The Naughty George thread

[Jô Maltese]

The idea of this thread is a bit similar to Wow I never noticed that, except that I am after the naughty double entendre material that the George has hidden in his ASoIaF series and spins off. Here are two examples I have already quoted in the ASOIAF Jokes thread:

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A Storm of Swords - Sansa VII (last chapter of ASoS)

Since coming to the Eyrie, the singer had become her favorite. He sang Lord Robert to sleep every night, and tweaked the noses of Lady Lysa's suitors with verses that made mock of their foibles. Her aunt had showered him with gold and gifts; costly clothes, a gold arm ring, a belt studded with moonstones, a fine horse.

 

A Feast for Crows - The Prophet (1st chapter of AFfC, i.e. the NEXT chapter)

 The Drowned God gives every man a gift, even him; no man could piss longer or farther than Aeron Greyjoy, as he proved at every feast. Once he bet his new longship against a herd of goats that he could quench a hearthfire with no more than his cock. Aeron feasted on goat for a year, and named the longship Golden Storm, though Balon threatened to hang him from her mast when he heard what sort of ram his brother proposed to mount upon her prow.

 

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The Mystery Knight

A woman went running past, breathless with laughter, a bald knight in hard pursuit. The man kept falling, until finally the woman had to come back and help him up. 

 

[kissdbyfire]

I don’t recall anything off the top of my head, but will definitely keep my eyes peeled!

 

[Legitimate_Bastard]

1 hour ago, Jô Maltese said:

The idea of this thread is a bit similar to Wow I never noticed that, except that I am after the naughty double entendre material that the George has hidden in his ASoIaF series and spins off. Here are two examples I have already quoted in the ASOIAF Jokes thread:

 

 

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A Game of Thrones - Tyrion VIII

"They seem ferocious enough," Ser Kevan said.

"Ferocious?" Tyrion realized he was echoing his uncle like a trained bird. His father watched, judging him, weighing every word. "Let me tell you how ferocious they are. Last night, a Moon Brother stabbed a Stone Crow over a sausage. So today as we made camp three Stone Crows seized the man and opened his throat for him. Perhaps they were hoping to get the sausage back, I couldn't say. Bronn managed to keep Shagga from chopping off the dead man's cock, which was fortunate, but even so Ulf is demanding blood money, which Conn and Shagga refuse to pay."

"When soldiers lack discipline, the fault lies with their lord commander," his father said.

Not sure if this is what you are after...

 

[Jô Maltese]

21 hours ago, Legitimate_Bastard said:

Not sure if this is what you are after...

I am after more subtle text to be honest, but thanks for your contribution anyway Legit 

 

21 hours ago, kissdbyfire said:

I don’t recall anything off the top of my head, but will definitely keep my eyes peeled!

Please do! 

[Rose of Red Lake]

blowing snow is mentioned a lot in the books.

“He needed sleep, but whenever he closed his eyes he dreamed of blowing snow and dead men shambling toward him with black hands and bright blue eyes.”

"He pricked up his ears, listening for an answer, but the only sound was the sigh of blowing snow.”

 

[The Map Guy]

Any dirty sex joke in ACOK

[The Map Guy]

32 minutes ago, Rose of Red Lake said:

"He pricked up his ears, listening for an answer, but the only sound was the sigh of blowing snow.”

Nice!

 

Anyone remember reading my theory of how the Azor Ahai tempering his sword into Nissa Nissa to make Lightbringer was actually a sexual metaphor? ...before that theory got banned and then stolen on Reddit?

Check this out:

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A true sword of fire, now, that would be a wonder to behold. Yet at such a cost . . . When he thought of Nissa Nissa, it was his own Marya he pictured, a good-natured plump woman with sagging breasts and a kindly smile, the best woman in the world. He tried to picture himself driving a sword through her, and shuddered. I am not made of the stuff of heroes, he decided. If that was the price of a magic sword, it was more than he cared to pay.

Davos I ACOK

I would shuddered too if I pictured myself literally stabbing my wife with a sword.
BUT stabbing a sword metaphorically ... "shuddering" goes along with the line of this:

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Dany knew her face was flushed, but in the darkness Irri surely could not tell. Wordless, the handmaid put a hand on her breast, then bent to take a nipple in her mouth. Her other hand drifted down across the soft curve of belly, through the mound of fine silvery-gold hair, and went to work between Dany's thighs. It was no more than a few moments until her legs twisted and her breasts heaved and her whole body shuddered. She screamed then. Or perhaps that was Drogon. Irri never said a thing, only curled back up and went back to sleep the instant the thing was done.

Daenerys II ASOS

 

 

[Lollygag]

TWOW  Alayne

Spoiler

And best of all, Lord Nestor's cooks prepared a splendid subtlety, a lemon cake in the shape of the Giant's Lance, twelve feet tall and adorned with an Eyrie made of sugar. 

For me, Alayne thought, as they wheeled it out. Sweetrobin loved lemon cakes too, but only after she told him that they were her favorites. The cake had required every lemon in the Vale, but Petyr had promised that he would send to Dorne for more.

...

Petyr put his arm around her. "So he is, but he is Robert's heir as well. Bringing Harry here was the first step in our plan, but now we need to keep him, and only you can do that. He has a weakness for a pretty face, and whose face is prettier than yours? Charm him. Entrance him. Bewitch him."

"I don't know how," she said miserably.

"Oh, I think you do," said Littlefinger, with one of those smiles that did not reach his eyes. 

 

 

 

[Jô Maltese]

Found another one:

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Val, Jon remembered. "I was sorry when Jarl fell," he told her.

Val looked at him with pale grey eyes. "He always climbed too fast." She was as fair as he'd remembered, slender, full-breasted, graceful even at rest, with high sharp cheekbones and a thick braid of honey-colored hair that fell to her waist.

ASoS - Jon X

 

[Seams]

I'm sure he isn't including these things to be naughty; they surely have deep literary meaning.

 

I was reminded of this because I recently felt I was discovering an emphasis on Jon Snow's butt cheeks that I hadn't previously recognized.

No sooner did he emerge than Pyp called out, "Well, come about, let's have a look."

"At what?" Jon said.

Toad sidled close. "Your rosy butt cheeks, what else?"

"The sword," Grenn stated. "We want to see the sword."

AGoT, Jon VIII, Chapter 60

I know you're looking for veiled references to "naughty" things, not for direct descriptions but I have to assume there is a relationship between the overt and covert. Here's how the overt may manifest as covert:

"You're not going to die, Yritte. You're not."

"Oh." Ygritte cupped his cheek with her hand. "You know nothing, Jon Snow," she sighed, dying.

ASoS, Jon VII, Chapter 55

In turn, I think that cheek cupping is linked to this reciprocal gesture:

They shared the same sleeping skins every night, and he went to sleep with her head against his chest and her red hair tickling his chin. The smell of her had become a part of him. her crooked teeth, the feel of her breast when he cupped it in his hand, the taste of her mouth ... they were his joy and his despair.

ASoS, Jon V, Chapter 41

The references to Renly taking Stannis in the rear and characters such as Big Boil, one of Jarl's warriors among the free folk, help me to realize that the butt imagery is probably a much larger set of symbols, however, beyond Jon Snow:

Jon glanced back to make certain the Magnar was not in earshot. Errok, Big Boil and Hempen Dan were walking a ew yards behind them, but paying no attention. Big Boil was complaining of his arse. "Ygritte," he said in a low voice, "Mance cannot win this war."

ASoS, Jon V, Chapter 41

Of course, this could all be part of the metaphor of a surprise attack: Jon and the wildlings are on their way to take Castle Black "from the rear" in ASoS, Chap. 41. Ygritte led Jon into the Gendel and Gorne caverns and ordered him to get naked. Apparently he does get naked, but it is not described for the reader in the way that Ygritte's nakedness is described in detail. Maybe the symbolism is that Ygritte thinks she is seducing Jon into becoming vulnerable, in preparation for a wildling invasion. Instead Jon gets a fuller look at the wildling vulnerabilities (Ygritte's naked body) as the war party begins its mission. He surprises Ygritte with oral sex, which is unfamiliar to her. The oral sex seduction, together with knowledge of the boil on Big Boil's arse may add to Jon's understanding of where the wildlings are weak or how they can be disarmed.

The Night's Watch also has a boil problem but they are ridded of this problem, named Chett (who has a big boil on his neck), when he becomes a wight. Wighted Chett is driven off by ravens (ASoS, Chap. 46, Samwell III) shortly after Jon notes the arse complaint by Big Boil the wildling. Most of Chett's mutinous Night's Watch companions are also killed and/or wighted before the wildlings reach Castle Black. Some are later eaten by Bran's direwolf, Summer, while Bran is warging the wolf:

Rolling, ripping, kicking, they fought until the both of them were  ragged and fresh blood dappled the snows around them. But finally the old one-eyed wolf lay down and showed his belly. The direwolf snapped at him twice more, sniffed at his butt, then lifted a leg over him.

A few snaps and a warning growl, and the female and the tail submitted too. The pack was his.

The prey as well. He went from man to man, sniffing, before settling on the biggest, a faceless thing who clutched black iron in one hand. ... The wolf lapped at it with his tongue, licked the ragged eyeless ruin of his nose and cheeks, then buried his muzzle in his neck and tore it open, gulping down a gobbet of sweet meat. No flesh had ever tasted half as good.

ADwD, Chap. 4, Bran I

The imagery of the direwolf eating the Night's Watch body is very similar to the imagery of Jon Snow performing oral sex on Ygritte in the cavern.

[Jô Maltese]

To quote the essence of @Lost Melnibonean and @Seams linked posts above:

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". . . Stannis was neck deep in the river, and they took him from the rear. . . . And do you know who led the vanguard? Do you? Do you? Do you? . . . It was Lord Renly! . . ."

ACoK, Sansa VI

Aaarr. Naughty George. 

[Lost Melnibonean]

Didn't Ser Aliser have a dagger up his butt? 

[Jô Maltese]

2 hours ago, Lost Melnibonean said:

Didn't Ser Aliser have a dagger up his butt? 

Cant remember this one?