felice Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 31 minutes ago, larrytheimp said: If you go for a hike try for a kiss at a scenic spot. An isolated spot that's a long walk away from a shared destination? Sounds like a bad idea to me, unless you're very sure it's going to be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 46 minutes ago, felice said: An isolated spot that's a long walk away from a shared destination? Sounds like a bad idea to me, unless you're very sure it's going to be appreciated. Especially if she is very introverted. It makes it more uncomfortable for her to signal that she doesnt want this (if that is the case) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maarsen Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 Call me old fashioned but couldn't you just ask her what her intentions are? And then calmly accept her answer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 29 minutes ago, maarsen said: Call me old fashioned but couldn't you just ask her what her intentions are? And then calmly accept her answer? Correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mormont Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 11 hours ago, maarsen said: Call me old fashioned but couldn't you just ask her what her intentions are? And then calmly accept her answer? Ideally, but for a lot of people that makes them feel they've been put on the spot - not as much as attempting a kiss, maybe, but still, they have to risk hurting someone's feelings, and that can be awkward (and risky, if you're a woman alone in an isolated spot). If you want to be direct, do it someplace she will feel comfortable being direct in response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 20 minutes ago, mormont said: Ideally, but for a lot of people that makes them feel they've been put on the spot - not as much as attempting a kiss, maybe, but still, they have to risk hurting someone's feelings, and that can be awkward (and risky, if you're a woman alone in an isolated spot). If you want to be direct, do it someplace she will feel comfortable being direct in response. I think these things just work best at the end of any given activity/meeting/encounter. Then the on-the-spot party gets to walk away organically, and have the last word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I've always suspected many women who would welcome flirting and assertiveness from a guy would say no to a direct question. The idea being a guy who can't make his intentions known via flirting can't possibly be the kind of guy the majority of women want to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 7 hours ago, Datepalm said: I think these things just work best at the end of any given activity/meeting/encounter. Then the on-the-spot party gets to walk away organically, and have the last word. That, and it is also the most romantic, at least IMO. 1 hour ago, SpaceChampion said: I've always suspected many women who would welcome flirting and assertiveness from a guy would say no to a direct question. The idea being a guy who can't make his intentions known via flirting can't possibly be the kind of guy the majority of women want to be with. I ... am not sure I agree. That would depend on what you mean by "many" woman - I don't know it it would be the majority. And also probably depending on the circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chatywin et al. Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 1 hour ago, SpaceChampion said: I've always suspected many women who would welcome flirting and assertiveness from a guy would say no to a direct question. The idea being a guy who can't make his intentions known via flirting can't possibly be the kind of guy the majority of women want to be with. IDK man, I’ve slept with a lot of women, and usually being blunt about your feelings works the best, but you do have to read the person, and as said above, do it in a situation in which the person doesn’t feel trapped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 It's been awhile since I've been around these parts but here I am. There is this woman who I had a crush of sorts on when we were kids. She lives in Pennsylvania and is going to be in town for a visit and I offered to buy here dinner when she comes. She accepted but for some inexplicable reason I'm nervous as fuck when I have no reason to be. It's so frustrating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 40 minutes ago, Arch-MaesterPhilip said: It's been awhile since I've been around these parts but here I am. There is this woman who I had a crush of sorts on when we were kids. She lives in Pennsylvania and is going to be in town for a visit and I offered to buy here dinner when she comes. She accepted but for some inexplicable reason I'm nervous as fuck when I have no reason to be. It's so frustrating. Good luck. Do you know if she is actually romantically available? (I.e. not already married or in a relationship?) it might be worth finding out beforehand if you can so you don’t have any unrealistic expectations. Im not suggesting stalker level stuff obviously, but maybe just see if she has, say a profile pic with her husband or something. (i would go into this with no expectations of romantic overtones anyway tbh. She is a childhood friend, catching up over dinner doesnt reallly imply romantic interest imo. Not trying to dishearten you, just think it always helps not to build up your expectations without cause) Anyway, enjoy catching up with her whatever happens i always love catching up with old friends from school. I use the plural, but really its just ome other girl and we always end up sitting bitching about our old classmates for hours on end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen'ari Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 I have no idea why I’m posting this in the dating thread, but this is my last night without a spouse , I guess I just want to say stick at it and go with your feelings because there’s the right person out there for all of you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 3 minutes ago, Bittersweet Distractor said: I have no idea why I’m posting this in the dating thread, but this is my last night without a spouse , I guess I just want to say stick at it and go with your feelings because there’s the right person out there for all of you . all the very best for tomorrow. Hope your day is spectacular (even with your wife’s questionable music choices! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen'ari Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 1 minute ago, HelenaExMachina said: all the very best for tomorrow. Hope your day is spectacular (even with your wife’s questionable music choices! ) Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 1 hour ago, HelenaExMachina said: Good luck. Do you know if she is actually romantically available? (I.e. not already married or in a relationship?) it might be worth finding out beforehand if you can so you don’t have any unrealistic expectations. Im not suggesting stalker level stuff obviously, but maybe just see if she has, say a profile pic with her husband or something. (i would go into this with no expectations of romantic overtones anyway tbh. She is a childhood friend, catching up over dinner doesnt reallly imply romantic interest imo. Not trying to dishearten you, just think it always helps not to build up your expectations without cause) Anyway, enjoy catching up with her whatever happens i always love catching up with old friends from school. I use the plural, but really its just ome other girl and we always end up sitting bitching about our old classmates for hours on end Oh no, she's definitely available. She's a divorcee, she is currently single. When I'm seen in public with a woman I make a point of having none beyond enjoying dinner. Without going into to much detail she's not looking for a relationship but might be interested in something more casual. But that's not even on my radar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Uhhhhh. Renember that one meet up I had with an inappropriate crush about a month ago? Well, that went really well, at least from my perspective, and it seemed to me that interest was shown. Then, I had to leave for three weeks, but we stayed in contact, messaging every few days. When I came home for a few days, he wrote he was sick and couldn't meet up ... then I was on a short trip, and we exchanged a message or two while I was there too. But now I am home since Friday and mostly free for the next three weeks and wrote him the day I came back that I am here and want to meet up again. But I don't have any answer at all yet, and it's been three days! It is driving me crazy. Is this his way of saying he is not interested in meeting me again? Why the trouble of messaging back and forth for a month if that is the case? Is he just busy? I can hardly believe anybody to be so busy (especially during the weekend!) as not to be able to write a short message saying when he expects not to be as busy anymore. I mean, if he were interested in seeing me, then he would probably want to see me soon after not seeing me for a month, right? I told him I when I was coming back, so I assume he knows it. Does he just not check his fb messages that often? He is the one whose idea it was to communicate over fb in the first place, and he also has my number, if he would prefer to call/text. What is going on? I really want any answer, and I really want to schedule a meet up soon! So nervous about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 9 hours ago, Buckwheat said: What is going on? I really want any answer, and I really want to schedule a meet up soon! So nervous about this. I've come to expect this sort of inconsistency from everyone. How astonishing it was to learn there are people not like that. It's a damn shame I've not been attracted to the latter type so far, but they make great friends. If he gets back in touch, you probably should have a discussion about if he's even interested or not. Then a convo about consistency and expectations for whatever stage of an incipient relationship you're in. I don't see any drawback to admitting feelings. Then... well, I never get past that, so I got nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erik of Hazelfield Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 I'm totally the sort of person who reads a message, thinks I should respond to it but I'm busy right now, and then forgets completely about it for days. Everyone hates me for doing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 58 minutes ago, SpaceChampion said: I've come to expect this sort of inconsistency from everyone. How astonishing it was to learn there are people not like that. It's a damn shame I've not been attracted to the latter type so far, but they make great friends. If he gets back in touch, you probably should have a discussion about if he's even interested or not. Then a convo about consistency and expectations for whatever stage of an incipient relationship you're in. I don't see any drawback to admitting feelings. Then... well, I never get past that, so I got nothing. Well, we only met up privately once till now, so there is no ... relationship to speak of (all there is is in my head, I need to check my expectations - I get like that, I expect too much of people sometimes and apparently crush too hard too quickly, but that happens very rarely). I am playing various scenarios for such a conversation in my head and yes, I definitely want him to know without doubt that I am interested in spending more time with him. But I really cannot be sure about him. I think that I am going to just call him in a few days if he does not respond. Just so I get some answer. I am just afraid it will look like ... too much attention seeking from my side, which he might dislike. I would hate to seem like I am trying to get too much of his time and attention. But not getting any answer at all is just too much pressure for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felice Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 1 hour ago, Buckwheat said: I think that I am going to just call him in a few days if he does not respond. Just so I get some answer. I am just afraid it will look like ... too much attention seeking from my side, which he might dislike. You haven't seen him in a month; there is no way any reasonable person could possibly think it's inappropriate to follow up on days of failure to reply. If he dislikes it, he's a lost cause, and it's better to find out sooner rather than later. Call him now, and if he's not apologetic and doesn't have a good reason for the lack of communication, you should probably dump him. You are absolutely not in the wrong here. Though it's theoretically possible he hasn't done anything wrong either; first step is to check whether he actually received your message about being back in the country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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