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Jace, Basilissa

NFL 2018 Week 1: From Wentz You Came

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So apparently a lobbying firm the NFL hired to defend their blackout policy a few years back sent thousands of fake letters to the FCC asking them not to outlaw the practice. These letters were sometimes signed by fictional characters but also included the forged signature of real people.

Which is a felony. 

One expects no consequences for this league hired lobbying group wasting tax dollars reading their fake mail.

 

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Not suprised the Falcons lost. Their offense has been a shadow of itself since Shannahan left for SF. I am curious to see how good the 49ers are gonna be. I dont think he will, but I kinda want to see Jimmy G get sacked 7+ times and implode.

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4 hours ago, The Lasr Storm said:

I am curious to see how good the 49ers are gonna be. I dont think he will, but I kinda want to see Jimmy G get sacked 7+ times and implode.

Not gonna lie, I’m hoping the same thing. Too much hype on him and I just always have an inner hatred for the 49ers (mostly due to a few of my good friends being obnoxious SF fans).

Olivier Vernon is out with a high ankle sprain so I expect almost no pass rush tomorrow. 

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3 hours ago, Ramsay B. said:

Not gonna lie, I’m hoping the same thing. Too much hype on him and I just always have an inner hatred for the 49ers (mostly due to a few of my good friends being obnoxious SF fans).

Olivier Vernon is out with a high ankle sprain so I expect almost no pass rush tomorrow. 

Vernon is good for pressure, he never comes up with big sacks though. Jacksonvilles D will be a test. Cant wait for Ramsay to get burned by OBJ.

 

Where in CT u from?

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Jace's Week 1 breakdown:

 

Bills @ Ravens

This is going to be a fucking massacre or I owe somebody something that I don't want to owe them. The Bills' O-line has less consistency than Richie Incognito's mental deterioration. If T-Sizzle doesn't punch Nathan Peterman like he's a woman less than half his size, I'll be shocked. Shocked I say!

The Bills decided to disassemble their first playoff team since -insert joke here- just to spite the competent colored man who went about his business in a professional manner every week.

Joe Flacco has decided to give effort this year because the Ravens finally had enough of his mediocrity.

Bills 10 < Ravens 34

 

Jaguars @ Giants

The Tom Coughlin Revenge Game!!!!!!!!!!

Blake Bortles will throw 44 INT's in this game. Eli sucks but ODBj takes a couple of bubble screens to the house.

Jaguars 13 < Giants 16

 

Bucs @ Saints

Blowout

Bucs 14 < Saints 60

 

Texans @ New England

Somehow people think that the Texans are healthy and that the Patriots can lose to a Belichick disciple backed by another Belichick disciple... Have these people seen football before? DeShauwn Watson tore his knee to shreds! HE'S NOT GOING TO BE OK IN SEPTEMBER

JJ Watt is only useful if he's securing funds for the white hurricane victims or working out in front of cameras.

Tom Brady is Jesus Chryst's more talented older brother. Stop thinking otherwise, you betray your idiocy.

Texans 24 < Patriots 35

 

49'ers @ Vikings

Kirk Cousins has decided to copyright 'You Vike That!'

Minnesota will rue the day they decided to give this jesus freak the keys to the city. Couldda had Teddy B or Kase. Remember that when you're 8-fucking-8 dipshits

49'ers are a 6 win team, Grappolo will be a boondoggle.

49'ers 24 > 'You Vike That's!' 10

 

Titans @ Dolphins

Honestly this might be the game I'm most unsure about. I've no idea who will win. I THINK the Titans should win the day based on talent, but Jace has ZERO respect for that Patriots player who is their HC.

Speaking of LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, and PERPETUALLY EXPECTED TO ACHIEVE MEDIOCRITY FOR NO REASON... The Dolphins!

Titans 14 > Dolphins 3

 

Bengals @ Colts

My soul aches to see the Colts get blown out at home by the Cincinnati 'eh's'

I just want to bathe in the articles about how the result isn't indicative of the Colts' prospects for the season.

I'm a very sad woman. Let me alone.

Bengals 38 > Colts 17

 

Steelers @ Browns

Aww sheeit!

All this Leveon Bell uncertainty is going to be a thing about upsetting the team's psyche!

Oh man! THIS IS THE HARDLAND!

The Steelers are in trouble here folks. I know they have so much more talent and all, but the Browns are the Hard Knock team from the Hard Land of a Hard Life with a Hard Erection.

Steelers 28 > Browns 16

 

Chiefs @ Chargers

Sneaky Game-Of-The-Week candidate here. The Chiefs need to prove how hard they are without Alex 'Fuck Me in the Eyes' Smith. The Chargers need to prove (as if) that they aren't the Chargers.

SPOILER ALERT!

The Chargers are still the Chargers and will blow this game late (remember that time Phillip Rivers was taking a knee to set up a field goal at the end of regulation against the Chiefs and fumbled the goddamn snap?).

I'm real excitedz to see Patty Mahomies. He's like the black Aaron Rodgers.

Chiefs 21 >Chargers 19

 

Seahawks @ Broncos

Hard one for Jace to pick. On the one hand she worships the cock Russell Wilson walks on, on the other hand Pete Carrol is a goddamn 9/11 truther who invites Alt-Right speakers to lecture the team.

On one hand, she loves Case Keenum and E-Man and most of the Broncos players. On the other, Vance Joseph is a sex pervert and John Elway is not only a Trump donor but also a shit personnel executive.

Eeeehhhh, hard one to pick. I can't help but think both of these teams will be between 8-10 wins and the loser today will look back on this game as what cost them a shot at the playoffs.

FUCK

Tough one... I'm going to go Seahawks 17 < Broncos 20 just because of the Seahawks offense not having the talent around Russell to protect him from the Miller's Chubb

 

Cowboys @ Panthers

Jace likes Dak, Zeke probably punches women and certainly sees them as objects but he's really good at football.

Cam is a preening schmo (as Chris Wessling says) but he's also a great football player despite being a marginal passer. I think the Panthers have the ponies on defense to keep Elliot from putting the game in a coffin.

Cowboys 10 < Panthers 27

 

Warshington @ Cardinals

Behind the Titans game this is the one I'm most on the fence about. It's tempting to give the nod to the competent Alex Smith but then David Johnson is on the other side with no one to breathe on Sam Bradford's degenerative knees.

It's a tough one. I have little faith in either defense, and the marginal respect I have for Smith and the Washington offensive scheme/players is balanced by the desire to see David Johnson go ham sandwich...

Washington 20 < Cardinals 22

Bears @ Packers

Kahili Mack! How Compelling!!!

Aaron Rodgers pissed away his chance to revolutionize the way NFL contracts (specifically QB's) are done because he's afraid of being seen as anything other than the pretty boy.

Bears 6 < Packers 30

 

Jets @ Lions

Man, I've heard a surprising amount of people pick the Lions because ( I shit you not) 'Belichick's never lost to a rookie QB... Matt Patricia... blah blah blah

I think the Lions are going to be sneaky putrid this year while the Jets are sneaky 6-10.

Jets 10 > Lions 7

 

Rams @ Los Vegas

Oh man, that Jon Gruden honeymoon ended quick!

Rams 38 > Raiders 3

 

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Pats will lose, but will still win 12 games this year. Skins will beat Arizona. I think the Browns game will be a close one. Eli will torch Ramsay and the Jags for 400+ today. Agree with the rest.

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6 minutes ago, Jace, Basilissa said:

John Brown, bitchez

Never thought that dude was gonna be fantasy relevant again.

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1 minute ago, Jace, Basilissa said:

Guess who took him in every league?

He'll probably be hurt by week four.

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I thought the Saints D was supposed to be good and the Bucs were supposed to be bad. :ack:

 

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8 minutes ago, briantw said:

Deshaun Watson looks absolutely terrible.

It's almost like you'd have to be a son of Zeus to return from a string cheese knee in 9 months and look good.

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2 minutes ago, Jace, Basilissa said:

I was too generous by tenfold in my assessment of the Bills' offensive capabilities.

Not to be confused, their performance has been quite offensive.

What's crazy is you see this game by the Bills and then you remember that the Ravens probably aren't even good.

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