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Rant & Rave Season 8 [Spoilers]: When you are cool like a cucumber, as evil as the mother of madness, but never as perfect as the pet!


The Fattest Leech

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Always good for laughs!!!!!

https://blacknerdproblems.com/game-of-thrones-recap-the-bells/

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Tyrion goes to see Dany, who looks a fucking mess. I mean, yes, she lost another dragon and yes, she lost her best servant-friend. But also she lost her hairdresser which might be as crucial as the previous ones. You ever have a big event coming up, ya know, like war for the Iron Throne and your hairdresser cancel on you? Sheeeiiiiit.

[...]

Ok, we all family, so we can all finally admit that ever since Tyrion took an axe to the face, he’s basically been trash. He screwed up in Mereen with the masters. He was gullible enough to believe Cersei even when she’s never shown any compassion for doing “the right thing.” And he let Sansa manipulate him, which now got muthafuckas so bold that they discussing open treason on the gotdamn beach. Short of Tyrion shoving a knife into Cersei while riding a dragon and making some epic mac and cheese for the post victory banquet, I’m not sure how dude is coming back from this.

[...]

Also, is Drogon like…a stealth dragon? The lighting was super dope for this season, but also, how the hell we not know a fucking dragon was standing behind Dany this whole time? Cuz if he can avoid radar, that might be useful for the upcoming war.

[...]

ot-Jon comes to speak with Auntie D, and Auntie D trying to let him know there’s a penalty for people TELLING THE FUCKING TRUTH. She blames Varys’ death on Sansa. Not-Jon is still trying to protest that he loves her and that she will always be his Aunt Queen. Then…I dunno, is there any other way than to say that Dany tried to coerce Not-Jon into some inter-family pre-war coitus? She’s disappointed that dude no longer wants to sleep with his family.

Listen, I know we don’t always have the language for what we feel, but Not-Jon couldn’t be like, so, I love you, and I will serve you as my queen, but I did grow up in the North, and I gotta be honest, sexing up my dad’s sister is weirding me out.

[...]

Aiight, Tyrion getting on my last nerve, yo. He ratted out Varys who didn’t want to serve a tyrant queen. And now, Tyrion is frustrated because he can’t convince the queen to not be a fucking tyrant. She readies for war while Tyrion tries to convince her to not attack the city if she hears the bells, meaning they surrender. I’d love to know the plan he thinks would signal surrender considering they just tried that, and it resulted in Missandei’s getting the high and tight fade. Also, they caught Jamie’s sneaking ass at the border. Auntie D giving Tyrion more chances than…well, actually, the analogy is pretty standard. Cishet white dudes get all the chances anyway.

[...]

This is like having another Bad Boys sequel except Clegane & Arya don’t look completely washed up. They approach one of the city guards and hit that dude with zero deception. She hands dude her business card:

I’m Arya Stark. I’m here to kill Queen Cersei.
(555)555-5555
Winter is Coming, Inc.

[...]

I usually love anything with the Casterly Rock Bottom Boys, but have I mentioned Tyrion been getting on my fucking nerves. So now, he’s like, go save Cersei and escape. First off, WHY DOES TYRION STILL THINK THIS IS POSSIBLE? Two, Cersei ain’t never, in her natural life, slummed off through some dirty ass musty caves…to run from a fight? Man, maybe Tywin was right, maybe this dude Tyrion was adopted. He don’t seem to know the Lannister at all. Also, Cersei put out a hit on these two, even if Cersei wanted to “escape,” why would she trust Jaime who literally defected to her enemy. You know what, I’m tired.

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Daenerys’ army is here. A lot of Unsullied, a lot of Northerners and like 12 Dothraki.

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Look man, I still remember the books even if the showrunners don’t.

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Euron shielding his eyes like he an outfielder looking into the sun, but that ain’t no fly ball playboy. That’s muthafuckin’ DROGON. They out here shootin’ but ain’t hittin nothin like the opening scene of Pulp Fiction, and Drogon makes them pay.

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Commander of the Golden Company lookin’ mad nervous and then the gates explode behind him. Drogon was like, oh, y’all locked the front door? That’s cool, I’ll go in through the back. I know ya’ll keep the key in the fake rock by the patio.

Auntie D’s army takes their cue and starts attacking…whatever’s left. D&D done flame broiled all these dudes. Last Supper of Dothraki leading the charge, and this shit ain’t even a contest. They running’ through the Lannister army like some late night White Castle.

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Jaime is taking the super scenic route. He on the secret path when Euron’s smelling like the river ass catches him. He starts puffing out his chest about sleeping with Cersei and being a King. Bruh. Like…you know what, I can’t even right now. [...] It takes about ¾ of the fight before Jaime remembers that he has a golden fucking hand to smack Euron in the face with.

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I would say, well shit, your boy could’ve at least used some help with the Queens Guard escorting Cersei, but D&D done took care of that. They coming down the stairs, and the whole ceiling collapsing on them from dragon fire. Everybody crushed except the Mountain who shields Cersei from the sky literally falling on them. Well, there’s four soldiers left besides the Mountain, Cersei & Qyburn. But then Sandor Clegane shows up. And now there are no soldiers left besides the Mountain, Cersei & Qyburn.

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Arya wakes up bloodied and covered in castle remains. I’d say she gotta have at least a concussion if she wasn’t bleeding from like seven different parts on her head.

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And if she hasn’t done it already, Cersei starts losing now. NOW, she don’t wanna die. Not when she blew up a whole set of folks. Or when she welcomed war and invited folks into the Red Keep. Or when she ordered Missandei’s death. Now, she scared to die. Yeah, Happy Mother’s Day Queen Cersei.

[...]

The Queen is dead, but like, can we not long live this queen? I mean, keep Obama accountable, but at least he was a buffer. Imagine going straight from George W. to Trump.

We at the end yo. And still: Things are as bad as they’ve ever been.

:lmao:

Edited by sweetsunray
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Just now, sweetsunray said:

Qyburn took Pycelle's place, and Varys's, and the money-counting Mace, and organizing the Queensguard. Qyrbun was a 1 man small council.

But how?  Didn't the Maesters try to send someone else to replace Pycelle?  I thought that's how things worked.  They certainly wouldn't be ok with someone like Qyburn.

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1 minute ago, bloodsteel bitterraven said:

But how?  Didn't the Maesters try to send someone else to replace Pycelle?  I thought that's how things worked.  They certainly wouldn't be ok with someone like Qyburn.

Well, Cersei as regent of Tommen does appoint Qyburn instead of Pycelle as well before her shame walk in the books too.

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I was just watching this video on Conleth Hill being disappointed with how they handled his character in the last two seasons, and also that he didn't get to comment on Littlefinger's death.  Seriously, how come no one seems to care that Littlefinger died?  Do they even know he's dead, or do they think he went back to the Vale?

And I read this really funny comment under the video:

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D&D wrote season 8 on a napkin in a strip club after a half a bottle of tequila and 3 lines of coke.

hahahahaha

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5 hours ago, bloodsteel bitterraven said:

Seriously, how come no one seems to care that Littlefinger died?  Do they even know he's dead, or do they think he went back to the Vale?

Who is this 'no one' though? Having thrown his lot in with Sansa, Cercei wouldn't care what happens to him. Ser Yohan Royce was at the trial and approved of Sansa's judgment. I can't think of anyone who would or should care.

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5 hours ago, bloodsteel bitterraven said:

But how?  Didn't the Maesters try to send someone else to replace Pycelle?  I thought that's how things worked.  They certainly wouldn't be ok with someone like Qyburn.

They kind of forgot there's a Citadel, true masters, Oldtown, etc.

And I'm not even joking: the writing of each episode is now based on the previous episode, everything that has happened before is lost in limbo…

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30 minutes ago, House Cambodia said:

Who is this 'no one' though? Having thrown his lot in with Sansa, Cercei wouldn't care what happens to him. Ser Yohan Royce was at the trial and approved of Sansa's judgment. I can't think of anyone who would or should care.

Varys!  Tyrion!  Shouldn't they have said something?

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11 hours ago, Dragons Are Real said:

I have a hard time believing George has done much more than the preview chapters that have circulated already.  And after the shit-show disaster we're witnessing, I have to think if he's watched it at all, he may just wash his hands of the entire mess and forget it ever existed.  He can't possibly be happy with the show except for the money it's bulldozing his way.  These are no longer his characters, and if I had been the creator of those characters, I'd want to set fire to my manuscripts.

I have a sinking feeling this is why GRRM is so evasive of watching the show. He probably knows he'd feel the desire to dracarys the whole series to the ground akin to a mad king.

Edited by Beardy the Wildling
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So all of you guys know, just like I did in the previous season, I'm planning to write a massive recap/rant that summarises the final series of this shitfest. However, unlike the last one I might actually have time for analysis, because while Season 7 had a bunch of bullshit happening at breakneck speed, somehow season 8 feels simultaneously bloated and rushed; the arcs here aren't really of substance, and what substance that's there is shit.

Context for my previous rant: 

Should I post my next rant on this subject, or the final ep's R&R? I'm fine to do either, so long as folks get to have fun reading it.

 

 

Edited by Beardy the Wildling
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5 hours ago, Beardy the Wildling said:

I have a sinking feeling this is why GRRM is so evasive of watching the show. He probably knows he'd feel the desire to dracarys the whole series to the ground akin to a mad king.

Really interesting too that he didn't read the scripts for season 8. The show is in every possible way an invalidation of the book story. When they said they were diverging, they weren't kidding.

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6 hours ago, Beardy the Wildling said:

Should I post my next rant on this subject, or the final ep's R&R? I'm fine to do either, so long as folks get to have fun reading it.

I thought about doing something similar, but then I realized that every point I bring up, my analysis will consist of going, "I don't really give a fuck about this because it's stupid and it sucks.  Plus it won't matter at all next episode anyway."

I'd say post it here.

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3 minutes ago, bloodsteel bitterraven said:

That's exactly why I expected him to talk about Littlefinger's death!

Okay, what you wrote was 'how come no one cares about Littlefinger dying?'.

To this question I'd put it down to D&D packing too much into not enough time - i.e. bloody bad writing!

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I just thought of a bright side to how horrible this show is ending up.  I can now go pick up any random television box set and as long as it doesn't have Game of Thrones emblazoned on it know it won't be the most disappointing television show I've ever watched.  See, the Ds have done us all a huge favor!

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Dany: Jon didn't give Dany the D so it turned her evil. The one who locked up her dragons because they burned a child has turned to burning children on the streets.

Jaime: Had a redemption arc. Decided to retain his honor. Help Brienne. Turns out he just had a hair up his ass and wanted to get laid, then went back to Cersei and died like an idiot.

Hound: Talk about forced. One of the worst regressions of character. We had the buildup and redemption just to go back for fanservice with a side of nihilism, completely meaningless.

So many characters who redeemed themselves willing to just walk off to their death.

Also here's a good comment:

If subverting expectations becomes the norm, then perhaps we will go back to subverted subverted expectations, AKA logical progressions of plot and characters.

Edited by Le Cygne
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2 hours ago, House Cambodia said:

Okay, what you wrote was 'how come no one cares about Littlefinger dying?'.

To this question I'd put it down to D&D packing too much into not enough time - i.e. bloody bad writing!

Yeah, I think "cares" can be construed a few different ways in the question. I think, why has no one asked or is interested to hear about his death? He's kind of been an important person throughout Westeros to where everyone knew who he was. Yet, no one asks anything? Of course, some of these people are the same ones who have not asked about Rickon despite being related to him or asking about Walder Frey and his entire family. Jaime marched through the Twins twice. Jon and his army marched through on down towards King's Landing. No one seemed curious why all the Freys were dead?

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