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The Gallows Humor Thread


Fragile Bird
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46 minutes ago, Jen'ari said:

Fair point I hadn’t thought of that!,and more likely to be spread out rather than grouped in town centres like the drunken dickheads would be. 
Wishing you and your colleagues as well as the other emergency services the best of luck dealing with things over the coming weeks :).

Tbh our work hasn't picked up yet. We are currently at manageable sickness levels and their has been no increase in crimes. Though hordes of bored teenagers wandering the streets may change that this week. 

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12 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

Tbh our work hasn't picked up yet. We are currently at manageable sickness levels and their has been no increase in crimes. Though hordes of bored teenagers wandering the streets may change that this week. 

I hope it stays that way for you :),I was wondering how the new powers that have been in the news to detain people suspected of having the virus will work in practice, locking them up seems a bit drastic but escorting them home and telling them in no uncertain terms not to leave seems more likely.

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A friend from my church just shared this Facebook post from a guy named Alexi Vandenberg:

Quote

Note to self: Your neighbor's do not find it amusing when you put on your renaissance outfit and roll your wheelbarrow through the street calling to "bring out yer dead!" at 7 am.

 

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2 hours ago, A wilding said:

How did he manage to get himself tested though? His wealth still cushioning him I assume.

Perhaps, but there is no indication of this in the article. It is also possible that he actually is showing some symptoms, or that the prison is testing those who are in "high risk", which he fits since he is 68 and diagnosed with hypertension.

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Posted by a Board member elsewhere:

President Trump calls the Head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews know everything before we do?"

The CIA chief replies, "The Jews have this expression, 'Vus titzuch?' "

The President asks, "What does that mean?"

"Well, Mr. President," replies the CIA chief, "it's a Yiddish expression that roughly translates to 'what's happening'. They just ask each other and that's how they find out about everything."

The President decides to go undercover to determine if this is true. He dresses up as a Chabadnik. Wearing the traditional black hat, beard, long black coat, he looks the part. He's secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in an unmarked car, and dropped off in Crown Heights, Brooklyn's most Jewish neighborhood.

Soon a little old man comes shuffling along.
The President stops him and whispers, "Vus titzuch?"The old guy whispers back, "That schmuck Trump is in Brooklyn today”.

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From an Australian message board.  The poster Samwoods has been doing these daily:

Daily Update :
We welcome to the leaderboard Turks and Caicos, Belize and Myanmar.

Joining the “Over 100” club today are Moldova (16%), Albania (17%), Malta (19%) and Cyprus (22%).

Ireland has become the 26th country to join the ”Millenial” club. With 219 new cases their total has increased 24%, up to 1125.

To the top of the table, and there has been no change of positions. South Korea are in danger of falling out of the top 10 over the next week unless they find a way to markedly improve transmission. It looks as if Austria may have the momentum to push into their place. The USA continue on their merry way with a 30% increase in cases. They are the second country to register 10000 new cases in a 24 hour period. Fair lack of effort that. Also worth noting is that both Italy and Switzerland have now had 0.1% of their population test positive for this virus positioning them strongly in the Handicap competition.

The “Most Non-Improved” award today goes to Canada. A relatively easy decision today, although South Africa pulled an impressive 46% it was off a much lower base. So Canada, with 621 new cases, an increase of 42% taking their total over the 2000 mark. They also lost 4 participants taking the total no-longer-participants to 24. They now sit 15th on the leaderboard, climbing 4 places from yesterday. It’s going to be hard to catch them unless someone puts cow-urine in their water, or tells them drinking tea is a cure.

In Australia, and we are so getting fined. Slipping those new cases in after the final siren in an effort to slide past Canada was dastardly. It ended up being a 50% increase yesterday. That would have won the “Most Non-Improved” award. However it has done us bugger all good, as we now sit in 19th spot. We have moved past Malaysia and Denmark over the past couple of days. An increase of 17% is around par, and it will be interesting to see where we go from here. It’s difficult to predict as on the one hand the states are locking down borders, but on the other hand @saladin is struggling to convince his daughter to take a traumatic hit to her social life. A battle for the ages is on, and I’m afraid we all have the best seat in the house.

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On 3/19/2020 at 4:09 PM, Corvinus85 said:

GRRM posted on his NotaBlog that he's in isolation as a precaution, and is spending more time in Westeros now. So silver lining to all this, we might get The Winds of Winter this year.

Well, if Worldcon gets cancelled he won't have that particular deadline to worry about. 

Meanwhile, street artists have picked up the topic:

My Precious!

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49 minutes ago, Kalbear said:

 

 

Hahahaha!  Thank you!  That.is.awesome!  Now that is truly a hoard to be treasured:P

ETA: There even appear to be some mysterious footprints Smaug is looking at.  It seems a certain invisible Hobbit made off with his most prized roll!

Edited by Prince of the North
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1 hour ago, Prince of the North said:

Hahahaha!  Thank you!  That.is.awesome!  Now that is truly a hoard to be treasured:P

ETA: There even appear to be some mysterious footprints Smaug is looking at.  It seems a certain invisible Hobbit made off with his most prized roll!

The Arkenroll

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