Dating Thread: "Pain, disorder, occasional clarity"

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

10 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Dude, that’s a FRIEND. Please read my revised and expanded response above.

On mirroring - I had a 45 year old guy tell me that he read about it in a business book for an interview and it was “life changing”. I fucking died laughing. I told him “this is how women move through the world every day trying not to get shot.”

99% of the time I'd agree. I just worry in part that perhaps this is that 1%. But she's sweet and I'm not. And as I read what I just wrote, I really do want to be a good man. 

Like I said, sigh. I know what I want to do and what I should do. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

11 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

If she were “not sweet” it would be the 1%. 

She's a goodie two-shoes. We both know I am not, even when I try.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

7 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Right. Which is why you should Stay Away.

And let us know how your activities go, since you’ll be staying well away from her!!

(

Psh.

I thought we were friends. Like we could discuss things on public form.  

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Well this feels like it's going to be a swing and a miss. But I have rules and I try not to break them....

ETA: Rules checked, and thank god I found the condoms. Wish me luck.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

For better and worse, some things never change. I'll live with the results. 

[Larry of the Lawn]

Had a date last night.  Was pretty good, but then she told me that her favorite book was Pillars of the Earth.  This isn't a deal breaker but it's a terrible book.   Kind of ruined it for me.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

My ex-fiance was a big fan of the Twilight series. Sometimes you have to accept your potential lover's poor reading choices.  

[Larry of the Lawn]

Twilight would be one thing.  I could handle that.  Thinking about how someone could read Pillars of the Earth, though, and then declare it her favorite book, is likely going to put me in a state where I am physically unable to participate in the act of love.  

[sologdin]

unable to participate in the act of love.  

to prevent that, you could set up a bright line tripwire at the commencement of a potential tryst.  like, a cousin of mine wanted to introduce herself as moll flanders as a literary test to cut through the paradox of choice. not sure if that worked. but you could always be like hey there, i'm drew achamian and i think love is lust made meaningful.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

1 hour ago, larrytheimp said:

Twilight would be one thing.  I could handle that.  Thinking about how someone could read Pillars of the Earth, though, and then declare it her favorite book, is likely going to put me in a state where I am physically unable to participate in the act of love.  

You’ll have to forgive me then, I’m not sure just how bad that book is. I’m skimmed the wiki on it and I didn’t see anything that leaped out as awful. It’s not like she said her favorite author was Ayn Rand.

[Heartofice]

All I'd say is that judging potential partners based on 'stuff they like' is something I had to move past as a dating criteria. I was incredibly snobby about what movies or tv shows someone liked in my youth and now I realise how self absorbed that was. Far better to ignore that sort of thing and just look past it to see what actual qualities someone has.  

 

[litechick]

Or it could be a great way to get the ball rolling on getting to know each other.  Ask her what she saw in it, why she likes it, how she identifies with the characters.

There are things that aren't there and there are things you just can't see.

[Larry of the Lawn]

Full disclosure, a lot of my issues with that book are very personal- before I read it I've had people hyping how much I'd love the descriptions of masonry.  I may have set unrealistic expectations for myself.  The stone porn was lackluster and pedestrian, and minimally informed.  The general presentation of the construction, the logistics, organization, and execution of erecting a massive cathedral, was a missed opportunity, and the author stumbled through it.  I had the distinct impression he hadn't spoken with any masons.  This alone should be sufficient explanation of my probable impotence.  The actual porn was unrealistic and cheesy and not in a cool way.  Sexual violence took the place of characterization wherever possible, and the 1000 odd pages could have been trimmed to 450 or so.  Chataya said it well.  It's not the kind of thing I'd proudly flaunt as my favorite book.

Yeah, anyone is going to like shit you don't like, I'm not about to go all Hi Fidelity.  It'd be one thing if she was like "oh, I enjoyed that book", this was more "that is my absolute favorite book and it spoke to my soul".  Ugh.

[Guy Kilmore]

I always had the everyone is allowed a guilty pleasure/vice that as long as it isn't about hurting another person, I will give it a pass.  It is what makes them them and I sure as heck no I have things that would probably drive people batty.

[Maithanet]

1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Kind of like how if someone said their favorite book was Dan Brown's "Da Vinci Code".

I also know nothing of Pillars of the Earth.  But if someone on a date said their favorite book was "Da Vinci Code", I would take that to mean that they don't read much, because nobody who reads a lot would pick that.  And I liked Da Vinci Code, it's an above-average popcorn kinda book. 

You'll have to decide if someone not reading much is a dealbreaker.

[maarsen]

5 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

I also know nothing of Pillars of the Earth.  But if someone on a date said their favorite book was "Da Vinci Code", I would take that to mean that they don't read much, because nobody who reads a lot would pick that.  And I liked Da Vinci Code, it's an above-average popcorn kinda book. 

You'll have to decide if someone not reading much is a dealbreaker.

Well I did give a girlfriend a copy of Sam Delaney's Dhalgren once.

[BigFatCoward]

My wife got bored of the wire. It took a king time for me to move past that. 

 

[Maithanet]

6 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

My wife got bored of the wire. It took a king time for me to move past that.

The Wire is not for everybody.  It's ok.  Some people don't like their tv shows to be like novels. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

3 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Kind of like how if someone said their favorite book was Dan Brown's "Da Vinci Code".

Very popular back in its day, very mediocre.

Kind of like declaring your favorite food to be Kraft macaroni and cheese.

Lol. Yeah that wouldn't be a deal breaker at all, but I get that Larry has a personal reason with that specific book.

My deal breaker would be the woman telling me she doesn't read. 

1 hour ago, Maithanet said:

I also know nothing of Pillars of the Earth.  But if someone on a date said their favorite book was "Da Vinci Code", I would take that to mean that they don't read much, because nobody who reads a lot would pick that.  And I liked Da Vinci Code, it's an above-average popcorn kinda book. 

You'll have to decide if someone not reading much is a dealbreaker.

Perhaps, but I think my first assumption would be that the person probably reads popular books.

[S John]

1 hour ago, Maithanet said:

I also know nothing of Pillars of the Earth.  But if someone on a date said their favorite book was "Da Vinci Code", I would take that to mean that they don't read much, because nobody who reads a lot would pick that. 

That is exactly what I would think as well.

I would have a really hard time answering the ‘what’s your favorite book’ question. I like a lot of books and a lot of different kinds of books and there are so many out there that I haven’t read, including on my own shelves, that I don’t generally like to re-read things I’ve read before.  In the last four years or so I’ve stared keeping a list of the books I read and highlighting the ones that I particularly liked, but even reading back over that subset I wouldn’t be able to pick the ONE.