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Jô Maltese

The Naughty George thread

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The idea of this thread is a bit similar to Wow I never noticed that, except that I am after the naughty double entendre material that the George has hidden in his ASoIaF series and spins off. Here are two examples I have already quoted in the ASOIAF Jokes thread:

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A Storm of Swords - Sansa VII (last chapter of ASoS)

Since coming to the Eyrie, the singer had become her favorite. He sang Lord Robert to sleep every night, and tweaked the noses of Lady Lysa's suitors with verses that made mock of their foibles. Her aunt had showered him with gold and gifts; costly clothes, a gold arm ring, a belt studded with moonstones, a fine horse.

 

A Feast for Crows - The Prophet (1st chapter of AFfC, i.e. the NEXT chapter)

 The Drowned God gives every man a gift, even him; no man could piss longer or farther than Aeron Greyjoy, as he proved at every feast. Once he bet his new longship against a herd of goats that he could quench a hearthfire with no more than his cock. Aeron feasted on goat for a year, and named the longship Golden Storm, though Balon threatened to hang him from her mast when he heard what sort of ram his brother proposed to mount upon her prow.

 

Quote

The Mystery Knight

A woman went running past, breathless with laughter, a bald knight in hard pursuit. The man kept falling, until finally the woman had to come back and help him up

 

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I don’t recall anything off the top of my head, but will definitely keep my eyes peeled! :D

 

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1 hour ago, Jô Maltese said:

The idea of this thread is a bit similar to Wow I never noticed that, except that I am after the naughty double entendre material that the George has hidden in his ASoIaF series and spins off. Here are two examples I have already quoted in the ASOIAF Jokes thread:

 

 

Quote

A Game of Thrones - Tyrion VIII

"They seem ferocious enough," Ser Kevan said.
"Ferocious?" Tyrion realized he was echoing his uncle like a trained bird. His father watched, judging him, weighing every word. "Let me tell you how ferocious they are. Last night, a Moon Brother stabbed a Stone Crow over a sausage. So today as we made camp three Stone Crows seized the man and opened his throat for him. Perhaps they were hoping to get the sausage back, I couldn't say. Bronn managed to keep Shagga from chopping off the dead man's cock, which was fortunate, but even so Ulf is demanding blood money, which Conn and Shagga refuse to pay."
"When soldiers lack discipline, the fault lies with their lord commander," his father said.

Not sure if this is what you are after...

 

Edited by Legitimate_Bastard

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21 hours ago, Legitimate_Bastard said:

Not sure if this is what you are after...

I am after more subtle text to be honest, but thanks for your contribution anyway Legit :cheers:

 

21 hours ago, kissdbyfire said:

I don’t recall anything off the top of my head, but will definitely keep my eyes peeled! :D

Please do! :drool:

Edited by Jô Maltese

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blowing snow is mentioned a lot in the books.

“He needed sleep, but whenever he closed his eyes he dreamed of blowing snow and dead men shambling toward him with black hands and bright blue eyes.”

"He pricked up his ears, listening for an answer, but the only sound was the sigh of blowing snow.”

 

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32 minutes ago, Rose of Red Lake said:

"He pricked up his ears, listening for an answer, but the only sound was the sigh of blowing snow.”

Nice!

 

Anyone remember reading my theory of how the Azor Ahai tempering his sword into Nissa Nissa to make Lightbringer was actually a sexual metaphor? ...before that theory got banned and then stolen on Reddit?

Check this out:

Quote

A true sword of fire, now, that would be a wonder to behold. Yet at such a cost . . . When he thought of Nissa Nissa, it was his own Marya he pictured, a good-natured plump woman with sagging breasts and a kindly smile, the best woman in the world. He tried to picture himself driving a sword through her, and shudderedI am not made of the stuff of heroes, he decided. If that was the price of a magic sword, it was more than he cared to pay.

Davos I ACOK

I would shuddered too if I pictured myself literally stabbing my wife with a sword.
BUT stabbing a sword metaphorically ... "shuddering" goes along with the line of this:

Quote

 

Dany knew her face was flushed, but in the darkness Irri surely could not tell. Wordless, the handmaid put a hand on her breast, then bent to take a nipple in her mouth. Her other hand drifted down across the soft curve of belly, through the mound of fine silvery-gold hair, and went to work between Dany's thighs. It was no more than a few moments until her legs twisted and her breasts heaved and her whole body shuddered. She screamed then. Or perhaps that was Drogon. Irri never said a thing, only curled back up and went back to sleep the instant the thing was done.

Daenerys II ASOS

 

 

Edited by The Map Guy

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TWOW  Alayne

Spoiler

And best of all, Lord Nestor's cooks prepared a splendid subtlety, a lemon cake in the shape of the Giant's Lance, twelve feet tall and adorned with an Eyrie made of sugar. 

For me, Alayne thought, as they wheeled it out. Sweetrobin loved lemon cakes too, but only after she told him that they were her favorites. The cake had required every lemon in the Vale, but Petyr had promised that he would send to Dorne for more.

...


Petyr put his arm around her. "So he is, but he is Robert's heir as well. Bringing Harry here was the first step in our plan, but now we need to keep him, and only you can do that. He has a weakness for a pretty face, and whose face is prettier than yours? Charm him. Entrance him. Bewitch him."

"I don't know how," she said miserably.

"Oh, I think you do," said Littlefinger, with one of those smiles that did not reach his eyes. 

 

:lmao:
 

 

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