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Dating: to play the part of the one who doesn't wait

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15 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

well...i don't think he fancies me at all and just sees me as a friend so that's okay i guess lmao i like him as a person a lot anyway he's really funny so it is what it is 

Attraction isn't always immediate. If you have a good friendship, things might change. If not, you still have a friend. Win win, as long as being in his company doesn't sting too much. I've had to step back from friendships because of this, it sucks.

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4 hours ago, mankytoes said:

Attraction isn't always immediate. If you have a good friendship, things might change. If not, you still have a friend. Win win, as long as being in his company doesn't sting too much. I've had to step back from friendships because of this, it sucks.

I hope it doesn't sting - I'm usually good at distancing myself romantically from people once I know there's no chance/no point and I've luckily never been hurt from that but yeah I'm definitely seeing it as a win win as a friend :)

On the other hand a customer came in and I was actually blushing just talking to him an thought I'm going a bit mad as he wasn't like Hollywood hot but I thought he was cute and we were just talking about spaceballs and galaxy quest!! And even the girl on till next to me joked "that was literally your future husband wow I could feel it I almost told him to ask for your number" and apparantly I'm so starved of attention I've been thinking about this 5 min encounter all day :lol: such is my life 

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1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

On the other hand a customer came in and I was actually blushing just talking to him an thought I'm going a bit mad as he wasn't like Hollywood hot but I thought he was cute and we were just talking about spaceballs and galaxy quest!! And even the girl on till next to me joked "that was literally your future husband wow I could feel it I almost told him to ask for your number" and apparantly I'm so starved of attention I've been thinking about this 5 min encounter all day :lol: such is my life 

Hey - sometimes there are people you just resonate with, and they "feel right".  I guess that's what some people call chemistry.  It's awesome when you find people like that!

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So. I'm back in these waters. Not sure I remember how to swim!

I'm thinking I'm going to stick with the month-per-year guideline and wait 6 months before I even think about getting back into a relationship. But pondering whether going for some fun in the meantime would be helpful or stressful. Honestly the idea of dealing with new men and strange penises sounds exhausting, and my low libido was a factor in my breakup, so I'm not rushing to sign up for Tinder quite yet...

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58 minutes ago, Salome Sand Witch said:

Hey - sometimes there are people you just resonate with, and they "feel right".  I guess that's what some people call chemistry.  It's awesome when you find people like that!

I never usually feel that way about people so it was also nice to have someone external actually validate like "yes this person fancied you" lmao otherwise I'm hopeless

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Belated congrats Starkess! I couldn't say this on FB cos he might read it and cause trouble, but your ex was always a douche and you're well rid. :cheers:

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8 hours ago, MinDonner said:

Belated congrats Starkess! I couldn't say this on FB cos he might read it and cause trouble, but your ex was always a douche and you're well rid. :cheers:

Haha thanks! I miss him but I'm also pretty okay with it at this point.

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On 12/9/2017 at 8:16 PM, Starkess said:

So. I'm back in these waters. Not sure I remember how to swim!

I'm thinking I'm going to stick with the month-per-year guideline and wait 6 months before I even think about getting back into a relationship. But pondering whether going for some fun in the meantime would be helpful or stressful. Honestly the idea of dealing with new men and strange penises sounds exhausting, and my low libido was a factor in my breakup, so I'm not rushing to sign up for Tinder quite yet...

I did not know this was a thing - the month per year guide. I would've waited over a year before dating again in that case.

Personally, when I was asking myself the same question I received conflicting advice from friends. Someone told me that yes, you can date soon after a break up but obviously not start a relationship (I disagree). A very wise friend from this board told me that some relationships are over before they end. And that explains a lot about why you can feel ready to move on earlier than you'd expect. 

But rather than follow rules you should do whatever feels right to you now. I think you absolutely can date for fun without being concerned about dealing with any penises. 

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Omg I went on 4 dates in 4 days and I'm so exhausted. Having fun though!!

9 hours ago, Isis said:

I did not know this was a thing - the month per year guide. I would've waited over a year before dating again in that case.

Personally, when I was asking myself the same question I received conflicting advice from friends. Someone told me that yes, you can date soon after a break up but obviously not start a relationship (I disagree). A very wise friend from this board told me that some relationships are over before they end. And that explains a lot about why you can feel ready to move on earlier than you'd expect. 

But rather than follow rules you should do whatever feels right to you now. I think you absolutely can date for fun without being concerned about dealing with any penises. 

Well I just view it as a guideline to help orient my decision-making. Last time I decided not to date anyone, I ended up in a 6-year relationship, so this time I'm going to try to hold the line a little harder. I barely spent any time single in between three relationships since I was 21 and I think it'll be good for me.

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Ugh dating is the WORST. I've been dating around casually, and I just started seeing this guy and was super into him right away. I had also just been starting to feel like sleeping around was starting to get a little boring. So of course I started fantasizing...but I was cautious because I didn't want to scare this dude (my profile clearly states that I am not interested in a relationship). And thennnn he texts me this morning that he is seeing someone else he wants to focus on because he is looking for a more concrete partner. Fucking fuck.

I mean obviously it's not like it would have worked out anyway, he's clearly into this other person, but it's just so easy to second guess yourself. This is why I try not to like people. The good ones have better options and the crappy ones aren't really worth the effort.

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Has anybody here ever been in an intense relationship?  What's that actually mean when two intense people get together and have emotional, physical and intellectual chemistry?

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Christ yu know what at this point my vagina is just going to shrivel up and FALL OFF (not 100% about that being anomiclly corref5) have massive crush on dude for months & all he doe Is taking about girls he want' to shag who aren' me LOL oh my go I swear I'm not a female nice guy but I jut need to accept we are friends and I lie him ad a friend and try and make an effort elsewhere I'm DRUNK by the way and I haven' had sex in my 20s ONCE what a WASTE tho I can' help that I'm ugly FFS

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Sorry you're having a rough time of it. You're definitely not ugly though so please try not to let that prey on your mind (I know that sort of thing is easier said than done). I can sympathise, though I'm not in your specific situation. Rather, my horizon is looking extremely empty right now. I'm socialising more than at any other time in my life, but it can be frustrating to not have any prospects.

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Thank you i know I'll be embarrassed about these posts when I wake up but right now I'm just going to feel sorry for myself because I'm the most stable and happy (in other ways) ibe been in awhile but I'm just HOPELESS with romance stuff and think it's about time I ran away to the woods and set up a cottage as some xrazy recluse witch except that wouldn't help because in every other area of my life I'm doing pretty OK ugh I hate being a corporeal being I'm going to become a weird asexual blob creature which is HOW EVERYONE SEES ME ANYWAY lmfao 

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4 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

I'm the most stable and happy (in other ways) ibe been in awhile but I'm just HOPELESS with romance stuff

Ha, you just basically summed up my entire life right now, so don't worry you're definitely not alone in this. Personally I've decided to be a bit fatalistic about it. I know that actively looking for a partner makes me feel stressed and miserable, but I don't want to close myself off either. So I remain open to the possibility of meeting someone but I don't go out of my way to look. I'm just gonna do my thing, enjoy my hobbies, chill with friends, try new things, get out and about, keep busy. If I happen to meet someone compatible, then cool. If not, oh well, that's just the way life shakes out sometimes. I don't know if that approach would work for you - it's entirely a personal thing - but for me it helps me maintain a sense of equilibrium.

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On 3/10/2018 at 2:14 PM, SpaceChampion said:

Has anybody here ever been in an intense relationship?  What's that actually mean when two intense people get together and have emotional, physical and intellectual chemistry?

Yes.

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14 minutes ago, Liffguard said:

Ha, you just basically summed up my entire life right now, so don't worry you're definitely not alone in this. Personally I've decided to be a bit fatalistic about it. I know that actively looking for a partner makes me feel stressed and miserable, but I don't want to close myself off either. So I remain open to the possibility of meeting someone but I don't go out of my way to look. I'm just gonna do my thing, enjoy my hobbies, chill with friends, try new things, get out and about, keep busy. If I happen to meet someone compatible, then cool. If not, oh well, that's just the way life shakes out sometimes. I don't know if that approach would work for you - it's entirely a personal thing - but for me it helps me maintain a sense of equilibrium.

I think that's a good attitude and most of the time I'm absolutely 100% the same way and fine with it. Guess I'm just feeling a bit weird today becase I'be been ill so it' the first time I've left the house in 2 weeks and feeling a bit weird socially.  But my degree and work opportunities seem to be pretty good right now and soon to be pasing my driving test & then the world is my oyster!!! Maybe

 

^_^ thank you x

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19 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

But my degree and work opportunities seem to be pretty good right now and soon to be pasing my driving test & then the world is my oyster!!! Maybe

That's good to hear. And no maybe about it, you've got this.

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Theda, if it helps any - my experience is that when I was most happy with myself and my life, that is when people noticed that and that is when things started happening in this particular direction too. ;) So you are on a good path, I am sure something will come along for you.

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