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ASOIAF Jokes

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5 minutes ago, The Lord of the Crossing said:

I was gonna say because he had an ace in the hole.

For that Id say

How come Renly called Stannis' bluff?

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On 8/22/2018 at 3:37 AM, TPTWP Timett said:

Why did the Stark bring a ladder to the bar?

 

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Someone told him that drinks where on the house.

 

Love that one

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On 8/14/2018 at 4:22 PM, kleevedge said:

What unfair advantage do the others have over the living?

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wight privilege

 

Why were the Others making fun of Weymar Royce?

Spoiler

Cos he ain't wight

 

Edited by Bullrout

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Did you know Ser Loras was in love with his Maester? It's true, he would always make up excuses about prostate issues just to get the Maester to stick a finger up his ass. One day on Valentines day Ser Loras went to the Maester and told him; "I seem to have a blockage, I haven't been able to shit". The maester checks for blockage and says "Seven Hells! no wonder you are blocked up you have a dozen roses stuck in your ass." An excited Ser Loras tells the maester " Read the card, Read the card!"

Edited by kleevedge

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Joffrey is giving a speech to his subjects, when someone sneezes.

Joff: "Who sneezed?"

No one answered.

"Fine, execute first row"

"I'll ask again, who sneezed?

Silence.

"Execute second"

And so row by row was executed till only one is left, and  there one man is thinking: "There is no reason for everyone die because of me".

He rises: "It was me"

Joffrey looked him for a long time and than says: "Bless you"

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Q.)  Whats better than being elected Lord Commander

A.)  Not being in the Nights Watch

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaime Lannister, Ilyn Payne and Bronn had become good drinking buddies.  One night Jaime was waiting for Bronn and Ilyn in their regular Kings Landing drinking haunt.  After a couple drinks without their arrival Jaime began to be worried he was stood up.  A couple drinks later Bronn and Ilyn finally show up grinning ear to ear.  Jaime, already in his cups slurred "I was worried about you two, where where you?"

Bronn replied "We were on our way here from the Red Keep when Ilyn pointed out this lass in the courtyard.  The Seven save us, she had tits you wouldn't believe, body like an hourglass, and a honey pot ripe for the taking"

Ilyn grinned and nodded

"We had our way with her then and there, every way you could imagine" Bronn continued.

Jaime hanging on every word interrupted, "Good head?"

Bronn shrugged and said "Naw, couldn't find that part"

 

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On 8/12/2018 at 10:14 AM, Skahaz mo Kandaq said:

How come Ned kept Hodor after firing the other stable boys?

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Hodor is the only one who didn't try to saddle Arya!

Haha  :D

Edited by Damsel in Distress

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