What do you wish you could say to ASOIAF characters?

[Roose Trollton.]

What are some things you wish you could say to certain ASOIAF characters just so you could see their reaction?
I would love to say to Barbrey Dustin something like: "So, Barbrey, how do you feel knowing that Ramsay will sit in the throne that should have been Brandon's?"

[GoldenGail3]

I’d tell Stannis that I like him for his achievements (like him defeating the IB in their natural territory). 

[James Steller]

I’d love to tell Tywin everything about Cersei’s past and future. All to see him struggle to come to grips with his curse of producing children who are all even more unfit for power than his father.

[Floki of the Ironborn]

I'd approach Robb Stark just before the majority of his bannermen reach Winterfell, and I convince him that I have seen the future (should be easy to memorize what someone said to him once in confidence to show I'm blessed by the old gods). I give him a list of instructions to avoid calamity in the war:

1: Leave Daryn Hornwood at the Twins instead of Helman Tallhart. He must stay alive to see his rightful seat again.

2: Declare for Stannis Baratheon. Prove his red witch wrong by giving Stannis the North and the Riverlands, meaning Stannis doesn't become a puppet on a red witch's strings (then maybe he doesn't tolerate some random woman's pyromania). 

3: Never give Roose Bolton any kind of independent command. Keep him close, and never allow yourself to be alone with him.

4. Remember this key phrase: "A lost father must be repaid with a lost son. The lion's cub for the wolf pup's sire."

[Canon Claude]

1 hour ago, Floki of the Ironborn said:

I'd approach Robb Stark just before the majority of his bannermen reach Winterfell, and I convince him that I have seen the future (should be easy to memorize what someone said to him once in confidence to show I'm blessed by the old gods). I give him a list of instructions to avoid calamity in the war:

1: Leave Daryn Hornwood at the Twins instead of Helman Tallhart. He must stay alive to see his rightful seat again.

2: Declare for Stannis Baratheon. Prove his red witch wrong by giving Stannis the North and the Riverlands, meaning Stannis doesn't become a puppet on a red witch's strings (then maybe he doesn't tolerate some random woman's pyromania). 

3: Never give Roose Bolton any kind of independent command. Keep him close, and never allow yourself to be alone with him.

4. Remember this key phrase: "A lost father must be repaid with a lost son. The lion's cub for the wolf pup's sire."

Nice work, Nostradamus. Eliminate Jaime's entire character arc and making him a scapegoat for Robb's revenge. Plus who knows what happens to Sansa in that scenario...

Also, why does Daryn Hornwood of all people get a special warning? Wouldn't that arouse Robb's suspicions over why this one lordling is getting a mention?

 

[nyser1]

Ned: Tell Cat and Jon. Later on - just tell Robert! Don't tell Cersei! Heed Loras' offer, later Renly.

Robb: Don't trust Theon, the Freys, or the Boltons. Also might want to double check those levy numbers from Houses Dustin and Ryswell.

Renly: Be patient. Stannis is not going to have a son.

Kevan: Always travel with a bodyguard.

[Tywin Manderly]

To Catelyn: Marry me! 

[kissdbyfire]

4 hours ago, James Steller said:

I’d love to tell Tywin everything about Cersei’s past and future. All to see him struggle to come to grips with his curse of producing children who are all even more unfit for power than his father.

It would be perfect if we could show Tywin a video, “hey, nasty PoS, take a look at your legacy. Enjoy!”

 

[butterweedstrover]

I'd tell Stannis and Robb to declare for Renly, they can kill him later. 

If that happened Tywin would be doomed as would cersei. 

It was endlessly frustrating watching the 5 kingdoms with a 6-1 lead over the lannisters lose everything. 

[Floki of the Ironborn]

3 hours ago, Canon Claude said:

Nice work, Nostradamus. Eliminate Jaime's entire character arc and making him a scapegoat for Robb's revenge. Plus who knows what happens to Sansa in that scenario...

Sansa made her own bed when she chose Cersei and Joffrey. I'd rather that Jaime dies, forcing Tywin to name Tyrion as his heir instead. This only aggravates their mutual hatred for each other and pushes them closer to the inevitable moment when one of them tries killing the other off. I'd rather that Sansa dies than Robb and all his army. Beheading Jaime in response to Ned's execution avoids half the things which built up to the Red Wedding. 

 

3 hours ago, Canon Claude said:

Also, why does Daryn Hornwood of all people get a special warning? Wouldn't that arouse Robb's suspicions over why this one lordling is getting a mention?

Because if Daryn Hornwood is alive, then that means there's no question as to who the Lord of Hornwood is. Ramsay wouldn't dare attack Lady Hornwood, and so Theon's plot is altered. There's no big confusing conflict which distracts the North from the Ironborn attacks. 

And I don't see how telling Robb would be an issue; tell him that he needs to ensure that the Hornwoods can rally in case the Boltons commit treason. I don't need to remind Robb how dangerous the Boltons can be, so he'd hopefully see the sense in keeping Daryn Hornwood back from his doom. Of course, that means we risk losing someone else instead (maybe Theon?) but it's worth it in the name of saving House Stark from its downfall.

[James West]

I would hesitate to mess with the future.  I might be tempted to talk to Aerys and tell him to use Lyanna as a hostage against the Starks.  Command his Kingsguards to throw Rhaegar in the dungeons if he so much as object.  Place Randyll Tarly in command at the trident.  Offer generous terms to the Freys and the Boltons in exchange for their help in killing Hoster and Rickard. 

[Lord Lannister]

8 hours ago, kissdbyfire said:

It would be perfect if we could show Tywin a video, “hey, nasty PoS, take a look at your legacy. Enjoy!”

 

So... make Tywin watch seasons 5-8 of the show? 

[Eltharion21]

I'd shout "cuckold" every time I meet Robert Baratheon, or something  like "nice pair of horns do they go free with your sigil and crown."

[Hodor the Articulate]

Everybody in Westeros and Essos, stock up on toilet paper and sanitiser.

[GoldenGail3]

I’d tell Stannis to trust in Davos Seaworth as his admiral not the Florent he trusted in canon. I’d tell him what happens to his fleet if he decides to do so, and I’d tell him     not to trust Melisandre, ever. 

[Ser Leftwich]

You are characters in a series of books and a bunch of nutters obsess over you while thinking you are not already sealed by fate/authorship/plot.

[Orm]

51 minutes ago, GoldenGail3 said:

I’d tell Stannis to trust in Davos Seaworth as his admiral not the Florent he trusted in canon. I’d tell him what happens to his fleet if he decides to do so, and I’d tell him     not to trust Melisandre, ever. 

I would say Stannis Never truly Trusted Melisandre.....  of my main reasons that Stan the man Baratheon is very appealing as a character is because he's still agnostic even when he see's actual Religious magic.

Op: Tell Jon Arryn the can of worms, that is the alliance with the Lannisters...

[TheLastWolf]

I'll tell Hodor to Hold the door. 

And I'll tell know-nothing Jon snow to stay in that damn cave with Ygritte. One time he should have listened. 

[Lady Dacey]

I'd tell Jon Snow to stop with the fucking interrupting!! I WANNA KNOW WHAT MARSH MEANT TO SAY. And he should too! Jon is so sure he knows what will come of peoples mouths, I have an inkling the author wants us to question if his assumptions are really correct. 

[Wisconsin]

Me to Daenerys, "Your Highness, boil every litre of water going into the city.  Question Reznak's loyalty and marry Skahaz to Irri."

To Bran, "Watch out for Bloodraven.  He's been a tree too long.  Don't eat that porridge, it's Jojen."