Knight of Ashes Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Raisin' Bran doesn't have two scoops of raisins in his package - I fact, there's not even one scoop! It's all a cruel lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted September 27, 2018 Author Share Posted September 27, 2018 KoA is lying about the lie. There are no scoops in Raisin Bran's package because KoA took them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Honeyed Chicken is an entrepreneur who has designed several cutting edge products, such as knives, box cutters, and those little blades Canadians use to open their bags of milk. However, the product that really put him on the map is VegetabeefTM . It's ground meat (or a close approximation) shaped and coloured to look like veggies but taste like hot dogs. It was marketed as a way to get kids to eat their vegetables. He was eventually sued for false advertising and now he spends his time advocating for other countries to switch to milk in a bag. He claims it's to reduce packaging waste, but it's actually to sell more of his milk-bag blades Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Jez likes to screw with Mike Pence's head by using pictures of naked Hell's Angels as bookmarks for his bible. Each of the pictures have "I enjoyed the night by the fire too, Mike" written at the back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Knight of Ashes gained his moniker at the Burning Man festival, when he got a bit too close to the fire and singed his bedazzled batman costume. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted September 28, 2018 Author Share Posted September 28, 2018 Jez gets all her Outrageous Lies ideas from Cards Against Humanity (https://cardsagainsthumanity.com/). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raisin' Bran Posted September 28, 2018 Share Posted September 28, 2018 Honeyed Chicken hates it when Jez steals his ideas. In fact, he is plotting retribution of epic proportions this instant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 Raisin' Bran has resigned himself to always having this recurring dream of kissing Kellyanne Conway's feet and begging to be her alternative lover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 KoA is a very busy person, but he's also super-organized. He has lots of time saving tips. For example, he puts toothpaste in his breakfast burrito. This allows him not to skip the most important meal of the day, while staying minty fresh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted September 29, 2018 Author Share Posted September 29, 2018 Jez and KoA will now go over to the Cast-o-phobia game that I started and send submissions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 HC has recurring nightmares of being covered in honey while tied to a post as an army of army ants approaches. "But hey", said Chicken looking at the bright side, "it's better than the one where I'm mud-wrestling with Steve Bannon and he keeps rubbing his willy on my face!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 18 hours ago, Knight of Ashes said: HC has recurring nightmares of being covered in honey while tied to a post as an army of army ants approaches. "But hey", said Chicken looking at the bright side, "it's better than the one where I'm mud-wrestling with Steve Bannon and he keeps rubbing his willy on my face!" Steve Bannon?!! And just when I was starting to forget that tousled, pox ridden face. KoA has tried everything he can think of to forge a rising political career in Washington, but the closest he can get to even a staffer position is emptying waste baskets and looking for hidden secrets in the trash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 HC spends his days writing alternate definitions for terms on Urban Dictionary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 Jez loves nothing better than hot air ballooning over Albuquerque, NM. The crowds of other balloonists part for her and her red as sin, Satan adorned giant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Honeyed chicken has developed a product for the grassroots movement. He thought a lot about it and came up with the Grass Flip Flop. A flip flop with a layer of grass to cushion your feet and give the impression of a barefoot walk in the park. The product was immensely successful, despite the fact the he completely misunderstood what "grassroots movement" actually meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Jez plans to buy me the 50th anniversary deluxe edition of the Beatles' White Album and send it to my home free of charge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raisin' Bran Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Knight of Ashes insists on "camping" only at the KOA campgrounds in northern Nevada. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Raisin' Bran's idea of a pick-up line is "I'm Bran, and I'm the gassiest man in the world!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 2, 2018 Author Share Posted October 2, 2018 The other day KoA went skipping by a number of the third graders he teaches. He left them speechless as he was wearing a frilly yellow dress and singing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty!!" at the top of his lungs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 Honeyed chicken is really the monster of Lake Memphremagog. You can call him "Memphy" for short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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