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honeyed chicken

Outrageous Lies About the Previous Poster, #25: Only the Biggest, Juiciest WHOPPERS!

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Honeyed Chicken is an entrepreneur who has designed several cutting edge products, such as knives, box cutters, and those little blades Canadians use to open their bags of milk.

However, the product that really put him on the map is VegetabeefTM .  It's ground meat (or a close approximation) shaped and coloured to look like veggies but taste like hot dogs.  It was marketed as a way to get kids to eat their vegetables.

He was eventually sued for false advertising and now he spends his time advocating for other countries to switch to milk in a bag.  He claims it's to reduce packaging waste, but it's actually to sell more of his milk-bag blades

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Jez likes to screw with Mike Pence's head by using pictures of naked Hell's Angels as bookmarks for his bible.

Each of the pictures have "I enjoyed the night by the fire too, Mike" written at the back.

Edited by Knight of Ashes

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Knight of Ashes gained his moniker at the Burning Man festival, when he got a bit too close to the fire and singed his bedazzled batman costume.

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KoA is a very busy person, but he's also super-organized.  He has lots of time saving tips.  For example, he puts toothpaste in his breakfast burrito.  This allows him not to skip the most important meal of the day, while staying minty fresh. 

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HC has recurring nightmares of being covered in honey while tied to a post as an army of army ants approaches.

"But hey", said Chicken looking at the bright side, "it's better than the one where I'm mud-wrestling with Steve Bannon and he keeps rubbing his willy on my face!"

Edited by Knight of Ashes

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18 hours ago, Knight of Ashes said:

HC has recurring nightmares of being covered in honey while tied to a post as an army of army ants approaches.

"But hey", said Chicken looking at the bright side, "it's better than the one where I'm mud-wrestling with Steve Bannon and he keeps rubbing his willy on my face!"

Steve Bannon?!! And just when I was starting to forget that tousled, pox ridden face.

KoA has tried everything he can think of to forge a rising political career in Washington, but the closest he can get to even a staffer position is emptying waste baskets and looking for hidden secrets in the trash.

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HC spends his days writing alternate definitions for terms on Urban Dictionary.  

Edited by Jez Bell
My "s" key is being trange

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Jez loves nothing better than hot air ballooning over Albuquerque, NM. The crowds of other balloonists part for her and her red as sin, Satan adorned giant.

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Honeyed chicken has developed a product for the grassroots movement.  He thought a lot about it and came up with the Grass Flip Flop.  A flip flop with a layer of grass to cushion your feet and give the impression of a barefoot walk in the park.  The product was immensely successful, despite the fact the he completely misunderstood what "grassroots movement" actually meant. 

Edited by Jez Bell

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The other day KoA went skipping by a number of the third graders he teaches. He left them speechless as he was wearing a frilly yellow dress and singing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty!!" at the top of his lungs.

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Honeyed chicken is really the monster of Lake Memphremagog.  You can call him "Memphy" for short.

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