Be as unhelpful as possible 2.to

[Count Balerion]

Emilia Cl... We need to get our minds out of the gutter. Not to mention she isn't really an ASOIAF character.

Why can't everyone in Westetros just get along?

 

[Ashara_Dayne]

Pineapple on pizza controversy

What is missing in Kings Landing?

[Raisin' Bran]

Human decency, basic sanitation, farms, Highgarden, Winterfell, runaways, dragons, Symon Silvertongue, direwolves, peace, his food, someone's wine, that Dornishman, that other Dornishman, 6 Tyrell men, Arya Stark, Tyrek Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, that bastard of King Robert's, the hand of the wight that Aliser Thorne brought from The Wall, half of Grand Maester Pycelle's poisons, Qyburn's conscience and humanity, Cersei's sanity, the Hound, the last tax collection, the tax collection before that, Aurane Waters, Cersei's dromunds, Cersei's hair, hot-mix asphalt pavement, 80% of Aerys' wildfire inventory, Widow's Wail, that turnkey from the Black Cells, Varys, that prostitute that @Count Balerion likes so much, and Robb Stark's head.

 

What crops can you grow in the snow?

[Col Cinders]

Snow cones, piña coladas, and frozen spinach.

 

If fAegon is the Mummer's Dragon because he is only pretending to be a Targ then is Jon Snow a Mummer's Bastard?

[Count Balerion]

That mummer certainly got around. I only hope the mother isn't the  prostitute I like so much.

What's the difference between mo and zo?

[Col Cinders]

That difference would be the qualities, valuations, and distinguishing characteristics gap between mo and zo.

 

In an age before antibiotics and topical balms, how does one hire a prostitute that he likes without risk of catching the VD that is funny but also horrible?

 

 

[Queen of Procrastination]

Have you tried googleing it?

What's wrong with putting pineapples on pizzas? 

[Count Balerion]

Too many Ps.

What's a snog of ice and fire?

[Col Cinders]

Ever receive a trouser-friendly kiss from a woman who has deviously secreted an ice cube on her tongue?

 

When will the oleanders bloom?

[Raisin' Bran]

You could ask the Gardener Kings, but they are all dead.

What is a Lord Commander good for?

[Ashara_Dayne]

paperwork.

How does a three eyed raven dry his toes?

[Count Balerion]

Let me google that for you.

Is GRRM covering up a MURDER?

[Howlin' Howland]

It would be hard to hide a murder of crows.

How does Aegon plan on capturing Storm's End?

[Col Cinders]

He uses a flat map, chips, icons, and small representative statuary.

 

Why does Emma Caulfield not return my emails?

[Raisin' Bran]

I am sure it has nothing to do with your overly suspicious-looking username.

If a red comet is really important to the people of Westeros, how important would a solar eclipse be?

[Weeping Sore]

More important than a solar éclair, but not much.

If Qartheen dresses leave one breast uncovered, do Qartheen pants for men display one scrotal lobe?

[Ashara_Dayne]

That would require a massive amount of tailoring.

What would happen if a vampire was fighting the white walkers? Can they be turned?

[Count Balerion]

Only if they signal first.

Why is Westeros so icky? Liek eeew gross.

[Raisin' Bran]

There are arguments to be made for and against it.

When did Sandor "The Hound" Clegane get his nickname?

[Col Cinders]

His name was given during the implied backstory.

 

Aegon the unlikely was installed as ruler by what could be described as a parliamentary or even republican process and yet his reforms were designed to empower the common folk at the expense of the very same nobility that put him on the iron throne.  Given that he was, in a very real sense, working against the establishment, do you think his hatching scheme was sabotaged and could it have succeeded if not for the saboteurs?