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ASOIAF Jokes

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I have just found another hidden naughty gem...

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A Storm of Swords - Sansa VII (last chapter of ASoS)

Since coming to the Eyrie, the singer had become her favorite. He sang Lord Robert to sleep every night, and tweaked the noses of Lady Lysa's suitors with verses that made mock of their foibles. Her aunt had showered him with gold and gifts; costly clothes, a gold arm ring, a belt studded with moonstones, a fine horse.

Ok, we could give GRRM the benefit of the doubt on this one...Except that in the next chapter:

Quote

A Feast for Crows - The Prophet (1st chapter of AFfC)

The Drowned God gives every man a gift, even him; no man could piss longer or farther than Aeron Greyjoy, as he proved at every feast. Once he bet his new longship against a herd of goats that he could quench a hearthfire with no more than his cock. Aeron feasted on goat for a year, and named the longship Golden Storm, though Balon threatened to hang him from her mast when he heard what sort of ram his brother proposed to mount upon her prow.

 

Naughty naughty George! :P

Edited by Jô Maltese
Emphasis

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On 8/12/2018 at 10:14 AM, Skahaz mo Kandaq said:

How come Ned kept Hodor after firing the other stable boys?

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Hodor is the only one who didn't try to saddle Arya!

 

He's a man of few words.

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On 3/13/2019 at 7:58 PM, Victor Newman said:

He's a man of few words.

He talks a lot.  Just not much variety in his vocabulary.  I guess you could say he has a small vocabulary.

On 3/13/2019 at 7:58 PM, Victor Newman said:

How come Ned kept Hodor after firing the other stable boys?

All the other stable boys tried to put a bit in Arya's mouth.

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On 8/13/2018 at 10:26 PM, Magnus9 said:

How many Kingsguard does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

What's a lightbulb?

Well it only took one Kettleblack to screw Cersei

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On 8/12/2018 at 10:14 AM, Skahaz mo Kandaq said:

How come Ned kept Hodor after firing the other stable boys?

  Hide contents

Hodor is the only one who didn't try to saddle Arya!

 

:D

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  • Why can't Theon get his willy back? Because they do not sow.
  • Why can't Stannis get Selyse pregnant again? Because he keeps charging up the Mud Gate.
  • What is Varys's plan? It varies
  • Why was Ned so bad at intrigue? Because he couldn't keep ahead
  • Why is Tyrion so short? Because his massive steel balls impeded his growth
  • What dies Ned say to Cat before having sex? ,,Call me Winter"
  • Why are there no impotent Martells? Cause they are unbowed, unbent, unbroken
  • Why does Littlefinger give Sweetrobin drugs? Because he wants him as high as the mountain.
  • How can you best sum up Mace Tyrell's carrer? Growing fat
  • Why did Euron change his name to Aario? Cause he gave the D to Daenerys
  • Cersei charging Margery for adultery is like Pod calling the Kettleblack.
  • What does the Blackfish do every day in Riverrun? He Tullyes up the casualties.
  • How are the Tyrell's going to win the game of thrones? By inventing replicants.
  • Why is Pyke perfect against cavalry? Because it's full of Pyemen.
  • Arya's look is in Stark contrast with the rest of her full siblings
  • Why did Jorah betray Dany? Because he could not bear to be away from home

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2 hours ago, Bronn Urgandy said:

Why does Theon hate Randyll Tarly?

 

Because he’s still got his precious Dickon 

A joke both about Theon's other thing and Penis Tarly.... bravo!

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2 hours ago, Bronn Urgandy said:

Why is Catelyn Stark like breakfast cereal?

  1. Cause she's Raisin Bran

Meh, slightly humorous but an old joke

2 hours ago, Bronn Urgandy said:

She gets soggy when you chuck her in the river

:lol:

Yo, hysterical. And fresh... Not like Cat after fishing her out the river

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5 hours ago, TheLastWolf said:

Tyrion doesn't only have brains, he has Bronn too (brawn). 

Hope nobody has gotten there first. To the pun-ny joke I mean. 

I was actually thinking about wether that was on purpose or not like yesterday

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