Yet another Arya ! Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 @Buckwheat There is no stupid whiny post! You're facing a dire situation not only because of these children, but because it questions your overall calling. This is either a challenge this month and an opportunity to make up your mind about your future. You can be proud to have survived so far without going berserk into a murderous rampage in your school (sorry for my gallows humour). I've always thought that teaching is the most complicated job and I truly admire teachers. You know, I have a friend who is teacher, and when she started, obvously her first appointment was in a horrible high-school in a squalid suburb. Most of her students where older then her, some where former convicted, all had complicated family issues. Her daily aim was not teaching anything to them, but just having a relatively quiet day. Each evening she cried at home. And guess what: after one shitty year, she began to harden her mind; she learnt to deal with rebel teens; she became more self-confident. The year after she was given a better entry, she started to undersand her students and to gain their trust. Now, she still loves her job, and students do love her, but it was a long path to go through... As for the dark thoughts on remaining all alone, well, these are the traditional thoughts when we feel depressed. Dark mood calls even darker thoughts, and we end up by painting in black everything (our relationships, our society, our future...). Don't be lured by the "Dark Bucky" who lurks in the void, he or she is just the product of your temporary sadness. You will find somebody and generally, the right one just pops up when we don't expect anything! :-) Congrats for your translation! I guess it's a special moment the first time you open the magasine with your article... This is something positive to hold on to. Cherish this victory to cheer up when you're struggling with your children! Enjoy your week-end, refill your mental battery! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 2 hours ago, Yet another Arya ! said: @Buckwheat There is no stupid whiny post! You're facing a dire situation not only because of these children, but because it questions your overall calling. This is either a challenge this month and an opportunity to make up your mind about your future. You can be proud to have survived so far without going berserk into a murderous rampage in your school (sorry for my gallows humour). I've always thought that teaching is the most complicated job and I truly admire teachers. Thanks for responding, it feels great to rant and have somebody respond in any way. Oh, no it doesn't question my overall calling even a bit. I have always known this is not something I want to do long-term, I am only doing it because it is more stable and reliable than anything else I am qualified to do, and only as long as I don't get a better opportunity (and as long as the investment I made into the re-qualification course pays back :P). The last two weeks did nothing to question that knowledge, if anything, they solidified it. I also really admire the job teachers do, and I have met some amazing teachers here, I just don't think my place will ever be among them. We don't do murderous rampages at schools in this country, Old Gods and the New be praised (gallows humour is welcome with me, you see), but yes, I suppose this is a win in itself. Although with my personality, breaking down crying in the classroom would be a lot more likely. I am not prone to violence, more to self-blame and throwing even more useless effort into things even if I am exhausted to the point I can no longer concentrate on whatever I'm working on. 2 hours ago, Yet another Arya ! said: You know, I have a friend who is teacher, and when she started, obvously her first appointment was in a horrible high-school in a squalid suburb. Most of her students where older then her, some where former convicted, all had complicated family issues. Her daily aim was not teaching anything to them, but just having a relatively quiet day. Each evening she cried at home. And guess what: after one shitty year, she began to harden her mind; she learnt to deal with rebel teens; she became more self-confident. The year after she was given a better entry, she started to undersand her students and to gain their trust. Now, she still loves her job, and students do love her, but it was a long path to go through... It is great that your friend managed to get through this. I know myself that I am going to get better and may make a not great, but relatively decent teacher some day. Right now, I am still at the crying-at-home-every-day phase. 2 hours ago, Yet another Arya ! said: As for the dark thoughts on remaining all alone, well, these are the traditional thoughts when we feel depressed. Dark mood calls even darker thoughts, and we end up by painting in black everything (our relationships, our society, our future...). Don't be lured by the "Dark Bucky" who lurks in the void, he or she is just the product of your temporary sadness. You will find somebody and generally, the right one just pops up when we don't expect anything! :-) I can only hope that happens some day soon. I am fed up with being lonely. :/ I cannot imagine finding the energy and will to join new activities to meet new people with a job like this right now, though. 2 hours ago, Yet another Arya ! said: Congrats for your translation! I guess it's a special moment the first time you open the magasine with your article... This is something positive to hold on to. Cherish this victory to cheer up when you're struggling with your children! Enjoy your week-end, refill your mental battery! Thank you! I hope you enjoy your weekend too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 13, 2020 Author Share Posted June 13, 2020 14 hours ago, Buckwheat said: Long whiny what-am-I-doing-with-my-life post from Bucky: I haven't been feeling like posting here lately. I have been exausted every day since I started the nex job. It kind of still sucks. I come into work happy and full of energy and hope that it will be better than the day before every single day, and every day I go back home exausted, sucked out of energy and good mood, and spend the afternoon/evening laying around without the will to go anywhere else or do anything else. I cannot even be happy that it is the weekend now because I am so tired, and my throat hurts because I have been shouting so much and I fear that I am going to completely ruin my vocal cords within a month of working like this. I feel absolutely powerless because the students just refuse to listen to me every hour, because I cannot make anybody shut up and listen for more than half a minute, and then they are back at it with the shouting, picking at each other, standing up in the middle of class, and other shit. I have a headache and everything else is unbearable to me and I want complete silence every afternoon because I am so fed up with children shouting around me and annoying me. I feel like everything I do at the job is a mistake or wrong in some way. Don't get me wrong, I have good coworkers and everybody wants to help me and sympathises with me that I came into an unfortunate situation at work, but most of the time, I am not with the coworkers, but alone with kids, and and and it's just not going well. I keep sending out more job applications for jobs starting in the autumn, but at the same time, I don't think I even want to do that for much longer, so I keep asking myself what's the point if I even have to force myself to send in job applications. I also miss the supernatural entity again, even though it has been almost two years since we have even been in contact, and I just start missing him when I am so stressed and lonely and need somebody to support me, and then I start thinking that breaking up with him was the biggest mistake I ever did in my life, and I do that every time I am stressed and lonely and I just keep thinking about how I am a failure because of not having a romantic life figured out at 28 and then I just start thinking that I am going to be lonely till the end of my life anyway, which is terrible, and makes me fele so lonely. In other news, I am trying to happily look forward to this weekend, because I am meeting two friends I haven't seen in ages, and on Monday, when I am supposed to meet with my advisor, and I am trying to think that it is positive that one of my translations was published in a magazine and I just got the newest issue with my translations today, and I am even going to get paid for it, just a little, so these are all great things, but right now I just don't feel like I can concentrate on positive things. /// This has been a stupid whiny post that I am probably going to regret and take down at some point soon. Continue with your regular toddler and home renovation updates or whatever you are doing here. As the uncrowned Queen of long and whiny posts, I can only say: never ever feel bad about relieving your stress through a nice long rant. Stress shouldn’t be kept inside, it causes wrinkles and cancer. I am terribly sorry about the job. Kids can be difficult and I don’t suppose we live in a time where most kids will sit quietly and listen, discipline is not something modern and western society encourages. On the upside it’s nice to hear the colleagues are helpful and kind. How do they cope with the kids? Any way they could help you out? :/ Is there anything you’d rather do than apply for teaching jobs? Any other achievable career I mean. I absolutely understand missing your ex boyfriend. In times of stress somehow the human brain just loves to pile it on... I’m sure things ended between you guys for a reason and if it wasn’t meant to end, it probably wouldn’t have (if you believe in that sort of thing). In being single in your late twenties, you’re not alone. And even though it’s often difficult to believe, love and relationships aren’t linked to a certain age. You can and will be perfectly happy with your soulmate whenever you find him. Congratulations to your published translation! And enjoy the weekend and all positive things! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 6 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: As the uncrowned Queen of long and whiny posts, I can only say: never ever feel bad about relieving your stress through a nice long rant. Stress shouldn’t be kept inside, it causes wrinkles and cancer. I am terribly sorry about the job. Kids can be difficult and I don’t suppose we live in a time where most kids will sit quietly and listen, discipline is not something modern and western society encourages. On the upside it’s nice to hear the colleagues are helpful and kind. How do they cope with the kids? Any way they could help you out? :/ They are all trying to be helpful, give me tips, encourage me to sanction bad behaviour and everything. So that is good. They also have trouble with the same groups I do. 6 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: Is there anything you’d rather do than apply for teaching jobs? Any other achievable career I mean. I am also applying for office jobs. I don't really know which one of these I would rather do. I suppose that it can be much more tedious in an office, while it is much more dynamic in a school. On the other hand, I won't lose my voice within a few weeks in an office. 6 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: I absolutely understand missing your ex boyfriend. In times of stress somehow the human brain just loves to pile it on... I’m sure things ended between you guys for a reason and if it wasn’t meant to end, it probably wouldn’t have (if you believe in that sort of thing). In being single in your late twenties, you’re not alone. And even though it’s often difficult to believe, love and relationships aren’t linked to a certain age. You can and will be perfectly happy with your soulmate whenever you find him. Congratulations to your published translation! And enjoy the weekend and all positive things! It ended because of my own decision. It could have continued, had I decided otherwise in that moment. Thank you. I am very much enjoying the weekend and feel better today, after sleep, chat with a friend, and not being surrounded by 12-year-olds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 19 hours ago, Buckwheat said: They are all trying to be helpful, give me tips, encourage me to sanction bad behaviour and everything. So that is good. They also have trouble with the same groups I do. I am also applying for office jobs. I don't really know which one of these I would rather do. I suppose that it can be much more tedious in an office, while it is much more dynamic in a school. On the other hand, I won't lose my voice within a few weeks in an office. It ended because of my own decision. It could have continued, had I decided otherwise in that moment. Thank you. I am very much enjoying the weekend and feel better today, after sleep, chat with a friend, and not being surrounded by 12-year-olds. I’m sorry you got all the demon groups on your first kid-teaching job. Fingers crossed for you and the entire faculty, hope you guys find a way to harness the little vandals. All jobs have its ups and downs I suppose and you’ll have to try them before you know which is more in sync with what you’re looking for. Hope you find something different/better of the same type soon. Sure, but that decision was based on something wasn’t it? Factors and circumstances that made you decide the way you did? What I usually tell myself when I question my past decisions and beat myself up over them (I’m not saying this is how you feel, just sharing my thoughts), is that my past self was trying to do her best made the best possible decision based on the information she had at the time. Sounds great! Enjoy your Sunday! I’m at my mum’s. Yesterday my father drove me here and we spent an entire hour waiting for the vet, who allegedly wanted something from my father. I can confidently say I have never felt so cringy or awkward my entire life. Well, the vet business was done but he didn’t end up wanting anything from my father. So he might as well have thought that my mother made this up to get him to come here and pay for the vet. Since the cost was about €40 that would make no sense and hopefully this is all in my head and my father doesn’t actually think my mother is that petty. Although I’m sure he did feel hurt to see his stuff reorganized and the changes my mum made to the house. And I hate seeing him hurt but you can hardly expect your spouse to stare at your mess all over the house when you haven’t slept there for over half a year. In fact if life was a Hollywood film, my mother could as well have thrown all his stuff out. Anyway I keep reminding him that all his stuff is fine, it’s just reorganized. On the upside my mother offered him lunch and shockingly he accepted. Well, it was one terribly long hour. Oh and I never told him that my mother wanted him to get dog food on the way here because I don’t want him to feel like she wants to put these expenses on him, so I’ll just go out and buy the dog food myself. I’m not entirely sure why I’m trying to protect his feelings when he was the one who put himself and everybody else into this situation. in other news, I just removed 17 ticks from three dogs The joy these creatures bring me every summer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 9 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: I’m sorry you got all the demon groups on your first kid-teaching job. Fingers crossed for you and the entire faculty, hope you guys find a way to harness the little vandals. Thank you. I am so glad it was the weekend now. 9 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: All jobs have its ups and downs I suppose and you’ll have to try them before you know which is more in sync with what you’re looking for. Hope you find something different/better of the same type soon. Yep. I hope I find something at least. It is not so easy finding a job after all. Hope the same for you too. 9 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: Sure, but that decision was based on something wasn’t it? Factors and circumstances that made you decide the way you did? What I usually tell myself when I question my past decisions and beat myself up over them (I’m not saying this is how you feel, just sharing my thoughts), is that my past self was trying to do her best made the best possible decision based on the information she had at the time. Yes, based on me feeling there was nowhere the relationship could develop further, with the 400 km being a big obstacle to the whole thing. I need to keep that in mind. It is just that my mind keeps going back because the time I had a boyfriend, I was the happiest in my life. I wish I find somebody that will like me back soon. I was veeeeery interested in somebody about a year ago, but that one ended up ghosting me very soon, so nothing came of it. This doesn't prevent me thinking of him sometimes too, of course, because my mind is tricky like that. As for the rest of your post ... I have no advice, but I am very sorry that you are in this in-between situation with your parents. And all the best to your dogs, I hope they got all the care from the vet they needed. I appreciate the CXG link. Is there a more permanent solution to dogs being infested by ticks? 17 ticks sounds ridiculously many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 One’s mind tends to go to the worst places when stressed. You will find someone who’ll make you feel like it was all for a very good and very happy reason. Well I keep forgetting things always get worse, so really, god, just take me back to that awkward hour on Saturday and replay it for the rest of my life, that’s a deal I’d gladly take. I think the permanent solution would be not taking them on walk to a tick infested wilderness, but lead them around the actual roads with a leash. But what’s the fun in that? Anti tick and flea substances seem to have zero effect on any ticks or fleas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Whew, no new posts since Tuesday? How sad. I seem to have forgotten to answer. As always, thank you for all the kind and nice words. I hope you are doing okay now too. Hm, I thought that those anti-tick collars were at least somewhat useful. I am glad it is the weekend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 LAAAAAST DAAAAAAY OF SCHOOOOOOL!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Okay, no interest in the last day of school? Well then. Today is a public holiday here, tomorrow I still need to go to school for meetings and stuff, and then on Monday just shortly, and then I am jobless again - actually this whole month went by really quickly. Am still actively sending out job applications, but most jobs don't start till September. No idea what I am doing the whole summer - last year I had so many plans and ideas and I travelled to so many places! (Yes, so many and for so long that it probably contributed to my not having a boyfriend, but let's not dwell on that now.) I mean, it is not like I don't have a dissertation to write or anything. I REALLY need to get on that once I have some more time for that. Aaaaaanyway, how is ... anybody? Everybody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 25, 2020 Author Share Posted June 25, 2020 Glad to hear the summer holiday is upon you! I’m sure you’ll find something fun/productive/relaxing to do in the summer. So was this job only for a few weeks? Or will you be returning in September? I’m... not great at all, but that should mean things will eventually at some point improve, as no downward spiral is infinite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 32 minutes ago, RhaenysBee said: Glad to hear the summer holiday is upon you! I’m sure you’ll find something fun/productive/relaxing to do in the summer. So was this job only for a few weeks? Or will you be returning in September? I’m... not great at all, but that should mean things will eventually at some point improve, as no downward spiral is infinite. Productive. Yes, I should be a good girl and be productive. Yes, this job was only for one month, from the time the schooling at home because of corona ended until the start of summer holidays. I won't be returning in September. Hang in there. You are looking at it rightly, things will improve. I am crossing my fingers for you that they do it fast and soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 26, 2020 Author Share Posted June 26, 2020 12 hours ago, Buckwheat said: Productive. Yes, I should be a good girl and be productive. Yes, this job was only for one month, from the time the schooling at home because of corona ended until the start of summer holidays. I won't be returning in September. Hang in there. You are looking at it rightly, things will improve. I am crossing my fingers for you that they do it fast and soon. Well noone’s going to die if you decide to be unproductive and get rest/have fun either Ah see. I hope you’ll find something with more manageable kids for September then! Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 28, 2020 Author Share Posted June 28, 2020 Summer and all its urban unpleasantness is here. the maximum decrease of inside temperature I could achieve with three wide open windows between 11pm and 6am was exactly 1 degree. Between 7am and 9am, it went back up. It was 30C at 9am already, the air is still and stale and stinky, the streets smell of smog, sweat and urine, ah don’t we all just love summer. I will go out and have ice cream later to at least attempt to enjoy this season. And I’ll try to drag sister to the zoo next week for the same reason. Or I’ll just go to a park and find somewhere without too much wild life and UV rays to read. Maybe go back to the country for a week to have a terrace and outdoor furniture and shade and oxygen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 9 minutes ago, RhaenysBee said: Summer and all its urban unpleasantness is here. the maximum decrease of inside temperature I could achieve with three wide open windows between 11pm and 6am was exactly 1 degree. Between 7am and 9am, it went back up. It was 30C at 9am already, the air is still and stale and stinky, the streets smell of smog, sweat and urine, ah don’t we all just love summer. I will go out and have ice cream later to at least attempt to enjoy this season. And I’ll try to drag sister to the zoo next week for the same reason. Or I’ll just go to a park and find somewhere without too much wild life and UV rays to read. Maybe go back to the country for a week to have a terrace and outdoor furniture and shade and oxygen. Uh, you are making the summer sound so uncomfortable. Summer is usually also a good time to travel, but with this year's circumstances ... I don't know. Ice cream sounds like a great idea though. So does park or anywhere else with nature around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 28, 2020 Author Share Posted June 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Buckwheat said: Uh, you are making the summer sound so uncomfortable. Summer is usually also a good time to travel, but with this year's circumstances ... I don't know. Ice cream sounds like a great idea though. So does park or anywhere else with nature around. I do enjoy those two weeks of summer that are spent at a breezy, sea side resort with food, cold beverages, ice cream, reading, sun chairs, beaches and evening walks. But traveling and holidays are something I’ll be skipping this year in hope that 2021 or 2022 will present safe and pleasant travel opportunities. :/ But yes, I’ll get over my issues with urban summer and try to make the most of it. I’ll go out later when it’s a bit less hot to pick up some grocery items to make lemonade for the evening and try the new ice cream place on my way there. Sister will finally go out tonight, which means that I’ll hopefully have the place to myself and get to do whatever I want. How is summer going for you? Hope you’re enjoying the freedom from the demonic kids And of course how is summer going for everybody else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 2 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: I do enjoy those two weeks of summer that are spent at a breezy, sea side resort with food, cold beverages, ice cream, reading, sun chairs, beaches and evening walks. But traveling and holidays are something I’ll be skipping this year in hope that 2021 or 2022 will present safe and pleasant travel opportunities. :/ But yes, I’ll get over my issues with urban summer and try to make the most of it. I’ll go out later when it’s a bit less hot to pick up some grocery items to make lemonade for the evening and try the new ice cream place on my way there. Sister will finally go out tonight, which means that I’ll hopefully have the place to myself and get to do whatever I want. How is summer going for you? Hope you’re enjoying the freedom from the demonic kids And of course how is summer going for everybody else? Fair enough. Travel opportunities being nonexistent this year sucks for me too. I still have to go to school tomorrow, then I don't have to go to this one anymore. It is stressful right now because I don't know if I'll have a job in September - I am sending out many applications to see where I can at least get an interview. And I cannot plan for anything because I don't know when I'll be called to the next potential one. I don't have any real July and August plans. I wonder where everybody else is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhaenysBee Posted June 28, 2020 Author Share Posted June 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Buckwheat said: Fair enough. Travel opportunities being nonexistent this year sucks for me too. I still have to go to school tomorrow, then I don't have to go to this one anymore. It is stressful right now because I don't know if I'll have a job in September - I am sending out many applications to see where I can at least get an interview. And I cannot plan for anything because I don't know when I'll be called to the next potential one. I don't have any real July and August plans. I wonder where everybody else is. Yeah, kinda the same situation in terms of a job here. Although I’m still at the point where I want to enjoy this freedom a little before I haul myself into another job. For now I’ll be helping a family friend’s daughter with some business plans although I doubt anything will come of that. I do want to take sister’s dog to a dog school. The new ice cream place didn’t impress me, but I’ll give it another chance and try more traditional flavors. I’m very very sleepy. I can’t decide if it’s the heat, the bull sized antibiotics I’m taking or what. Maybe they are all at a beach enjoying summer? hope everybody’s well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 2 hours ago, RhaenysBee said: Yeah, kinda the same situation in terms of a job here. Although I’m still at the point where I want to enjoy this freedom a little before I haul myself into another job. For now I’ll be helping a family friend’s daughter with some business plans although I doubt anything will come of that. I do want to take sister’s dog to a dog school. The new ice cream place didn’t impress me, but I’ll give it another chance and try more traditional flavors. I’m very very sleepy. I can’t decide if it’s the heat, the bull sized antibiotics I’m taking or what. Maybe they are all at a beach enjoying summer? hope everybody’s well. Taking a dog to a dog school is a good idea, I am sure you and the dog will both enjoy it and benefit from it. Are you taking antibiotics and eating ice cream at the same time? No ice cream for the sick, no? I sincerely doubt anybody is at the beach, but you never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felice Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Buckwheat said: I sincerely doubt anybody is at the beach, but you never know. Definitely not down here! Though it is being a pretty mild winter so far, even by our standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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