litechick Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Nobody likes to feel like a chump. This is important in many areas of life. Your mom may dutifully and lovingly wash and fold your clothes for 25+ years but if you suggest taking her to Hooters on Mothers' Day there's a good chance she will feel some resentment (whether she shows it or not.) Your parents might love spending a weekend with their grandchildren but everyone has a threshold where enjoying the task is soured by feeling like a chump. Where is the border between a generous gift and Chumpitude? How do you draw the line and say "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that"? At what point do you stop feeling like a benefactor and start feeling taken advantage of? What makes you feel like a chump? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigFatCoward Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 That I always go to the bar (our money is ours, its not a financial thing), her legs are younger than mine and its 2020. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
litechick Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 Thanks BFC, I have no idea how that relates to the topic but I appreciate that you joined in. Since the topic--in the abstract--is clearly of no use, I will use it as a forum to speak my mind on my own feelings of chumpitude. Imagine, if you will...people need something and you have the power to give it to them. This is your industry, your area of expertise but if you give it to them for free you get no respect and they don't value what you offer. Being nice and helping out just makes you a chump. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free and all that. Today I drove for an hour in order to help a client in a critical situation. Solving the problem took all of 5 minutes. They couldn't figure it out on their own because they don't have the skills but charging for my time at a reasonable rate would make anybody say "$xxx for 5 minutes work?! That's outrageous!" You don't want to be that person who says "gee, you're bleeding pretty heavily. I could give you a tourniquet but that will be...$3000 dollars" Nevertheless, if you just pop up and provide what they need you are a chump. I guess my frustration is largely based on my desire that I could be generous, give of my resources, and still be valued and respected. My observation of the human condition is such that it is not possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
litechick Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 Trisk, while you always get high credit with me, I have to consider that you were responding because you thought the title was "Sometimes you feel like a chimp." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigFatCoward Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 3 hours ago, litechick said: Thanks BFC, I have no idea how that relates to the topic but I appreciate that you joined in. Yeah. I was drunk and not reading or thinking very well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rippounet Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 4 hours ago, litechick said: Today I drove for an hour in order to help a client in a critical situation. Solving the problem took all of 5 minutes. They couldn't figure it out on their own because they don't have the skills but charging for my time at a reasonable rate would make anybody say "$xxx for 5 minutes work?! That's outrageous!" Not sure it's the kind of anecdote you want but a good friend of mine had to deal with that all the time. So instead of dealing with frustrated clients he would solve the issue in 5 minutes and then spend an hour and a half on facebook or something. The client ended up paying the same amount anyway, but at least they didn't feel that it was outrageous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A wilding Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Also you could think of it this way: They are not paying for the five minutes of your time (plus travel time). They are paying for the years of education and training that you invested in to get to the point where you are able to solve their problem in five minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 and sometimes the five-minute task can be done pro bono simply because it makes the world a better place. nothing credulous or guileless about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alarich II Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 On 2/1/2020 at 7:56 AM, litechick said: They couldn't figure it out on their own because they don't have the skills but charging for my time at a reasonable rate would make anybody say "$xxx for 5 minutes work?! That's outrageous!" Clearly, they don't pay you for 5 minutes of work. They pay you to have a problem removed and very often there's even a higher value attached to having a problem removed asap rather than in 5 days. In business I would always try to sell the value to your client - sometimes the time you spend on a task billed at a certain rate is a reasonable approximation, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes a free 5-minute task is a good investment into a client-relation, sometimes the 5-minute-tasks eat up considerable parts of your available time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isis Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 On 1/30/2020 at 2:20 PM, BigFatCoward said: That I always go to the bar (our money is ours, its not a financial thing), her legs are younger than mine and its 2020. My response to this (as I am sure you would guess) is simply: stop doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigFatCoward Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Isis said: My response to this (as I am sure you would guess) is simply: stop doing it. She is sneaky. She drinks slightly slower so I'm always first to finish. Not that we get to go to bars that often anymore. She takes her turn on the garage beer fridge runs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
litechick Posted February 15, 2020 Author Share Posted February 15, 2020 On 2/1/2020 at 7:54 PM, sologdin said: and sometimes the five-minute task can be done pro bono simply because it makes the world a better place. nothing credulous or guileless about that. That's just it, that's exactly what I want but it seems like there are always negative consequences to behaving that way. I've seen the invoice jokes "turning screw--$.50; knowing which screw to turn -- $200". Today I am considering the political sense of chumpiness. Conservative thought is that because some people get benefits who don't need them, we should have extremely strict protocol for the distribution of benefits ie: for every 100 people on food stamps, 4 of them could provide for themselves. But this is all about pride. They don't want to be a chump, providing food for the able-bodied, so they would rather see 96 people go hungry or spend 10 times as much on bureaucracy than just buy the food for those 4 people. These numbers are pulled straight from my ass. I have no idea how many people on benefits truly need them and neither do you. My point is that people will take a path which defies logic in order to avoid being a chump. Does anybody disagree? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A True Kaniggit Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 26 minutes ago, litechick said: My point is that people will take a path which defies logic in order to avoid being a chump. Does anybody disagree? I'll agree. I'll even give my own example. Many of the clinics I used to work at in the military health system gave out free condoms. And the ignorant would always take umbrage with this. "Why should my money be paying for other people to have sex!?" They'd cry out in outrage (slight hyperbole on the exact word usage here). Because, I'd explain. Military personnel are provided free health care. And they also get dependent pay if they have a child. It is cheaper for the U.S. taxpayer to pay a little on condoms to prevent STI's and to prevent pregnancies. Once born, these dependents also get free healthcare. The cost of the condoms are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar cheaper than it is to pay for the cost of treatments, and dependents. "But I don't want to pay for someone to have sex!" Logic/Math never factored into it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 point out that it is not paying for sex unless the united states is guarantor for the sex workers' invoices? it is rather paying for the non-transmission of deleterious genetic information? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Who uses condoms for sex? I thought they were for when you need gloves but don't want sweaty palms? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A True Kaniggit Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 2 hours ago, larrytheimp said: Who uses condoms for sex? I thought they were for when you need gloves but don't want sweaty palms? Sub par Sex Ed classes. Still failing young Americans everywhere. I mean, it never even occurred to me to use condoms to combat my hyperhidrosis! Thanks for the tip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 7 minutes ago, A True Kaniggit said: Sub par Sex Ed classes. Still failing young Americans everywhere. I mean, it never even occurred to me to use condoms to combat my hyperhidrosis! Thanks for the tip. *Tips Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Again with the cultural differences. When the males in our class got free condoms after a sex ed lesson they almost inevitably used them as water balloon or spat in them and stuck them to people’s backpacks. Teenagers are the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
litechick Posted February 20, 2020 Author Share Posted February 20, 2020 In both examples people will say it is a matter of principle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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