Maithanet Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 The year is 2089. America was destroyed by a dastardly nuclear first strike by the Soviets. One man embodies the hope of all freedom loving Americans in their desire to liberty. That man: TED ROCKSON. For years, we relied the illustrious @MinDonner to relay the tales of the great Rockson and his band of freedom fighters (continued from here). But recently I offered to assist her in her quest to bring Ryder Stacy's 19 book epic to the masses here at Westeros. Like Samwise carrying Frodo up Mount Doom, we must get to our final destination of an America free of Soviet tyranny. Maybe the rest of the world can have some freedom too, we'll see if there’s any left over. Min made it through most of book 9, and I’m just going to be starting fresh with book 10. Highlights of the first nine books: - Rock’s girlfriend Rona has white nipples, which proves she’s the reincarnation of Eva Braun. - 100 foot tall mutant slugs can be herded using boomerang. - Sikh cavalry are marauding the plains of America in search of Soviets to kill. - The Pony Express is back in operation. There’s plenty more, but that gives you an idea of the kind of adventures we should expect in this series. On to chapter 1! Book 10: Doomsday Warrior: American Nightmare You know how the first sentence of a book gives you a feel for the prose and tone of the entire story? Well how's this for a concise, thrilling opener: Quote The vulture soared high above the slowly moving dot that its keen eyes tracked far below. Yeah... Ted Rockson is walking through the Utah desert and it is brutally hot. Why doesn't he walk at night and seek refuge from the sun during the day? Because Ted Rockson is not very bright. He escaped from Soviet captivity in book 9, and now he's walking to Century City (the capital of Free America). He nearly dies of thirst until he finds and eats a bloodfruit. But then he suddently feels terrible - oh no, the bloodfruit was poisonous! But Rockson is too manly for mere poison and recovers in a single paragraph. Why did we have that poisoning diversion at all? Beats me. Don't worry, Ryder Stacy sprinkles in fun facts like this tidbit: Quote If he could just avoid hypothermia - extreme loss of body heat - tonight... Uhh, yeah, that's what hypothermia is all right. But then Rockson encounters a Soviet patrol! Rock tries to hide, but they've spotted him! He's being pursued by "A tall Soviet officer with a gold left eyetooth". That officer must be having a really good day - nothing like patrolling the nuclear wastes to bring a smile to your face. Thus ends chapter one. Don't worry, Stacey/Rockson have plenty of zany adventures in store for chapter 2. I peeked ahead and it would seem that Rockson engages the Soviet officer in a battle of wits (of sorts). Any guesses? Looking at all the Rock Squad veterans out there @larrytheimp, @Gillio, @maarsen, @unpaid comintern, @Triskele, @lacuna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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