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Fragile Bird

The Gallows Humor Thread

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1 minute ago, Maithanet said:

I'd rather have the mayor from Jaws than Trump.

Yeah, Murray felt remorse afterwards, Trump is incapable it. 

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3 hours ago, The Great Unwashed said:

Is anyone at the point yet where you've started entertaining yourself by imagining the most ghoulish - yet still plausible - thing that the talking heads on TV might be thinking in their blackest heart?

For example, Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) is on CNN right now talking about how her husband is sick with the virus and can't see him, which is legitimately sad.

Formalities aside, however...this new, bored, ghastly person I've become can't help but wonder if she's thinking "Dammit! If only he'd gotten sick like 4 weeks ago!"

Yeah, I was thinking this would move her to the front of the line for VP pick.

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Daily Update :

They do say that any publicity is good publicity, but perhaps that doesn’t apply during a worldwide pandemic. Never-the-less we welcome to the leaderboard the MS Zaandam. Clearly jealous that Princess cruise lines have been getting the majority of focus, Holland America have made a bold play and entered the competition. The boat, christened in 2000 by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (seriously) carries 1243 guests, 586 crew and 8 medical staff. The ship, which departed on its cruise on March 7th, has recorded this morning 138 cases, and 4 deaths, and noted that none of the ports on their route are open to cruise ships. You can’t make this stuff up.
Edit: just before release this has been dropped to 2 cases 0 deaths. Everyone else must just be “flu-like” symptoms. Sure.

Others entering the “Over 100” club include Ivory Coast and Afghanistan. Cambodia started the day on 98, but only made it to 99 by the end of the day. Maybe tomorrow… tomorrow… it’s only a day away (damn you @ivan)

Joining the “Millennial” club are Russia with a strong 20% increase, and Finland with a weaker 9% increase. Also Indonesia have perhaps belatedly reached this mark. Their 87 no-longer-participants is extremely high given their 36th position on the ladder, and instead would better match a country in the top 15. In addition South Africa rocket into the club with a 26% increase. Unfortunately they have fallen agonisingly short of reaching the mark without the loss of a participant. This eliminates them from the Dominoes competition, and our new leader is Qatar with 562 cases.

To the top of the leaderboard and heaps has happened. The USA has clicked over into 6 figures. They are now some 16000 cases clear of 2nd. That number alone would have them ahead of the UK in 8th. But never fear, Trump who hid the problem, will now force General Motors to fix the problem, so that when the people become aware of the problem, General Motors can be blamed for not doing enough to solve the problem. You just know it’s going to happen.

Other events happening up the top and Italy move into silver coffin spot, overtaking China. They lost 919 participants yesterday in a truly frightening display. I do still think they have slowed momentum, although how anyone could focus on that today I do not know. France have moved into 6th spot ahead of Iran. The UK have moved into 8th place ahead of Switzerland.

The “Most Non-Improved” award today goes to Turkey… again. Booooorinnnnng. Another 57% increase, taking them up to 5698 cases. The only country close was the Ukraine who managed a similar percentage increase off a far lower base. It is now difficult for Turkey to climb the leaderboard. The other countries have serious numbers and a good head start, but I expect them to hit the top 10 shortly. They also face more headwinds as they have finally shut down their international airports. So when you sit back and think, gee weren’t we slow in closing things down… we at least reacted quicker than Turkey. There is a marketing slogan for you Prime Minister.

In Australia, and we can only stump up a 10% increase today. That wasn’t enough to hold off Brazil who move past us and take the Southern Hemisphere lead. We now sit in 19th, and I think the powers that be would be quietly happy with the numbers of the last 24 hours. But never fear, Queensland is here to save the day. What greater opportunity to spread a virus then a mandatory election. Again, you can’t make this stuff up.

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13 minutes ago, Sharpes said:

90236146-10159024206265752-6907424661810

(Sorry, not sure how to upload images here, been a while since I've used forums)

It worked, but the way to do it is to click on the chain link symbol beside the underline symbol and paste your link there.

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4 minutes ago, Fragile Bird said:

It worked, but the way to do it is to click on the chain link symbol beside the underline symbol and paste your link there.

Ah I see, thanks, I was trying to get it to embed in the post like youtube vids etc but I guess that doesn't work with image hosting sites?

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6 minutes ago, Sharpes said:

Ah I see, thanks, I was trying to get it to embed in the post like youtube vids etc but I guess that doesn't work with image hosting sites?

I haven't tried but everyone else says that doesn't work. :) 

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21 minutes ago, Sharpes said:

Ah I see, thanks, I was trying to get it to embed in the post like youtube vids etc but I guess that doesn't work with image hosting sites?

I believe Ran has disabled image embedding 

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3 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

Apparently the first Covid-19 patients to use the Dyson respirators are picking up nicely.

"groans"

They won't be available for another couple of weeks, will they?

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Posted (edited)
47 minutes ago, Which Tyler said:

Whoever said that one person can't change the world...

Never ate undercooked bat.

The old advice of 'drugs are for mugs' is now 'bats are for twats'.

Edited by BigFatCoward

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2 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

The old advice of 'drugs are for mugs' is now 'bats are for twats'.

Good joke, but just curious - is "twat" pronounced in a way that rhymes with "bat" across the pond?  Because the way I pronounce it they don't rhyme like drug/mug.

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1 hour ago, DMC said:

Good joke, but just curious - is "twat" pronounced in a way that rhymes with "bat" across the pond?  Because the way I pronounce it they don't rhyme like drug/mug.

Yes, phonetically how would you pronounce twat? 

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22 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

Yes, phonetically how would you pronounce twat? 

I've never been good at writing out how you pronounce things - really I'm embarrassingly stupid at that.  I pronounce twat like it rhymes with got, or dot, or bot, or lot.  Hope that's clear.  Obviously, that doesn't rhyme with bat.

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