honeyed chicken Posted November 14, 2018 Author Share Posted November 14, 2018 Sadly Jez got a bad hernia the other day. She tried to pick up dear old Rover who can not do stairs anymore. It did not go well because Rover is both bigger than she is and uncooperative to boot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Chicken is a proponent of the theory that Dumbledore is actually a grownup Ron Weasely who zipped back in time to guide Harry and all that. Â This was based on Dumby mentioning he had red hair as a youth and both are described as having thin noses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted November 16, 2018 Author Share Posted November 16, 2018 KoA is actually a wyvern named Ralph who follows the San Antonio Spurs religiously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raisin' Bran Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 HCÂ has begun a campaign to combat the Chik-fil-A cows. He intends to alter the image of the chicken, to the point where they are so cute that no one would possibly want to eat one. Little does he realize that the chicken people eat rarely resembles the animal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 RB has been having trouble getting a permit to open up a restaurant devoted to all anthropophagy. the restaurant's name is to be Bloomin' Humans. He can't understand what the issue is. If it's good enough for Tyrion and Wyman, surely it ought to be good enough for the gummint? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 "With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound He pulls the spitting high-tension wires down" Â So sings CB as Blue Oyster Cult blares out Godzilla from his CD player. In time to the music he moves his daughter's Barbie doll crazily through his little model train village wreaking havoc left and right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 In a pitiful attempt to make his life look more epic, Chicken yells "Lo!" every time he does something - no matter how trivial the act is, e.g. "Lo! I scratched my butt!", "Lo! This coffee needs milk!", "Lo! I am pouring milk on my coffee!", "Lo! I am raking leaves!" , "Lo! My fly won't zip up!" "Lo! Trump's an inbred moron!" and so on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Shocking revelation! KoA is Ivanka Trump's lovechild, abandoned on the front step of the HQ of the Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality! [That party apparently actually exists. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizens_for_Undead_Rights_and_Equality. Whoah, I sound excited.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 The Count buried his beloved complete collection of David Hasselhoff discs that contains all of the Hoff's music and movies in the firm belief that archaeologists will unearth them centuries from now and be so awestruck at their discovery that they will wonder at the great, mythological civilization that could produce such an individual that created such great works of art and forever mourn their passing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 There's a vicious rumor in the "Fake News!" that Ivanka Trump is using a private internet server for government business. This is totally false. But what she does have/do that no one knows about and which is truly shameful, is KoA tied to a bed in a spare room of her house. There she and Jared torture the helpless KoA by reading her father's tweets to him when they happen - whenever they happen. 3 PM, 3 AM whatever the time may be. Any time at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted December 1, 2018 Share Posted December 1, 2018 Chicken thinks of Dolores Umbridge as mental viagra. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted December 1, 2018 Author Share Posted December 1, 2018 When KoA thinks at all - if you can really call it "thinking" - it's in the dots and dashes of Morse code. His siblings always say he needs careful deciphering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted December 5, 2018 Share Posted December 5, 2018 HC has an artistic vocation. He takes the dots and dashes of Morse code, and turns them into somewhat abstract portraits of Dolores Umbrage. He's actually exhibited these at several museums. (Although many don't find the portraits weird enough. "Couldn't you at least do something revolting with these and make a video of it?" pleaded one curator.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted December 5, 2018 Author Share Posted December 5, 2018 As an unemployed art videographer, CB is out trolling for work - any work. Got a revolting piece of art to video? Send CB a text, he'd love to hear from you. Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 HC runs a sweatshop in his basement, where tiny chicks work themselves to exhaustion to produce the reams of fuchsia fabric for Sarah Sanders' dresses. He was recently raided and shut down by the feds, which is the primary reason that the White House has ceased their press briefings.  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raisin' Bran Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Jez Bell waits all year long so she can show off her flesh colored leggings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted December 21, 2018 Author Share Posted December 21, 2018 Two weeks with no new lies? Outrageous! I guess Raisin Bran's last whopper sent everyone scurrying south to cross the border into Mexico before Trump's wall could shut them in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Crows Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 Honeyed Chicken is a closeted vegan... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 Joey Crows is going to shut down the government if he can't get the dough to build a wall around himself to keep out the revoting human infestation. That's a tad extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Mueller has pictures of Count Balerion trying to hump Melania's blood-red Christmas trees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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