NFL 2018 Preseason: Now With More Jace Meltdowns!

[Sour Billy Tipton]

I'm already tired of the preseason.

[Jace, Extat]

Ugh. Preseason grading...

 

Luck looked like... nothing. He didn't do anything except force throws vintage Luck style. Nothing to take away about Luck.

Quentin Nelson gave up about four feet of ground on every pass play. While that isn't technically getting 'beat' as a guard, it's pretty fucking unacceptable from the #6 goddamn pick in the draft. Rookie, rookie, whatever. I'm not ready to slit his throat or anything, but I was displeased with what I saw. Getting worked onto your heels like a knockoff pole dancer isn't ok from ANY guard, the #6 pick makes this un-fucking-acceptable.

Shaquem Griffin looked... like a goddamn rookie. Flew around looking for work, great burst to the ball. That 40 time at the combine was not a fluke, he plays at the speed of a safety. Didn't see him get blown out of the play either. But man did he look like he had nothing to do in zone coverage. Jack Doyle full body checked him at the sticks though, that was offensive pass interference 9 times out of 10.

Eh. Preseason.

[dbunting]

Same as everyone else, eh preseason. Dallas apparently looked good early, I was sleeping.  It sounds like Cleveland looked good and may have two legitimate NFL starting caliber QB's! But again it's preseason and it's all smoke and mirrors.

I finally got to watch Hard Knocks last night and yeah I see what everyone here was talking about, Hue seems clueless. He seems like someone who knows the language but not the meaning of what he is saying, if that makes any sense. Clearly going to be a blow up/power struggle between Haley and Hue and I'd say Haley is going to win.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

As others have said, preseason prognostication has little value, but my biggest takeaway from last night was that the Giants massively messed up. Eli looked washed and Webb is not a starting caliber QB. If Rosen, Darnold or even Allen become stars, they regret picking Barkley for years even if he turns out to be a stud.  

[sperry]

3 minutes ago, SpaceForce Tywin et al. said:

As others have said, preseason prognostication has little value, but my biggest takeaway from last night was that the Giants massively messed up. Eli looked washed and Webb is not a starting caliber QB. If Rosen, Darnold or even Allen become stars, they regret picking Barkley for years even if he turns out to be a stud.  

There is no scenario they don't regret it. Running back at 2 is just so fucking stupid.

 

Also wonder what the Browns are going to do. Tyrod is better at this point, but Baker is ready to play. What's the point in starting Tyrod? Browns have to be hoping somebody's starting QB gets hurt in the preseason and they can trade Tyrod.

[Maithanet]

3 minutes ago, sperry said:

There is no scenario they don't regret it. Running back at 2 is just so fucking stupid.

 

Also wonder what the Browns are going to do. Tyrod is better at this point, but Baker is ready to play. What's the point in starting Tyrod? Browns have to be hoping somebody's starting QB gets hurt in the preseason and they can trade Tyrod. 

Baker is ready to play, but he'll be more ready to play in midseason.  Some quarterbacks benefit from getting thrown to the wolves in week 1, but some crumble and regress over the weeks.  Giving Mayfield some time to learn from a pro like Taylor sounds like a good investment to me.  The Browns aren't winning the Super Bowl this year, so the question of whether this year is a success is 100% a matter of successfully developing their young talent, particularly Mayfield.

[sperry]

6 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

Baker is ready to play, but he'll be more ready to play in midseason.  Some quarterbacks benefit from getting thrown to the wolves in week 1, but some crumble and regress over the weeks.  Giving Mayfield some time to learn from a pro like Taylor sounds like a good investment to me.  The Browns aren't winning the Super Bowl this year, so the question of whether this year is a success is 100% a matter of successfully developing their young talent, particularly Mayfield.

Mayfield is like the least likely player ever to crumble and regress.The only reason not to play him is if you think the line is going to be so bad that he'll get killed. But Browns should have a decent line.

[Maithanet]

3 minutes ago, sperry said:

Mayfield is like the least likely player ever to crumble and regress.The only reason not to play him is if you think the line is going to be so bad that he'll get killed. But Browns should have a decent line.

Plenty of great prospects crumble and regress.  Assuming that won't happen to Mayfield is the kind of thinking that got the Browns into this mess. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

22 minutes ago, sperry said:

There is no scenario they don't regret it. Running back at 2 is just so fucking stupid.

 

Also wonder what the Browns are going to do. Tyrod is better at this point, but Baker is ready to play. What's the point in starting Tyrod? Browns have to be hoping somebody's starting QB gets hurt in the preseason and they can trade Tyrod.

You can justify taking a RB that high if you think he’s a generational talent and you have the perfect situation. For example, I think the Cowboys were justified taking Elliot that high because they had an amazing O-Line (I still would have taken Ramsey though). But the Giants were not in an ideal situation to take a RB that high, regardless of Barkley’s ceiling. Their O-Line isn’t any good, and I think last night will be exactly what Barkley will be like this year. A lot of short runs with the occasional homerun. The Giants should have taken a QB or traded back for either several picks or less picks and the ability to stay in the top 10 so they still had a shot at a QB or high end prospect.

Regarding the Browns, I think there are two scenarios at play here. The first is the one you laid out. If a contender losses their QB and Taylor plays well, they might be able to flip him for a first rounder or several mid-round picks. The other one is that they’re keeping him to protect Baker against their schedule. Their first half of the season is brutal, and perhaps they don’t want to subject their young franchise QB to that.

Speaking of Baker, I think he’s the real deal. Last night he showed a lot of positive things. He has an NFL arm. He can read NFL defenses. He was going through his progressions better than some NFL veterans can. He has great pocket presence and can feel the blindside rush. He can command the huddle. Baker wasn’t going against anything resembling a good NFL defense, but there’s a lot to be excited about if you’re a Browns fan

[sperry]

52 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

Plenty of great prospects crumble and regress.  Assuming that won't happen to Mayfield is the kind of thinking that got the Browns into this mess. 

 

If Baker doesn't succeed, it's not going to be because he loses confidence in himself. That's just based on his personality.

[Maithanet]

1 minute ago, sperry said:

 

If Baker doesn't succeed, it's not going to be because he loses confidence in himself. That's just based on his personality.

There's more to regression than losing confidence.  RG3's footwork was excellent coming out of college but went to shit between year 1 and year 2, and the rest of his game never recovered. 

[sperry]

2 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

There's more to regression than losing confidence.  RG3's footwork was excellent coming out of college but went to shit between year 1 and year 2, and the rest of his game never recovered. 

Why on earth would his footwork go bad?

[Maithanet]

Just now, sperry said:

Why on earth would his footwork go bad?

Prospects can fail for a lot of reasons, not just losing confidence.  RG3's footwork regression is just the first example that came to mind. 

[Sour Billy Tipton]

 

 

Not only do they lose Guice for the year, but now this is an internal mess for the Redskins scouting and executives.

[briantw]

5 hours ago, sperry said:

Also wonder what the Browns are going to do. Tyrod is better at this point, but Baker is ready to play. What's the point in starting Tyrod? Browns have to be hoping somebody's starting QB gets hurt in the preseason and they can trade Tyrod.

You go with the guy who is the better option now.  I see Cleveland doing exactly what the Chiefs did last year (same GM too).  Tyrod will play the entire season more than likely, assuming the team is reasonably competitive and he doesn't get hurt, and then Baker will be the guy next year.  No real harm in sitting Baker even if he is ready.  Once you drop Tyrod for Baker (unless it's due to injury), it's tough to go back.

[Sour Billy Tipton]

26 minutes ago, briantw said:

I see Cleveland doing exactly what the Chiefs did last year (same GM too).  Tyrod will play the entire season more than likely, assuming the team is reasonably competitive and he doesn't get hurt, and then Baker will be the guy next year.  

Yeah but that's best case scenario.  How often do you get a career year out of your veteran QB while the heir apparent is red shirting?  The 2017 Chiefs were an anomaly.  Alex Smith was able to hold back the Mahomes chants because they were winning.  The same can't be said for the Browns this year.  They will not make the playoffs and with every loss the fans will want to see Baker play and gain experience in another season that doesn't mean anything in Cleveland.  

[briantw]

19 minutes ago, Sour Billy Tipton said:

Yeah but that's best case scenario.  How often do you get a career year out of your veteran QB while the heir apparent is red shirting?  The 2017 Chiefs were an anomaly.  Alex Smith was able to hold back the Mahomes chants because they were winning.  The same can't be said for the Browns this year.  They will not make the playoffs and with every loss the fans will want to see Baker play and gain experience in another season that doesn't mean anything in Cleveland.  

Eh...as long as Tyrod is playing well I doubt there will be too many local fans complaining.  We haven't seen competent QB play for over a decade.  

I'd also look at it as giving valuable development time to the other young guys on the roster so that they're more polished and ready to contribute in a year when Baker takes over.

[Jace, Extat]

Teddy looked like a sharp cheese in his first drive. Not exactly a meal itself, but definitely something good there. I'd trade for him if I was Jacksonville. The ability to throw the ball five yards on a shallow cross and let the receiver hit full stride shouldn't be 'what your team is missing', but this is Blake Bortles we're talking about.

[Jace, Extat]

One of you Dickheads gets a Madden 19 code for your Xbone. PM me or post here. In a day or two I will see who has responded and either randomly give it away or we can do some kind of contest about praising Jaime L or something. Depends on how many of you have Xbones and want the code.

[Jace, Extat]

No more preamble, let's just get to the 2018 Pre Season Outlooks:

NFC South:

Welcome to the Iowa of the NFL. A backwards, ass first hellhole you pretty much always forget is a part of the Union. Home to no less than 4 'franchise' quarterbacks, the NFC South is famous for never having a singular dominant force in its history. The Falcons, Saints, and Panthers have all enjoyed streaky success at one time or another for brief spurts before fading into irrelevance for a while. The Bucs though...

Tampa Bay-

Tampa Bay is what happens when Spain and England are in a war for the Americas that lasts seven years before saying 'Huh? What are we doing here?' Everyone knew Jameis Winston probably raped that girl. That he was a budding sociopath at worst, a stupid narcissist at best. And that if you're an irrelevant team destined for anonymity throughout history, Marcus Mariota was the perfect inoffensive quarterback to be the subject of 'is this X's breakout year!?!' pieces for a decade while being the hero of every child unfortunate enough to be born into your fandom.

Leave it to the Bucs to decide that borderline competence is a bridge to far an organizational aspiration.

So we have Jaemis 'Grab her by the pussy' Winston, who you would almost think doesn't suck out loud for all the LEADERSHIP that's constantly on display. The constant interceptions and fumbles are dismissed because of the inspiring figure Winston displays for all motor impaired adults. I'm not what you would call 'A Leader of Men', but I've given a pep talk or two in my time and unlike Jamies LEADERZIP Winston I have never had my colleagues look at me in bewilderment, bemusement, and embarrassment all at the same time during a talking-to.

But enough about overrated assholes who will never justify the hype, let's talk about the rest of the roster.

Mike Evans is an overrated asshole who will never justify the hype. He's a beast in fantasy I guess, I don't think I've ever drafted him -maybe once, I play a shitload of fantasy- because he catches passes from a palsy ridden man baby rapist and I don't need that in my life. Sure, he 'gets the 50-50 ball'. Chryst but is that the most overused and stupid way to describe a WR. The guy is fine. I've never been offended by him, but the way he gobbles up garbage time fantasy points is not indicative of a top-5 talent at the position no matter what the meatheads on TV claim. 

Now I don't know which curse Derick Brooks and John Lynch had that swamp witch lay on this team, but I do know that bitch owes me fifty bucks. And before you go wondering how I know the witch in question remind yourself that it's Tampa and you don't really care. The defense has been horrible since shortly before Jon Gruden got shitcanned for being an unrepentant dickhead. And the only reason Dirk Koetter has kept his job for this coming year is because Gruden eschewed a misery trip to the filthy old stomping ground in favor of a misery trip to a filthy old stomping ground and a shitdick ton of money. Koetter, Winston, Light. They're all just spokes on a wheel. It's time to let Jesus take the wheel.

If this team wins more than 6 games Jesus really did take the wheel.

 

 

Carolina-

Speaking of workplace sexual harassment, I give you David Tepper. The new rags to riches hero of the downtrodden masses who keep voting Republican. Ron Rivera continues to be the most inexplicably job insecure coach in the league. For a guy who keeps a volatile team on a pretty even keel with a roster that is... lacking in certain respects, he's always on the hot seat for some reason. I'm sure new ownership won't exacerbate that condition.

You got Cam Newton. Who is one of the worst passers in the league for long stretches before randomly combining his freakish arm talent and physicality into the best thing your eyes have ever witnessed. I can't decide if I'm disappointed or excited to see Norm Turner as his OC. On the one hand, Norm can install a functional offense. On the other, I'd like to see one of the most gifted human beings alive in a more... excitable scheme. Christian McCafferty would be a good player if he wasn't a RB. I swear to god, all these white RB's couldn't cut it at slot receiver so they added fifteen or twenty pounds and pretend to also be RB's. If I hear one more person compare this guy to Darren Sproles I'll lose it. Sproles could run AND catch.

The WR's are a real who's who of who? Seriously, I'm sitting here unable to name one... didn't they trade for one or something? I'm going to have to google. I NEVER google about football. So Devin Funchess, Torry Smith, and D.J. Moore. I just spent like 45 seconds trying to find out what round Moore went in before remembering that I don't fucking care. This WR group is going to run a series of deep 9's, deep curls, and deep posts for 17 weeks. ENJOY!!!

The Defense is fine, or something. Luke Keuchly will be the best player in ten games, the D-line is not bad, the secondary is pretty bland.

I'm not saying this team won't win 10 games. I'm just saying I don't expect it.

 

Atlanta-

Ugh. The amount of hype this team gets is nauseating. They had ONE good run in ten years that Tom Brady curb stomped so hard that they had to replace their asshole genius OC with an asshole alcoholic who got shitcanned for drinking on the job. Now I'm not pretending that I've never been fucked up at work, but... wait, where am I going with this...

Dan Quinn is the answer to toast asking if it was the most boring thing on earth. I have an irrational hatred of this man, which is just weird because there's nothing about him worth considering. Let alone hating.

The defense has a bunch of fast people on it or something and they're supposed to finally 'gel' this year or something and something and I don't care. Julio is awesomesauce. Matt Ryan is the Dan Quinn of QB's. He seems like a great passer until you realize that anyone who doesn't trip on his own shoelaces coming out of the tunnel puts up big numbers in the NFL these days. He's the Matt Stafford of the NFC South. They have two RB's who are real good at football and can fuck people up when on the field together but Steve Sarkesien doesn't know how to use them.

Jesus, Atlanta is a boring team. Why did I start with the NFC South? My energy level drops by the word. What the fuck was I thinking?

Atlanta is probably going to win 9 or 10 games.

 

New Orleans-

Holy shit! Is this what interesting looks like? Man, the Saints were so good last year that I kind of stopped hating them. They were just kinda fun to watch. Drew Brees still got it, Sean Payton has decided to stay, and Mickey Loomis took a break from the NBA to look at the players they were drafting on defense for once. I'm not crazy about the trade up for that pass rusher guy, mostly 'cause I wanted to have Lamarr Jackson under Payton to look forward to, but whatevs. The secondary had 2 rookies starting last year and was baller, Minnesota Miracle notwithstanding.

I expect big things from NO after clawing their way out of the 7-9 bullshit. What a fun team! Alvin Kamara is like something you'd cook up in the Madden player creation screen, the offensive line is pretty legit, and the WR's are irrelevant because me and Tywin would be open down the field in Payton's offense.

I see NO as the division winner here at 11+ wins.

 

 

NFC West:

 

I grew up in flyover state of Indiana and briefly in the South before living in Texas. The 'very low IQ individuals' from such places have a massive inferiority complex, and insist that the 'coastal elites' act superior. Now I can't speak for the East coast, really, but as a denizen of the West let me put this shit to bed. We don't act superior. We are superior. It's just a better place to be alive.

 

Seattle-

I'm like 65% sure that this team is collapsing into ruin around Pete Carrol's ears, but that other 35% which likes him is CONVINCED he and John Schneider have managed to cull the self-created egomaniacs in a bid to re-imagine the roster on the fly. Russel Wilson is a god, Tom Cable is finally gone to inflict the domestic abuse he calls coaching on Oakland. The WR's are anonymous outside of Angry Injured Doug. They took a RB in the 1st.

The defense is confusing. On the one hand, they've hemorrhaged a bunch of talent lately. But as I said, they've gotten rid of aging big personality guys, AND there's still a lot of talent left. Even with Earl Thomas trying to force his way from a successful franchise to the anal glands of earth for some reason. But fuck me sideways if I wouldn't trade every player on the Colts defense for just Bobby Wagner and the Griffin brothers.

You're right, that's ridiculous. The Seahawks can have a 1st and 3rd rounder just for taking the phone call.

The point is, there's still talent on this team. But yeah, they're vastly diminished from the days where it looked like we were going to have the most insufferable dynasty since the Patriots. Luckily, the Patriots stomped out the first threat to their reign with a viciousness not seen since The Mountain punched The Red Viper's face off. 

I can pretty easily see the Seahawks falling anywhere from 6 wins to 11.

 

Los Angeles-

The hype train is out of fucking control in LA. Jared Goff is suddenly a top-10 passer somehow because 'experts' don't understand that his success was based on a gimmick that defenses have had 6 months to problem solve. Tod Gurley is my secret sauce, motherfucker won me back into Experts. He's a beast. Brandon Cooks was brought in and Tavon Austin is finally gone. Thank god. Aaron Donald is holding out again, one wonders if he'll return for week one on the condition that he isn't fined missed game checks for preseason. I am ashamed to admit that when the rookie cap rule was put in place Jace was happy. "Finally" she said, "these fucking rookies won't ruin the teams and suck" she thought.

I know, my children. I know. I was drawn into the idiocy of siding with the billionaire.

So Donald, the best defensive player in the league, is being extorted. Ndomekong Suh is there. So if those two were on the field together and content, one would legitimately fear for the lives of opposing QB's. Interior pressure can ruin an offense. They got Aquib Talib. I'm sure all these big personalities and disgruntled workers won't make headaches.

10-ish wins is my guess.

 

San Francisco-

Jimmy Jesus has come to California to save your souls! And he went on a date with a porn star, so that's something to 'learn and grow' from. HEY JIMMY, YOU DIDN'T ASSAULT A WOMAN. YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.

This team will win 5 games.

 

Arizona-

Jace loves Josh Rosen. Jace has also had a long running soft spot for the Cardinals. So thankfully Sam Bradford will almost certainly be the starter until his joints decay into nothingness. And the owner used the team website to stump for Trump's supreme court nominee after insisting that players keep political statements separate from football. So. Yeah. That happened.

Honey Badger is gone. Calais Campbell is gone. Most of the fun is gone. David Johnson is still around. Jace wonders if she'll get him cheap in fantasy this year 'cause you're all stupid heads. Larry Fitzgerald is still goin'. I feel bad for him. Arizona is like the pit from The Dark Knight Rises. Lucky for Cardinals fans, they lost out on the Pat Shurmur sweepstakes to the Giants, so they get the thoroughly 'huh' Steve Wilks! And Steve Wilks knows things like "football is won in the trenches" and "it's about players". HURRAAAAYYYY.

This team will go 4-12. Which is actually not a bad thing, because they'll still have David Johnson and Josh Rosen next year.