Rant and Rave Without Repercussion End of The World Edition [Spoilers]

[Rockroi]

I just have to get this one thing off my chest:

Two weeks ago, I made a gag conversation between the two D’s on how they would murder George R R Martin’s fantasy series and I described how lame Arya was in the first few moments of the season-opener and how it was because they either have Arya do these AMAZING things or she’s doing nothing

Here is EXACTLY what I wrote:

 

 

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D: God, this episode practically writes itself!  Okay, now, everyone looks up to the sky and suddenly two huge monstrous figures appear; for the first time in 200 years, the people of Winterfell see a Dragon… but this time its TWO dragons!!!!  People explode in terror and panic – as they would because Dragons are fucking scary -so Arya looks up and …

D: I don’t think I need to say another word – she jumps in the air and slices one of their (the Dragon’s)  heads off!  Because its Arya and she at 12 was able to fight Brienne of Tarth to stand-still and somehow had the ability to kill an entire house by poisoning one barrel of wine without anyone suspecting a thing! Because that’s good character development!  

D: I was thinking that instead – and don’t get me wrong, Arya could absolutely kill a Dragon …

So… called it.  Arya killed a fucking dragon. She did it by killing the Night King (with absolutely no set up whatsoever), but she did it.  Because the show is now only out to satisfy the fans and not tell an actual story.  Its simply to give the fans a pay-off.  

Anyway…

What I Liked:

They Do This Well: The one thing GoT does really well by – not character development; not story crafting; certainly not writing – the one thing the show does well now is they can put on a fantastic battle.  And this battle was completely insane – and generally in a good way. The battle was shown in a pretty great style as we followed major characters and watched them battle back the forces of the Night.  I thought there was real tension in everything done; there were very interesting moments with many characters.  The show knows how to put on a battle.  That should not be praise-worthy at this point.  

Jorah the Andal: So, its no secret that Iain Glen is a complete stud; he was excellent in Downton Abbey and then he rocks it as Jorah Mormont.  Mormont on the show is steady, resilient, deathly serious and a fucking monster.  One of the most pathetic moments in the show’s history (and there are many) was how they killed off Barristan Selmy (basically he died of causes related to the show not knowing what the fuck to do with him).  And that was a huge disappointment.  

Not so with Mormont.  I think it was safe to say that Jorah was 75% dead, but he went out as he was – a knight who protected his liege lord.  In this case, Dany Targaryen, the woman he always loved.  And I thought his final scenes- wielding Valyrian steel at all threats in defense of Dany - was glorious.  Also, nice touch that Glen never spoke a line in English (he only spoke Dothrakai).  Kind of love that.  

The Starks of Winetrfell: Pretty obvious; everyone called it, but I liked that the dead in the crypts came to life.  Nice touch.  

Alfie Allen: Not so much Theon, but the actor Allen played Theon great; he was able to put in enough subtlety between Theon “the tortured soul” to Theon “the recovering.”  The pieces between he and Bran were good and I liked that Bran tells Theon what he needed to hear his whole life and what Balon, Ned, Ramsey and even his sister failed to say to him – that he was a good man.  

Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight: While it was sort of the ONLY thing they could have done down in the crypt, I liked the small moment between Tyrion and Sansa; basically two abused and destroyed people about to die who share the only thing they could ever have given to the other – their devotion and humanity.  Two great actors given nothing to do, but they made the most of it.  

What I am on the Fence About:

What is Dead Will Never … No… Wait… Lot Less Dead People Than We Thought: So, here is my death count from what should have been one of the most gruesome and horrifying battles in the history of televised fake combat. Okay, now, we had THOUGHT that the Night King, Last Battle, Always Winter, end of the world, etc would have had more than a few major character deaths.  NOPE!  Going down the list-:

Jorah Mormont- major character;
Theon Greyjoy- secondary character,
Melisandre - , major character who was so important this season we had never seen her before this episode;
Edd- third-level character who, while cute, is not driving the story;
Bedric Dondarion - third level character who we NEVER cared about;
Lyanna Mormont - died fulfilling the prophecy of fan-service.  (more on that train wreck later) 
9,230 people we don’t give a shit about

So… not that bad.  I thought this was going to be a grueling battle where all of our wills are tested; where Brienne dies; Pod, maybe even Jaime or even Dany!  Instead?  Like 2 characters I ever gave a shit about.  If I had had to make a list of “Characters I am Totally Okay in Losing” Bedric Dondarion and Lyanna Mormont would have been 1-2 EASY!  BUT… I like that they did not just murder characters to try to advance the story or make it seem more important than it was. 

I Can Write Dialog For the Show Now: For the third time in three weeks, I completely anticipated dialog because the show is not creative.  Arya gives Sansa a dagger and Sansa says the stupidest thing ever even though she’s supposed to be the smartest character Arya has as ever met.  So Arya can say the “stick-them-with-the-pointy-end” line.  Ugh… subtle… 

What I Hated:

Strap in. 

The Night is Dark and … No Its Actually Just REALLY DARK!  The show can only do so much with the largest TV budget fucking ever.  So, in order to cut corners etc an INORDINATE amount of battles in Westeroes just so happen to occur at night or in inclement weather; this is to obscure details so that poor CGI can’t be so noticeable; it also confuses the viewer so massive continuity errors and spacing problems are lost; and it is a cheap way to add tension.  But last night, GoT fucked itself because NOBODY SAW THE STUPID BATTLE!  There are multiple stories out there wherein fans could not see what was going on.  

Just to reiterate- this is the most popular show in the history of cable TV; it has the largest operating budget ever in the history of TV.  So these numbnuts made an episode nobody could see.  

Again, it’s the WHY the frustrates me.  I could excuse it if GoT was not a huge budget monstrosity; but these fuckers have $15 mil PER EPISODE and they could not scrape together a few bucks so that, you know, PEOPLE COULD SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?!?  And the answer was- as stated before – probably “No!”  The show is not made well; there is uber CGI that they do not want to refine; its easier to cut corners if its really dark out and there is stuff blowing around so nobody can see shit.  

Because they did it on purpose. That’s why it's frustrating.  

Once Again the Good Guys Are Saved From Themselves: Battle of the Bastards is a classic example of the winning side doing everything wrong and then winning in the end because, well, reasons.  So the Battle of Winterfell just upped the ante on “We Won Because We Are Fucking Idiots.”  Here is how the battle started –

“Let's take all of our troops and lets put them OUTSIDE the walls of the castle…. Now I know, I know, ‘But castles are the bedrock of defense and safety in our society since before the First Men…. Blah blah blah’  No, see instead we put our best fighters OUTSIDE so that way they can fight … in the open… with no protection… and with no defenses…”

“THEN we take our cavalry – traditionally the most valuable and expensive portion of the Army – and we … wait for it … CHARGE BLINDLY INTO AN ENEMY WE CANNOT SEE!!!!  Because its brilliant!  They will get fucking annihilated!  It makes LITERAL NO SENSE!  But it will be super dramatic! 

“THEN we will have these massive walls and defend them with like 6 people.  Not the THOUSANDS we have below NO!  No, we will have like Hot Pie up there.  It will be glorious.

Then Sandor Clegane will pee his pants because that’s what he does and in no way redeem himself.  Because reasons.  

A Song of Fanservice: But at the heart of this episode was the desperate need to please.  The clawing, desperate, sad and sappy need to “give the fans what they want.”  

So, you get that scene with Laynna Mormont wherein a 8…9 year old girl is crished by a giant- she should have been terrified beyond words; she has her chest caved in by … a fucking ZOMBIE GIANT!  And so what happens next?  Oh, she stabs it in the eye with her weapon with her dying breath.  Because of course she does.  The Giant hit her first so that should have alone broken every bone in her body.  But, no, no she is able to, you know, kill the zombie giant.  Fuck us all hard.  

Then, as stated above, nobody actually dies.  This should have been the episode where some of our favorites were finally culled from the heard.  Instead, pretty much everyone lives.  Because we don’t want to make the fans sad.  

And then … oh fuck me… Arya… 

Arya is one of the most popular characters on the show – so much so that the show makes her succeed at EVERYTHING!  I have said that she is basically a Jedi now and the show NEVER gives any evidence to the contrary. I have NO PROBLEM with her fighting in the middle part of the episode.  Completely appropriate.  I also have no problem with her scared to death of zombies in the library … even though like 5 minutes earlier we saw her kill like 80 of them.

But … the Night King.  Holy High Horse Shit.  

So, at the tail end of the episode, we see the Night King bad-ass it into Winterfell.  Jon Snow thinks he has the drop on the Night King so he starts to run at him from behind.  At that moment, the Night King slows, stops and then knowingly looks over his shoulder to eye Jon Snow.  The Night King SENSED Jon Snow coming from what looked to be half a football field away.  So the Night King has super-sensory abilities.  God it. 

Until 15 minutes later when Arya- somehow – does a Jon McClain, jumps from … somewhere … onto the Night King who was only alerted about it at that exact instant.  All the other White Walkers and wights just stand around like fucking morons and none of them see, sense, hear, smell or catch any hint of the ONLY OTHER LIVING PERSON IN THAT GODSWOOD!  

So, again, 15 minutes earlier, Night King can sense Jon Snow from 50 years; now, in Godswood, dumb as a stump. And the fact that it just HAD to be Arya.  It just HAD to be.  Because D&D wanted to give that to the fans.  Not sensible outcomes; not clever plot twists; not strategic thinking that makes sense.  No.  No, just give the fans what makes them feel good.  Arya a-stabbin’.  

It made no sense; was not well thought out; was not properly set-up; it was not crafty, interesting, smart, intelligent or gritty. 

Its just that fans like Arya so D&D gave the fans what they wanted. 

The thought process is that she had suffered enough and the fans wanted to see a moment like that.  I have no doubt that had Game of Thrones – the book – stopped at Baelor and with Ned on the block and D&D came in to write a show (but did not have the books to draw from) BELIEVE ME we would have seen Ned with his head on the block JUST IN TIME for Robb to ride in on his army of wolves with Nymeria, Grey Wind, and, I don’t know, Rhaegar’s Ghost, swoop in and save Ned and there would have been D&D saying, “We just thought that Robb had suffered enough and we wanted him to be the one to rescue Ned… its what the fans wanted!”

And fans would have cheered; the internet would have been abuzz with cheers … and it still would have sucked. 

Don’t give fans “what they want.” Give the fans smart and interesting stories with deep and real characters doing things that make us think; have the conflicts be sensible and true and have the outcomes be hard fought and logical. 

Don’t just give us little girls with Dragonglass who kill zombie giants and Night Kings.  Because that is fucking stupid.  

(Honorable Mention To Stupidity – Whenever anyone else hits a wright or Walker with Dragoinglass they shatter; when Arya needed to be super-sneaky they just die.  Glad that Dragonglass’ operating system knows the difference) 

The Real Enemy Was Hate All Along… No Wait, the Real Enemy Was Cersei: So all this to lead up to a showdown with a crazy queen and her lying pirate boyfriend?  Seems a little anti-climactic given that the winning side has two dragons and Cersei is stuck with, you know, Cersei.  
 

All in all an incredibly disappointing episode that many are cheering as a triumph.  So, its the perfect epitome of this show- something that is not great but most people don't know any better at this point.  As long as they are happy.  

[Lady Fevre Dream]

4 minutes ago, Corvinus said:

haha, I don't know if you watched the Inside the Episode edition, but according to Benioff it's because she hit her head. 

Seven Hells, I haven't braved the Circle Jerk yet.  I did notice the head hit Arya took when watching, realized it made her a bit dizzy, but it was still all confusing, awkward, and of course, hard to see anyway.  I had my house in black out, and I can't tell you how many times I walked up to the tv itself to see if that would help me be better able to see.  No, nothing made it easier to see. 

[Elayis]

I really hated how zombie like the wights were. I know they've been like that since season 4, but after suffering through a binge watch of TWD recently I can't take those groans and screeches anymore. What made the wights different and legitimately threatening was their silence. You couldn't hear them coming, and no matter how many times you stabbed them or limbs you cut off they'd keep coming.

It was a huge mistake to turn them into Skeletor clones. Magic was always part of their creation, but there's nothing plausible about a skeleton moving without muscles. 

It was also a big missed opportunity to bring back some familiar faces (Hodor, Rickon, Osha, even Ramsay).

[Ser Drewy]

Also this episode was just really boring. 90 minutes of mindless hacking and screaming, without any real stakes, with a terrible and cheap conclusion. Every scene felt too long to me. Instead of building and exploring the Others invasion throughout a season, they shoved it into one dreary episode. It feels simultaneously rushed and bogged down, and the Others themselves a pointless story deviation.  

[Ser Drewy]

3 minutes ago, Elayis said:

I really hated how zombie like the wights were. I know they've been like that since season 4, but after suffering through a binge watch of TWD recently I can't take those groans and screeches anymore. What made the wights different and legitimately threatening was their silence. You couldn't hear them coming, and no matter how many times you stabbed them or limbs you cut off they'd keep coming.

 It was a huge mistake to turn them into Skeletor clones. Magic was always part of their creation, but there's nothing plausible about a skeleton moving without muscles. 

It was also a big missed opportunity to bring back some familiar faces (Hodor, Rickon, Osha, even Ramsay).

They've also made them very easy to kill - like enemies in a video game. In the book, without fire, they're almost impossible to take on en masse. Jon struggles against Othor in AGOT, even with Ghost's help, and it's only fire that saves them. Meanwhile, the wight Jaefer Flowers is hacked to death, but it takes like 4 or 5 men hacking at him together to stop him. Then, at the Fist, the NW have fire - fire arrows, torches - and they are still basically decimated.  It's all so... generic and disappointing now. 

[Neds Secret]

2 minutes ago, Aegonzo The Great said:

 

In an even larger sense, this horrifying mess was the climax of a story 10 years in the making (or 20 years if you're going by the books). The very first scene of Game of Thrones introduces us to the Others and shows them to be a real, if mysterious, threat. As time has gone on, we've seen more and more of them, and they've always been this kind of vague threat just lurking on the periphary of the political story. But they were always there, and they were always coming. Then, they finally break through the wall after thousands of years, and..... They make it as far as Winterfell? They lasted 3 episodes south of the Wall, after being hyped up for literally decades. What the hell was the point of the Others? Why were they even in the story, if their only purpose was "bad just to be bad"? No motivation, no history, no explanation, just show up and get destroyed?

 

It makes zero sense in a storytelling context. Absolutely zero sense.

especially when it appears as though they only wanted Bran, the entire time. The NK does not worry really about anybody or anything but him, and we know not why. if the NK was so envious of Brans "warging" powers to chase him all this way it would be good to see what they meant to the NK. does the NK get this power by killing Bran? is Bran a threat to him in a way we have not yet seen? So far, its been like one big revenge story where Bran has like stolen a mafia bosses secret account book and the ruthless mafia boss has personally led a mission to get to Bran to get his secret book back and bran has had his tough and loyal friends and family harbouring him. As cheesy as it sounds this is basically the essence  of the story they are portraying this season, but with 7 seasons of characters we have come to know and care for as Brans security detail. Where is the Fantasy, the political machinations, the wonder, the immersion in this wondrous world, but No, d$d have served us up Get Carter , the Westeros version

[Greenmonsterff]

I know that book loyalists have plenty to bitch about and rightly so. I have read the books and consider myself a fan, but I love the show, too. I never would have even heard of the books if HBO hadn’t made the series. And my knowledge of the series pales in comparison to those who quote the books like a Baptist preacher does the Bible. All that being said, my only complaint is that the White Walkers were defeated before the end of the series. This episode felt like it should have been the finale. What is left just feels like an epilogue. 

[Ser Yorick Ampersand]

8 hours ago, D-Shiznit said:

All those theory crafting you guys have been doing for decades about the TPTWP, AA, Dragon has 3 heads, the Great other etc.

They were all a big waste of time.

Only because D&D said f... it, let's pander to women, feminists and Arya fanboys.

Who cares about so many lines in previous seasons setting up prophecy and foreshadowing.

I can't wait untill someone point out every line in the show and potholes that now makes no sense now because of this episode.

[Ser Drewy]

I'm amazed they made Bran pointless:

Quote

Finally he looked north. He saw the Wall shining like blue crystal, and his bastard brother Jon sleeping alone in a cold bed, his skin growing pale and hard as the memory of all warmth fled from him. And he looked past the Wall, past endless forests cloaked in snow, past the frozen shore and the great blue-white rivers of ice and the dead plains where nothing grew or lived. North and north and north he looked, to the curtain of light at the end of the world, and then beyond that curtain. He looked deep into the heart of winter, and then he cried out, afraid, and the heat of his tears burned on his cheeks.

Now you know, the crow whispered as it sat on his shoulder. Now you know why you must live.

“Why?” Bran said, not understanding, falling, falling.

Because winter is coming.

I mean, really? Really?

[Lady Fevre Dream]

1 hour ago, The Prince of Porne said:

Huge missed opportunity for the Night King to drop a parting dick joke when Theon was lying on the ground bleeding out...it would have been a perfect way to say goodbye to his character. Hopefully D&D step up their game for the final three episodes.

LOLOL  I needed that, thank you.  I'm dizzy and worn out from last night and that feeling was setting in again.  Damn, I tired and spaced out, and I BLAME THEM!!  D&D that is. 

[Neds Secret]

24 minutes ago, Rockroi said:

I just have to get this one thing off my chest:

Two weeks ago, I made a gag conversation between the two D’s on how they would murder George R R Martin’s fantasy series and I described how lame Arya was in the first few moments of the season-opener and how it was because they either have Arya do these AMAZING things or she’s doing nothing

Here is EXACTLY what I wrote:

So… called it.  Arya killed a fucking dragon. She did it by killing the Night King (with absolutely no set up whatsoever), but she did it.  Because the show is now only out to satisfy the fans and not tell an actual story.  Its simply to give the fans a pay-off.  

Anyway…

What I Liked:

They Do This Well: The one thing GoT does really well by – not character development; not story crafting; certainly not writing – the one thing the show does well now is they can put on a fantastic battle.  And this battle was completely insane – and generally in a good way. The battle was shown in a pretty great style as we followed major characters and watched them battle back the forces of the Night.  I thought there was real tension in everything done; there were very interesting moments with many characters.  The show knows how to put on a battle.  That should not be praise-worthy at this point.  

Jorah the Andal: So, its no secret that Iain Glen is a complete stud; he was excellent in Downton Abbey and then he rocks it as Jorah Mormont.  Mormont on the show is steady, resilient, deathly serious and a fucking monster.  One of the most pathetic moments in the show’s history (and there are many) was how they killed off Barristan Selmy (basically he died of causes related to the show not knowing what the fuck to do with him).  And that was a huge disappointment.  

Not so with Mormont.  I think it was safe to say that Jorah was 75% dead, but he went out as he was – a knight who protected his liege lord.  In this case, Dany Targaryen, the woman he always loved.  And I thought his final scenes- wielding Valyrian steel at all threats in defense of Dany - was glorious.  Also, nice touch that Glen never spoke a line in English (he only spoke Dothrakai).  Kind of love that.  

The Starks of Winetrfell: Pretty obvious; everyone called it, but I liked that the dead in the crypts came to life.  Nice touch.  

Alfie Allen: Not so much Theon, but the actor Allen played Theon great; he was able to put in enough subtlety between Theon “the tortured soul” to Theon “the recovering.”  The pieces between he and Bran were good and I liked that Bran tells Theon what he needed to hear his whole life and what Balon, Ned, Ramsey and even his sister failed to say to him – that he was a good man.  

Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight: While it was sort of the ONLY thing they could have done down in the crypt, I liked the small moment between Tyrion and Sansa; basically two abused and destroyed people about to die who share the only thing they could ever have given to the other – their devotion and humanity.  Two great actors given nothing to do, but they made the most of it.  

What I am on the Fence About:

What is Dead Will Never … No… Wait… Lot Less Dead People Than We Thought: So, here is my death count from what should have been one of the most gruesome and horrifying battles in the history of televised fake combat. Okay, now, we had THOUGHT that the Night King, Last Battle, Always Winter, end of the world, etc would have had more than a few major character deaths.  NOPE!  Going down the list-:

Jorah Mormont- major character;
Theon Greyjoy- secondary character,
Melisandre - , major character who was so important this season we had never seen her before this episode;
Edd- third-level character who, while cute, is not driving the story;
Bedric Dondarion - third level character who we NEVER cared about;
Lyanna Mormont - died fulfilling the prophecy of fan-service.  (more on that train wreck later) 
9,230 people we don’t give a shit about

So… not that bad.  I thought this was going to be a grueling battle where all of our wills are tested; where Brienne dies; Pod, maybe even Jaime or even Dany!  Instead?  Like 2 characters I ever gave a shit about.  If I had had to make a list of “Characters I am Totally Okay in Losing” Bedric Dondarion and Lyanna Mormont would have been 1-2 EASY!  BUT… I like that they did not just murder characters to try to advance the story or make it seem more important than it was. 

I Can Write Dialog For the Show Now: For the third time in three weeks, I completely anticipated dialog because the show is not creative.  Arya gives Sansa a dagger and Sansa says the stupidest thing ever even though she’s supposed to be the smartest character Arya has as ever met.  So Arya can say the “stick-them-with-the-pointy-end” line.  Ugh… subtle… 

What I Hated:

Strap in. 

The Night is Dark and … No Its Actually Just REALLY DARK!  The show can only do so much with the largest TV budget fucking ever.  So, in order to cut corners etc an INORDINATE amount of battles in Westeroes just so happen to occur at night or in inclement weather; this is to obscure details so that poor CGI can’t be so noticeable; it also confuses the viewer so massive continuity errors and spacing problems are lost; and it is a cheap way to add tension.  But last night, GoT fucked itself because NOBODY SAW THE STUPID BATTLE!  There are multiple stories out there wherein fans could not see what was going on.  

Just to reiterate- this is the most popular show in the history of cable TV; it has the largest operating budget ever in the history of TV.  So these numbnuts made an episode nobody could see.  

Again, it’s the WHY the frustrates me.  I could excuse it if GoT was not a huge budget monstrosity; but these fuckers have $15 mil PER EPISODE and they could not scrape together a few bucks so that, you know, PEOPLE COULD SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?!?  And the answer was- as stated before – probably “No!”  The show is not made well; there is uber CGI that they do not want to refine; its easier to cut corners if its really dark out and there is stuff blowing around so nobody can see shit.  

Because they did it on purpose. That’s why it's frustrating.  

Once Again the Good Guys Are Saved From Themselves: Battle of the Bastards is a classic example of the winning side doing everything wrong and then winning in the end because, well, reasons.  So the Battle of Winterfell just upped the ante on “We Won Because We Are Fucking Idiots.”  Here is how the battle started –

“Let's take all of our troops and lets put them OUTSIDE the walls of the castle…. Now I know, I know, ‘But castles are the bedrock of defense and safety in our society since before the First Men…. Blah blah blah’  No, see instead we put our best fighters OUTSIDE so that way they can fight … in the open… with no protection… and with no defenses…”

“THEN we take our cavalry – traditionally the most valuable and expensive portion of the Army – and we … wait for it … CHARGE BLINDLY INTO AN ENEMY WE CANNOT SEE!!!!  Because its brilliant!  They will get fucking annihilated!  It makes LITERAL NO SENSE!  But it will be super dramatic! 

“THEN we will have these massive walls and defend them with like 6 people.  Not the THOUSANDS we have below NO!  No, we will have like Hot Pie up there.  It will be glorious.

Then Sandor Clegane will pee his pants because that’s what he does and in no way redeem himself.  Because reasons.  

A Song of Fanservice: But at the heart of this episode was the desperate need to please.  The clawing, desperate, sad and sappy need to “give the fans what they want.”  

So, you get that scene with Laynna Mormont wherein a 8…9 year old girl is crished by a giant- she should have been terrified beyond words; she has her chest caved in by … a fucking ZOMBIE GIANT!  And so what happens next?  Oh, she stabs it in the eye with her weapon with her dying breath.  Because of course she does.  The Giant hit her first so that should have alone broken every bone in her body.  But, no, no she is able to, you know, kill the zombie giant.  Fuck us all hard.  

Then, as stated above, nobody actually dies.  This should have been the episode where some of our favorites were finally culled from the heard.  Instead, pretty much everyone lives.  Because we don’t want to make the fans sad.  

And then … oh fuck me… Arya… 

Arya is one of the most popular characters on the show – so much so that the show makes her succeed at EVERYTHING!  I have said that she is basically a Jedi now and the show NEVER gives any evidence to the contrary. I have NO PROBLEM with her fighting in the middle part of the episode.  Completely appropriate.  I also have no problem with her scared to death of zombies in the library … even though like 5 minutes earlier we saw her kill like 80 of them.

But … the Night King.  Holy High Horse Shit.  

So, at the tail end of the episode, we see the Night King bad-ass it into Winterfell.  Jon Snow thinks he has the drop on the Night King so he starts to run at him from behind.  At that moment, the Night King slows, stops and then knowingly looks over his shoulder to eye Jon Snow.  The Night King SENSED Jon Snow coming from what looked to be half a football field away.  So the Night King has super-sensory abilities.  God it. 

Until 15 minutes later when Arya- somehow – does a Jon McClain, jumps from … somewhere … onto the Night King who was only alerted about it at that exact instant.  All the other White Walkers and wights just stand around like fucking morons and none of them see, sense, hear, smell or catch any hint of the ONLY OTHER LIVING PERSON IN THAT GODSWOOD!  

So, again, 15 minutes earlier, Night King can sense Jon Snow from 50 years; now, in Godswood, dumb as a stump. And the fact that it just HAD to be Arya.  It just HAD to be.  Because D&D wanted to give that to the fans.  Not sensible outcomes; not clever plot twists; not strategic thinking that makes sense.  No.  No, just give the fans what makes them feel good.  Arya a-stabbin’.  

It made no sense; was not well thought out; was not properly set-up; it was not crafty, interesting, smart, intelligent or gritty. 

Its just that fans like Arya so D&D gave the fans what they wanted. 

The thought process is that she had suffered enough and the fans wanted to see a moment like that.  I have no doubt that had Game of Thrones – the book – stopped at Baelor and with Ned on the block and D&D came in to write a show (but did not have the books to draw from) BELIEVE ME we would have seen Ned with his head on the block JUST IN TIME for Robb to ride in on his army of wolves with Nymeria, Grey Wind, and, I don’t know, Rhaegar’s Ghost, swoop in and save Ned and there would have been D&D saying, “We just thought that Robb had suffered enough and we wanted him to be the one to rescue Ned… its what the fans wanted!”

And fans would have cheered; the internet would have been abuzz with cheers … and it still would have sucked. 

Don’t give fans “what they want.” Give the fans smart and interesting stories with deep and real characters doing things that make us think; have the conflicts be sensible and true and have the outcomes be hard fought and logical. 

Don’t just give us little girls with Dragonglass who kill zombie giants and Night Kings.  Because that is fucking stupid.  

(Honorable Mention To Stupidity – Whenever anyone else hits a wright or Walker with Dragoinglass they shatter; when Arya needed to be super-sneaky they just die.  Glad that Dragonglass’ operating system knows the difference) 

The Real Enemy Was Hate All Along… No Wait, the Real Enemy Was Cersei: So all this to lead up to a showdown with a crazy queen and her lying pirate boyfriend?  Seems a little anti-climactic given that the winning side has two dragons and Cersei is stuck with, you know, Cersei.  
 

All in all an incredibly disappointing episode that many are cheering as a triumph.  So, its the perfect epitome of this show- something that is not great but most people don't know any better at this point.  As long as they are happy.  

excellent summary , as per usual Rockroi. 

[Ser Quork]

29 minutes ago, Rockroi said:

I just have to get this one thing off my chest:

Two weeks ago, I made a gag conversation between the two D’s on how they would murder George R R Martin’s fantasy series and I described how lame Arya was in the first few moments of the season-opener and how it was because they either have Arya do these AMAZING things or she’s doing nothing

Here is EXACTLY what I wrote:

So… called it.  Arya killed a fucking dragon. She did it by killing the Night King (with absolutely no set up whatsoever), but she did it.  Because the show is now only out to satisfy the fans and not tell an actual story.  Its simply to give the fans a pay-off.  

Anyway…

What I Liked:

They Do This Well: The one thing GoT does really well by – not character development; not story crafting; certainly not writing – the one thing the show does well now is they can put on a fantastic battle.  And this battle was completely insane – and generally in a good way. The battle was shown in a pretty great style as we followed major characters and watched them battle back the forces of the Night.  I thought there was real tension in everything done; there were very interesting moments with many characters.  The show knows how to put on a battle.  That should not be praise-worthy at this point.  

Jorah the Andal: So, its no secret that Iain Glen is a complete stud; he was excellent in Downton Abbey and then he rocks it as Jorah Mormont.  Mormont on the show is steady, resilient, deathly serious and a fucking monster.  One of the most pathetic moments in the show’s history (and there are many) was how they killed off Barristan Selmy (basically he died of causes related to the show not knowing what the fuck to do with him).  And that was a huge disappointment.  

Not so with Mormont.  I think it was safe to say that Jorah was 75% dead, but he went out as he was – a knight who protected his liege lord.  In this case, Dany Targaryen, the woman he always loved.  And I thought his final scenes- wielding Valyrian steel at all threats in defense of Dany - was glorious.  Also, nice touch that Glen never spoke a line in English (he only spoke Dothrakai).  Kind of love that.  

The Starks of Winetrfell: Pretty obvious; everyone called it, but I liked that the dead in the crypts came to life.  Nice touch.  

Alfie Allen: Not so much Theon, but the actor Allen played Theon great; he was able to put in enough subtlety between Theon “the tortured soul” to Theon “the recovering.”  The pieces between he and Bran were good and I liked that Bran tells Theon what he needed to hear his whole life and what Balon, Ned, Ramsey and even his sister failed to say to him – that he was a good man.  

Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight: While it was sort of the ONLY thing they could have done down in the crypt, I liked the small moment between Tyrion and Sansa; basically two abused and destroyed people about to die who share the only thing they could ever have given to the other – their devotion and humanity.  Two great actors given nothing to do, but they made the most of it.  

What I am on the Fence About:

What is Dead Will Never … No… Wait… Lot Less Dead People Than We Thought: So, here is my death count from what should have been one of the most gruesome and horrifying battles in the history of televised fake combat. Okay, now, we had THOUGHT that the Night King, Last Battle, Always Winter, end of the world, etc would have had more than a few major character deaths.  NOPE!  Going down the list-:

Jorah Mormont- major character;
Theon Greyjoy- secondary character,
Melisandre - , major character who was so important this season we had never seen her before this episode;
Edd- third-level character who, while cute, is not driving the story;
Bedric Dondarion - third level character who we NEVER cared about;
Lyanna Mormont - died fulfilling the prophecy of fan-service.  (more on that train wreck later) 
9,230 people we don’t give a shit about

So… not that bad.  I thought this was going to be a grueling battle where all of our wills are tested; where Brienne dies; Pod, maybe even Jaime or even Dany!  Instead?  Like 2 characters I ever gave a shit about.  If I had had to make a list of “Characters I am Totally Okay in Losing” Bedric Dondarion and Lyanna Mormont would have been 1-2 EASY!  BUT… I like that they did not just murder characters to try to advance the story or make it seem more important than it was. 

I Can Write Dialog For the Show Now: For the third time in three weeks, I completely anticipated dialog because the show is not creative.  Arya gives Sansa a dagger and Sansa says the stupidest thing ever even though she’s supposed to be the smartest character Arya has as ever met.  So Arya can say the “stick-them-with-the-pointy-end” line.  Ugh… subtle… 

What I Hated:

Strap in. 

The Night is Dark and … No Its Actually Just REALLY DARK!  The show can only do so much with the largest TV budget fucking ever.  So, in order to cut corners etc an INORDINATE amount of battles in Westeroes just so happen to occur at night or in inclement weather; this is to obscure details so that poor CGI can’t be so noticeable; it also confuses the viewer so massive continuity errors and spacing problems are lost; and it is a cheap way to add tension.  But last night, GoT fucked itself because NOBODY SAW THE STUPID BATTLE!  There are multiple stories out there wherein fans could not see what was going on.  

Just to reiterate- this is the most popular show in the history of cable TV; it has the largest operating budget ever in the history of TV.  So these numbnuts made an episode nobody could see.  

Again, it’s the WHY the frustrates me.  I could excuse it if GoT was not a huge budget monstrosity; but these fuckers have $15 mil PER EPISODE and they could not scrape together a few bucks so that, you know, PEOPLE COULD SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?!?  And the answer was- as stated before – probably “No!”  The show is not made well; there is uber CGI that they do not want to refine; its easier to cut corners if its really dark out and there is stuff blowing around so nobody can see shit.  

Because they did it on purpose. That’s why it's frustrating.  

Once Again the Good Guys Are Saved From Themselves: Battle of the Bastards is a classic example of the winning side doing everything wrong and then winning in the end because, well, reasons.  So the Battle of Winterfell just upped the ante on “We Won Because We Are Fucking Idiots.”  Here is how the battle started –

“Let's take all of our troops and lets put them OUTSIDE the walls of the castle…. Now I know, I know, ‘But castles are the bedrock of defense and safety in our society since before the First Men…. Blah blah blah’  No, see instead we put our best fighters OUTSIDE so that way they can fight … in the open… with no protection… and with no defenses…”

“THEN we take our cavalry – traditionally the most valuable and expensive portion of the Army – and we … wait for it … CHARGE BLINDLY INTO AN ENEMY WE CANNOT SEE!!!!  Because its brilliant!  They will get fucking annihilated!  It makes LITERAL NO SENSE!  But it will be super dramatic! 

“THEN we will have these massive walls and defend them with like 6 people.  Not the THOUSANDS we have below NO!  No, we will have like Hot Pie up there.  It will be glorious.

Then Sandor Clegane will pee his pants because that’s what he does and in no way redeem himself.  Because reasons.  

A Song of Fanservice: But at the heart of this episode was the desperate need to please.  The clawing, desperate, sad and sappy need to “give the fans what they want.”  

So, you get that scene with Laynna Mormont wherein a 8…9 year old girl is crished by a giant- she should have been terrified beyond words; she has her chest caved in by … a fucking ZOMBIE GIANT!  And so what happens next?  Oh, she stabs it in the eye with her weapon with her dying breath.  Because of course she does.  The Giant hit her first so that should have alone broken every bone in her body.  But, no, no she is able to, you know, kill the zombie giant.  Fuck us all hard.  

Then, as stated above, nobody actually dies.  This should have been the episode where some of our favorites were finally culled from the heard.  Instead, pretty much everyone lives.  Because we don’t want to make the fans sad.  

And then … oh fuck me… Arya… 

Arya is one of the most popular characters on the show – so much so that the show makes her succeed at EVERYTHING!  I have said that she is basically a Jedi now and the show NEVER gives any evidence to the contrary. I have NO PROBLEM with her fighting in the middle part of the episode.  Completely appropriate.  I also have no problem with her scared to death of zombies in the library … even though like 5 minutes earlier we saw her kill like 80 of them.

But … the Night King.  Holy High Horse Shit.  

So, at the tail end of the episode, we see the Night King bad-ass it into Winterfell.  Jon Snow thinks he has the drop on the Night King so he starts to run at him from behind.  At that moment, the Night King slows, stops and then knowingly looks over his shoulder to eye Jon Snow.  The Night King SENSED Jon Snow coming from what looked to be half a football field away.  So the Night King has super-sensory abilities.  God it. 

Until 15 minutes later when Arya- somehow – does a Jon McClain, jumps from … somewhere … onto the Night King who was only alerted about it at that exact instant.  All the other White Walkers and wights just stand around like fucking morons and none of them see, sense, hear, smell or catch any hint of the ONLY OTHER LIVING PERSON IN THAT GODSWOOD!  

So, again, 15 minutes earlier, Night King can sense Jon Snow from 50 years; now, in Godswood, dumb as a stump. And the fact that it just HAD to be Arya.  It just HAD to be.  Because D&D wanted to give that to the fans.  Not sensible outcomes; not clever plot twists; not strategic thinking that makes sense.  No.  No, just give the fans what makes them feel good.  Arya a-stabbin’.  

It made no sense; was not well thought out; was not properly set-up; it was not crafty, interesting, smart, intelligent or gritty. 

Its just that fans like Arya so D&D gave the fans what they wanted. 

The thought process is that she had suffered enough and the fans wanted to see a moment like that.  I have no doubt that had Game of Thrones – the book – stopped at Baelor and with Ned on the block and D&D came in to write a show (but did not have the books to draw from) BELIEVE ME we would have seen Ned with his head on the block JUST IN TIME for Robb to ride in on his army of wolves with Nymeria, Grey Wind, and, I don’t know, Rhaegar’s Ghost, swoop in and save Ned and there would have been D&D saying, “We just thought that Robb had suffered enough and we wanted him to be the one to rescue Ned… its what the fans wanted!”

And fans would have cheered; the internet would have been abuzz with cheers … and it still would have sucked. 

Don’t give fans “what they want.” Give the fans smart and interesting stories with deep and real characters doing things that make us think; have the conflicts be sensible and true and have the outcomes be hard fought and logical. 

Don’t just give us little girls with Dragonglass who kill zombie giants and Night Kings.  Because that is fucking stupid.  

(Honorable Mention To Stupidity – Whenever anyone else hits a wright or Walker with Dragoinglass they shatter; when Arya needed to be super-sneaky they just die.  Glad that Dragonglass’ operating system knows the difference) 

The Real Enemy Was Hate All Along… No Wait, the Real Enemy Was Cersei: So all this to lead up to a showdown with a crazy queen and her lying pirate boyfriend?  Seems a little anti-climactic given that the winning side has two dragons and Cersei is stuck with, you know, Cersei.  
 

All in all an incredibly disappointing episode that many are cheering as a triumph.  So, its the perfect epitome of this show- something that is not great but most people don't know any better at this point.  As long as they are happy.  

Quality ranting, ser.    I'd give you a reaction but I've apparently expended my quota for the day.  Who knew that was a thing?

[LokisRaider]

The episode was what I was expecting it to be. A hollywood spectacle with little depth or sense to it. I enjoyed it for that (what I was able to see at least), but a couple of things that got to me:

- HBO should have called up their boys at Pied Piper and seen if they could have used that middle out algorithm to help with the video quality. I watched a lot of blurry darkness.

- Did Melisandre come out of nowhere? She came riding in casually from the direction of the army of undead? How?

- I'm 50/50 on the dothraki. On the one hand I liked how they used them to show how this was a serious force because they all died very quickly, and I even liked how we saw their flashlights slowly extinguish. On the other hand, they killed off the entirety of the dothraki off screen in a minute.

- I wish they used some of that budget from the White Walker generals to show Ghost do something... anything. Those generals just stood around. 

- Everyone on the front line should have died, an actual tidal wave of undead crashed onto them. Even though I didn't expect them to die they should have with that plan, but we will chalk that up to fantasy, plot armor and D&D doing what they know best (not making much sense, but looks cool!)

- Arya killing the night king. I don't really have an issue with this, what I have an issue is with how it happened. We see Bran completely surrounded by a horde of the undead, he is like 20-30 feet away from the nearest tree, then all of a sudden it is now foggy again when Bran and the night king are close, and Arya literally jumps out of nowhere and kills him. We get it she is the best at every single thing she does, but it just made no sense HOW she was able to do that. We had Jon and Theon try the charge right at him approach, I guess they should have just jumped at him instead.

-All the prophecies were now a waste of time.

- This episode made me more excited for the books then ever. Even if things end up happening the same I know we will actually get a story that makes sense along with it. Not "And as the Night King strolled up to his long lost lover he and Bran gazed longingly into each other eyes, no words were needed to explain the weight and severity of their meaning to one another and... BOOM! Arya sneak attack motherfuckers! Woot woot the Night King is dead"

- Jon this was your fight, your whole arc led to this fight and you did next to nothing.

- Even though they only had 2 lines of dialogue Theon and Brans exchanges were the highlight of the episode.

- Congrats to Grey Worm and Tormund for making it through, I thought you two were going to die. Jorah you went out like a champ fitting for your character, giving your life to save Dany's.

 

And not about this episode just wishful thinking for the future:

- If we don't see a Cleagane Bowl my TV is going out the window. If Arya kills Cersei or the Mountain I'm burning it down.

[Ice Queen]

Arya had her Eowyn "I am no man" moment.

The Battle of Pelennor Fields is over. The Battle of the Black Gate is about to begin. Gaaaah!

I guess Azor Ahai was nothing after all. 

I've spent 23 years of my life on this story, and this is the best we're going to get. It's a bitter pill to swallow. 

[Lady Fevre Dream]

34 minutes ago, Le Cygne said:

It was really cringey. The surprising thing was just how bad it was. I at least thought they might have a semi-coherent battle.

It makes you appreciate how nicely done was GRRM's Blackwater script. He set up the stakes, focused on essentials.

They just threw a bunch of stuff at the wall. And made up the stakes, and focused on their creatively we wanted it to happen nonsense.

Yup, creatively it made sense for them to again.........suspend action for meaningful long looks, and then BAM!! Arya saves the day. 

 

2 minutes ago, Ser Quork said:

Quality ranting, ser.    I'd give you a reaction but I've apparently expended my quota for the day.  Who knew that was a thing?

LOL  I have you a reaction because I never knew you could run out of reactions.  Well, I never knew because I hardly use them, too FB like for me, I guess.  I resist the like/fav button on Twitter as well. 

[Lady Fevre Dream]

@Rockroi  Enjoyed your rant as always.  I have to say, your post made me realize that the only thing this mess was missing was Hot Pie on the battlements yelling HOT PIE!!  But, then again, that's a GRRM creation, can't have that, can we? 

[Art Vandelay]

I thought parts of it were about as good as the show gets now, parts of it were ridiculously stupid and the rest of it I couldn't see.

Arya makes no sense. Getting beat with a stick then chased by a shit assassin doesn't make you a super assassin. It makes you a dickhead that got beat with a stick and then half killed by a shit assassin. She makes no sense. The only way that ending scene would have worked would have been if NK had snapped her neck like a twig.

Why the hell would you have your army outside the castle? Why would you charge an army you know you can't kill and that your dead are only going to make them more powerful. Oh I know, the torches scene would look sooooo cool. They missed a trick too, should have had them killed then charging straight back at the defenders. Maybe that happened and I couldn't see it.

Why have no men on the walls? Just to give Davos something to do when he called for the walls to be manned? Surely that's the first thing you do when defending a castle. Well after you get inside it, obviously.

[Ser Quork]

4 minutes ago, Lady Fevre Dream said:

LOL  I have you a reaction because I never knew you could run out of reactions.  Well, I never knew because I hardly use them, too FB like for me, I guess.  I resist the like/fav button on Twitter as well. 

Why, thank 'ee.  There's been some quality ranting and commenting - it needed acknowledging. 

[Art Vandelay]

9 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

Arya had her Eowyn "I am no man" moment.

The Battle of Pelennor Fields is over. The Battle of the Black Gate is about to begin. Gaaaah!

I guess Azor Ahai was nothing after all. 

I've spent 23 years of my life on this story, and this is the best we're going to get. It's a bitter pill to swallow. 

You just ruined my day with this realisation. Well played.

[Ice Queen]

42 minutes ago, Rockroi said:

I just have to get this one thing off my chest:

Two weeks ago, I made a gag conversation between the two D’s on how they would murder George R R Martin’s fantasy series and I described how lame Arya was in the first few moments of the season-opener and how it was because they either have Arya do these AMAZING things or she’s doing nothing

Here is EXACTLY what I wrote:

So… called it.  Arya killed a fucking dragon. She did it by killing the Night King (with absolutely no set up whatsoever), but she did it.  Because the show is now only out to satisfy the fans and not tell an actual story.  Its simply to give the fans a pay-off.  

Anyway…

What I Liked:

They Do This Well: The one thing GoT does really well by – not character development; not story crafting; certainly not writing – the one thing the show does well now is they can put on a fantastic battle.  And this battle was completely insane – and generally in a good way. The battle was shown in a pretty great style as we followed major characters and watched them battle back the forces of the Night.  I thought there was real tension in everything done; there were very interesting moments with many characters.  The show knows how to put on a battle.  That should not be praise-worthy at this point.  

Jorah the Andal: So, its no secret that Iain Glen is a complete stud; he was excellent in Downton Abbey and then he rocks it as Jorah Mormont.  Mormont on the show is steady, resilient, deathly serious and a fucking monster.  One of the most pathetic moments in the show’s history (and there are many) was how they killed off Barristan Selmy (basically he died of causes related to the show not knowing what the fuck to do with him).  And that was a huge disappointment.  

Not so with Mormont.  I think it was safe to say that Jorah was 75% dead, but he went out as he was – a knight who protected his liege lord.  In this case, Dany Targaryen, the woman he always loved.  And I thought his final scenes- wielding Valyrian steel at all threats in defense of Dany - was glorious.  Also, nice touch that Glen never spoke a line in English (he only spoke Dothrakai).  Kind of love that.  

The Starks of Winetrfell: Pretty obvious; everyone called it, but I liked that the dead in the crypts came to life.  Nice touch.  

Alfie Allen: Not so much Theon, but the actor Allen played Theon great; he was able to put in enough subtlety between Theon “the tortured soul” to Theon “the recovering.”  The pieces between he and Bran were good and I liked that Bran tells Theon what he needed to hear his whole life and what Balon, Ned, Ramsey and even his sister failed to say to him – that he was a good man.  

Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight: While it was sort of the ONLY thing they could have done down in the crypt, I liked the small moment between Tyrion and Sansa; basically two abused and destroyed people about to die who share the only thing they could ever have given to the other – their devotion and humanity.  Two great actors given nothing to do, but they made the most of it.  

What I am on the Fence About:

What is Dead Will Never … No… Wait… Lot Less Dead People Than We Thought: So, here is my death count from what should have been one of the most gruesome and horrifying battles in the history of televised fake combat. Okay, now, we had THOUGHT that the Night King, Last Battle, Always Winter, end of the world, etc would have had more than a few major character deaths.  NOPE!  Going down the list-:

Jorah Mormont- major character;
Theon Greyjoy- secondary character,
Melisandre - , major character who was so important this season we had never seen her before this episode;
Edd- third-level character who, while cute, is not driving the story;
Bedric Dondarion - third level character who we NEVER cared about;
Lyanna Mormont - died fulfilling the prophecy of fan-service.  (more on that train wreck later) 
9,230 people we don’t give a shit about

So… not that bad.  I thought this was going to be a grueling battle where all of our wills are tested; where Brienne dies; Pod, maybe even Jaime or even Dany!  Instead?  Like 2 characters I ever gave a shit about.  If I had had to make a list of “Characters I am Totally Okay in Losing” Bedric Dondarion and Lyanna Mormont would have been 1-2 EASY!  BUT… I like that they did not just murder characters to try to advance the story or make it seem more important than it was. 

I Can Write Dialog For the Show Now: For the third time in three weeks, I completely anticipated dialog because the show is not creative.  Arya gives Sansa a dagger and Sansa says the stupidest thing ever even though she’s supposed to be the smartest character Arya has as ever met.  So Arya can say the “stick-them-with-the-pointy-end” line.  Ugh… subtle… 

What I Hated:

Strap in. 

The Night is Dark and … No Its Actually Just REALLY DARK!  The show can only do so much with the largest TV budget fucking ever.  So, in order to cut corners etc an INORDINATE amount of battles in Westeroes just so happen to occur at night or in inclement weather; this is to obscure details so that poor CGI can’t be so noticeable; it also confuses the viewer so massive continuity errors and spacing problems are lost; and it is a cheap way to add tension.  But last night, GoT fucked itself because NOBODY SAW THE STUPID BATTLE!  There are multiple stories out there wherein fans could not see what was going on.  

Just to reiterate- this is the most popular show in the history of cable TV; it has the largest operating budget ever in the history of TV.  So these numbnuts made an episode nobody could see.  

Again, it’s the WHY the frustrates me.  I could excuse it if GoT was not a huge budget monstrosity; but these fuckers have $15 mil PER EPISODE and they could not scrape together a few bucks so that, you know, PEOPLE COULD SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?!?  And the answer was- as stated before – probably “No!”  The show is not made well; there is uber CGI that they do not want to refine; its easier to cut corners if its really dark out and there is stuff blowing around so nobody can see shit.  

Because they did it on purpose. That’s why it's frustrating.  

Once Again the Good Guys Are Saved From Themselves: Battle of the Bastards is a classic example of the winning side doing everything wrong and then winning in the end because, well, reasons.  So the Battle of Winterfell just upped the ante on “We Won Because We Are Fucking Idiots.”  Here is how the battle started –

“Let's take all of our troops and lets put them OUTSIDE the walls of the castle…. Now I know, I know, ‘But castles are the bedrock of defense and safety in our society since before the First Men…. Blah blah blah’  No, see instead we put our best fighters OUTSIDE so that way they can fight … in the open… with no protection… and with no defenses…”

“THEN we take our cavalry – traditionally the most valuable and expensive portion of the Army – and we … wait for it … CHARGE BLINDLY INTO AN ENEMY WE CANNOT SEE!!!!  Because its brilliant!  They will get fucking annihilated!  It makes LITERAL NO SENSE!  But it will be super dramatic! 

“THEN we will have these massive walls and defend them with like 6 people.  Not the THOUSANDS we have below NO!  No, we will have like Hot Pie up there.  It will be glorious.

Then Sandor Clegane will pee his pants because that’s what he does and in no way redeem himself.  Because reasons.  

A Song of Fanservice: But at the heart of this episode was the desperate need to please.  The clawing, desperate, sad and sappy need to “give the fans what they want.”  

So, you get that scene with Laynna Mormont wherein a 8…9 year old girl is crished by a giant- she should have been terrified beyond words; she has her chest caved in by … a fucking ZOMBIE GIANT!  And so what happens next?  Oh, she stabs it in the eye with her weapon with her dying breath.  Because of course she does.  The Giant hit her first so that should have alone broken every bone in her body.  But, no, no she is able to, you know, kill the zombie giant.  Fuck us all hard.  

Then, as stated above, nobody actually dies.  This should have been the episode where some of our favorites were finally culled from the heard.  Instead, pretty much everyone lives.  Because we don’t want to make the fans sad.  

And then … oh fuck me… Arya… 

Arya is one of the most popular characters on the show – so much so that the show makes her succeed at EVERYTHING!  I have said that she is basically a Jedi now and the show NEVER gives any evidence to the contrary. I have NO PROBLEM with her fighting in the middle part of the episode.  Completely appropriate.  I also have no problem with her scared to death of zombies in the library … even though like 5 minutes earlier we saw her kill like 80 of them.

But … the Night King.  Holy High Horse Shit.  

So, at the tail end of the episode, we see the Night King bad-ass it into Winterfell.  Jon Snow thinks he has the drop on the Night King so he starts to run at him from behind.  At that moment, the Night King slows, stops and then knowingly looks over his shoulder to eye Jon Snow.  The Night King SENSED Jon Snow coming from what looked to be half a football field away.  So the Night King has super-sensory abilities.  God it. 

Until 15 minutes later when Arya- somehow – does a Jon McClain, jumps from … somewhere … onto the Night King who was only alerted about it at that exact instant.  All the other White Walkers and wights just stand around like fucking morons and none of them see, sense, hear, smell or catch any hint of the ONLY OTHER LIVING PERSON IN THAT GODSWOOD!  

So, again, 15 minutes earlier, Night King can sense Jon Snow from 50 years; now, in Godswood, dumb as a stump. And the fact that it just HAD to be Arya.  It just HAD to be.  Because D&D wanted to give that to the fans.  Not sensible outcomes; not clever plot twists; not strategic thinking that makes sense.  No.  No, just give the fans what makes them feel good.  Arya a-stabbin’.  

It made no sense; was not well thought out; was not properly set-up; it was not crafty, interesting, smart, intelligent or gritty. 

Its just that fans like Arya so D&D gave the fans what they wanted. 

The thought process is that she had suffered enough and the fans wanted to see a moment like that.  I have no doubt that had Game of Thrones – the book – stopped at Baelor and with Ned on the block and D&D came in to write a show (but did not have the books to draw from) BELIEVE ME we would have seen Ned with his head on the block JUST IN TIME for Robb to ride in on his army of wolves with Nymeria, Grey Wind, and, I don’t know, Rhaegar’s Ghost, swoop in and save Ned and there would have been D&D saying, “We just thought that Robb had suffered enough and we wanted him to be the one to rescue Ned… its what the fans wanted!”

And fans would have cheered; the internet would have been abuzz with cheers … and it still would have sucked. 

Don’t give fans “what they want.” Give the fans smart and interesting stories with deep and real characters doing things that make us think; have the conflicts be sensible and true and have the outcomes be hard fought and logical. 

Don’t just give us little girls with Dragonglass who kill zombie giants and Night Kings.  Because that is fucking stupid.  

(Honorable Mention To Stupidity – Whenever anyone else hits a wright or Walker with Dragoinglass they shatter; when Arya needed to be super-sneaky they just die.  Glad that Dragonglass’ operating system knows the difference) 

The Real Enemy Was Hate All Along… No Wait, the Real Enemy Was Cersei: So all this to lead up to a showdown with a crazy queen and her lying pirate boyfriend?  Seems a little anti-climactic given that the winning side has two dragons and Cersei is stuck with, you know, Cersei.  
 

All in all an incredibly disappointing episode that many are cheering as a triumph.  So, its the perfect epitome of this show- something that is not great but most people don't know any better at this point.  As long as they are happy.  

Nailed it. The real enemy is...us. 

Dragonglass isn't necessary to kill the wights. "Steel and fire will serve for them." Dragonglass is reserved for White Walkers, or should be. I guess Gendry needed something to do.