Jump to content

Petyr Baelish is Varys’s Littlefinger


Lost Melnibonean

Recommended Posts

Part I

Two questions have always niggled at me: Why is Petyr Baelish such a dick, and why didn't the eunuch kill him?

Think about it...

...

...

When I was in junior high, like the George, we called our wee willys, inter alia, "peters." Petyr is what, about 10-12 years younger than the wee willy of ASOIAF, right? And how old was Varys, when the wizard sautéed his sausage and peppers? Coincidence? I think not. 

The flames the wizard conjured were blue... just like the blue of the wights' eyes! As blue as death. And the wights rise from the dead. This, of course ties into the religion of the Drowned God, cause what dies, well, it rises harder and stronger just like a wee willy. And while Petyr might not be as big and strong as some other characters, we all know that it's not the size of the wand that counts, but the magic of the performance. Right ladies? And that brings us right back round to the Myrish wizard. See the connections?

Obviously, this theory has far reaching implications for the plot, which I will address in Part II after I take my daughter to a birthday party. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well Ser, you've established Wee and Willie.  I hope you will unsheath I mean reveal Winkie in Part 2.  

Your tie in to the blue of the flames and Other's eyes is astonishing.   Well done and great catch, Brother.   Should we take the blue of Robert's or Gendry's or Renly's or even Euron's eyes in consideration here?   I've always thought there was something off with those upstart Baratheons...and like Little Finger, Euron is a dick, too.   It's good to add this coincidence (hrm...) of blue to the cache.  Stannis obviously had ED problems and may have been more disposed to a man as was his brother, Renly.  Seylse's moustachio and all.  Perhaps Stannis and Davos have an even deeper relationship than we read.   It's hard for me to picture Davos sexually and have seriously considered that Stannis may have been attracted to Jon for all his offering and promises.   (Candy, Little Boy?)  Your topic touches on all these considerations without tainting the conversation with your own bias.  

As to the ever bizarre relationship between Varys and Little Finger...I have to agree.   It's so obvious they're in cahoots but I was always distracted with the seeming disparate agendas.   You've sure brought some truth to light.   It's time to discuss all of this before TWOW is released to further obscure our ability to discern the truth.   

Thanks so much for opening this door.   Some of our heroes and villains have some interesting bents.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Lost Melnibonean said:

Two questions have always niggled at me: Why is Petyr Baelish such a dick, and why didn't the eunuch kill him?

Think about it...

...

...

When I was in junior high, like the George, we called our wee willys, inter alia, "peters." Petyr is what, about 10-12 years younger than the wee willy of ASOIAF, right? And how old was Varys, when the wizard sautéed his sausage and peppers? Coincidence? I think not. 

The flames the wizard conjured were blue... just like the blue of the wights' eyes! As blue as death. And the wights rise from the dead. This, of course ties into the religion of the Drowned God, cause what dies, well, it rises harder and stronger just like a wee willy. And while Petyr might not be as big and strong as some other characters, we all know that it's not the size of the wand that counts, but the magic of the performance. Right ladies? And that brings us right back round to the Myrish wizard. See the connections?

Obviously, this theory has far reaching implications for the plot, which I will address in Part II after I take my daughter to a birthday party. 

Now LM -- while this is a topic pregnant with possibility, I must say I'm surprised not to see any substantiating quotes to make your case.  Usually, you go heavy on the quotes and light on the explanation.  I'm wondering why you've diverged from your modus operandi?  I hope when you return from your birthday party you'll rectify the situation!  

However, I'm glad to see you're finally coming around to the significance of the blue flame!  ;)

Regarding your question: 'Why is Petyr Baelish such a dick, and why didn't the eunuch kill him?'  

Quote

A Feast for Crows - Alayne I

Alayne felt as though she had swallowed her tongue, but Lord Nestor rescued her. "Alayne is the Lord Protector's natural daughter," he told his cousin gruffly.

"Littlefinger's little finger has been busy," said Lyn Corbray, with a wicked smile. Belmore laughed, and Alayne could feel the color rising in her cheeks.

"How old are you, child?" asked Lady Waynwood.

GRRM tells us Littlefinger = little finger = dick.  So that answers the first part of your question.

Addressing the second part of your question is more complicated.  Perhaps the relationship between Varys and his missing 'peter' can be understood with reference to the relationship between a King and his Hand:

Quote

A Game of Thrones - Eddard I

Ned knew the saying. "What the king dreams," he said, "the Hand builds."

"I bedded a fishmaid once who told me the lowborn have a choicer way to put it. The king eats, they say, and the Hand takes the shit." He threw back his head and roared his laughter. The echoes rang through the darkness, and all around them the dead of Winterfell seemed to watch with cold and disapproving eyes.

The king eats; the hand shits.  So we can say that the mouth is symbolically divorced from the arsehole, although the mouth relies on the arsehole to do its dirty business.  Likewise, the eunuch has been symbolically (and indeed literally) divorced from his dick; but still requires help from 'little finger' if he wants to give the Lannisters the proverbial 'middle finger' -- or in other words fuck the kingdom.  And as it so happens, Littlefinger is perfect for the job being both an arsehole and a dick -- he's very versatile in his applications.  In fact, it's fitting that he's a brothel keeper because he's a bit of a kept whore himself! 

The metaphor is further underscored by considering the other expression of the idiom: the king dreams; the hand builds.  Applying this dialectic to Varys and his Peter, we can now appreciate that the eunuch's dreams are impotent without the input of a Promethean character like Peter who can assist him with his erections!

Considering this duo, perhaps we can interpret the legend of Symeon Star-Eyes in a new light.  Symeon Star-Eyes similarly alludes to a formidable power couple made up of two males -- namely the singing duo Simon and Garfunkel.  Likewise, Varys and his Littlefinger can be seen as a singing duo of sorts.  Although Varys is not a bird himself -- in fact he's a very quiet man -- he nevertheless has need of little birds to do the singing for him.  Littlefinger is a mocking bird, from which we may infer that Littlefinger might very well be Varys's little bird.  When Varys looks at Littlefinger, he silently whispers in unctuous lilac tones 'You complete me!'  I know you're thinking this is a little far-fetched, but bear with me: what makes the metaphor even more appropriate is that in Italian the slang for 'penis' is 'bird'!

Quote

From wikipedia:

uccello

See also: uccellò

 

1.2Etymology 11.2.1Noun

Etymology 1[edit]

From Late Latin aucellus, contracted form of Vulgar Latin *avicellus, diminutive of Latin avis, from Proto-Italic *awis, from Proto-Indo-European *h₂éwis. Compare French oiseau, Catalan ocell, Occitan aucèl, Neapolitan auciello, Sicilian aceddu, Friulian uciel, Venetian oxeło, Ligurian oxello, Romansch utschè.

Noun[edit]

uccello m (plural uccelli)

bird

(slang, vulgar) willy (British), peter (US), dick; (the penis)

Synonyms[edit]

(bird): volatile, pennuto; (archaic): augello

Derived terms[edit]

[show ▼]Terms derived from uccello

Etymology 2[edit]

Verb[edit]

uccello

first-person singular present indicative of uccellare

And it gets even better...As described above, 'uccello' is derived from 'uccellare':

Quote

Etymology[edit]

From uccello (“bird”) +‎ -are.

Verb[edit]

uccellare

(transitive) to catch birds, fowl

(transitive) to fool, trick

Conjugation[edit]

[show ▼]    Conjugation of uccellare

Derived terms[edit]

uccellamento m, uccellatura f (“birdcatching; mockery; prank”)

uccellatoio m (“place for birdcatching”)

uccellatore m (“bird catcher”)

So, not any kind of bird.  A foul fowl.  A 'mocking' bird!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I kind of figured that the sorcerer in question had an ED problem and there's power in kings' junk (Varys as a Brightflame descendant). The idea that it might have been a fertility thing is certainly intriguing. Would that mean that LF's father was the infertile one? Seems if it was his mother they'd have needed different parts to burn. I wonder if the FM have a secret medical practice and these potential treatments are why they say you have to give up everything...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, ravenous reader said:

Now LM -- while this is a topic pregnant with possibility, I must say I'm surprised not to see any substantiating quotes to make your case.  Usually, you go heavy on the quotes and light on the explanation.  I'm wondering why you've diverged from your modus operandi?  I hope when you return from your birthday party you'll rectify the situation!  

However, I'm glad to see you're finally coming around to the significance of the blue flame!  ;)

Regarding your question: 'Why is Petyr Baelish such a dick, and why didn't the eunuch kill him?'  

GRRM tells us Littlefinger = little finger = dick.  So that answers the first part of your question.

Addressing the second part of your question is more complicated.  Perhaps the relationship between Petyr and Varys's missing 'peter' can be understood with reference to the relationship between a King and his Hand:

The king eats; the hand shits.  So we can say that the mouth is symbolically divorced from the arsehole, although the mouth relies on the arsehole to do its dirty business.  Likewise, the eunuch has been symbolically divorced from his dick; but still requires help from 'little finger' if he wants to give the Lannisters the proverbial 'middle finger' -- or in other words fuck the kingdom.  And as it so happens, Littlefinger is perfect for the job being both an arsehole and a dick -- he's very versatile in his applications.  In fact, it's fitting that he's a brothel keeper because he's a bit of a kept whore himself! 

The metaphor is further underscored by considering the other expression of the idiom: the king dreams; the hand builds.  Applying this dialectic to Varys and his Peter, we can now appreciate that the eunuch's dreams are impotent without the input of a Promethean character like Peter who can assist him with his erections!

Considering this duo, perhaps we can interpret the legend of Symeon Star-Eyes in a new light.  Symeon Star-Eyes similarly alludes to a formidable power couple made up of two males -- namely the singing duo Simon and Garfunkel.  Likewise, Varys and his Littlefinger can be seen as a singing duo of sorts.  Although Varys is not a bird himself -- in fact he's a very quiet man -- he nevertheless has need of little birds to do the singing for him.  Littlefinger is a mocking bird, from which we may infer that Littlefinger might very well be Varys's little bird.  When Varys looks at Littlefinger, he silently whispers in unctuous lilac tones 'You complete me!'  I know you're thinking this is a little far-fetched, but bear with me: what makes the metaphor even more appropriate is that in Italian the slang for 'penis' is 'bird'!

And it gets even better...As described above, 'uccello' is derived from 'uccellare':

So, not any kind of bird.  A foul fowl.  A 'mocking' bird!

Varys’s little bird... brilliant!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, ravenous reader said:

 I know you're thinking this is a little far-fetched, but bear with me: what makes the metaphor even more appropriate is that in Italian the slang for 'penis' is 'bird'!

Quote

From wikipedia:

uccello

See also: uccellò

 

1.2Etymology 11.2.1Noun

Etymology 1[edit]

From Late Latin aucellus, contracted form of Vulgar Latin *avicellus, diminutive of Latin avis, from Proto-Italic *awis, from Proto-Indo-European *h₂éwis. Compare French oiseau, Catalan ocell, Occitan aucèl, Neapolitan auciello, Sicilian aceddu, Friulian uciel, Venetian oxeło, Ligurian oxello, Romansch utschè.

Noun[edit]

uccello m (plural uccelli)

bird

(slang, vulgar) willy (British), peter (US), dick; (the penis)

Synonyms[edit]

(bird): volatile, pennuto; (archaic): augello

Derived terms[edit]

[show ▼]Terms derived from uccello

Etymology 2[edit]

Verb[edit]

uccello

first-person singular present indicative of uccellare

 

Quote

 

LOL! you made my day quoting wiki for uccello! yes you are right, it is really common in italian. I can't say the same for uccellare.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Cridefea said:

LOL! you made my day quoting wiki for uccello! yes you are right, it is really common in italian. I can't say the same for uccellare.

Ha Ha.  Yes.  The one-eyed bird who winks at you with its glittering/glimmering eye!  ;)

(For some reason, my Italian friend thought 'uccello' was one of the first words I ought to learn in Italian, when I asked her to share a few choice words with me many years ago -- and I still remember it!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, ravenous reader said:

my Italian friend thought 'uccello' was one of the first words I ought to learn in Italian

And she was totally right! I agree :lol:

I was thinking about Varys as a name, It could be latin? it could have different Latin etymology, I was wondering why GRRM chose it. From Varus as cognomen? Varus adj? Vara? Varia? Varius? :dunno: 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Part II

So, what are the implications of this solid, new theory? Well, as many of us have suspected since we heard tell of its considerable girth and length, Tormund's member is almost surely the member that was promised. But which are the other two heads of the dragon? There is little debate about the ever stalwart fat pink mast. But the third has yet to be revealed. We have all known since Feast that the floppy fish is a red herring. But now, now we finally can see that the mummer's member, Varys’s Littlefinger, is the third head. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

30 minutes ago, Lost Melnibonean said:

Part II

So, what are the implications of this solid, new theory? Well, as many of us have suspected since we heard tell of its considerable girth and length, Tormund's member is almost surely the member that was promised. But which are the other two heads of the dragon? There is little debate about the ever stalwart fat pink mast. But the third has yet to be revealed. We have all known since Feast that the floppy fish is a red herring. But now, now we finally can see that the mummer's member, Varys’s Littlefinger, is the third head. 

Ah, you are a cunning and nimble postulator. It's redickulous, but I can't think of one. My brain is all befuddled like the angry crab of trapped wind. 

I shall go to my grave knowing this mental defeat. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Lost Melnibonean said:

Part II

So, what are the implications of this solid, new theory? Well, as many of us have suspected since we heard tell of its considerable girth and length, Tormund's member is almost surely the member that was promised. But which are the other two heads of the dragon? There is little debate about the ever stalwart fat pink mast. But the third has yet to be revealed. We have all known since Feast that the floppy fish is a red herring. But now, now we finally can see that the mummer's member, Varys’s Littlefinger, is the third head. 

 

5 minutes ago, The Fattest Leech said:

Ah, you are a cunning and nimble postulator. It's redickulous, but I can't think of one. My brain is all befuddled like the angry crab of trapped wind. 

I shall go to my grave knowing this mental defeat. 

You guys are so besotted with length, it makes you short-sighted...

Forget Varys's Littlefinger -- What about Brandon Stark's missing sword?

It's the Stark equivalent of a secret Targ!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, ravenous reader said:

 

You guys are so besotted with length, it makes you short-sighted...

Forget Varys's Littlefinger -- What about Brandon Stark's missing sword?

It's the Stark equivalent of a secret Targ!

It is known. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

53 minutes ago, One-eyed Misbehavin said:

I had a similar theory of Robert Strong being replicated from the mountain that rides. Reanimimated from the member of tormund. I think they either climbed the wall with it, or it was turned in as a weapon at the gate

I recall that theory. Brilliant analysis. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...