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Dating Thread: "Pain, disorder, occasional clarity"


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On 8/28/2019 at 5:03 PM, Toth said:

So... okay... so that's a thing that happens on weddings?

Then again, I never went to one. In my family there are only funerals. XD

 

As someone who never frequented this thread before I should probably mention that my only dating related thing is musing that some day I should probably try out one of these fancy dating sites before I'm old and decrepit because it is obviously impossible for me to find people otherwise. That stupid idea however recently took another hit when I realized that the students on my current school aren't that much younger than me and quite possibly frequenting sites like that as well. So... aside the obvious image of mine of how stuff like that usually works (see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3reDBifVxzk ) I now have a very real reason to avoid embarrassment on that front. I really should embrace my "it's too late, I don't even have to bother" mindset more consciously and ignore any thoughts that tell me I must be missing out on things that are not awful about relationships.

 

why bother trying that come on....

weddings have good things, sometimes the contrary, as usual, they friendzone you as well... but at least you can have a good time and try eating good meals.

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Downloaded tinder last night and I’m already depressed by it. Haven’t swiped right once - I don’t think it’s for me. Most men are terrible at filling in bios and even though there’s some attractive guys out there I’m just not into the whole blank profile and 5 shirtless pictures thing. I don’t think I’m right for tinder :lol: I’ve downloaded it a few times over the years and always delete it within a couple days. There are just...no guys down here. :| I’ve already seen 3 people I went to school with. Ffs 

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3 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Downloaded tinder last night and I’m already depressed by it. Haven’t swiped right once - I don’t think it’s for me. Most men are terrible at filling in bios and even though there’s some attractive guys out there I’m just not into the whole blank profile and 5 shirtless pictures thing. I don’t think I’m right for tinder :lol: I’ve downloaded it a few times over the years and always delete it within a couple days. There are just...no guys down here. :| I’ve already seen 3 people I went to school with. Ffs 

In that context, a nice relevant twitter thread that came across my feed today:

https://twitter.com/_alexrowland/status/1167951611366297605?s=20

 

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 Most men are terrible at filling in bios

there's an art to this, and it is likely not a gendered thing--not many people are good at it.   it helps to assume that the properly deployed profile is a labor saving machine that enacts a double foreclosure. 

first, it permits an inefficient exclusionary praxis rooted in the taking of individualized decisions, whereby one pretermits the personas of other market participants through the use of specific rules, as demonstrated in seli's link: one might decline any persona with pictures of hunting, fishing, trucks, no-smiles, no-shirt, overalls-no-shirt, no-overalls, &c.  that's easy, but slow, given the universe of personas out there--but these foreclosure imperatives are necessary.

second, and more importantly, a profile will work an efficient exclusion of market participants by communicating the essence of its persona and thereby induce those who are incompatible therewith to decline by triggering foreclosure imperatives in other participants.  one might, for instance, use a portrait of young stalin, say, paired with a couple cryptic literary references, and thereby exclude by inducing foreclosure imperatives in all those who lack patience, intellectual curiosity, left politics, an artistic sensibility, and other essentials that the young stalin persona seems to require.  paired with a merciless use of the inefficient method, supra, this generates a qualitative result rather than quantitative results--the latter of which should be disfavored because who the fuck has the time to deal with a paradox of choice? 

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11 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Downloaded tinder last night and I’m already depressed by it. Haven’t swiped right once - I don’t think it’s for me. Most men are terrible at filling in bios and even though there’s some attractive guys out there I’m just not into the whole blank profile and 5 shirtless pictures thing. I don’t think I’m right for tinder :lol: I’ve downloaded it a few times over the years and always delete it within a couple days. There are just...no guys down here. :| I’ve already seen 3 people I went to school with. Ffs 

Every time I ever tried Tinder in the past I had the same issue. I'd download it, half-heartedly swipe for a few days, then delete. I gained a virulent aversion to the phrase "Live. Laugh. Love."

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14 hours ago, SpaceChampion said:

Most women do not fill out their bios either.

I know they don’t, I’m just making a comment on men because this time that’s what I was searching for. 

 

13 hours ago, Liffguard said:

Every time I ever tried Tinder in the past I had the same issue. I'd download it, half-heartedly swipe for a few days, then delete. I gained a virulent aversion to the phrase "Live. Laugh. Love."

Omg...the live laugh love actually exists in real life? Amazing :lol: 

 

this wasnt a dig at men though, it’s just the same types of blokes keep popping up again & again and they’re kind of terrifying actually. Or it’s just guy I went to school with. No thanks. Tinder down here is so dry I’m surprised tumble weeds aren’t flying out of my phone. 

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17 hours ago, sologdin said:

 Most men are terrible at filling in bios

there's an art to this, and it is likely not a gendered thing--not many people are good at it.   it helps to assume that the properly deployed profile is a labor saving machine that enacts a double foreclosure. 

first, it permits an inefficient exclusionary praxis rooted in the taking of individualized decisions, whereby one pretermits the personas of other market participants through the use of specific rules, as demonstrated in seli's link: one might decline any persona with pictures of hunting, fishing, trucks, no-smiles, no-shirt, overalls-no-shirt, no-overalls, &c.  that's easy, but slow, given the universe of personas out there--but these foreclosure imperatives are necessary.

second, and more importantly, a profile will work an efficient exclusion of market participants by communicating the essence of its persona and thereby induce those who are incompatible therewith to decline by triggering foreclosure imperatives in other participants.  one might, for instance, use a portrait of young stalin, say, paired with a couple cryptic literary references, and thereby exclude by inducing foreclosure imperatives in all those who lack patience, intellectual curiosity, left politics, an artistic sensibility, and other essentials that the young stalin persona seems to require.  paired with a merciless use of the inefficient method, supra, this generates a qualitative result rather than quantitative results--the latter of which should be disfavored because who the fuck has the time to deal with a paradox of choice? 

I’m not having a dog at men, I’m just only seeing men on tinder so naturally that’s what I’m going to comment on. And I said most, and stick to it because daaamn most men don’t know how to fill in a bio :P 

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I’m probably gonna delete it again today :lol: I just can’t with it. Don’t want a meaningless hookup & doubt will find anyone that can show how cool & fun they are on there. It’s really hard to sell yourself  like that, so I’m not saying most men are boring or bad irl - most people are better in person anyway when you can hear their laugh, see their whole face and not an awkward selfie. There’s just no eaaasy way to meet people even close to my age down here and I had it set to 23-35. Especially as I’m buuuusy atm, working 6 day weeks and long days. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been atm and don’t want to waste my whole 20s but think might have to keep this side of life on hold until I live somewhere with a bit more people who aren’t my grandparents age. 

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On 9/1/2019 at 1:21 PM, Liffguard said:

Every time I ever tried Tinder in the past I had the same issue. I'd download it, half-heartedly swipe for a few days, then delete. I gained a virulent aversion to the phrase "Live. Laugh. Love."

Can I add “Living my best life” to that list?

12 hours ago, avenge me said:

just discovered @Tywin et al.‘s true identity and boy was i surprised [joke parody non actionable]

 

I’d drink with that guy.

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swiped right on those, disappointed with abject pretentious douchebaggery of those

sounds like the profile persona was effective, but the colloquy that followed was defective--a different problem, likely?

 

not having a dog at men

that was understood. i agreed with your point.

 

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3 hours ago, sologdin said:

swiped right on those, disappointed with abject pretentious douchebaggery of those

sounds like the profile persona was effective, but the colloquy that followed was defective--a different problem, likely?

I think its more that reliance on the crutch of moderate ideological match indicator or even in-joke (awkward fact young Stalin was hot; Gramsci quote for bio, whatever) for dating profile still doesn't mean, for the most part, that you are able to come forth as a person in a non-reductive/dull/creepy whatever way over a constrained medium. My experience has been that the best bet is to not try that hard.

That said, with a limited n, my specific cases of these demonstrative-lefties exposed a reliance on a certain intellectual/artistic pretentiousness which seemed to typically quickly dissolve into startlingly misogyny-tinted when not admired immediately and enthusiastically. (One dude pestered me for months because we had a really high percent match and does that mean nothing to me? (We'd exchanged a half-dozen texts, ever.) One 'solved' my particular ethnic/immigrant sub-group from hints in my pics/profile (a logo on a t-shirt in one shot and the languages I speak - it's not hard for anyone with any familiarity) and appeared to regard that as some sort of act of intellectual dominance. It was really weird.)

That said, at this point even my lesbian separatist friend, who might be fairly said to genuinely hate all men, seems to feel a little sorry for the guys I (rarely) engage with on dating apps given the interrogation and deconstruction I conduct of any series of innocuous text messages. (Too forward, not forward enough, creepy, passive, bro-ish, repressed, over-intellectualized, clearly an idiot, etc.)

And that said, I've talked a couple times to Economist Guy, and he's was too frustratingly reticent, but also somehow asked far too much from me, just in terms of the conversation, and finally I said some stuff which was maybe true but also maybe quite cruel. So maybe the fellow has finally crossed, in his own odd way, that threshold I have where almost anything is too close and the moment it is, I'm done.

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deconstruction I conduct of any series of innocuous text messages. (Too forward, not forward enough, creepy, passive, bro-ish, repressed, over-intellectualized, clearly an idiot, etc.)

anyone slower than me is imbecilic, whereas anyone faster is insane--driving, politics, dating.  there shall be a committee to which these decisions might be delegated and by whose expertise democratically taken.

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2 hours ago, sologdin said:

deconstruction I conduct of any series of innocuous text messages. (Too forward, not forward enough, creepy, passive, bro-ish, repressed, over-intellectualized, clearly an idiot, etc.)

anyone slower than me is imbecilic, whereas anyone faster is insane--driving, politics, dating.  there shall be a committee to which these decisions might be delegated and by whose expertise democratically taken.

Mix of popular and expert opinion, like the Eurovision.

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  • 2 weeks later...

tinder is horrible & i don't think it's for me but damn am i just suddenly noticing MEN these days, more than usual, maybe because i'm not so depressed. but like...their ARMS and shoulders and ???? basically i've turned into an accidental pervert the last few months and i just keep fancying everyone except also fancying no one. confusing. still, i fancy one person and then i get over it and then notice another person/ at least it's nice to have those kinds of feelings i guess. my subconscious feeling less like an ugly goblin creature who isn't allowed to be attracted to people. 

 

also i made a joke about how only one of my eye contacts was in so ive been walking around winking at everyone and a response of ''you've probably boosted the confidence/ego of so many people'' is a flirt right? i think that's a bit of a flirt. it's at least implying im kind of attractive? ish? i'll take it. 

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