Mental Wellbeing Thread

[Toth]

On 2/2/2020 at 9:41 PM, TsarGrey said:

*smiles lopsidedly* My "take" is more of a habit to think people taking their places in a sliding Jungian scale of introverts and extroverts, and recharging their energy in different ways, either by solitary relaxation or social interaction. It is my observation that people in general are curiously social, and not everyone appears to treat others mostly - but, mind you, not wholly - as a chore like I do. Some of them in turn try to urge me be more socially active, and may actually think I'm lonely when I merely wish to have some alone space where there's none you need to take into account. Of course I in turn probably fail to understand them.

Mmh... I then think we are talking of different problems. I may be quite firmly on the "introvert" side as well (or at least on the "so mentally scarred that I approach most human interaction with a deep distrust" side), but my problem is more two different states causing each other. One state is the loneliness caused by the lacking of any intimacy whatsoever. The other state is my exhaustion from work that causes me abandon all attempts to change the former. And makes me increasingly aware that due to my inefficiency in dealing with my workload I end up watching the weeks, months and ultimately years pass by with nothing ever changing. Yes, I appreciate settling into a steady job, but to me this also marked the end of the time of youth and the time I should have used more on trying to do all the things normal people do to find themselves and build up at least the bare minimum of social contacts to fall back upon. But like any other great plans, all done. All the time spent rushing through my studies and now all my time ineffectively grinding myself down with ever smaller looking gaps where I am ending up stressing myself out about whether I should allow myself to relax or rather have to finish all the dozens of things I still have to do and then ending up doing neither.

On 2/2/2020 at 9:41 PM, TsarGrey said:

Out of curiosity - feel free to not answer if that's personal for some reason - where abroad would you like to work?

Well, I've got a specific German school abroad on my mind that looks great, but I am pretty sure that with my average grade on my state exam and my inability to find the time to fill my CV with things I can abandon that thought as well. It's hopeless.

On 2/2/2020 at 9:41 PM, TsarGrey said:

I sort of burnt out (may be incorrect term, but not going to my own problems) as a teen or somewhere around that age. Anyway, as said, I would hope that you avoid that. You might well burn out harder and not get up near as easily. 

Sorry to hear that you had to make that experience, though it is great you managed to rise above that. Yeah, at the moment I just don't know what to do. Especially since most of these things are just my demons that I have outrun mostly by throwing myself even harder into work finally catching up on me.

[Ivan Tsarevich]

4 hours ago, Toth said:

Mmh... I then think we are talking of different problems. I may be quite firmly on the "introvert" side as well (or at least on the "so mentally scarred that I approach most human interaction with a deep distrust" side), but my problem is more two different states causing each other. One state is the loneliness caused by the lacking of any intimacy whatsoever. The other state is my exhaustion from work that causes me abandon all attempts to change the former. And makes me increasingly aware that due to my inefficiency in dealing with my workload I end up watching the weeks, months and ultimately years pass by with nothing ever changing. Yes, I appreciate settling into a steady job, but to me this also marked the end of the time of youth and the time I should have used more on trying to do all the things normal people do to find themselves and build up at least the bare minimum of social contacts to fall back upon. But like any other great plans, all done. All the time spent rushing through my studies and now all my time ineffectively grinding myself down with ever smaller looking gaps where I am ending up stressing myself out about whether I should allow myself to relax or rather have to finish all the dozens of things I still have to do and then ending up doing neither.

You see, I do not have a problem here. I merely prize privacy and solitude very highly. And as it appears to my eye that you suffer from the lack of it, I encouraged you to seek it, or more broadly, to find a way to relax. I think this as something that might lessen the chance of a burnout (though I didn't think that exact term before you mentioned it). What's more, we humans obviously need rest to be, among other things, better at work. You yourself say that you grind ineffectively. You also write that you have no social contacts to fall on, so that makes your own self all the more important. If there's none to help you up, don't fall.

I realize that it may not be very helpful to tell someone struggling with a workload to get time for himself, or tell stressed person to stress less, but I'd say that trying to change trajectory before the possible burnout happens is nevertheless preferable.

Otherwise, I disagree with the notion that it would be too late to build social contacts, but shall not touch that matter further.

4 hours ago, Toth said:

Well, I've got a specific German school abroad on my mind that looks great, but I am pretty sure that with my average grade on my state exam and my inability to find the time to fill my CV with things I can abandon that thought as well. It's hopeless.

I do not know what state exam is. Google offers German Staatsexamen and Russian Unified State Exam, and given the word 'state', it might also be something from the US. I'll settle for the first.

Regardless, so to say, word 'hopeless' is not a judgment, it's a challenge. And even if the requirements are truly too high, one might expect there to be other opportunities, if you have any interest in them.

[KingintheNorth4]

The past several days have been tough emotionally. Me and my mother took our cat Cookie to a vet to see why she had been showing signs of having allergies but wasn't getting any better. After dropping her off at the vet, they called my mom at work several hours later to tell her that Cookie has a tumor in her mouth that's been growing aggressively.

I'll be honest, I was never a "pet" person, but when you live with a pet for over ten years, you can't help but become attached to them, and them attached to you. As much as I'm hurting from this news, I know my mother is hurting worse.

[RhaenysBee]

I suppose this is the place to say or at least type things like ‘my father finally admitted that he moved away after not visiting our family home for months’ out loud? 

I should tell this to people I actually know too. Because it’s important to let the reality sink in. Because it’s not my responsibility to protect anybody’s public image. Because no matter how old you are the breaking up of the family your grew up in will always affect you. Because it’s a perfectly normal and common practice for people to separate. Because the event was inevitable and long overdue. 

I wouldn’t say I’m surprised or hurt. I suppose it just feels like something I had known for a long time was brought to my attention. What upset me was how upset my sister is, understandably of course.

[snip]

I do feel a bit weird myself. I mean I’m not sure how we will celebrate Christmas. There was nothing else that we shared as a family anymore so I suppose that’s my only question. And I do wonder if we will see where he lives. I guess we will once it’s not a temporary place and he buys a new house. Or the family hub will be my flat now. It seems to be for now as he comes here to spend time with my sister and I. That feels weirdly grownup. Maybe I will host Christmas and make them all come and put on a smile. There would be some mean satisfaction in that. 

[snip]

[RhaenysBee]

/snip 

 

[RhaenysBee]

I just know the world is dying to read about my family drama. I’m sure I can delete these later so it doesn’t bother the flow of the thread. And I will probably feel like I exposed too much in a few days anyway. 

/snip

the above mentioned is happening. 

[Toth]

@RhaenysBee: Well first of all, let me tell you that you are doing a great job in keeping an overview on such a messy situation. I wish you all the best and that things will soon calm down (somewhat).

Truth be told, divorces are always messy. There is this myth of people deciding to part ways amicably, but that's not going to happen when all people involved have invested so many years in a relationship (and then invested some more out of obligation or laziness even after it has become clear that things aren't working out). And I have been in a somewhat similar situation when it happened, though probably caught a bit more in the crossfire as I was still living at home. At that time I basically just wanted to bury my head in my computer keyboard and fled into writing to avoid thinking about all this. (...)

(...)

I'm sorry... I probably only confirmed what you already know, given how much of a grasp on the situation you already display, but only know that you are not the first in such a situation and certainly not the last. There is always a life afterwards and the sooner your family realizes that, the better it will be for the mental health of all involved.

Edit: I cropped my reply in accordance to your editing of your own post in order to avoid talking about the things you erased.

[RhaenysBee]

Thank you @Toth for sharing your thoughts and own experiences. 

I do agree that separations are messy, indeed. And I must say in retrospect that it was naive of me to assume that at any point in our lives this might go down, well not smoothly but least In a level-head manner. 

/snip

With that, we may or may not have come to the end of the first act of this drama. 

if you read to the end, thanks again for sharing your thoughts and sympathy! 

 

——

 

allow me to add that even though I deleted most of my rants about this whole family separation topic, I do feel very grateful to this forum, which has once again helped me navigate myself through a challenging time. 
I appreciate that I could rant here and thank the board and all of so much. 

 

[Buckwheat]

 Always here for you, Rhae. And if you need somebody to rant just slightly more privately, my inbox is also open for you. I hope all your family members manage to pick up the pieces for themselves and figure out what they want to do, and that you keep a good relationship with both of your parents.

[RhaenysBee]

2 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

 Always here for you, Rhae. And if you need somebody to rant just slightly more privately, my inbox is also open for you. I hope all your family members manage to pick up the pieces for themselves and figure out what they want to do, and that you keep a good relationship with both of your parents.

 thank you so much, I really appreciate your words! Everybody seems to be much calmer now, I suppose it was the natural course of life that things had to get worse before they could get better. And thank you, I have every intention to make sure of that. 

[KingintheNorth4]

I hope everyone is doing well during the pandemic.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Sigh, I guess this is the best place to write this. For many years I'e been a relatively high functioning alcoholic. For better or worse I never vomit when I drink, even if the binge drinking has been excessive. A few nights ago I really hurt my HS sweetheart. The details don't matter, but I was wrong, and I did it impart because I was trashed. 

I have not slept since I woke up Saturday morning, and I polished off most of a 1.75 over the last two days. And on the following mornings I woke up vomiting my guts out all day, and yet I still kept hitting the bottle. Happened this morning again, so the third straight morning. And I'm fucking done with this. I've set my life back years due to this, and as I sat there on the floor, shit running down my face, and I made myself a promise, this ends now. I can't go cold turkey, but I made myself a road map to get to 0-2 drinks a day except at parties, and I hope it takes less than two weeks. This is going to be the hardest battle of my life, and I know I will fail at times, but if I don't try I'm never going to live out my dreams, and I had such great expectations just a few years ago. To travel the world, to becoming a lawyer or get to a PhD, to have healthy relationships with women. And to stop letting my family down. So here goes nothing.

I want to sincerely apologize to any and everyone I was a dick to here when I logged on while smashed. This is not going to be fun. It will be easier if I still get this week and next off.

[Guest]

On 6/8/2020 at 12:30 PM, Tywin et al. said:

snip

Good for you mate. Pulling for you.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Well looks like my drinking days are over. Monday night I had a seizure from alcohol withdrawal and now I have to go on this stupid medicine for a long ass time. 

Time to go buy a fat bag of weed I guess.  

[Zorral]

Best of fortune and support in this massive life change.

 

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Sounds like a really difficult situation - hard to realize, and sounds like hard to have forced sobriety with a med.
 

I’ve been sober for 18 months - it’s a long adjustment, and I wish you the best as you work through what you have to.  Good workout routines and self care help - other obvious bits of advice available if needed.

[Joe Pesci]

9 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

Well looks like my drinking days are over. Monday night I had a seizure from alcohol withdrawal and now I have to go on this stupid medicine for a long ass time. 

Time to go buy a fat bag of weed I guess.  

I was in the hospital from a work injury for almost six weeks several years back, and that time along with the resulting 8 plus months of the injury healing forced me to quit smoking (pack and a half a day) and it really cut my drinking down to a minimum. To be honest, I couldn't have quit smoking without it happening, tried several times to no avail. I really only drank on weekends by then but it was more weekend alcoholic style 3 day benders. I'll get drunk maybe a handful of times a year nowadays.

I guess my point is that when I was confronted with my own health, and really being lucky to be alive from the accident, up close and personal like that, the changes I needed to make weren't fucking optional anymore. Do it, or I'd be right back in the hospital. Fuck that. It blows that you had a seizure and I hope all is well from that, but use it as a positive and you'll be surprised how much easier quitting will be. Always around if you need an ear man. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

8 hours ago, Joe Pesci said:

I was in the hospital from a work injury for almost six weeks several years back, and that time along with the resulting 8 plus months of the injury healing forced me to quit smoking (pack and a half a day) and it really cut my drinking down to a minimum. To be honest, I couldn't have quit smoking without it happening, tried several times to no avail. I really only drank on weekends by then but it was more weekend alcoholic style 3 day benders. I'll get drunk maybe a handful of times a year nowadays.

I guess my point is that when I was confronted with my own health, and really being lucky to be alive from the accident, up close and personal like that, the changes I needed to make weren't fucking optional anymore. Do it, or I'd be right back in the hospital. Fuck that. It blows that you had a seizure and I hope all is well from that, but use it as a positive and you'll be surprised how much easier quitting will be. Always around if you need an ear man. 

Honestly my biggest motivator, even more than my health, is that my mind will be clear for studying for grad and law school. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

I cannot lie, sobriety is boring as shit.  

[Rippounet]

59 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

I cannot lie, sobriety is boring as shit.  

Yes, yes it is.

I went dry because of Covid. To be fair, I didn't drink that much anymore. I still felt it, literally dreamt I was drunk at least one night.

Alcohol is one hell of a drug. We tend to forget it because it's so well accepted by society, but it's on par with cocaine for addiction or health issues (not to mention all the social ones).

Now that I barely drink I'm kinda worried that nights out with my buddies won't be as fun. Some of them are bona fide alcoholics.

Anyway, best of luck, it'll be tough.