Jump to content

Mental Wellbeing Thread


HexMachina

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Struggling lately. Isolating myself and feeling like the least likeable person and that no one wants to be around me. Can’t wait to pass my driving test and start going to meet ups or something 

Hey, I feel just like that a lot lately. So, if it helps, you're not alone. Good luck on your driving test!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Liver and Onions said:

Hey, I feel just like that a lot lately. So, if it helps, you're not alone. Good luck on your driving test!

Thank you! 

What is worse is a friend invited me out today to hang at their place for a bit and I have to walk half an hour to the train station, catch a train to their town and then walk up this massive hill to get there and honestly I’m just not feeling it - so I’m as much to blame as anything else really 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Thank you! 

What is worse is a friend invited me out today to hang at their place for a bit and I have to walk half an hour to the train station, catch a train to their town and then walk up this massive hill to get there and honestly I’m just not feeling it - so I’m as much to blame as anything else really 

There are definitely instances for me where the opportunity to do something with friends is there, but the driving distances make my heart shrivel. And being so worn out from everyday work and such and socializing feels like more work. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

A very good friend of mine tried to kill himself two days ago. Or at the very least, he got as far as getting the equipment together that he was going to use. Luckily another friend just so happened to message him, he confessed what was going, and said friend talked him down. I only found out when I randomly messaged him about something totally different, and he spilled his guts to me as well. Ended up inviting him over for tea and just chatting the evening away. I have no idea if this was a good response or not, or if I should have been directing him towards more professional resources. This is so totally beyond my wheelhouse I don't really know how to respond. But when in doubt, make tea and talk it out, right? Fuck me I'm out of my depth.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Liffguard this sounds exactly the right thing to do (disclaimer: not a professional judgement, my opinion) - good on you for your heart leading you this way.  It's great he is talking to friends and you are there for him.  You could broach medical/professional support services as well*, but I'm sure this was the immediate and warm thing that he needed and will continue to benefit from, his friends rallying around and listening to him.

* you could actually seek this out for yourself, as support for you dealing with this and advice on how to handle it (I once rang the Samaritans because I'd just spoken to a stranger moments before he killed himself by jumping off a bridge - and they said things which helped me) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 minutes ago, Liffguard said:

A very good friend of mine tried to kill himself two days ago. Or at the very least, he got as far as getting the equipment together that he was going to use. Luckily another friend just so happened to message him, he confessed what was going, and said friend talked him down. I only found out when I randomly messaged him about something totally different, and he spilled his guts to me as well. Ended up inviting him over for tea and just chatting the evening away. I have no idea if this was a good response or not, or if I should have been directing him towards more professional resources. This is so totally beyond my wheelhouse I don't really know how to respond. But when in doubt, make tea and talk it out, right? Fuck me I'm out of my depth.

 

Im really sorry to hear about your friend being in such bad shape but I honestly think you did exactly the right thing and just being a warm and caring friend will be immensely important. Too many people don’t realise just how many people genuinely care about them. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Sophelia said:

* you could actually seek this out for yourself, as support for you dealing with this and advice on how to handle it (I once rang the Samaritans because I'd just spoken to a stranger moments before he killed himself by jumping off a bridge - and they said things which helped me) 

I've actually been doing research into local therapists anyway for unrelated issues. There have been a few times in the past couple of months where I've found myself on the verge of what I suspect were panic attacks. Both my siblings have been dealing with anxiety, so I wouldn't be entirely surprised if it's rearing its head with me as well. There have been other issues as well; loneliness, uncertainty about the future, issues of personal identity. I actually found talking to my friend helped calm my own issues, even as I was focusing on listening to his.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Okay... I'm so done with this family... For six years my parents fought this messy divorce on top of my head. For six years every day was just a constant state of fear and anxiety and mudslinging since my mother lives at my place. I got yelled at for 'not caring enough' when I was too emotionally overwhelmed to give any sound advice and whenever I stand up and try to be the translator between both sides all it does is getting myself yelled at to shut up. By both sides.

It's so unbelievably exhausting... no wonder every time it gets inflamed again I end up an emotional trainwreck who keeps sabotaging my own life. And it is so infuriating how helpless I feel. Gah. It's my own fucking flat and I feel like I have no place to escape to except yelling out my frustration at the internet. God damn it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/30/2018 at 11:48 AM, Toth said:

Okay... I'm so done with this family... For six years my parents fought this messy divorce on top of my head. For six years every day was just a constant state of fear and anxiety and mudslinging since my mother lives at my place. I got yelled at for 'not caring enough' when I was too emotionally overwhelmed to give any sound advice and whenever I stand up and try to be the translator between both sides all it does is getting myself yelled at to shut up. By both sides.

It's so unbelievably exhausting... no wonder every time it gets inflamed again I end up an emotional trainwreck who keeps sabotaging my own life. And it is so infuriating how helpless I feel. Gah. It's my own fucking flat and I feel like I have no place to escape to except yelling out my frustration at the internet. God damn it...

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Before my parents separated, I had to hear them argue and yell quite often while growing up. I can sympathize with the part of being in a constant state of fear and anxiety. When I heard them yelling, I'd close my eyes and cover my ears, trying my best to retreat into my own mind, hoping it would all stop.

On being overwhelmed, all I can say is to go out and take a walk. Use it as an opportunity to clear your mind. I also reccomend diaphragmatic breathing, it's helped me out when I feel my anxiety creeping up on me. I hope this helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/11/2018 at 4:27 AM, KingintheNorth4 said:

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Before my parents separated, I had to hear them argue and yell quite often while growing up. I can sympathize with the part of being in a constant state of fear and anxiety. When I heard them yelling, I'd close my eyes and cover my ears, trying my best to retreat into my own mind, hoping it would all stop.

Thanks and likewise, I'm sorry. I know that it's like 50% of all kids have to live with their parents going separate ways, but it's the ugly, messy divorces that leave scars. I always keep wondering whether it would have been a blessing if my parents separated earlier, before so much hate and resentment was bottled up. Because seriously.... It's been six years now and this nonsense is still going on...

Also wow. I thought I was the only one who did that as a coping mechanism. Retreating to my computer and focus my mind on writing stories that had nothing to do with this whatsoever. Unfortunately my mother didn't take kindly to this and kept yelling at me why I'm not crying or acting like I'm driven insane and that my behavior is a sign that I don't care enough for her. It were these accusation that drove me over the edge back then. And even today I notice that I still keep diving headfirst into work whenever these conflicts erupt again and once again this accusatory tone keeps popping up. I'm not doing enough for her, I don't give enough support for her, I'm just another selfish asshole who can leave and die.

On 11/11/2018 at 4:27 AM, KingintheNorth4 said:

On being overwhelmed, all I can say is to go out and take a walk. Use it as an opportunity to clear your mind. I also recommend diaphragmatic breathing, it's helped me out when I feel my anxiety creeping up on me. I hope this helps.

Thanks, but nothing of this could help me, specifically. Mostly because I'm utterly unable to 'power down' and give myself any kind of break. I've forced myself to focus on myself the last holidays and came out even more exhausted than before, because when I try to relax I end up in a constant state of regretting what I'm doing. That I don't deserve any break because there is still so much work I'm just pushing away. That all this will catch up to me and then I'm screwed. It also doesn't help that this fear of my mother's reactions is also present here as well. She does indeed deride it as stupid that I'm working until my body shuts down, but when she sees me taking a break she also makes pointed sarcastic remarks about how good I have it to have finished everything. This last week was especially bad. Almost all of my lessons were cancelled because of some stupid events and because of this I had more free time as usual... free time I spent with an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, a myriad of ways my body shut down and when I tried to get myself some rest I was wrecked with guilt and anxiety while I kept getting these accusatory remarks.

I guess it's quite telling that I'm copying her own coping mechanisms as well. She too has massive health troubles lately and still goes to her awful and taxing minijob and when I express my worry and recommend going to the doctor instead, she screeches that she can't afford not working because we would run out of money if she gets told to take a leave (which isn't true). I believe that's why she reacts so harsh to my attempts to do something for myself: She keeps getting the impression that I have it easier than her and that I'm subconsciously rubbing that into her face... Right now I'm just deadly afraid that we are just two miserable people constantly resenting each other... which is what her marriage was, exactly...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wouldn’t normally qualify, but we just learned we might have lost our baby...just found out we were for sure pregnant a week ago...and we can’t get another test until Monday, so we’re going through a really tough time atm. I’ve had almost no sleep this week as is...these next 3 days were going to be my zonk out days...and my gf is just...breaking. She was so incredibly happy since we got word, like glowing all day every day. Until today. Now she’s alternately trying to actively distract herself or going through spiralling bouts of self-blame and helplessness. 

I’m not in a great place and would appreciate any advice. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, James Arryn said:

I’m not in a great place and would appreciate any advice. 

I do not know how you or, especially, your girlfriend handle stress, nor do I know anything about your situation. And I have never been in really comparable situation. There was this one time, but that was years past and a miscarriage of a sibling, not a child. So there is not any concrete advice I can give. If you absolytely want something, all I can say, is try to be strong for her, for your child, and absolutely do not give up hope as long as there is any left.

I prayed for your child, you, and your GF, and with or without your permission, I still mean to, for now. You may not think that helps any. Someone might even actually get angry. But someone, somewhere, cared that much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, James Arryn said:

Wouldn’t normally qualify, but we just learned we might have lost our baby...just found out we were for sure pregnant a week ago...and we can’t get another test until Monday, so we’re going through a really tough time atm. I’ve had almost no sleep this week as is...these next 3 days were going to be my zonk out days...and my gf is just...breaking. She was so incredibly happy since we got word, like glowing all day every day. Until today. Now she’s alternately trying to actively distract herself or going through spiralling bouts of self-blame and helplessness. 

I’m not in a great place and would appreciate any advice. 

I have been where you are now. There is no easy answer and nothing to make the pain any less. There is no blame and nothing you could have done differently. Just hold your gf and be there for her

My wife and I had this happen twice and it is a terrible thing to have to go through. Get some sleep and accept that you did nothing wrong. Take care. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, James Arryn said:

Wouldn’t normally qualify, but we just learned we might have lost our baby...just found out we were for sure pregnant a week ago...and we can’t get another test until Monday, so we’re going through a really tough time atm. I’ve had almost no sleep this week as is...these next 3 days were going to be my zonk out days...and my gf is just...breaking. She was so incredibly happy since we got word, like glowing all day every day. Until today. Now she’s alternately trying to actively distract herself or going through spiralling bouts of self-blame and helplessness. 

I’m not in a great place and would appreciate any advice. 

I'm really sorry to hear that. My wife and I went through the same thing last year.

Not much I can really say, except that it's more common that a lot of people realise, and there was nothing you could have done differently.  Between 1 in 5 and 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, mostly very early on. It's sadly just one of these things.

When my wife fell pregnant again this year, we told no one until after the 12 week scan, and it was a very nervous time, though it all ended well.  If the worst has happened and you try again later, try and assure your partner there's no reason to think it would happen again.  The doctor should be able to give you advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone for sharing. It helped. It’s been a drawn out process, but it ended this morning. We’re pretty shattered, and I haven’t slept since it began on...Thursday? God, it seems months ago now. So, our baby is gone, and it hurts more than I could ever have imagined, but at least we can sleep now. Thanks again for your kindness and advice. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
On 11/21/2018 at 5:17 PM, James Arryn said:

Thanks everyone for sharing. It helped. It’s been a drawn out process, but it ended this morning. We’re pretty shattered, and I haven’t slept since it began on...Thursday? God, it seems months ago now. So, our baby is gone, and it hurts more than I could ever have imagined, but at least we can sleep now. Thanks again for your kindness and advice. 

I don’t come to this section of the forum that much and I missed this at the time, so firstly I want to apologise if this brings up feelings you had dealt with.

Secondly I really want to offer my sympathy and support to both you and your gf, I had a miscarriage in 2015 and really relate to the feelings of loss, grief, helplessness and guilt that you both must feel.

All I can say is try not to hold yourselves responsible, unfortunately and very cruelly it can happen sometimes.

Now, as a mother to a very happy,healthy and bouncy one year old, I can say, you guys will get there, and nothing will bring you greater joy or happiness when you do :).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...