Jump to content
HelenaExMachina

Mental Wellbeing Thread

Recommended Posts

Miserable actually - make leaps and bounds in some areas of my poor mental health like my body image, keeping busy so I don’t feel bored and useless. In fact all my internal stuff I’ve been working through and that’s okay...after years of self loathing I’m beginning to just...not hate myself which is great. So all that’s healthy and good 

but I’m also working 6 day weeks, long fucking days with a horrible commute and my car has aquaplaned twice this months d then crashed this morning and is a write off. I’m so fucking tired and just don’t have any fucking money 

its like the universe won’t stop fucking with me and I can’t catch a break 

 

I become more mentally and emotionally  healthy than I’ve ever been, genuinely start to feel like an adult and view myself as a young woman with some value to offer the world and then suddenly all these disasters and money sinks keep slamming right into me!!! Maybe I’m not meant to be happy!!! Damn. I’m CURSED.  My measure my moments of happiness and joy - I don’t shy away from feeling good and excited and and enthusiastic about small things and it’s like the universe tallies up all these little moments of joy and then every now and again when I’ve reached the limit it just sends twice as much shit my way okay I’m aware I sound very paranoid and ridiculous but I’m so fucking tired working a 10 day on the trot work period and have to figure out whether or not to QUIT my job that I actually like which is giving me money to pay off uni because I uhhh...can’t afford to buy a new car and pay off the money I owe university to finish my masters degree which has taken ten thousand years. Can life GIVE me a fucking BREAK and also send me someone to just...fucking...I don’t know...give me a HUG!!!!! I need it so bad!!!!! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Miserable actually - make leaps and bounds in some areas of my poor mental health like my body image, keeping busy so I don’t feel bored and useless. In fact all my internal stuff I’ve been working through and that’s okay...after years of self loathing I’m beginning to just...not hate myself which is great. So all that’s healthy and good 

but I’m also working 6 day weeks, long fucking days with a horrible commute and my car has aquaplaned twice this months d then crashed this morning and is a write off. I’m so fucking tired and just don’t have any fucking money 

its like the universe won’t stop fucking with me and I can’t catch a break 

 

I become more mentally and emotionally  healthy than I’ve ever been, genuinely start to feel like an adult and view myself as a young woman with some value to offer the world and then suddenly all these disasters and money sinks keep slamming right into me!!! Maybe I’m not meant to be happy!!! Damn. I’m CURSED.  My measure my moments of happiness and joy - I don’t shy away from feeling good and excited and and enthusiastic about small things and it’s like the universe tallies up all these little moments of joy and then every now and again when I’ve reached the limit it just sends twice as much shit my way okay I’m aware I sound very paranoid and ridiculous but I’m so fucking tired working a 10 day on the trot work period and have to figure out whether or not to QUIT my job that I actually like which is giving me money to pay off uni because I uhhh...can’t afford to buy a new car and pay off the money I owe university to finish my masters degree which has taken ten thousand years. Can life GIVE me a fucking BREAK and also send me someone to just...fucking...I don’t know...give me a HUG!!!!! I need it so bad!!!!! 

:grouphug:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So everyone handles stress differently, and I've come to realize in the last year or so that my reaction to extreme stress and depression is to go to sleep. Whenever I'm overwhelmed my response is just to turn off the lights and sleep. Maybe it's because I'm hoping that the situation will feel differently the next day or maybe it's just a way to avoid thinking about things for a little while. Either way I'm apparently neither a Fight or Flight person, but a fall asleep person.

Anyone else experience this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/17/2019 at 5:42 PM, Theda Baratheon said:

Miserable actually - make leaps and bounds in some areas of my poor mental health like my body image, keeping busy so I don’t feel bored and useless. In fact all my internal stuff I’ve been working through and that’s okay...after years of self loathing I’m beginning to just...not hate myself which is great. So all that’s healthy and good 

but I’m also working 6 day weeks, long fucking days with a horrible commute and my car has aquaplaned twice this months d then crashed this morning and is a write off. I’m so fucking tired and just don’t have any fucking money 

its like the universe won’t stop fucking with me and I can’t catch a break 

 

I become more mentally and emotionally  healthy than I’ve ever been, genuinely start to feel like an adult and view myself as a young woman with some value to offer the world and then suddenly all these disasters and money sinks keep slamming right into me!!! Maybe I’m not meant to be happy!!! Damn. I’m CURSED.  My measure my moments of happiness and joy - I don’t shy away from feeling good and excited and and enthusiastic about small things and it’s like the universe tallies up all these little moments of joy and then every now and again when I’ve reached the limit it just sends twice as much shit my way okay I’m aware I sound very paranoid and ridiculous but I’m so fucking tired working a 10 day on the trot work period and have to figure out whether or not to QUIT my job that I actually like which is giving me money to pay off uni because I uhhh...can’t afford to buy a new car and pay off the money I owe university to finish my masters degree which has taken ten thousand years. Can life GIVE me a fucking BREAK and also send me someone to just...fucking...I don’t know...give me a HUG!!!!! I need it so bad!!!!! 

I can relate to the keeping busy so I don't feel bored and useless part. I'm a homebody, so trying to keep busy beyond doing house and yard work is a challenge that I'm tackling.

In the past month and a half, I've taken up weightlifting (just dumb bells) and walking on the treadmill again. It gives me a nice mental boost, and I've slowly started to lose the weight I've gained from my medication.

I have a busy and emotional week ahead of me. Tomorrow, I see my Psychologist and Psychiatrist on back to back appointments (if I can find a ride). Wednesday, I begin fall semester with Intro to Art (part time student here, because fuck being burdened with student loan debt), Thursday, I see my autism specialist where we begin to roleplay different social situations so I know how to react and respond, and this weekend attend my cousin's funeral (she was one of the matriarchs in our family).

I'm glad I'm taking things day by day, otherwise I'd be overwhelmed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm making notes on what I would like to change partly. I have a bit of an anger management deal, so that has got to change. Actually what inspired me to change was a little book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I couldn't do it, nothing much do I do in the first place. (Not typically busy). Could this change that? I'm pretty sure it would. Thinking it was a great book, I actually made plans to do one once. Never fell through though.

A happiness boost would do me good. I've been taking being without a job too rough. Sometimes I would bide the time with smoking. I quit though completely sometime recently. It was my third time trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I feel so much better. My parents are amazing with me sometimes. (Most of the time actually -- it's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" with me still a bit, a no-good punk). I use nicotine patches. They are working more than cold turkey. 

I actually have no clue what to do with the rest of my life, and for that, my world just revolves around writing things in notebooks, or collecting books to read later. Sometimes I wish to be a writer. I'm creative enough and have a few ideas for topics. I would like to lose some weight before I start something new. I have gained much weight over the years and I feel like I love to feel my heart pumping when I exercise. It feels great. I would just start with walking and home exercises unless I saved enough money to afford a gym membership. 

But not working makes me upset because I'm with my parents. They know that I'm not currently working obviously. It irritates and pains them to see me not really doing much of anything but reading. I'm also loud sometimes without meaning to be. I think they want me out of their house. 

I'm writing down things in a notebook about stories that I would love to write. I'm not sure if I ever could really write, but it's worth a chance. 'Just make the judgement'. 

I actually want to do away with all caffeine and sugar. Feeling addicted to those too, I would be in a blunder without a jolt of coffee in the morning. But I've got to think about my health. I've low sodium currently -- just went to the doctor -- and I've been trying to cut down on the water, only trying to drink some milk or tea. I get into the old habit though. That is why notes were written. But honestly, I was told to only drink half of what water I was drinking before; I'm still drinking that much on some days like today as I stay up. 

Anyway, "I'm just a messed up girl, looking for her own peace of mind." 

Edited by bad robot productions
put in a wrong word

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't speak to your dietary concerns, but have you considered volunteering at a charity shop, or looking for a creative writing group in your area? It might help smooth over your feelings regarding staying with your parents, and provide an outlet for your creativity. I've done both, and I feel that they've helped me counteract my history of depression and low self-esteem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@bad robot productions I definitely relate to the feelings of guilt living with parents, taking up space, making noise, annoying them. But then I think to myself...they chose to have kids LOL. And i'm trying my best anyway. 

I also second the above comment about volunteering, it gets you out of the house, meeting people and getting a small jolt of social activity in your life. 

Me, right now...up and down.

Up because I might be offered a job thats kinda cool. Down because commute and feeling lonely. But it is what it is. I'm trying my best.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Shaun Snow and @Theda Baratheon Thank you for the responses. 

I've considered going to purchase some books on writing. Sounds like I'm not really getting out of the house though. There is a bookstore with café that might have a group which I hadn't considered, honestly. That would be actually quite fun, been trying to do some writing on my own with writing prompts found online. It never turned out as any good because I couldn't socialize. 

I am considering volunteering at an animal shelter with mostly cats, dogs, and small mammals. It would be fun to be around them. As a job in the future, I could see myself as an animal trainer. I could get some contacts now from that place and always have a few of the other volunteers as friends. I would love to start forming relationships with people in healthy ways. I've hit a dead-end on relationships for the time being and am just bidding the time. Most things for me just weren't supposed to become true, I guess. I still feel like a silly silly person. (Rambling on a bit). 

I would love to do some deep cleaning. Like just plain old getting a dumpster and tossing shit. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Those all sound like good ideas to me. The writing prompts are quite fun in a group setting, and its interesting to see all the different ways people respond to the same prompt. If you can find such a group, at your local library for example, I think you'd like it.

Keep at it! You're nowhere near as silly or incompetant as the demon depression tells you you are!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×