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Imaginary swords for swordless characters


Seams

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What if characters such as Sansa, Dolorous Edd or Hot Pie had swords? What would they name their weapons?

My nominations:

Sansa - Sheet Slitter or Lemon-eater.

Dolorous Edd - Hardboiled. (He could use it to stir the cauldron of eggs he boils in spiced wine one morning.)

Hot Pie - Dough boy? Burnt Toast? Tartmaker?

What are your suggestions for named, imaginary swords and the characters who would wield them? Or the weapons could be warhammers, trebuchets, frog spears, poisons or other nameable weapons appropriate to the character.

Here are some (apparently) swordless characters you might consider:

Weese

Olenna

Craster

Lollys

Septon Chayle

Lady Dustin

Fat Walda

Dontos Hollard

Shae

Alayaya

Tysha

Myrcella

Cersei

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Well I'm pretty awful at naming swords or anything really, but I have some general ideas.

Sansa - Like Lemon-eater!

Dolorous Edd - something to do with the Rat Cook. He's always about eating and even has some cannibalism jokes in there.

ADWD Jon IV: Careful of the rats, my lord." Dolorous Edd led Jon down the steps, a lantern in one hand. "They make an awful squeal if you step on them. My mother used to make a similar sound when I was a boy. She must have had some rat in her, now that I think of it. Brown hair, beady little eyes, liked cheese. Might be she had a tail too, I never looked to see."

Hot Pie - I think it's significant that he used pastry to give Arya a direwolf. When making pies, a dough blender or a dough cutter are used. As are rolling pins.

Olenna - something to do with her sharp tongue.

Lollys - folks think her a dull blade, but she may be sharper than some expect.

Shae - I think she had a hand in poisoning Joff via Tywin and then in turn was the one who poisoned Tywin with the stuff Tyrion used to give Cersei diarrhea. The other Lannisters were stopping Tyrion from marrying Shae and she had no desire to see an end like Tysha. Something with poison. Adding; I speculate that Varys put her in touch with the Martells.

Cersei - her sword is named "Jaime" :D

 

 

 

 

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 Fun!

Cersei: Lion's Mane, for her ambition

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dolorous Edd: Nightlamp? for the Tollet words, when all is darkest

Olenna: A dagger called Thorntongue

Shae, a dagger called "Imptickler"

Lady Dustin: Sharphoof

Weese: Wickcutter

Craster: An Axe named "Answered Prayer"

Dontos: Bottle Opener

 

 

 

 

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10 hours ago, Seams said:

What if characters such as Sansa, Dolorous Edd or Hot Pie had swords? What would they name their weapons?

My nominations:

Sansa - Sheet Slitter or Lemon-eater.

Dolorous Edd - Hardboiled. (He could use it to stir the cauldron of eggs he boils in spiced wine one morning.)

Hot Pie - Dough boy? Burnt Toast? Tartmaker?

What are your suggestions for named, imaginary swords and the characters who would wield them? Or the weapons could be warhammers, trebuchets, frog spears, poisons or other nameable weapons appropriate to the character.

Here are some (apparently) swordless characters you might consider:

Weese                        Orphan

Olenna                       Ego Slasher

Craster                       Baby Slayer

Lollys                         Dim Roar

Septon Chayle           Well Lighter

Lady Dustin               Bittersteel

Fat Walda                  Silver Weight

Dontos Hollard          Saved (by the) Maiden

Shae                           Unworthy Bitch

Alayaya                      Worthy 

Tysha                         

Myrcella

Cersei                         Can't top @Lollygag's Jamie here

Ditto Fun!   But you broke my heart with some of your choices, @Seams.     back if I come up with anything for the 2 I missed. 

 

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59 minutes ago, hiemal said:

 Fun!

Cersei: Lion's Mane, for her ambition

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dolorous Edd: Nightlamp? for the Tollet words, when all is darkest

Olenna: A dagger called Thorntongue

Shae, a dagger called "Imptickler"

Lady Dustin: Sharphoof

Weese: Wickcutter

Craster: An Axe named "Answered Prayer"

Dontos: Bottle Opener

 

Excellent.  

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2 hours ago, hiemal said:

 Fun!

Cersei: Lion's Mane, for her ambition

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dolorous Edd: Nightlamp? for the Tollet words, when all is darkest

Olenna: A dagger called Thorntongue

Shae, a dagger called "Imptickler"

Lady Dustin: Sharphoof

Weese: Wickcutter

Craster: An Axe named "Answered Prayer"

Dontos: Bottle Opener

 

 

 

 

I'm truly jealous of your skill at this. :bowdown::rofl:

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Fat Walda.   Queef Swatter 

Hot Pie.        Oregano!

Penny.           BlandStorm

Lollys.           Who-What-Where!

Sansa.           Tongue Taker

Shae.           YouThinkYou'reBetterThanMe?

Doran.         Sepsis

Melisandre.       The Hilt  (she overcompensates with an all-hilt magic sword she CAN grab)

The Reader.         Mean Violence

Ramsay.            Intimacy 

Petyr.              Ultra Hyper Phallus Jr.

Tommen.          The Power Of Greyskull!    (He watches He-Man reruns at the mummer shows)

Darkstar.         God Spanker

Current Frey lord of Riverrun.       Ewww, Nasty!

Dolorous Edd.         That Figures.

Reznak Mo Reznak.           Belinda

random Yunkai'i master.             Taste the Circus

Selyse.              Askance Glance

Varys.                      Nut Quester

Patches.         Loon Slewn.

Little Walder.    Boogers of Lys.

Arianne.     Tight Swipe.

Xaro Xoan (etc.)         Say My Name

Daario.      Thruster

Ghost.         Awooooo!

Ygritte.     NowYouKnow

Podrick.      When Gods Cry Tears of Fate

Renly.      The Lack of Urgency

Davos.      Renly Is Not Right!

Cercei.       Lady Killer. 

Ghost of High Heart.     And All My Dreams Torn Asunder  (JMS)

Green Harpy.       Camel's Embrace

Sweetrobin.      Swords Are Dumb

Dontos.       Mommy!

Princess Myrcella.       Oh No You Didn't

Meera.      Whisper On The Wind

Sam Tarly.      Let's Talk This Over

The Red Viper.        No More Waiting

The Faceless Man.        A Blade Has A Name

lord Manderly.      FreyFeaster

Illyn Payne.     .....    ........   ......

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On 12/9/2018 at 11:37 AM, Seams said:

What if characters such as Sansa, Dolorous Edd or Hot Pie had swords? What would they name their weapons?

My nominations:

Sansa - Sheet Slitter or Lemon-eater.

Dolorous Edd - Hardboiled. (He could use it to stir the cauldron of eggs he boils in spiced wine one morning.)

Hot Pie - Dough boy? Burnt Toast? Tartmaker?

What are your suggestions for named, imaginary swords and the characters who would wield them? Or the weapons could be warhammers, trebuchets, frog spears, poisons or other nameable weapons appropriate to the character.

Here are some (apparently) swordless characters you might consider:

Weese

Olenna

Craster

Lollys

Septon Chayle

Lady Dustin

Fat Walda

Dontos Hollard

Shae

Alayaya

Tysha

Myrcella

Cersei

Oh this is a fun one....

Weese: Pride Smeller

Olenna: Oaf Breaker

Craster: Daughter Piercer

Lollys: Quinquagesimal

Lady Dustin: Rat Slayer

Fat Walda: Dowry Enhancer

Dontos: Fool's Foil

Shae: Faithless Floozy

ALayaya: The Black Blade

Tysha: Lesson Learner

Myrcella: Dornish Lamb

Sansa: (your) lemon eater

Dolorous Edd: Last Man

Cersei: Sticky Sibling

 

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Sansa - Maid's Blade

Dontos - Fool's Tool

Hot Pie - Bread Slicer

Meera - Prince's Protector or Fish Killer

Podrick - Persistence

Cersei - Lionsclaw  (had to go serious with this one)

Sam Tarly - Slayer (gets the name off himself); obsidian dagger called Other's Bane

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Petyr Baelish- Middle-Finger

Tyrion - Lion's Nail

Melisandre - Rhllor's Hand

Cersei - Rock's Claw

Varys - Steel's Poison

Shae - Whore

Tysha - Summer's Iron

High Sparrow - Stranger's Maiden

Theon/Reek - Rusty

Aeron - Forgotten 

Arianne - Unbroken

Tommen - Mr. Steel Paw

Bran - Crow's Beak

Hot Pie - Hot

Sansa - The Hound's Daughter

Lady Stoneheart - Stone

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 months later...

Some excellent entries in round one! I will recognize some of my favorites before suggesting some new nominees for a second round of creative weapon-naming.

Both hilarious and practical:

On 12/9/2018 at 9:03 PM, hiemal said:

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dontos: Bottle Opener

So apt:

On 12/9/2018 at 9:49 PM, Curled Finger said:

Lollys                         Dim Roar

Fat Walda                  Silver Weight

Very true to character:

On 12/10/2018 at 1:29 AM, The Mother of The Others said:

Illyn Payne.     .....    ........   ......

I particularly like this Olenna suggestion but the Weese sword is also right on the money:

On 12/10/2018 at 2:48 PM, YOVMO said:

Weese: Pride Smeller

Olenna: Oaf Breaker

Several excellent and thoughtful suggestions from Joey Crows. These are my favorites:

On 12/20/2018 at 6:57 PM, Joey Crows said:

Craster - Only Son

Fat Walda - Slimmer Sister

Hot Pie - Kneader (like Needle, get it?)

Sansa - Big Finger

Hot Pie has the potential to be such a badass, if he can get a hold of these weapons everyone imagines for him:

On 12/21/2018 at 5:35 AM, Brother of edd tollett said:

Hot pie sword should obviously be called 'cookiecutter' 

I am drawn to the ironically humorous suggestions, such as this one:

On 12/21/2018 at 1:34 PM, Marcelowww said:

Petyr Baelish- Middle-Finger

Perfect:

On 1/2/2019 at 10:24 AM, Legitimate_Bastard said:

Varys - stolen stem

For a new round of imaginary weapons for (apparently) swordless characters, here are some suggested names to get us started. Don't feel compelled to imagine swords for everyone listed and do feel free to provide for additional swordless characters, not already listed:

Lord Wyman Manderly

The Elder Brother

Edmure Tully

Doreah

the dosh khaleen (are swords allowed in vaes dothrak?)

Missandei

Septon Meribald (remember, he is a broken man with sad memories of war service)

Margaery Tyrell

Moon Boy

Tobho Mott

Rennifer Longwaters (a descendant, he claims, of Princess Elaena Targaryen)

Joyeuse Erenford (current wife of Lord Walder Frey. pregnant)

Amarei Frey (Lady of Darry through her unconsummated marriage to Lancel Lannister)

Pyp

Satin

Dywen (who has wooden teeth and can smell cold)

Ser Patrek of King's Mountain

Myranda Royce

Grisel (former wetnurse for Petyr Baelish, now a servant at "the Drearfort" in the Fingers)

The Weeper

Yandry and Ysilla

onboard the Selaesori Qhoran:

the corpse pickled in brine

Pretty Pig

Crunch

the ship's cook (a good cyvasse player; blinded by a kettle of hot grease during the storm, he died three days later)

In Essos:

Tagganaro

the Sailor's Wife

the waif

The Kindly Man

Xhondo Dhoru (a Summer Islander who pulls Sam Tarly from the canal and helps him book passage on the Cinnamon Wind)

 

My initial thoughts for a few of these characters:

Wyman Manderly - Weight Watcher

Margaery Tyrell - Maidenhead or Marry Widow

Joyeuse Erenford - Divorce Lawyer

Pretty Pig - Acorn Hoover

 

But maybe we need to move beyond swords and put some thinking into poisons and potions. We know about Milk of the Poppy, dreamwine, sweetsleep, the Strangler. Alchemists have a special recipe for wild fire. Melisandre keeps some powders and special effects items in her cloak. There is speculation in the forum about Jojen paste and we know that Sister Stew and Singer Stew and bowls of brown have unique ingredients. Mormont has a very exacting recipe for mulled wine. What are some imaginary poisons, recipes and potions that should be kept close to our armory of imaginary weapons, and which characters are most likely to use them?

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2 hours ago, Seams said:

 

Lord Manderly: Stormwrack

Elder Brother: The Father's Justice

Edmure Tully: Rivers' Wrath

Dosh Khaleen: Widows' Wail. Obviously.

Missandei: Butterfly Stings

Septon Meribald: Orangepeeler

Margery Tyrell: Sweet-thorn

Moonboy: Dancing Crescent

Rennifer Longwaters: Skeleton Key

Lady Frey: Fat Chance

Amarei Frey: Gatekeeper

 

 

 

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