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Ser Uncle P

5 wackiest Crackpot "theories"

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17 minutes ago, kissdbyfire said:

Here we’d need subcategories...

”Jon is the son of...”

a) Ned

b) Brandon

c) Benjen

(gotta say though, haven’t seen Lyanna and Rickard as a possibility yet... I must have missed it :lol: )

D) Mance E) Arthur Dayne. There's probably more but those 2 popped in my head the moment I saw your post 

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6 minutes ago, Daemon The Black Dragon said:

D) Mance E) Arthur Dayne. There's probably more but those 2 popped in my head the moment I saw your post 

:lol:

Defintely seen those plenty of times, and hadn’t forgot them. But I was just going for the full on nasty disgusting incest that so many Targ fans seem to want to shove into the Stark family tree. ;)

 

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I had no idea there was a theory out there that the Mountain was working for the Tullys.  Totally "intrigued" ;).  Now I gotta skim this thread to see if there's any other internet excretion I've missed over the years.

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1) Someday a book entitled 'The Winds of Winter' will actually be written and published (I know, totally insane idea, right?!?!?!?)

2) This event will settle all arguments in this forum because everyone's favourite fanfic will be confirmed/refuted just-you-wait-and-see ;)

3) On this day, Amazon will crash worldwide due to the pressure of suppressed demand :D

4) 'All Bran' is the Roughage That Was Promised.....

errmm..... :wacko:

5) Rhaego lives

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Posted (edited)

Just one:

Varys is a spaceman - the red comet is his spaceship where he bio-engineers dragons and white walkers and physic cats.

(From plugging ASOIAF into one of Martins previous books - Tuf Voyaging. I actually would love it if it came true, but it is completely mental.)

Edited by Timm
comet not planet

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The Hound and The Mountain are brothers - best theory ever ;) 

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  1. Asoiaf is a post apocalyptic sci fi
  2. Jon is the son of Stannis
  3. Sweetrobin will sit the Iron Throne
  4. Renly is Azor Ahai
  5. Euron's eldritch apocalapse
  6. Every one of my theories

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1. Catelyn will become an undead vengeance fire zombie. 

2. Tywin will be killed while pooing and getting it on with Tyrion's whore. 

3. Tyrion will end up being a slave in Essos who gets captured by Jorah who then also becomes a slave. 

4. Aegon is alive and there's a conspiracy to put him on the throne. 

5. Bran will meet up with Bloodraven and become a tree. 
 

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I blame the spaceships thing on how Ancient Aliens' entire script for the whole series fits on a 3x5 card they keep reading over and over again like a mad lib, each time filling in the blank with something new that aliens actually caused, invented, or brought here on their spaceships.   It doesn't matter what.  Anything at all will do.  Black History Month?   Aliens.  "Is it possible Black History Month was started by Aliens as an attempt to bring our cultural appreciation levels  up to their standards in preparation for revealing themselves?.....as ancient astronaut theorists have suggested."

 

Once you sit through as many hours of this as dad has, you start adding spaceships to everything.   So if ASOIAF has no spaceships, that's an opportunity.  (Several seconds elapse)....... IDEA!  It should have a spaceship!   

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Posted (edited)
49 minutes ago, The Mother of The Others said:

I blame the spaceships thing on how Ancient Aliens' entire script for the whole series fits on a 3x5 card they keep reading over and over again like a mad lib, each time filling in the blank with something new that aliens actually caused, invented, or brought here on their spaceships.   It doesn't matter what.  Anything at all will do.  Black History Month?   Aliens.  "Is it possible Black History Month was started by Aliens as an attempt to bring our cultural appreciation levels  up to their standards in preparation for revealing themselves?.....as ancient astronaut theorists have suggested."

 

Once you sit through as many hours of this as dad has, you start adding spaceships to everything.   So if ASOIAF has no spaceships, that's an opportunity.  (Several seconds elapse)....... IDEA!  It should have a spaceship!   

So you don't know about our Lord and Savior Yakub?  Such heresy should not be tolerated.

Edited by By Odin's Beard

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Posted (edited)

And if there is anyone to blame for ancient aliens, it is Lovecraft, because Sitchin and von Daniken just blatantly riped him off.  Lovecraftian lore is inseparable from ancient aliens.  I would argue that to the degree that any work invokes Lovecraft, it invokes ancient aliens.

eta:

Fish people/Deep Ones/Toad God, came down from the moon.   Cthulhu and Old Ones, came down from the stars.  The Black Goat, came down from the stars.  Things that live under the ice in Antarctica, came down from the stars.  Strange black stones, artifacts of an entirely black traveling planet that is hiding out in our solar system.  Church of Starry Wisdom, worships magic black stone that fell from the sky and can connect users mind with other planets.  Grey plague wasting disease, caused by an alien in a meteorite. 

Edited by By Odin's Beard

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1 hour ago, By Odin's Beard said:

It iz odd that the whites can't endure the sun of their own planet.   (Supposedly)

as for the topic,

1) the final epilogue will be from the POV of Varys' nutsack.

2)  Jon is dead dead.

3)   When she burns the city Cercei will immolate into the transmogrified dragon Summerhall failed to forge.

4)   Arya will be King Tommen.

5)   The Daynes and their sword are of no significance to the story.

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On 3/2/2019 at 3:36 PM, Ser Uncle P said:

Let's see what the 5 wackiest "theories" you've seen posted here. (Or another ASOIAF/GOT related forum). Has to be some genuine effort put into it to convince other posters. I've put the links to all 5 below...

 1. The Mountain was working for House Tully. (My personal favourite)

2. Tywin Lannister is the dusky woman Victarion is sleeping with on his voyage. 

3. Martin's world is the 5th age of Tolkiens Middle Earth. 

4. Varys is a Blackfyre woman and is Joffreys mother to boot. 

5. Craster is Rhaegar!!!

http://community.fortunecity.ws/healthclub/rowing/100/clashkin/thread70/thread701.html

Just for fun, this thread from before Storm came out asking for stupid theories. First on the list is the idea that Catelyn released Jaime so that Brienne could take him back to Kings Landing in exchange for her daughters. More reasonable theories at the time were:

Catelyn had Brienne kill Jaime then and there

Catelyn had Brienne remove a particular part of Jaime's body (not his hand)

and my personal favorite, Catelyn forced Jaime to marry Brienne. 

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