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Imaginary swords for swordless characters

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What if characters such as Sansa, Dolorous Edd or Hot Pie had swords? What would they name their weapons?

My nominations:

Sansa - Sheet Slitter or Lemon-eater.

Dolorous Edd - Hardboiled. (He could use it to stir the cauldron of eggs he boils in spiced wine one morning.)

Hot Pie - Dough boy? Burnt Toast? Tartmaker?

What are your suggestions for named, imaginary swords and the characters who would wield them? Or the weapons could be warhammers, trebuchets, frog spears, poisons or other nameable weapons appropriate to the character.

Here are some (apparently) swordless characters you might consider:

Weese

Olenna

Craster

Lollys

Septon Chayle

Lady Dustin

Fat Walda

Dontos Hollard

Shae

Alayaya

Tysha

Myrcella

Cersei

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Well I'm pretty awful at naming swords or anything really, but I have some general ideas.

Sansa - Like Lemon-eater!

Dolorous Edd - something to do with the Rat Cook. He's always about eating and even has some cannibalism jokes in there.

ADWD Jon IV: Careful of the rats, my lord." Dolorous Edd led Jon down the steps, a lantern in one hand. "They make an awful squeal if you step on them. My mother used to make a similar sound when I was a boy. She must have had some rat in her, now that I think of it. Brown hair, beady little eyes, liked cheese. Might be she had a tail too, I never looked to see."

Hot Pie - I think it's significant that he used pastry to give Arya a direwolf. When making pies, a dough blender or a dough cutter are used. As are rolling pins.

Olenna - something to do with her sharp tongue.

Lollys - folks think her a dull blade, but she may be sharper than some expect.

Shae - I think she had a hand in poisoning Joff via Tywin and then in turn was the one who poisoned Tywin with the stuff Tyrion used to give Cersei diarrhea. The other Lannisters were stopping Tyrion from marrying Shae and she had no desire to see an end like Tysha. Something with poison. Adding; I speculate that Varys put her in touch with the Martells.

Cersei - her sword is named "Jaime" :D

 

 

 

 

Edited by Lollygag

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 Fun!

Cersei: Lion's Mane, for her ambition

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dolorous Edd: Nightlamp? for the Tollet words, when all is darkest

Olenna: A dagger called Thorntongue

Shae, a dagger called "Imptickler"

Lady Dustin: Sharphoof

Weese: Wickcutter

Craster: An Axe named "Answered Prayer"

Dontos: Bottle Opener

 

 

 

 

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10 hours ago, Seams said:

What if characters such as Sansa, Dolorous Edd or Hot Pie had swords? What would they name their weapons?

My nominations:

Sansa - Sheet Slitter or Lemon-eater.

Dolorous Edd - Hardboiled. (He could use it to stir the cauldron of eggs he boils in spiced wine one morning.)

Hot Pie - Dough boy? Burnt Toast? Tartmaker?

What are your suggestions for named, imaginary swords and the characters who would wield them? Or the weapons could be warhammers, trebuchets, frog spears, poisons or other nameable weapons appropriate to the character.

Here are some (apparently) swordless characters you might consider:

Weese                        Orphan

Olenna                       Ego Slasher

Craster                       Baby Slayer

Lollys                         Dim Roar

Septon Chayle           Well Lighter

Lady Dustin               Bittersteel

Fat Walda                  Silver Weight

Dontos Hollard          Saved (by the) Maiden

Shae                           Unworthy Bitch

Alayaya                      Worthy 

Tysha                         

Myrcella

Cersei                         Can't top @Lollygag's Jamie here

Ditto Fun!   But you broke my heart with some of your choices, @Seams.     back if I come up with anything for the 2 I missed. 

 

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59 minutes ago, hiemal said:

 Fun!

Cersei: Lion's Mane, for her ambition

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dolorous Edd: Nightlamp? for the Tollet words, when all is darkest

Olenna: A dagger called Thorntongue

Shae, a dagger called "Imptickler"

Lady Dustin: Sharphoof

Weese: Wickcutter

Craster: An Axe named "Answered Prayer"

Dontos: Bottle Opener

 

Excellent.  

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2 hours ago, hiemal said:

 Fun!

Cersei: Lion's Mane, for her ambition

Hot Pie: A Valyrian Steel rolling pin called Breadwinner

Dolorous Edd: Nightlamp? for the Tollet words, when all is darkest

Olenna: A dagger called Thorntongue

Shae, a dagger called "Imptickler"

Lady Dustin: Sharphoof

Weese: Wickcutter

Craster: An Axe named "Answered Prayer"

Dontos: Bottle Opener

 

 

 

 

I'm truly jealous of your skill at this. :bowdown::rofl:

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Sansa’s would be Lemoncake, Courtesy or Tattler

cersei  Crazy Lion

 0lenna: Lady thorns

Craster: Polygamy

Alayaya: piety or the joy of sex

Shae:  For a price

Tommen: Pounce

Myrcella: Cyrvasse

Arianne:  impulse

Dolorous Edd: Eyore

Theon: Redemption

 

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Fat Walda.   Queef Swatter 

Hot Pie.        Oregano!

Penny.           BlandStorm

Lollys.           Who-What-Where!

Sansa.           Tongue Taker

Shae.           YouThinkYou'reBetterThanMe?

Doran.         Sepsis

Melisandre.       The Hilt  (she overcompensates with an all-hilt magic sword she CAN grab)

The Reader.         Mean Violence

Ramsay.            Intimacy 

Petyr.              Ultra Hyper Phallus Jr.

Tommen.          The Power Of Greyskull!    (He watches He-Man reruns at the mummer shows)

Darkstar.         God Spanker

Current Frey lord of Riverrun.       Ewww, Nasty!

Dolorous Edd.         That Figures.

Reznak Mo Reznak.           Belinda

random Yunkai'i master.             Taste the Circus

Selyse.              Askance Glance

Varys.                      Nut Quester

Patches.         Loon Slewn.

Little Walder.    Boogers of Lys.

Arianne.     Tight Swipe.

Xaro Xoan (etc.)         Say My Name

Daario.      Thruster

Ghost.         Awooooo!

Ygritte.     NowYouKnow

Podrick.      When Gods Cry Tears of Fate

Renly.      The Lack of Urgency

Davos.      Renly Is Not Right!

Cercei.       Lady Killer. 

Ghost of High Heart.     And All My Dreams Torn Asunder  (JMS)

Green Harpy.       Camel's Embrace

Sweetrobin.      Swords Are Dumb

Dontos.       Mommy!

Princess Myrcella.       Oh No You Didn't

Meera.      Whisper On The Wind

Sam Tarly.      Let's Talk This Over

The Red Viper.        No More Waiting

The Faceless Man.        A Blade Has A Name

lord Manderly.      FreyFeaster

Illyn Payne.     .....    ........   ......

Edited by The Mother of The Others
Additional nutsack related content

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On 12/9/2018 at 11:37 AM, Seams said:

What if characters such as Sansa, Dolorous Edd or Hot Pie had swords? What would they name their weapons?

My nominations:

Sansa - Sheet Slitter or Lemon-eater.

Dolorous Edd - Hardboiled. (He could use it to stir the cauldron of eggs he boils in spiced wine one morning.)

Hot Pie - Dough boy? Burnt Toast? Tartmaker?

What are your suggestions for named, imaginary swords and the characters who would wield them? Or the weapons could be warhammers, trebuchets, frog spears, poisons or other nameable weapons appropriate to the character.

Here are some (apparently) swordless characters you might consider:

Weese

Olenna

Craster

Lollys

Septon Chayle

Lady Dustin

Fat Walda

Dontos Hollard

Shae

Alayaya

Tysha

Myrcella

Cersei

Oh this is a fun one....

Weese: Pride Smeller

Olenna: Oaf Breaker

Craster: Daughter Piercer

Lollys: Quinquagesimal

Lady Dustin: Rat Slayer

Fat Walda: Dowry Enhancer

Dontos: Fool's Foil

Shae: Faithless Floozy

ALayaya: The Black Blade

Tysha: Lesson Learner

Myrcella: Dornish Lamb

Sansa: (your) lemon eater

Dolorous Edd: Last Man

Cersei: Sticky Sibling

 

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Sansa - Maid's Blade

Dontos - Fool's Tool

Hot Pie - Bread Slicer

Meera - Prince's Protector or Fish Killer

Podrick - Persistence

Cersei - Lionsclaw  (had to go serious with this one)

Sam Tarly - Slayer (gets the name off himself); obsidian dagger called Other's Bane

 

Edited by Nevets

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Craster - Only Son

Fat Walda - Slimmer Sister

Dolorous Edd - Happy

Hot Pie - Kneader (like Needle, get it?)

Sansa - Big Finger

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Petyr Baelish- Middle-Finger

Tyrion - Lion's Nail

Melisandre - Rhllor's Hand

Cersei - Rock's Claw

Varys - Steel's Poison

Shae - Whore

Tysha - Summer's Iron

High Sparrow - Stranger's Maiden

Theon/Reek - Rusty

Aeron - Forgotten 

Arianne - Unbroken

Tommen - Mr. Steel Paw

Bran - Crow's Beak

Hot Pie - Hot

Sansa - The Hound's Daughter

Lady Stoneheart - Stone

 

 

Edited by Marcelowww

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2 minutes ago, Marcelowww said:

 

 

Sorry, this was unintentional

Edited by Marcelowww

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