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Mental Wellbeing Thread


HexMachina

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Fresh out of a two-hour fight with sister. 

We both lost self control 5 minutes in. I’m dead on the floor, harakiri’d and strangled by my entrails, basically. Most of the fight happened in messages, so at least we didn’t bother the neighbors too much. Except for my crying fits and the rearranging of the shoe cabinet (don’t even ask, at this point shit was just pouring out of me). 

/snip details

 I actually have never ever witnessed anybody bully another human being like that in real life. Maybe in a film. Well she has been masterful at this for years and years. 

Not sure how we’ll bounce back from this. I suppose we have had worse or similarly terrible fights and came back from it so there’s probably hope.

I also suppose this was a very accurate human and modern day version of a fight our dogs had a few weeks ago. One grabbed the other (who was on the terrace) by the left side of his face and ear and dragged him off the terrace through two wooden rail boards spilling blood everywhere. The terrace dog crawled into the garage and up into the house and lay in front of the bathroom door in shock, bleeding onto a cushion, shaking in his own dried blood, face swollen for two hours before we got him to the vet. That’s how I feel right now. (The vet fixed him, he’s fine now)

Well, three hours ago I started a film but I don’t really feel like I could switch back into it. I also don’t think I’ll sleep tonight soooooooo.... I’ll continue to trash this forum with my nonsense because that’s what the internet is for anyway, isn’t it? 

Thank you for reading the first installment. 

 

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1 hour ago, RhaenysBee said:

Fresh out of a two-hour fight with sister. 

We both lost self control 5 minutes in. I’m dead on the floor, harakiri’d and strangled by my entrails, basically. Most of the fight happened in messages, so at least we didn’t bother the neighbors too much. Except for my crying fits and the rearranging of the shoe cabinet (don’t even ask, at this point shit was just pouring out of me). 

Don’t remember the last time I was called a worthless, good-for-nothing, disgusting, pathetic, psychotic piece of shit so much. (No I’m not exaggerating this are the exact words - though translated) But now my 20-year-old sister who can’t do laundry for herself did me the favor to open my eyes onto how pathetic my life is at almost 28 because someone had to and established that she is in every way superior to me and would be ashamed if she were where I am in life at my age. Because I am nothing and even what little I am is entirely worthless especially in comparison to her, but everybody else too. And I kid myself if I think that “running errands” and “being organized” is anything of value (I would like to note here that her entire boujee flat renovation is run by me, the entire housekeeping of the flat she currently lives in is also run and paid for by me and her pets’ care and training is also run and paid for by me). 

 I actually have never ever witnessed anybody purposely humiliate, bully and mock another human being like that in real life. Maybe in a film. Well she has been masterful at this for years and years. So after delivering thirty blows for every blow I landed, I’m down with complete total knock out. Or whatever they say in wrestling. 

Not sure how we’ll bounce back from this. I suppose we have had worse or similarly terrible fights and came back from it so there’s probably hope. As long as I continue to have zero self-respect, anyway. No sane person would tolerate anybody to speak to them in this manner. So I suppose the psychotic part was true at least.

I also suppose this was a very accurate human and modern day version of a fight our dogs had a few weeks ago. One grabbed the other (who was on the terrace) by the left side of his face and ear and dragged him off the terrace through two wooden rail boards spilling blood everywhere. The terrace dog crawled into the garage and up into the house and lay in front of the bathroom door in shock, bleeding onto a cushion, shaking in his own dried blood, face swollen for two hours before we got him to the vet. That’s how I feel on the inside right now. Like that dog in front of the bathroom, shivering in his own blood, numb with shock. (The vet fixed him, he’s fine now)

Well, three hours ago I started a film but I don’t really feel like I could switch back into it. I also don’t think I’ll sleep tonight soooooooo.... I’ll continue to trash this forum with my nonsense because that’s what the internet is for anyway, isn’t it? 

Thank you for reading the first installment. 

 

Why are you paying bills for someone who treats you like crap? I  would cut the ties until behaviour improves.

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13 minutes ago, maarsen said:

Why are you paying bills for someone who treats you like crap? I  would cut the ties until behaviour improves.

They are technically my bills she lives here temporarily. As for cutting ties, I have wanted to do that too many times to count. the longest we lasted not talking was 5 days when we didn’t live in the same place and 1.5 days now we live in the same place. I’m just waiting for her to grow out of it. Or rather, into handling problems with a minimal level of self-constraint and assertiveness. 
We made things up now...

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Sorry you had someone dumping on you. She was full of crap, you know that right? Charge her a lot of rent money...But seriously the best thing to do in the moment is catch youself, do some active listening, then tell them your feelings, and that it’s not okay to talk to you like that and leave. If I could follow my own advice I would be saintly.

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Just had a bout of sleep paralysis and even though it has a scientific rational explanation I can never really sleep or settle afterwards so I put the light on as soon as I felt comfortable enough and able to move and now I’m just lying awake in bed knowing I won’t sleep till it’s light outside. Getting really disrupted sleep lately. Think I need to go on a major phone detox or something. Pissed off because I only have a few more days to do my dissertation. 

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On 9/21/2020 at 2:42 PM, Xray the Enforcer said:

whooo just scheduled my first appointment with a new therapist. I've never done art therapy before, so this should be something new.

My sister is doing an MA is drama therapy, it sounds really interesting. 

Surely the point of therapy is that the more types there are, the more likely you are to find one that will work for you? 

I'm currently managing a member of staff that has had more tragedy in her life than anyone I've ever known, I'm finding it so difficult, I'm basically devoid of empathy. I know she needs help but have no idea how.  I can follow the tick boxes I have to follow but she needs a dedicated caseworker who understands her situation. The OH part of our organisation is massively failing her (outsourced and impersonal), the NHS are no better. 

 

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4 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Just had a bout of sleep paralysis and even though it has a scientific rational explanation I can never really sleep or settle afterwards so I put the light on as soon as I felt comfortable enough and able to move and now I’m just lying awake in bed knowing I won’t sleep till it’s light outside. Getting really disrupted sleep lately. Think I need to go on a major phone detox or something. Pissed off because I only have a few more days to do my dissertation. 

Ugh. 

Sleep paralysis is terrible!

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5 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

I'm currently managing a member of staff that has had more tragedy in her life than anyone I've ever known, I'm finding it so difficult, I'm basically devoid of empathy. I know she needs help but have no idea how.  I can follow the tick boxes I have to follow but she needs a dedicated caseworker who understands her situation. The OH part of our organisation is massively failing her (outsourced and impersonal), the NHS are no better. 

 

Drama therapy sounds fascinating! I'm not sure it'd be for me, but I can imagine a number of my friends who might benefit from it. 

Re: your colleague. That's a really rough situation, and honestly there's only so much you can do as her manager. But it still really sucks when you have a colleague who needs help and it's beyond your ability to provide it (speaking from experience, here). 

It sounds like she might be better served by finding a therapist in a private practice outside of NHS -- in the US (at least in the larger metro areas) there are healthcare collectives who offer therapy to those who need it, usually at reduced cost or free for those who cannot otherwise afford private medical care. Not sure if that's an option for her. 

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Have until Wednesday to do my dissertation, at present I have 12k words of WORD VOMIT I haven’t been able to work the last week severe sunburn headaches tired low energy I’m not sleeping I’ve ruined my scalp from all the stress scratching I can’t ever concentrate I haven’t slept properly in ages I keep getting sleep paralysis I am TIRED I have NO ENERGY I’m FREAKING OUT

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34 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Have until Wednesday to do my dissertation, at present I have 12k words of WORD VOMIT I haven’t been able to work the last week severe sunburn headaches tired low energy I’m not sleeping I’ve ruined my scalp from all the stress scratching I can’t ever concentrate I haven’t slept properly in ages I keep getting sleep paralysis I am TIRED I have NO ENERGY I’m FREAKING OUT

Have you explained this to your supervisor or chatted to your personal tutor/academic advisor?  I got major stress with physical symptoms a week before my masters dissertation deadline, talked to my personal tutor who discussed with me the options for applying for extensions etc. which I didn't take in the end because I didn't want to prolong the anxiety, but just knowing there were options just in case did help to reduce the pressure.

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8 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Have until Wednesday to do my dissertation, at present I have 12k words of WORD VOMIT I haven’t been able to work the last week severe sunburn headaches tired low energy I’m not sleeping I’ve ruined my scalp from all the stress scratching I can’t ever concentrate I haven’t slept properly in ages I keep getting sleep paralysis I am TIRED I have NO ENERGY I’m FREAKING OUT

:grouphug:

Try to take a deep breath with the knowledge that you have a lot of people rooting for you!

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1 hour ago, Sophelia said:

Have you explained this to your supervisor or chatted to your personal tutor/academic advisor?  I got major stress with physical symptoms a week before my masters dissertation deadline, talked to my personal tutor who discussed with me the options for applying for extensions etc. which I didn't take in the end because I didn't want to prolong the anxiety, but just knowing there were options just in case did help to reduce the pressure.

I think that asking for an extension might be a little too late now and I know the way my brain works - I kind of just want this shit show to be over lol. Sorry for my total meltdown. I am really tired and a bit sleep deprived. 
 

1 hour ago, Tywin et al. said:

:grouphug:

Try to take a deep breath with the knowledge that you have a lot of people rooting for you!

thank you. I was really not in a good place earlier. Feeling a bit better now, calmed down a little. It’s going to get done, fuck it. It won’t be groundbreaking research but I’m hoping for a bare minimum pass and I’ll be THRILLED. 
 

I just worry I don’t have a massive amount of sources (from there simply being a huge number of sources on this particular topic) and that I have a lot of word vomit but no real direction because I changed my research a billion times lol. Fuck it. It will happen. 

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For your sleep problems. You could try to reset your inner clock by force.

Force yourself to stay awake till tomorrow evening, then go (or fall) into bed, and sleep thru. Otherwise usual aids, fresh sheets, fresh (colder) air in the bedroom.

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19 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

thank you. I was really not in a good place earlier. Feeling a bit better now, calmed down a little. It’s going to get done, fuck it. It won’t be groundbreaking research but I’m hoping for a bare minimum pass and I’ll be THRILLED. 
 

I just worry I don’t have a massive amount of sources (from there simply being a huge number of sources on this particular topic) and that I have a lot of word vomit but no real direction because I changed my research a billion times lol. Fuck it. It will happen. 

How long is your dissertation, and how many sources do you have? 

 

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14 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

How long is your dissertation, and how many sources do you have? 

 

15000 words with 10% either way. 
 

at present I have about 25-30. Not a lot at all but there just isn’t many contemporary sources. But I know I need a lot more which is stressing me out too. I currently have about 12-13k it really rough words and random ideas. 

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25 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

15000 words with 10% either way. 
 

at present I have about 25-30. Not a lot at all but there just isn’t many contemporary sources. But I know I need a lot more which is stressing me out too. I currently have about 12-13k it really rough words and random ideas. 

So around 50 pages, give or take? And the quality, not the quantity, of your sources is what matters most, so if there aren't many to use, make the most of what you've got. 

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5 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

15000 words with 10% either way. 
 

at present I have about 25-30. Not a lot at all but there just isn’t many contemporary sources. But I know I need a lot more which is stressing me out too. I currently have about 12-13k it really rough words and random ideas. 

I do hope all goes well. You have managed difficulties before and come through ok. Stay strong.

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