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LGBTQ+ 6 -- It's a Rainbow of Flavors


Xray the Enforcer
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38 minutes ago, mankytoes said:

I am genuinely impressed.

Are girls really that much better though? When I was around a lesbian group it was the most ridiculous soap opera of cheating, breaking up, love triangles, etc, I'd ever seen. I mean that was uni, so I'm not saying that's a fair judge of these relationships in general, but nothing I've seen makes me think it's a peaceful option. I guess maybe the female bullshit is different to the male bullshit, and at least you can understand the female bullshit better?

You were at uni. Every relationship there is a shitshow. 

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7 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

To my beautiful bi pals up on this board:     ******GO TEAM BISEXUALS!  TWICE THE OPTIONS AND TWICE THE FUN.  GO AHEAD CALL ME "GREEDYAND I WILL CACKLE ALL THE WAY TO MY GRAVE WITH A DATE ON FRIDAY NIGHT!********

All the love from New Orleans.  If I haven't mentioned it recently, thank you all.  Especially @brook @Xray the Enforcer @Theda Baratheon for helping me find the guts to come out.  Better late than never.  <3

OK dude sounds bullshit. Cut bait, m'lady! 

BUT!!! I'm honored that I played even a small role in you becoming more comfortable with being out and proud. :love: 

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35 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

You were at uni. Every relationship there is a shitshow. 

True, it's more the level of drama than quality of relationships, I mean they seemed to all be enjoying themselves. It wasn't lost on any of us that, in our halls, the gay girl was getting more girls back to her room than the rest of us. But I'm more asking than explaining, because bisexual people do have a unique insight on this issue.

If you're looking for less anecdotal evidence of lesbian relationship volatility- https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/lesbian-couples-more-likely-divorced-male-same-sex-marriages-uk-ons-figures-a8006741.html

 

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You have a way of asking things that comes across as lecturing marginalized communities about what they should or should not actually feel or experience. That might not be your intent, but that's how it comes across. 

To answer -- I've had successful relationships with men, women, and NB/GQ individuals, and each come with their own challenges, both as individuals and in the pressures that society foists upon the relationship. As such, I don't think I could ever claim that one group was better than another. I do know that my current relationship is on year 14, with a cisgender man. In some ways we have it easy -- I haven't transitioned, so we look like your typical het couple. But we're not. And that sometimes brings its own stressors. 

It's difficult to appreciate how heavy a burden social opprobrium plays in relationships until one steps out of the "acceptable" areas, and that affects how stable a non-traditional relationship is. At the same time, social conditioning of men frequently makes dating them a challenge. (I got lucky in that Mr. X is awesome.) For some, the rewards outweigh trouble. For others...not so much. 

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On 3/22/2018 at 6:51 AM, Lily Valley said:

I found a side piece (finally).  It's a dude.  About every 15 minutes that I hang out with him I'm asking myself, "WTF is wrong with him?"  It's always dude stuff.  I am resigned to my misandry and doing my best to just try and enjoy his company and cut out when I see weird dude power struggle drama bullshit show up.   At least the, er, "exercise" is consistently adequate and I no longer feel like I'm about to bite my own face off.  The not-girlfriend (?) doesn't hate him and he doesn't talk too much.  

 

1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

I'm always confused as a bi woman - especially in a rural ish area because there is no scene of single people here - everyone is coupled up, dudes aren't attracted to me and there are no cool queer ladies around? Honestly if I don't get to the city soon I'm going to spontaneously combust

Many warm fuzzy thoughts your way, Lily! :D Hope it all works out well! Such happy news.

Fingers crossed for you too, Theda. :) 

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25 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

It's difficult to appreciate how heavy a burden social opprobrium plays in relationships until one steps out of the "acceptable" areas, and that affects how stable a non-traditional relationship is. At the same time, social conditioning of men frequently makes dating them a challenge. (I got lucky in that Mr. X is awesome.) For some, the rewards outweigh trouble. For others...not so much. 

All the feels for you, and I am glad things have worked out. :) 

I heard a dry quip from one of my close friends, "A bisexual man robbed a bank. Nobody could find him. Why? Once he walked into society he was invisible."

It really cut through with me. I don't have a ready answer about how to remedy things, but I am always trying.

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9 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

I was shopping for a new addition to my bag of dicks last night!

Did you get the Lelo yet?  SOME PPL :cough cough:  swear by it, I've seen AWFUL store displays for it.  Only decent brick and mortar store I've been in recently was back in PDX.  Even there the Lelo didn't have a good battery in it to get a very good idea on strength.  Elsewhise, I'm in the market for some slim and small things for those pesky universal orifices.  If you've got a hookup lmk.  I tend to still shop Spartacus in PDX specialty items.  They're a crapshoot on toys.  (Read CRAP)

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8 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

You have a way of asking things that comes across as lecturing marginalized communities about what they should or should not actually feel or experience. That might not be your intent, but that's how it comes across. 

To answer -- I've had successful relationships with men, women, and NB/GQ individuals, and each come with their own challenges, both as individuals and in the pressures that society foists upon the relationship. As such, I don't think I could ever claim that one group was better than another. I do know that my current relationship is on year 14, with a cisgender man. In some ways we have it easy -- I haven't transitioned, so we look like your typical het couple. But we're not. And that sometimes brings its own stressors. 

It's difficult to appreciate how heavy a burden social opprobrium plays in relationships until one steps out of the "acceptable" areas, and that affects how stable a non-traditional relationship is. At the same time, social conditioning of men frequently makes dating them a challenge. (I got lucky in that Mr. X is awesome.) For some, the rewards outweigh trouble. For others...not so much. 

Yeah, if it makes any difference I tend to annoy non-marginalized communities as well. 

Well, that's a very thoughtful answer, thank you. 

I think it can be a bit confusing for guys. Is marriage like losing your freedom, or is perennial singledom pathetic? 

If I've learned nothing else here, it's that all girls who like them deserve a bag of dicks.

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9 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

OK dude sounds bullshit. Cut bait, m'lady! 

BUT!!! I'm honored that I played even a small role in you becoming more comfortable with being out and proud. :love: 

Dude, you have NO IDEA.  Michelle Obama's speech made it even possible in my current work environment.  I'm a coward as far as it comes to work.  My work is more important to me than eating food or being myself.  Even at this job, which was NEVER even on my list of plans for work, work is breathing.  Work is life for me.  

I was scared to DEATH until I watched all y'all brave fools open up and NOT HAVE YOUR LIVES DESTROYED.  I honestly didn't even realize how scared I was until I was praying for y'all to be ok.

Things are still a little weird with a few of my colleagues.  I'm AMAZED at which ones are actually the most supportive.  They don't know about the problems that I've been having at home and they absolutely don't need to.  So I got teased really bad the other day about cleaning my desk / office area and organizing my shit.  The youngest and LOUDEST conservative-ish woman in my office started teasing me that I was getting a "wife inspection" and did a whip round of the other faculty to teach my classes so I could finish cleaning.  They ask about her.  I have two that totally ignore it, that bit is surprising as well. 

The most shocking thing I heard recently was from my boss.  He saw my Mardi Gras Queen photos and commented about how "princessy" my gowns were.  He said he was surprised about my style choice.  I swear to God I nearly died of shock.  I realized that his perception of me had completely changed with the whole "lesbo" classification.  When he hired me, I had waist length extensions and wore heels to work every day.  I clean up really femme and very, very glamorously when I want to, ffs.  

On the dude front, you're right.  I had a chat with him today about Krewe business and it was so weird.  I am just way too old for shit like this, and it seems that the dudes I attract like to play idiot games. 

I have a few other irons in the fire, gonna be a very busy weekend.  The woman that I drunkenly posted about before has followed up, she has no idea about my current living situation.  I will pursue that now that it isn't Mardi Gras and we can have a CONVERSATION.  

On the homestead front, things are deteriorating RAPIDLY.  It's pretty bad.  I need a resolution to this situation before next year.  I'm waiting on some news that will determine my summer plans before I sit down and deal with it.  That news should be in by the end of the month.  

@Theda Baratheon  Rural life is not so bad, but it's really really really hard for a young queer single person.  I promise you that it gets better and you're going to have so much fun once you can move.  I'll never EVER forget the first time I was at a queer club and a girl kissed me.  Never ever forget how it felt to walk in and just take a load off and relax.  

Finally, this is a tl/dr, but I can't sleep.  I concur that Mr. X is awesome.  Please give him my warmest regards and say, "SUMMER IS FUCKING COMING!"

 

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:love:

Speaking of being out at work... the new LGBTQ+ affinity group at my org is having its first organizational meeting in a week or so. This means that, in a week or so, I'm going to be a very visible trans* person in my organization. I'm feeling a bit weird about it: I'm not binary trans, so it's going to confuse and upset the fuck out of anyone who isn't down with non-binary identities. Then again, confusing and upsetting narrow-minded pillocks is a cherished hobby, so at least I'll get some entertainment out of it. More importantly, though, I hope that my visibility will help some of the other NB/GQ people in my org feel like they can be more open. The other founding members of this group are cisgender gay men, and one cisgender gay woman, but I'm hoping that we can get another bisexual/pansexual on board. And I am really hoping that my colleague who is transitioning right now would be willing to join. But I understand if he's not into it, because he has enough going on already. 

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Best of luck @Xray the Enforcer The student org at my school has been taken over by some lovely kids and seems to be going well, EXCEPT:  I got a mass email from them querying how to serve / better serve our trans PoC.  :bows head in exhaustion:  I know it was really well intentioned, but that population in New Orleans is the most at risk and #ownvoices in the region.  I haven't had time to be as active with the group as I should have been (10 classes this term.  Again), but there's an outreach group here that does education for allies that should be paid to come teach our group leads.  Please let me know what's working for you up there as I'm still working on my group here.  

On the + note, I have made it to enough meetings to show my face that ALL of the students from our organization are telling me, "hi" in the hallway.  Visibility matters and I can afford it.  It's been really important to me that these students know that I see them too.  

On another + note, there has been ZERO bathroom-nonsense talk in the office since I came out.  It used to be the all day channel.  Like my colleagues don't have a private locked bathroom anyway.  It's been a tough couple of years on that front and there may have been some crying and yelling in the Lily department.

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On 3/21/2018 at 4:42 PM, Xray the Enforcer said:

I totally thought I was reading the Bird thread and I was SO FUCKING CONFUSED. :lol: 

:lmao:

Now I'm left wondering what LV's bird side piece would be....

20 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

I don't know?  Had a week of totally fun amazing, er, exercise and then he got weird.  Snappish.  I took off, because life is too short to hang out with someone who cant speak to other people respectfully.  Chalked it up to a bad day,  but since then he has been lukewarm on making plans.  I ran into him at my "office" (the local tavern) and the chemistry was still DEFINITELY there, but he was on a date so I split.  Texted him the following morning about making plans and he was all, "call me Friday and I'll see what I'm up to."  All together is smells like some bullshit dude emotional mind game nonsense.  I forgot how cagey dudes behave early on and when things are going well.  That whole "act cool so she doesn't think I like her that much"  Or maybe he doesn't like me that much. 

I find the latter hard to believe.   He has a pretty reliable "thermostat" that I read with the all detail that a trained scientist can bring to a new field of research.  :P

Anyway, I'll be seeing him this weekend since he's in my Mardi Gras Krewe and we're planning our Easter party.  :shrugs:  It's just been a looooooooooong time since I had to deal with the EPIC nonsense that most men bring to the table with their poor emotional awareness and general immaturity.  He's my age, btw.  Just reconfirming that I'm pretty gay these days by CHOICE and very grateful that it's an option for me. 

 

To my beautiful bi pals up on this board:     ******GO TEAM BISEXUALS!  TWICE THE OPTIONS AND TWICE THE FUN.  GO AHEAD CALL ME "GREEDYAND I WILL CACKLE ALL THE WAY TO MY GRAVE WITH A DATE ON FRIDAY NIGHT!********

All the love from New Orleans.  If I haven't mentioned it recently, thank you all.  Especially @brook @Xray the Enforcer @Theda Baratheon for helping me find the guts to come out.  Better late than never.  <3

To be fair, women can be a handful at the beginning of the dating process too. Some people play games, and it’s not bound to any specific gender or orientation.

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20 minutes ago, Let's Get Kraken said:

I have a family member that wants to start transitioning and is gonna be coming out to the half of the family that doesn't already know at an event later tonight.

It's, uh... Well it's probably going to go badly :(

Are you available to provide some support?  If so, I'd highly recommend the previous iterations of this thread as a how-to guide.  I really hope you're wrong, but so happy and excited for your family member!  

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8 hours ago, Let's Get Kraken said:

I have a family member that wants to start transitioning and is gonna be coming out to the half of the family that doesn't already know at an event later tonight.

It's, uh... Well it's probably going to go badly :(

Sorry, that I'm late to this discussion.  The board wouldn't let me access it because of the network I was on.  The question I have is does this person have a plan for dealing with the people who react badly?  While I only had a couple of family members to deal with back in 1976, when I transitioned, I had a plan in place, in the event that things went badly.  

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55 minutes ago, Let's Get Kraken said:

It all went much better than I expected. The person everyone was worried about making a scene was quietly told ahead of time (at my cousin's request) and elected not to be there, which was a shame but probably for the best. A few people were a little bit stiff and quiet, but for the most part there was just a lot of love and support. And my cousin seems to be really happy, which is the important thing.

She's coming out at work next, which she says makes her nervous but not as much as the family talk. She's not the first around the "office" to come out, so she has an idea of what the reception will be. Then her partner's family, which are super liberal but also don't like my cousin for some reason.

I'm glad that letting the family know, went better than expected.  People being stiff and quiet can mean disapproval, but it can also mean they are a bit overwhelmed at the difficulty of the task facing your cousin.  I wish her well, at the office.  What can impact her livelihood is important.

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Very good news!  Second what Robin said about the quiet awkward family, they may have had no idea how to react supportively so said nothing to avoid harm.  Really pleased to hear this.  Best of luck to your cos going forward!

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Oh, forgot to update, he's seeing someone else.  Found out thru the frapevine.  Apparently that "maybe a date" was Def a date.  I have no idea why there needed to be coyness about it.  My opinion of this person's maturity and moral character is drastically reduced, but otherwise it's all good. Dodged another navel-gazing bullet.

Back to ye olde drawing board.  I've been entertaining myself by terrifying men my age at the bar.  Given a flat out proposition they just run away.  Hehehe.  Off to flirt with girls.  At least I don't scare them into leaving town.  

Also. NO, I never ever touch anybody without CLEAR invitation and I NEVER start dirty conversation, but I DO tend to finish it.

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