasion. I don't think they're too bad -- at least they're not deep fried. But RAW chicken? Eew! Eew! Eew! 

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He should drink a lot of alcohol, alcohol kills bacteria, that should help, start giving him some higher proof Vodka like  Spirytus Delikatesowy or something like Stagg Jr. bourbon. After all doctors and nurses use alcohol to sterilize an area, you need to sterilize the insides. High proof is the way to go, and maybe an exotic dancer, the dancer will take his mind off things, while the alcohol does it's job. This would seem the the best way to help him.

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Has anyone else ever seen white raw chicken?  I've seen pink, but not white.  Dark pink also sounds a lot like dark meat that's slow cooked.....

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Has anyone else ever seen white raw chicken?  I've seen pink, but not white.  Dark pink also sounds a lot like dark meat that's slow cooked.....

Is this a trick question? Because I can take this in a lot of different directions.

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Is this a trick question? Because I can take this in a lot of different directions.

No.  I've always associated white with cooked with chicken......

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I don't understand why people consider something that dangerous to be edible. Oh this could be delicious nuggets or it could be poison! Seriously people, what is so great about chicken that despite being ridiculously dangerous and ridiculously cruel (way more so usually than other meats), you can't resist it? Especially since allegedly everything else tastes just like it.

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Has anyone else ever seen white raw chicken?  I've seen pink, but not white.  Dark pink also sounds a lot like dark meat that's slow cooked.....

Raw is kinda pinky, otherwise is not that good. But is still pale. I know because I call my very pale and pasty ex "raw chicken" (the literal translation, at least). It goes lighter when cooked.

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Maybe Collinsworth is available?

Ooohhh! Now there's a thought! :P

I don't understand why people consider something that dangerous to be edible. Oh this could be delicious nuggets or it could be poison! Seriously people, what is so great about chicken that despite being ridiculously dangerous and ridiculously cruel (way more so usually than other meats), you can't resist it? Especially since allegedly everything else tastes just like it.

You make a good point, but I was born in the South and as a kid we were so poor that my mom claims she fed my sister and I the chickens that were too large to get chopped up for KFC. I've never really asked the specifics of that story (why would I want to know more?), but she mentions it A LOT, so I'm partial to believing it's true. Also, I know one of her uncles owns a shit load of chicken... farms? houses? I don't know what they're called, but they're long-ass buildings that hold thousands of chicks apiece. Disgusting.

Oh, anyways. I love chicken, and I don't think anything tastes like chicken except chicken. A fucking rotisserie, though? I shudder at the very thought.

So you're too lazy to cook and you hate children.

Yip. He is a moron indeed.

I make up for it with having a charming personality that does not include outbursts of inconsolable rage. ;)

I gotta say that I'm surprised, he didn't start crying until about 30 minutes ago. I've seen my share of sickness, but he sounds absolutely dreadful and I'm loving every second of it. I haven't heard him throw up, though. So I don't think he contracted something really nasty, just fucked up his insides real good.

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He deserves this. Thinking I'd eat a goddamn rotisserie chicken... Y'know his stunt messed with my entire digestive plan? By the time the Chinese arrived it was already halftime. Which meant that I hadn't had time to digest my food before the Bills predictably shat down their legs and made me want to vomit. 

 

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So I told the BF to grab something to eat on the way home so that I wouldn't have to get off my own ass.

He comes home with a store rotisserie chicken (one of those things that you buy off a hotplate in a bag), which is just fucking disgusting for obvious reasons. So I called him an idiot and ordered Chinese, but since he's gross he decided to eat it.

I'm watching the football game and he carries this nasty hunk of meat to sit next to me, and I see that it's RAW. And he's EATING IT!!! I'm not talking like a tiny smudge of pink or a bit of blood or whatever. This shit is pale white over 50% of it and a dark pink on the other half. He says he didn't notice.

I don't know... I just am questioning everything right now. On the one hand, he's pretty, we like each other, we have a great relationship, he's gainfully employed, and emotionally stable... On the other hand, he not only bought a rotisserie chicken... it was raw and he was eating it. If he doesn't die tonight, I might have to leave him in the middle of the woods or something.

So you'd rather eat nasty Chinese food than a rotisserie chicken? Did you even say thank you to this guy for his efforts?

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You are the moron in this case.

 

Tasty grocery store rotisserie chicken > Chinese food. Every single time.

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